Right Amout of Description

[madjenscorp]

Is there a good rule of thumb as to how much should be provided in the Action Lines?

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Bob jumps on the bed as loud music plays. A dog watches each jump.

vs.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Bob jumps on the bed. Clothes are thrown about and empty pizza boxes litter the floor. Bright sunlight shines through each of the windows. Bob's stereo blares a classic rock tune. As Bob jumps, the family dog watches.

[adamryancane]

I would think that in painting a picture for the reader you would want to support the image you want them to see and let them imagine the rest that is not as important.

My .02

[altoption]

Only tell us what's essential for your story. No needless details. If this is the first time we're seeing Bob's room, and it's important to establish he's a slob, then maybe the mess is important. Is the light through the windows important? Hard to imagine, unless...

The sky goes black. Bob stares out the window, like he's seen death itself.

Outside, a space ship hovers. All black and jagged steel. It's exhaust, the shape of a mouth ringed with fangs. From the bowels of this beast, a DEEP VOICE booms.

DEEP VOICE
Have you been a bad boy, Bob?

Bob wets his pants. The dog scurries under the bed.

Now, that's a pretty lengthy description of the ship, but I'd argue it's warranted. And the emotion is clear.

In your examples, how can you paint the emotion of the scene? Is the kid absolutely joyous? Is the dog nervous about the kid's behavior? What can you show us to let us know?

[captain bligh]

it really has a lot to do with your style, the tone of your script, the genre, the pace. but mostly, your style.

the best thing to do is to read a lot of scripts to see how writers you admire write and to write a lot to figure out what works best for you.

it's true you don't want to over-write, but over-writing is a very subjective thing. andrew kevin walker, for instance, wrote a lot of thick paragraphs into the se7en script, and you could easily take out a large percentage of his prose without losing the story -- but i think the tone would not be what it is, and the read would not be as good. and in a spec the quality of the read is paramount.

writing the proper amount of description isn't something that can be mathematically calculated -- you just need to find what works best for you, and that takes a lot of reading and a lot of writing.

[nickj]

Shorter is better. Look for single words -- nouns and verbs primarily, adjectives if necessary -- that set the tone.

[Deus Ex Machine]

What really matters is that you zero in on the action that reveals character and advances story. If it doesn't do either then it doesn't belong in the script.

[wcmartell]

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Bob jumps on the bed bouncing an empty pizza box onto the floor. From under a pile of clothes, the family dog watches.

You sneak the description into the action.

- Bill

[Patchwork3]

and only sneak in description that is useful to describe the character and/or the story. don't put useless descriptions of things that have nothing to do with anything.

if the movie gets made, there are set managers and other people who fill the sets with the random stuff to make it look real.

[cassg]

I just read this from the novel of a seemingly well-endorsed scriptwriting teacher...

"1. SHORT STAGE DIRECTIONS. You know, those little lines that go from left side of page to right margin that say. "He comes into the room, lights a cigarette. While he lights it, he carefully searches all the corners of the room. He draws his gun and wheels on a shadow in the corner." Use short, bullet sentences that don't demand much memory by the reader. COLLAPSE those descriptions to 2 lines max because long study by pros has proven that NOBODY reads this part anyway. Readers cannot wade through long stage directions. It interrupts the experience for them."

The advice of sneaking in description with action is fantastic! I'll have to make sure to use it more often than I do.

Above advice is harsh, but very true.
:o
Cass

[pantalone]

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Bob jumps on the bed as loud music plays. A dog watches each jump.

vs.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Bob jumps on the bed. Clothes are thrown about and empty pizza boxes litter the floor. Bright sunlight shines through each of the windows. Bob's stereo blares a classic rock tune. As Bob jumps, the family dog watches.

Pardon my anal interpretation of language.

In the first, I see a man jumping repeatedly on the bed. But I don't see a second jump until the dog tells me that there is more than one.

In the second I see a man jump onto a bed, scattering clothes and pizza boxes. I see a dog watch him jump.

"Jumps" can be both a singular action and an action that is repeated.

Don't be afraid of an -ing.

[Cyfress]

What you're asking is very difficult to answer. Imagine Chef A asking Chef B how much he should put in his(A's) secret recipe for Creme Brulet. How's Chef B supposed to know?

It's your script. You decide how much description there needs to be, and no you won't get it right at the first time.

Some of the great writers in the screenplay world would be considered 'thick' writers by many people's standards. I read alot of scripts and I can't recall the last time that I didn't come across blocks of consecutive text somehwere in the story.


Me, I think Thick enough to paint the picture, but thin enough to keep the action moving is "just write".

[TonyRob]

The right amount of description is whatever it takes to make the script come to life in your readers' heads and ACT like a movie. No more, no less.