Is this ok - pov

[emsash]

Hi there....


I'm trying to figure out a way to express a picture in my mind's eye, but I'm finding that it comes out more of a camera direction (which I'm trying to avoid) no matter how I write it.

Weak example:

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window.

The plane flies away.



How would I stress that I want to follow the plane until it becomes a dot in the sky without camera direction or a "We see".... or is this one of the creative aspects that writers have little control over?

Any help would be great!

Thanks!

[pantalone]

Go for the we see.

Your answer depends on your style. I could write about her standing there as the plane boards, pulls away from the gate and taxis away. Then say something like, "If her eyes were open she could watch Barney as he flies away." Or something.

[TwoBrad Bradley]

Add:

The plane is now just a dot in the sky.

[hscope]

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window.

The plane flies away.

I don't think this is weak at all. It's simple, economic and gives a clear mental picture of the scene. The director can work out the shot.

[Pen Dragon]

Jennifer closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window.

The plane flies away.

Brad watches after it forlornly until it becomes just a dot in the sky. Then he drops the act and WHISTLES. A gaggle of bikini clad babes with bottles of champagne and a box of condoms mob him. It's party time!




She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window.

The plane flies away. As it gradually becomes just a dot in the sky -

Roll credits.

THE END.

[scripter1]

First off, clarify for me. Is she inside the plane or is she watching it depart the Airport?

Second, what must the scene accomplish?
Is this a scene depicting a huge separation? The plane symbolizes how far apart they are and only getting farther apart?
THEN the distance between the plane and the person watching it becomes significant.

To indicate a huge wide shot capturing both the plane and the girl at the window write something along these lines.

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window. The plane continues to move away from her until it is just a speck in the sky, then gone.

This tells me that "we see" both the plane and the girl.

I don't know anything about filming, if such a huge shot is possible, but I think the writing conveys the correct meaning. The away from her states the symbolism. It's not just any plane leaving, THIS plane is leaving HER.

Hope that helps.
Happy Writing.

[RatWriter]

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window. The plane flies away.

First... There is no camera direction in your statements. You simply described the action taking place, not how to film it.

It is acceptable as is, but it could be embellished...

She desperately stares at the departing plane through the window. Closing her eyes and pressing her hands against the window; she refuses to watch as the plane fades out of sight.

[emsash]

Thanks for all your replies! I'm trying to establish that she is at the airport watching the plane fly away that her guy friend is on... This actually has nothing to do with my script, I just thought it up as an example.... The main question was really something along the lines of.... how I get the picture of the plane flying away... and I got some great answers! Thanks!

Now, I have another question...

What if the guy on the plane is the main focus.... he's talking to someone and the plane takes off....

Would I use the same sentence? The plane moves away until it becomes just a dot in the sky...?

Thanks again!

[ComicBent]

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window.

The plane flies away.

How would I stress that I want to follow the plane until it becomes a dot in the sky?
Emsash, this is actually amusing. You have answered your own question without knowing it. Just describe what is happening. You do not have to introduce the description with "we see." Just tell what is happening before our eyes:

She presses her hands against the window and watches the plane soar into the sky until it becomes just a dot.

Or, if her eyes are closed (I am not sure what you are going after):

She closes her eyes and presses her hands against the window. The plane soars into the sky until it becomes just a dot.