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woodyclark
11-12-2004, 10:36 PM
I'm not even quite sure how to ask this question let alone write the scene.

My scene involves a person who has written home a letter. While he is "reading" the letter (letter is read in his voice), his loved one is actually reading it, and an action scene is occuring simultaneously. For example:

John Smith (V.O)
My dearest Beth. These last few weeks have been the most difficult. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on.


John charges up the battle field, firing his rifle. Men fall to the ground around him. He reaches the top of the hill.

John Smith (V.O)
I'm told by tomorrow, we will have taken the fort. I'm not so sure.

John takes a deep breath and urges on his fellow soldiers.

John Smith (V.O)
This may be the last time I ever write you. But know, I will always love you.

John charges the enemy, he is shot and killed.

Beth drops the letter into her lap and cries.




------So, this is a horribly written scene that I just made up, but hopefully you can get what I'm asking. Did I write it the way a "Written home letter scene" would be written, or is there another style that I am unaware of? Is the V.O part italicized (sp?)? The best example I can think of are the scenes from the movie "Glory" when Matthew Brodrick is writing his mother, and explaining what is going on while we watch the action. I can't get a copy of that script so I don't know how to write it. All help is welcome. Thanks!

Woody

dpaterso
11-14-2004, 03:37 AM
What you have works as is -- it's clear enough, which is what counts.

Just for dramatic effect I'd have John stop in the middle of the battle and scribble a few more words... then resume his charge, and stop to scribble more... and then after he's killed, another soldier picks up his letter and posts it for him, so that when Beth gets to the last page it's torn, burned and spattered with dried blood. Ideally John's last written words would be, "When I think of you and your sweet love, I know I will come through this awful war in one piece--" Oh, the tragedy.

-Derek
-----------------------My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)

NikeeGoddess
11-16-2004, 11:18 PM
About Schmidt lots of letter writing voice over

Carlton Redford
11-17-2004, 07:02 PM
Simply add quotation marks for the beginning and end of each of John's voiceovered dialogue paragraphs

That's how you indicate anything being read aloud in dialogue from any source -- letter, news clipping, whatever.

That's how it's done and the script reader will know what you've intended.

-- Carlton