Exercise in subtext

[voxel]

(Not an original setup, but a fairly universal subject - I hope somebody tries it)

A couple at dinner in a restaurant are having a discussion. One wants to get married, one does not. In the scene, neither may mention marriage directly (try to avoid direct euphemisms also). There must be a resolution in the end.

Write the scene in less than 3 pages.

[Hairy Lime]

INT. DINER - DAY

HIM and HER sit in a vinyl booth looking over the menu.

HIM
I love corned beef.

HER
Hmmmm ...

She looks up at him, makes eye contact.

HIM
In fact, I don't think I ever want to eat anything other than corned beef ever again.

She looks down.

HER
I like variety in my meat.

He stares at her. She does not look up.

HIM
(to passing waitress)
Check, please.

[dpaterso]

FADE IN:

INT. DINER - DAY

DEX, a handsome jock, and MARY, shy but pretty, share
a table by the window. Small town traffic shuffles
past outside.

MARY
My Mom says she'd like to
meet you.

DEX
I'd like to meet her too.

MARY
She's just curious about you,
that's all. After all the
things I've told her.

A well-stacked redhead WAITRESS arrives with pad
and pencil.

WAITRESS
So what are we having?

She eyes Dex with interest. Dex eyes her back.
Mary's too busy looking at the menu to notice.

MARY
Apple pie, please.

The Waitress looks at Dex. He hits her with a
10,000-kilowatt smile.

DEX
Cheesecake. Strawberry.

The Waitress smiles and writes it on her pad.

WAITRESS
Cheese... cake. Strawberry.

MARY
How does this weekend sound?

WAITRESS
(to Mary)
Sorry, what did you want?

MARY
Apple pie.

WAITRESS
Got it.

She writes it down.

DEX
(to Waitress)
Thank you.

WAITRESS
My pleasure.

She walks to the counter. Dex leans out and follows her
Swiss watch movement. She looks back over her shoulder
at him. Smiles.

MARY
So you're OK for dinner this
Saturday, say around seven?

DEX
Sure. Is your Mom a good cook?

MARY
Actually, I thought I'd do
the cooking. One of my
recipes I've been saving for
a special occasion.

DEX
What, is it your Mom's birthday
or something?

Mary reaches over the table, touches his hand.

MARY
No, silly.

The Waitress leans over the counter to pass her order to
the kitchen. Her short skirt rides up even higher. She
looks back at Dex. His eyes are glued to her a$$, he's
mesmerized. She smiles again.

DEX
Wonder what the cheesecake's
like?

MARY
You know, it turns me on that
you find other women attractive.

Dex is caught with his mental pants down around his ankles.

DEX
Wh-wh-wh-say again?

MARY
I see you looking. And I think,
it's great that he compares me
with other women. We both know
you could have anyone you want,
Dex. But you picked me. I mean,
wow. How lucky am I?

DEX
You've been a great help to me,
Mary. What with helping me study
for my exams and all...

MARY
It meant we could spend more time
together. That's what I wanted
most of all.

DEX
Look, Mary, there's something I've
been wanting to say. That time you
and me, uh, ended up in the sack.
I was just a little drunk. What
with the home team winning and all.

MARY
Not a single moment goes by but I
don't think about that night. It was
the most wonderful experience of my
life. We didn't just make love, Dex.
We fused together. We became one.
You took me to heights I never knew
existed. To realms far beyond my
imagination.

DEX
Huh. There ya go.

The Waitress brings Mary's apple pie and Dex's cheesecake.

WAITRESS
Enjoy.

Dex notices something written on the corner of his napkin.
A phone number. The Waitress winks. He tries to hide his
smile from Mary.

Oblivious, Mary sits back and carresses her stomach.

MARY
And now that we've made a child
together, I think we should move
on to the next step in our
relationship.

DEX
Oh holy Jesus.

WAITRESS
Oh holy Jesus.

The Waitress whips his napkin away and exits fast.

Mary smiles radiantly, blissfully unaware.

MARY
I think apple pie will be good
for the baby. Don't you?

Dex slowly offers her his hand. She takes it.

FADE OUT:

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)
"I'll bet any quantum mechanic in the service would give the rest of his life to fool around with this gadget." ~Chief Engineer Quinn, Forbidden Planet

[voxel]

(Second attempt - first attempt felt too direct)

INT. UPSCALE ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

In a dimly lit restaurant, a mid-30s MAN in a navy blue suit and a slightly older WOMAN in a fiery-red knee-length dress sit across from each other, meals finished.

A WAITER approaches.

WAITER
Would either of you care for coffee or dessert?

MAN
Yes, I'll have the -

WOMAN
He hasn't made up his mind yet.

MAN
But I want -

WOMAN
He's undecided. Still wants to sample a bit more. Play the field. Swing his bat around.

Man gives woman a puzzled look.

MAN
I know exactly what I want.

WOMAN
You wouldn't. Even if the perfect thing crossed your eyes.

WAITER
Pardon me, but I'll return when you've decided what you want.

WOMAN
Don't hold your breath, he still lives with his momma.

MAN
Is this about us?

WOMAN
Clueless as usual.

Woman dabs her lips daintily with a napkin and throws it down on the table.

WOMAN
No.

MAN
Okay, okay, I get it.

Woman, bored, examines her nails then watches a couple at another table.

MAN
I've been thinking. And I know what the answer is. But promise that my mother is involved in all the preparations.

Woman smiles. She strokes her legs against his underneath the table and whispers into his ear.

WOMAN
Now you can have dessert.

[Yabigdumi]

HIM
The sushi here is excellent.

HER
I'm sure it is.

HIM
No, it's really the best.

HER
Cool.

HIM
(long pause)
Do you want to go somewhere else?

HER
No, no, this is nice.

HIM
If you're not ready to try it--

HER
--no, I really do want to try it, I just--I mean, the prices--

HIM
(laughing)

HER
What?

HIM
Babe, I'm treating you. You know that.

HER
Yeah, I know. Sweetie...I just...I mean I don't want you to spend so much on me. Let me pay.

HIM
What? Nuh-uh. You said you never tried this stuff. I said I wanted to take you to the best place around for your first experience.

HER
That's really sweet. You're so sweet...but...

HIM
What.

HER
If it's my first...maybe it would make more sense to just pick some up at the corner store. Just a little bit. Then if I don't like it, it's much less of a big deal.

HIM
But it's OK if you don't like it. I'll still enjoy.

HER
And I'll just sit here and watch you eat?

HIM
No, I'll enjoy BEING WITH YOU.

HER
Can you, maybe...be with me somewhere, somewhere I can be sure that I'm going to enjoy the experience as much as you will?

HIM
I think so.

They sit for some long, silent moments.

He looks at the menu, then at her, as she eyes the door.

HIM
But not here?

HER
If you really want to.

HIM
Let's go.

HER
You sure?

HIM
Yep. Come on.

HER
Chinese?

HIM
(sighs)
OK.

HER
And then the corner store. I want to try some Spicy Tuna rolls.

He smiles, a broad, joyous smile. She returns it.

HIM
You got it.

HER
And ice cream.

HIM
Let's go.

They get up.

[evolution]

(Not an original setup, but a fairly universal subject - I hope somebody tries it)

A couple at dinner in a restaurant are having a discussion. One wants to get married, one does not. In the scene, neither may mention marriage directly (try to avoid direct euphemisms also). There must be a resolution in the end.

Write the scene in less than 3 pages.


EXT. BAR BRONET - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT

It's the Swinging 1960's in London's West End but here's a place that's dead classy, sandwiched between all the night lights. A White Jag pulls up and the royalty of the Underworld, Mr and Mrs London as it were, step out.


INT. BAR BRONET - NIGHT

George, slick backed hair, hunk of a gold medallion, dapper, oozing quality. George sits opposite Lisa, somewhat overly tarted up but keen to please.

The night wraps around them in a dome of glass, they're the only 2 diners in this whole place. A waiter and a waitress on standby. A single violinist strikes up a chord.

The Waitress brings candles. Lights them as the room lights dim.

GEORGE
What's all this for then?

LISA
You know how much I like candles.
Sets the mood.


George peruses the menu, unbuttoning his blazer.


GEORGE
God I'm starving.

LISA
We're good together me and you?
Right? Aren't we? We don't fight.

GEORGE
Yes dear, that's what bothers me.
(raising his voice for the waiter)
I will have the pot lamb roast, swollen
and your best bottle of bubbly. Your best.

The Waiter nods.


LISA
I know what you're thinkin

GEORGE
No you don't.

LISA
I do.


George folds his arms, sits back in his chair and winks at her.


LISA
You are thinkin..why am I here?

GEORGE
Go on.

LISA
Because it's a surprise. It's not your birthday,
not my birthday, so why'd did she bring me
here of all places. Tonight. You always pick
the place don't you George? But not tonight.

GEORGE
Well it's definitely not our anniversary of
anything dear, that's for bloody sure.
(re-opening menu, muttering)
Nor will it ever be.

LISA
What? What did you say?
You're spoiling my night you know that?

GEORGE
Oh shut the **** up. I'm hungry and I want to eat.
I just want to eat. Okay? Why do we have to
always be communicating? Can't we just eat?

LISA
I sometimes wonder about you. If you're
on the same level as me. Sometimes
Georgie you tread on my feet, you should
look where you're goin.

GEORGE
Well don't do that too often dear or you'll
be needing pills. I know where I'm going,
don't think you do. You must be kidding me
if you're thinking of following me.


In the distance, fireworks burst soundlessly against the night sky.


LISA
Well good luck then.

GEORGE
We're not even dancing to the same tune dear.
Let alone dancing together. God why does
every little we do have to mean something?


The Waiter has returned with a bottle of wine. POPPING the cork. He begins to pour.


LISA
Because everything happens for a reason George.
Even nothing means something. Alright?

GEORGE
Say again?


Lisa opens her tiny purse on the table, a pistol. She points it at George.
George spills his wine.


LISA
I love your brother.


BANG.