Repeated pronouns

[Author1979]

Hi, everyone. I want to ask all of you: do you try to avoid repeating pronouns? And if the answer is yes, how exactly do you do that? Please, keep in mind that my native language is not English and I really can’t give myself a satisfactory answer to this question. Recently, I read a novel by Lee Child and found that he just emits the pronoun whenever it is used in the previous sentence. However, few authors write this way and I cannot make a conclusion that it is grammatically correct though it is obviously acceptable. I even find it a little annoying to the eye. But, then, I still don’t have that sensitivity to the text, I guess, everyone whose mother’s language is English should have. So, I would appreciate your answers.

Example: Fred goes to his car, lingers there for a beat, opens the door, and pops in. He puts on his elegant sunglasses, looks himself in the mirror, and frowns. He starts the BMW and drives away.

The second “he” can be replaced by: the man (i.e. sex), the lawyer (i.e. profession), the strange guy and so on and so forth. If we just miss the pronoun it wouldn’t be a mistake, but is it correct to do this all the time the as Child does it?

Thank you.

[bottomlesscup]

Don't use different words. It can get too confusing, especially if it's a long chunk of action.

In screenplays, most people break it up into fragments.

ie. --

Mike grabs a beer from the fridge. Limps to the window. Stares out at his smashed Camaro.

MIKE
Stupid telephone pole.

He cracks the beer open. Finishes it in one gulp.


That's not the smoothest example, but that's the idea.

[JoanEasley]

Interesting that's from a novel, because what it sounds like more than anything is good screenwriting.

When I write a magazine piece, I'm careful to vary my nouns and pronouns in interesting ways. The phrases become glittery little sculptures to be lingered over and enjoyed.

But in screenwriting, the audience isn't supposed to notice the words. The idea is to tell the story with clarity and immediacy, without wasted words, so the movie unspools without a hitch in the readers' minds.

American screenplays are about what happens next... and next... and next. The style Lee Childs used is perfect for that.

[ComicBent]

Example: Fred goes to his car, lingers there for a beat, opens the door, and pops in. He puts on his elegant sunglasses, looks himself in the mirror, and frowns. He starts the BMW and drives away.
That was a perfectly good description in terms of use of nouns and pronouns. It should be 'looks at himself in the mirror', but never mind that.

Just write clear, grammatical sentences when you describe the action, and keep them fairly short. You do not have to omit pronouns as in: 'Fred goes to his car. Lingers before popping in. Looks at himself in the mirror. Starts the BMW.'

Some people like to write that way, but it is strictly a matter of choice.