sentence leading into a slug

[William Haskins]

opinions please.

when a sentence is clipped to advance the location, should it be left unpunctuated, use ellipses or use a colon?

ex:

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary takes his seven chicken-fried steak dinners and walks out into

THE COURTYARD

He's immediately set upon by a pack of pigeons.

or

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary takes his seven chicken-fried steak dinners and walks out into...

THE COURTYARD

He's immediately set upon by a pack of pigeons.

or

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary takes his seven chicken-fried steak dinners and walks out into:

THE COURTYARD

He's immediately set upon by a pack of pigeons.

[TwoBrad Bradley]

There's this "thing" about finishing scenes before they end. I tend to avoid the type of thing you suggest.

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary pays for his seven chicken-fried steak dinners.

CASHIER
If you can wait awhile we're
expecting another delivery.

EXT. COURTYARD

Dclary, balancing the tray, is half way to the vacant table when he's set upon by a flock of pigeons.

[captain bligh]

brad,

you seem to be talking about two different definitions of "scene". just because the screenplay format necessitates a new slugline, and in that sense, a new "scene" (here being defined as "the place where an action or event occurs") does not mean the scene in the dramatic sense (in this case defined as "a unit of continuous related action") has reached its conclusion.

william,

of the choices given, i would tend to favor the ellipsis, though i see no problem with the lack of punctuation. the colon bothers me for some purely aesthetic reason i can't pin-point.

[whistlelock]

when I do use that device, I don't punctuate it. I think it flows better that way.

But, then, I also like to throw, in random commas. Just, to keep people guessing.

[William Haskins]

thank you, my friend.

[noh1]

William, I would say stay away from the colon.

[Webs]

Or maybe have it looked at.

[Johnny Stacatto]

i think i like the elipsis best but there is something appealing about the "no punctuation" look. but there is also something bad about it too. it's like the girl in high school who is only rumored to be easy. you want to give her a shot but it might be very wrong.

and Whistlelock apparently writes in the William Shatner Screenwriting Style®

[refriedwhiskey]

I like the example with no punctuation. What you basically have there is a sentence that ends with THE COURTYARD. You wouldn't put any punctuation between "into" and "the courtyard" in a sentence -- so there's no need for it in the transition to the new shot.

The problem with Brad's example is that 1) it requires the addition of an unnecessary line of dialogue just to avoid doing the sentence-leading-into-a-slug thing, and 2) there's no good reason to avoid doing the sentence-leading-into-a-slug thing. You see it all the time in scripts, produced and unproduced.

[v i o l e n t c a s e s]

william, in my opinion the lack of punctuation and the ellipses is fine. the colon is jarring. for a smooth transition i would not use it. i use the first two myself pretty often.

[William Haskins]

thanks everyone. the use of this device is isolated to a scene where i think it will enhance the pacing, so i feel it's the best route to go.

i really appreciate everyone's help.

[BrownLisa]

Great question Will. I had been using hyphens because it seems to break just enough to alert you of something coming.

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary takes his seven chicken-fried steak dinners and walks out into --

THE COURTYARD


**Although, looking at your examples, I do like the looks of using nothing.

Please chastise me and send this post to One on One. It’s the only way that a part of me, gets to see the unknown.

[StRogue]

William - The thing I think you need to ask youself - "Is it
really necessary to even be in the cafeteria?" Why can't he
be outside in the courtyard chewing on a fried chicken leg?

The less scenes the better.

Charli

[Hairy Lime]

Haskins, I often use your 2nd example with a slight modification.

INT. CAFETERIA

Dclary takes his seven chicken-fried steak dinners and walks out into...

THE COURTYARD.

He's immediately set upon by a pack of pigeons.

Since "the courtyard" is part of the previous sentence I add a period.

That being said, I'd only do this if the location doesn't change from INT to EXT, so in your example I'd probably slug again, but use the minslug if you're taking Dave into the kitchen or bathroom with his appetizer.

[noh1]

The less scenes the better.



lol, and if you're lucky you'll have 110 pages of one scene!

[refriedwhiskey]

I have never in my life heard or read "the less scenes the better" anywhere. What's the rationale behind that statement?

[Webs]

Besides, it should be "the fewer scenes the better."

:P

[nickj]

I've never heard "the less scenes, the better" either, at least not from a professional writer. It's "the fewer scenes, the better." Sheesh.

I also use a double-dash.

[v i o l e n t c a s e s]

i forgot about the double dash. double dash works, too. if you're a real devil you'll try it with singles.

lol at noh!

[A Pathetic Writer]

Oh man.

Chicken fried steak.



Drooooolahahahhhahagagaggaggmmmmmm happy