Winter Solstice writing challenge anyone?

[theblondewritr]

I'm itching to write. Do you have to run it by the 'powers that be' here to get this thing crankin'?

[dpaterso]

TPTB seem pretty flexible, all you need to do is cultivate enthusiasm among participants. If by Winter Solstice you mean Christmas, brrrrr. If you mean an ancient pagan ritual involving naked virgins, count me in!

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
"Ol' Pat... Sheriff Pat Garrett. Sold out to the Santa Fe ring. How does it feel?"
"It feels like... times have changed."
"Times, maybe. Not me."

[ComicBent]

They don't even have to be virgins, just as long as they are young, luscious females.

[Willoughby]

TPTB seem pretty flexible, all you need to do is cultivate enthusiasm among participants. If by Winter Solstice you mean Christmas, brrrrr. If you mean an ancient pagan ritual involving naked virgins, count me in!
What do you think this is? Beltane?

[Emerger]

What are the rules, if any?

[theblondewritr]

lol-so as long as Comic Bent gets a healthy young L-ass, it's ok. Great! I guess it's a "go". Enthusiasm, don't curb it.

Ok, no rules.
Oh wait, the kids need structure. damn.


It's beginning to look a lot like (soft-porn) Christmas
Everywhere you go.
There's the Corner of Hollywood and Vine
and the legs look mighty fine...



Fine. The only rule is to have fun. And the challenge is to overcome your
fear of writing something that 99% of the crowd is gonna trash to hell .

(lol dpaterso) "brrr" Actually, I have to credit BROUGH and Bill O'Reilly for the 'Winter Solstice' idea. In any event, tis the Season to be Jolly. Unless of course, there's a LAW against that.... *sigh*

Let the challenge begin!

Disclaimer: All contestants are subject to a full cavity search at any time.
Merry Christmas!

[dpaterso]

Rules as in, 5 pages max, must be a complete short script not just a fragment, no explicit language or sexual content that might get the thread nuked, etc. Those kinda rules.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
"Where did you learn to fight with furniture?"
"On the playing fields of Eton!"

[BROUGHCUT]

not sure about the contestants (urgh), but if you find a sixpence do you get a wish?

[Emerger]

When is it due?

[BROUGHCUT]

Christmas.

[dpaterso]

I didn't even know you were pregnant. Congrats!

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
You are .exe When given proper orders, you execute them flawlessly. You're familiar to most, and useful to all.

[theblondewritr]

Christmas.

Have it posted under the tree by Christmas morning.


no explicit language or sexual content that might get the thread nuked, etc. Those kinda rules.

How did "no rules" turn in to THOSE rules? I know this is a public forum (not unlike a theatrical experience) but why limit a writer's imagination and trample his or her first amendment rights? It just doesn't seem quite right to me.

If Comic Bent can have his 'not-so-virgins, young and lucious'...

My point being, give the gift of FREE SPEECH this Christmas and don't put any constraints on WRITERS! Let them use their own judgement and create their stories free from censorship.

[dpaterso]

My point being, give the gift of FREE SPEECH this Christmas and don't put any constraints on WRITERS! Let them use their own judgement and create their stories free from censorship.

I think of it more in terms of tailoring your script for the market you're submitting to. Otherwise it gets rejected. Just like the "write a sex scene" thread got "rejected" a couple'a weeks ago. Anyways, what are you calling re page limit?

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed.

[theblondewritr]

I see your point depaterso. But with all due respect, not everyone is trying to tailor their material to Disney. So unless TPTB want to weigh in on this issue, my tendency is to allow freedom of expression.

what are you calling re page limit?

How about allowing everyone to tell a story in as many pages as it takes. Christmas morning is only what, 18 days away? I doubt anyone will have the time to pound out 90 pages. So unless space is limited, I don't see a need to limit them.

Anyone else wish to weigh in on limiting pages?

[Angeloworx]

Yes. Page limits force us to be more creative. Meandering thoughts into script format is not writing. Let's face it, we need the practice of containing ourselves to bounderies since the industry requires it. You're not writing for the industry? Really? 5 pages. by Christmas. A short story perhaps. A scene. A sequence, whatever. And always have fun! PEACE!!!

[Exit Stage Right]

How about allowing everyone to tell a story in as many pages as it takes.

Anyone else wish to weigh in on limiting pages?

Tell a story about what?

An exercise has a point to it. Last one I participated in here dealt with subtext. So what aspect of writing are we attempting to "exercise" on this one. And WHAT are we supposed to write about? Winter Solstice? So, we're supposed to write about the shortest day of the year?

And heck, yeah, there should be a page limit. If you can't accomplish the goal of the exercise in 5 pages, odds are you're not going to accomplish the goal in 30 either.

[theblondewritr]

lol-ok, whatever works. So much for trying to think outside the box! The last thing I want to do is make a mountain out of a mole-hill, so 5 pp.maximum.


Yes. Page limits force us to be more creative. Meandering thoughts into script format is not writing.


Sir/Madam, if you choose to meander, that's your business. You're in control. LMAO

And WHAT are we supposed to write about? Winter Solstice? So, we're supposed to write about the shortest day of the year?


Yes, write a story that incorporates this day, Winter Solstice. It can be whatever genre you wish. Use the link below for inspiration or for toilet paper.

http://www.candlegrove.com/solstice.html

"Shall we liken Christmas to the web in a loom? There are many weavers, who work into the pattern the experience of their lives. When one generation goes, another comes to take up the weft where it has been dropped. The pattern changes as the mind changes, yet never begins quite anew. At first, we are not sure that we discern the pattern, but at last we see that, unknown to the weavers themselves, something has taken shape before our eyes, and that they have made something very beautiful, something which compels our understanding."

--Earl W. Count, 4,000 Years of Christmas
:) Peace be with you all!

[NePatsFan]

Do we post it on here? Or do we send it to someone? How will the judging be done?

[theblondewritr]

Do we post it on here? Or do we send it to someone? How will the judging be done?

Yes, post it here.

If someone would like to help me out, that would be great. HELP!

ie.,What has worked in the past as far as 'judging', peer review?

[Kwvillen]

Shows you how bright I am. Just saw this topic now blondewritr. : ).

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Shows you how bright I am. Just saw this topic now blondewritr. : ).

KWV

"Bright" is for Gremlins and Jesus. It's ok KW.

[theblondewritr]

BROUGH, if and when you read this:

ABC Nightly News with that new guy (cough) Williams, did a piece on what to call this Season.... the Politically Correct Piece. *ehem*

You and Bill OReilly started this!

[theblondewritr]

KW, what happened to your pages, writer's remorse?

lol Will you be re-posting?

[Kwvillen]

I copied and pasted the pages from a wp document (format was way off), but lost many scenes, or had them in the wrong order, etc. I reread the short and it was a mess. I'll fix and repost or I'll cobble up another short. : ).

KWV

[dclary]

Christmas morning is only what, 18 days away? I doubt anyone will have the time to pound out 90 pages.


:|

Indeed.

Is that a dare?

[vex]

Well, I wrote this 7 pager over the past couple of days:

http://www.stephenglauser.com/EtH.pdf

I hope you guys don't think it's overly too long. FYI - I wrote this before I knew of the exercise. I'm not rewriting for length at the moment ;)

[Kwvillen]

Vex,

Why don't you post the actual pages here, that way people will be more inclined to give them a look.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

I reread the short and it was a mess.

I did the same thing, one-eyed Pete. No worries. I'm glad you're going to re-post.

Hey vex, dclary. Glad to see some new faces...err, not that cyclops here wasn't attentive.

vex, yeah! Post your pages here.

Is that a dare?

Dclary, a dare? No, cause you'd do it.

I would dare you to do something like, "lose 20 lbs. by Christmas". ;)

[vex]

Vex,

Why don't you post the actual pages here, that way people will be more inclined to give them a look.

KWV


Because I don't have Final Draft on this computer. Will have to get on my buddies computer, and not sure how long that will be. :o I'll try.

[dpaterso]

This started out as a short-short but insisted on growing. I reckon I'd need at least another 5 pages to complete it. So, here's the first half anyway. Merry friggin Winter Solstice, bah humbug.

OVER BLACK

"Let It Snow" played by sleigh bells and cow bells.

TITLE: SNOW HARDER

FADE IN:

EXT. NORTH POLE - DAY

Snow, snow, snow. A team of reindeer with bells on their
antlers pulls an enclosed cabin sled with oval windows along
the side.

At each window is the face of a jovial bearded ELF wearing
bright clothes and hats with bells.

One Elf, at the rearmost window, is smooth shaven, and more
serious than the others. He hugs a huge teddy bear.


INT. CABIN SLED - DAY

A center aisle with double seats on either side, like an
airplane. An ELF STEWARDESS serves drinks from a trolley.

The clean-shaven Elf, JONTY, sits beside a bearded fat HAPPY
ELF who won't shut up.

HAPPY ELF
--just fills me with joy! The thing
I always ask is, why can't we do
this every day? Why is it only one
day each year?

JONTY
Maybe it wouldn't be special if we
did it all the time.

HAPPY ELF
Well, there is that, friend, you may
have a point there, indeed you may.
So what about you, are you going to
Santaville to meet someone? Or are
you hoping to strike it lucky with
some cute little Elf, eh?

Jonty shifts in his seat and his jacket opens to reveal a
TOY GUN at his waist. Happy Elf's eyes widen in fear. Jonty
flashes a badge, a gold "Q" on a shield.

JONTY
Relax. I'm a toy quality inspector.
This is just a sample I carry with
me at all times.

The Elf Stewardess offers them drinks. Jonty declines.
Happy Elf takes both drinks and throws them back.

HAPPY ELF
Waste not, want not! That's what I
always say! Is the teddy bear a
sample too?

JONTY
It's a present for my wife.

HAPPY ELF
Well that surprises me, young feller.
You don't look old enough, if I may
say so, to be married, no you don't.

Jonty stares out the window at the snow.


EXT. SANTAVILLE - DAY

A huge igloo dome, lights showing from hundreds of windows.
Rising out of the igloo roof is a skyscraper that goes all
the way up into the snow clouds.


INT. SANTAVILLE ARRIVALS - DAY

The Elves disembark from the cabin sled. Jonty squeezes out
carrying his big teddy bear.

ELF STEWARDESS
Thank you for riding North Pole
Sledways.


INT. SANTAVILLE PLAZA - DAY

Hundreds of Elves going every which way. A BIG ELF shoulders
Jonty aside. Jonty snarls into his face. Big Elf shrinks
back in fear and runs off into the crowd.

JONTY
Son of an Elf...

Passing Elves stop and stare in shock. Jonty lowers his
head with embarrassment and moves through the crowd.

Jonty sticks his fingers in his mouth and WHISTLES. A one-
reindeer taxi sled pulls up, Jonty climbs in the back.


INT. TAXI SLED - DAY

JONTY
Sure is crowded out there.

ELF DRIVER
Gets that way this time of year.

JONTY
Guess it does. I'm here to see my
wife. Well, she's not really my
wife any more. Guess we stopped
playing that charade a while back.
Her name's Holly. I came all the
way from Elf City. Hoping she'd
talk to me.

ELF DRIVER
Elf City, huh?

JONTY
She works at the Santa Tower.

ELF DRIVER
On my way, chief.


INT. RECEPTION - SANTA TOWER - DAY

Jonty sits his teddy bear on the desk and grins at the cute
RECEPTIONIST. She looks him up and down with interest.

JONTY
Hi, I'm Jonty. I'm here to see Holly,
she works in Gift Dispatch. Problem
is, I don't know if she'll want to
see me. We used to be married, once
upon a time. Then she up and left
me. Not for another Elf, if that's
what you're thinking.

The Receptionist picks up a toy doggy phone and dials.

ELF RECEPTIONIST (INTO PHONE)
Holly, please. She has a visitor.


INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

Jonty watches the changing numbers. 27, 28, 29... He runs
his finger inside his collar, wipes sweat from his brow,
takes deep breaths. DING! 30th floor.


INT. GIFT DISPATCH - 30TH FLOOR - DAY

Dozens of Elves at desks talking into toy animal phones.

ELF #1
Confirm sixty million teddy bears,
assorted colors, must be ready by
five o'clock tonight.

ELF #2
Thirty million princess dolls with
pink hair, forty with silver, fifty
gold, must be dispatched by five
o'clock tonight.

ELF #3
We have a naughty child flag, she
refuses to eat her greens. Give her
a puppy but not the kind she asked
for, must go by five o'clock tonight.

Jonty glances at a wall clock, it's 15 minutes to 5 o'clock.
BUDDY, a painfully jovial fast-talking Elf, grabs Jonty's
hand and pumps it.

BUDDY
Put 'er there, pal! Name's Buddy, I
work with Holly, she's some girl,
color me surprised, I never knew she
was married, and to an Elf from Elf
City no less, wow! We're about to
throw a little party and guess what,
you're invited.

JONTY
I'm not very good at parties.

BUDDY
That's what Holly said! Just stick
with me, pal, you'll be okay.


INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Dozens of ELVES help themselves to drinks from a pink punch
bowl. Jonty sees HOLLY across the room. Gorgeous, curly
red hair, she laughs at a joke told by an OLDER ELF. She
senses Jonty watching. Gives him a hesitant smile.

Buddy slips a pink glass into Jonty's hand.

JONTY
No, I don't--

BUDDY
Down the hatch, pal! Plenty more
where that came from. Man, will you
look at the skirt here? I gotta
grab me some of that. Bottoms up!

Buddy wanders to talk to a cute ELF GIRL. Jonty makes his
way across the room. He abandons his drink on the table.

He's face to face with Holly. Undeniable attraction. But
there's a barrier between them.

JONTY
Hi.

HOLLY
Hi. I can't believe you came all
this way just to say hello.

JONTY
I didn't. I mean, yes, I'd like to
say hello. Hello. But that's not
the only reason I came.

HOLLY
Oh?

He gives her the big teddy bear. She's embarrassed.

HOLLY
It's... lovely.

JONTY
I've been thinking. About us. I've
been doing that a lot lately. Fact
is, I never realized how big our
little one-room cabin apartment is.
Until you walked out on me.

HOLLY
I didn't walk out on you, Jonty. I
had a job offer. It meant a
promotion, and doing something I
really love. I asked you to come
with me, remember?

JONTY
Sure I do. But I'm not a Santaville
kind of guy. I'm from Elf City.
You know what they say. You can
take the Elf out of the City...

HOLLY
I'm not sure I know what that means.
Well. Here we are. I hope we can
at least be civil to each other. My
boss is here, and my friends...

JONTY
I'd like us to be a lot more than
just civil.

HOLLY
Are you saying you'd give up your
job and join me here?

JONTY
I figured the "Elf out of the City"
thing covered that. I can't just
give up my job.

HOLLY
And I can't give up mine.

JONTY
Can't, or won't?

HOLLY
We've been through this before, Jonty.

JONTY
Yeah, sure. Where's the can?

HOLLY
(indicates door)
The rest room is through there.

Jonty exits.


INT. REST ROOM - DAY

Jonty stares at his reflection, and shakes his head.

JONTY
You handled that real well, Jonty.


INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Everyone SCREAMS as a dozen more ELVES wearing ski masks
enter, armed with toy guns.

OLDER ELF
Who in Santa's name are you Elves?

The MASKED LEADER roughly pushes Older Elf into a chair.

MASKED LEADER
(German accent)
I will give orders and you will all
obey. Anyone who fails to cooperate
will be punished.

Holly glances at the rest room door. Masked Leader notices.

MASKED LEADER
Someone check that out.

A MASKED ELF heads for the door.

end excerpt

[vex]

I can't get this forum to post the correct format. Can you guys please just read the PDF?

[dpaterso]

*** Spoilers ***

vex, dreadfully cynical.

What did the kids ask Santa for??

Is the Tooth Fairy male or female?

I'd maybe include the visuals to match up with Suzie's V.O.s. e.g. someone puts money under her pillow while Suzie pretends to be asleep, she opens an eye and smiles as they creep out. Maybe preceded by Suzie confronting whoever it is she's blackmailing? e.g. as soon as the Tooth Fairy leaves, Suzie steps out smiling and folds her arms, her surprised mother realizes it's a bust (or whatever happens, I wouldn't mind a little sprinkling of clarity in a couple of scenes).

But it's entertaining in a queer way. Tho' the Leprechaun remains a puzzling enigma.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[vex]

*** Spoilers ***

vex, dreadfully cynical.

What did the kids ask Santa for??

Is the Tooth Fairy male or female?

I'd maybe include the visuals to match up with Suzie's V.O.s. e.g. someone puts money under her pillow while Suzie pretends to be asleep, she opens an eye and smiles as they creep out. Maybe preceded by Suzie confronting whoever it is she's blackmailing? e.g. as soon as the Tooth Fairy leaves, Suzie steps out smiling and folds her arms, her surprised mother realizes it's a bust (or whatever happens, I wouldn't mind a little sprinkling of clarity in a couple of scenes).

But it's entertaining in a queer way. Tho' the Leprechaun remains a puzzling enigma.


Tooth Fairy is female. Mom turned lesbian. Yeah, I'm probably going to rewrite the whole V.O. parts completely.

The (St. Patty's Day) Leprechaun is the Tooth Fairy's husband. The thing with the gift is... I am actually going to be shooting this, so I don't really know what is going to be in that box until I find it. Something extravagent.

[theblondewritr]

LMAO Vex! The only thing missing was Winter Solstice. LMAO-you know, the shortest day of the year. But hell, I forgot about that when I started reading this story.

Merry Christmas Stephen and Ryan :)

...no need to re-post it. The link works fine.

[vex]

LMAO Vex! The only thing missing was Winter Solstice. LMAO-you know, the shortest day of the year. But hell, I forgot about that when I started reading this story.

Merry Christmas Stephen and Ryan :)

...no need to re-post it. The link works fine.

Thanks for the comments! Much appreciated.

[dpaterso]

The (St. Patty's Day) Leprechaun is the Tooth Fairy's husband.I got that -- what I didn't get was why he's dressed an a Leprechaun. Made no sense. Some kind of protest? Dunno.

Maybe if you had a running joke where everyone asked him the same thing and he snarled, "I'm not a Leprechaun, I'm a bleedin' Elf!" ...? Just a thought, shrug.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[BROUGHCUT]

'Twas the Night Before Solstice (http://www.billoreilly.com/site/product?printerFriendly=true&pid=19418&said=null&satype=null)

by

Bill O'Reilly


'Twas the night before Solstice, and all through the land
the ACLU was watching to keep things in hand.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while forces kept Christmas out of their heads.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed and heard desperate chatter.
Someone had seen my manger display,
And wailed very loudly - go away, go away.

How could I be so crass, so utterly wrong
So show the infant Jesus and sing him a song?


And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
An ACLU lawyer, looking stern and aloof.
No manger! No caroling! he said with a snort,
And if you don't comply immediately, I'll take you to court!

He was chubby and plump, a right surly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
He dallied no more, but went straight to his phone
Lamenting the manger, in a most pitiful moan.

But I in the spirit, said nothing unkind
Christmas is forgiveness whatever you find.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Christmas will survive, the folks will demand it,
Even if secular lawyers will not understand it.
Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!

[theblondewritr]

lol BROUGH! Thanks for posting OReilly's poem. He must've put that out over the AP(wire). It made our local newspaper on Sunday. LMAO I WAS GONNA POST IT TOO!

Will you be posting something (ehem) original?

[theblondewritr]

synonyms CYNICAL (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/cynical), MISANTHROPIC (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/misanthropic), PESSIMISTIC (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/pessimistic) mean deeply distrustful. CYNICAL (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/cynical) implies having a sneering disbelief in sincerity or integrity <cynical about politicians' motives>. MISANTHROPIC (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/misanthropic) suggests a rooted distrust and dislike of human beings and their society <a solitary and misanthropic artist>. PESSIMISTIC (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/pessimistic) implies having a gloomy, distrustful view of life <pessimistic about the future>.

dpaterso, Merry Christmas! I'm glad you were inspired.

So, here's the first half anyway. Merry friggin Winter Solstice, bah humbug.

lmao, are you Charlie Brown???

[theblondewritr]

KW, fun short! Your message sounded similar to Chris Rock's-"Keep your sons' off the crackpipe and your daughters off the pole". lol and a nice plug for Winter Solstice!


Who should we hog-tie to judge these?

[Kwvillen]

Thank you blondewritr and I enjoyed yours as well. "woof". : ). I thought it was definitely thought provoking. Very deep. How about dem apples? LOL, cute. And who could we get? Hmmmm I have no idea : ). .
KWV

Edited to add: I thought the Winter Solistice was the longest day of the year? LOL, guess I was wrong.

[Kwvillen]

Surprised there wasn't much of a turn out, but can understand people being busy this time of year. I definitely spent little time on my short. Usually, Wenonah, Pipe, and others are the ones that do the short thing, hmmm.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Thanks KW. "Deep" and Blonde. Isn't that an oxymoron?

This was great fun for me... also a 'FIRST'. And to-boot, I got edumacated on Winter Solstice.

On second thought, who needs a judge? We don't need no stinkin judges! lol
After-all, they're gifts, right?

[theblondewritr]

Well, the deadline is Christmas, so people still have time. Maybe we'll get a few surprises underneath the tree Christmas morning. SWEET!

[Kwvillen]

Thanks KW. "Deep" and Blonde. Isn't that an oxymoron?


Well you spelled blonde right, so... ROTFLMAO. Esp. with your purposeful - I hope, ; ) - misspelling of educated. (The word oxymoron just fits in that sentence for some reason doesn't it? LOL). And don't get me going on the blonde jokes... Maybe one G-Rated: How does a blonde girl turn on a light? She opens the car door. Ha ha ha... yeah... eh well.
Anyway, good idea, let's just consider them gifts that the nonparticipant b4stards can never return. That'll fixem', especially mine. Merry fvcking Christmas!! (kidding).

KWV

[theblondewritr]

That's the spirit, KW! It's the gift that keeps on giving. I mean, maybe mine will wind up under Goerge Clooney's Tree. He buys it and proposes marraige- all in one day! (chuckle)

How does a blonde girl turn on a light? She opens the car door.


...an oldie-but-goodie.

[dpaterso]

Cute idea, I could see it as a skit executed by a pair of wicked comediennes.

Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year. --Damn, you edited this already.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[theblondewritr]

KW uses the edit function more-often than he changes his underwear?
*BADUMP ching* lol

dpaterso, we'll be here all week!

Such precision we have about it now! Winter solstice is when...
...because of the earth's tilt, your hemisphere is leaning farthest away from the sun, and therefore:

The daylight is the shortest.

The sun has its lowest arc in the sky.

[theblondewritr]

For those of you perusing this thread, to add to the ambiance, here's Dean Martin. My version would be, "I've got My Own self-Love To Keep Me Warm"

I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm
------Dean Martin

The snow is snowing and the wind it is blowing
But I can weather the storm
What do I care how much it may storm
I've got my OWN SELF LOVE to keep me warm

I cannot remember a worse December
Just watch the icicles form
What do I care if icicles form
I've got my OWN SELF-LOVE to keep me warm

Off with my overcoat off with my gloves
Who needs an overcoat I'm burning with love
My heart's on fire and the flame grows higher
So I will weather the storm
What do I care how much it may storm
I've got my OWN SELF-LOVE to keep me warm

I thought you ought to know my heart's on fire
The flame it just leaps higher
So I will weather the storm
Why do I care how much it storms
I've got my love
To keep me warm
I've got my OWN SELF-LOVE to keep me warm

[Kwvillen]

KW uses the edit function more-often than he changes his underwear?
*BADUMP ching* lol

dpaterso, we'll be here all week!




LOL, you kill me.

KWV

[Kwvillen]

After your mastabatory homage to self-love, remind me to pass if you ever offer me a cucumber salad. (ewww, I shouldn't have said that -- definitely not out loud). ROTFLMAO.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

mastabatory homage to self-love LOOOOOOOOOL

Fox news radio did a count-down of the all-time favorite
Christmas tunes this morning. Of course, Dean made the
list with HIS rendition. :rolleyes:

Also on the list were: Lena Horn, (oooh) Rosemary Clooney,
Berle Ives and...

I had to leave the house before they got to .50 Cent, but I'm sure
he made the list.

lmao, When I go the grocery store, all the cucumbers say,
"Pick Me!" "Pick Me!"

[Kwvillen]

I had to leave the house before they got to .50 Cent, but I'm sure
he made the list.

lmao, When I go the grocery store, all the cucumbers say,
"Pick Me!" "Pick Me!"

ROTFLMAO.

KWV

[Kwvillen]

I hope that your genre is comedy blondewritr... If not, it should be. : ).

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Oh I got a GENRE alright. It's called, "MY LIFE"!

Notice the placement of the quotation marks.

[theblondewritr]

My next appearance (after this writing challenge) is The MMOMO;
where I'll be singing, "Who's on First" for the People's Republic
of ummm, China. It's a Bird Flu fundraiser.

I mean, after Katrina, we can't be TOO proactive. (cough)

[Kwvillen]

Oh I got a GENRE alright. It's called, "MY LIFE"!

Notice the placement of the quotation marks.
__________________



LOL. I keep on laughing when I think about "edumacated" ROTFLMAO.

KWV

[Kwvillen]

LOL, blondewritr, I hear you. I'll be in China too, only I have no talent for singing so I'll probably be in some sweatshop run by some fu fu designer called K.L. Gifford sewing on sequin for your costumes.

Jeeze, I need to sleep... my material is a fizzillin...

KWV

[theblondewritr]

I'll be in China too,

What a coincidence!

lol-sewing for Kathy Lee! Which would mean my sequined dress came from Wal-Mart! IIIIIII don't think so...

[Kwvillen]

lol-sewing for Kathy Lee! Which would mean my sequined dress came from Wal-Mart! IIIIIII don't think so...

LOL.

KWV

[Mark Somers]

FADE IN:

EXT. STREET -- MORNING

DR. CLARA KNOWLES 30's, negotiates a path down a sidewalk.
Her white walking stick slams into pedestrians.

PEDESTRIANS
Ouch -- Damn Lady -- Sh!t -- Watch
that thing -- I've been naughty do
it again --

She steps out into the street.

SCREECH, BAM, CRUNCH.

DRIVER
Whatya blind?

CLARA smiles as she finds her way back to the curb.

CLARA (V.O.)
I knew that was going to happen.

FLASHBACK

EXT. BEACH -- DAY

Waves rhythmically beat against a lone stretch of beach.
Sunny skies chopped by circling seagull. A young Clara lays
on her back sunning.

CLARA (V.O.)
Since my younger days I suspected my
psychic abilities.

One of a group of guys nearby.

GUY
Nice jugs. Need any --

CLARA
Lotion?

GUY
Wow dude you must be --

CLARA
Psychic?

GUY
Wow.

INT. 4TH PRECINCT HEADQUARTERS -- PRESENT

The main lobby bustles with police officers, escorting
prisoners, carrying paperwork, etc. Clara makes her way
towards one side of the room, her cane swinging wildly ahead
of her.

WHACK,

WHACK,

WHACK.

OFFICER #1
Oh crap, my --

CLARA
-- foot?

Clara moves closer to an old desk.

CLARA
Well I'm back.

No answer.

The desk is stacked with coffee cups and donuts. Towards the
center a large coffee pot gurgles.

CLARA
Tom?

OFFICER #2
Miss can I help you?

Clara quickly turns,

SPLURK

her walking stick smashes a cup of coffee sending it across
the room.

WHACK

her stick then hits the officer in the groin.

OFFICER #2
Oh sh!t, my --

CLARA
Foot?

OFFICER #2
Sure what -- ever you saaaay.

CLARA
I'm here, to get back to work.

OFFICER #1
Your name?

CLARA
Clara Knowles, Dr. Clara Knowles.

OFFICER #3
Oh you want precinct twelve, this is
precinct four.

Another officer looks at him.

OFFICER #3
You had that lab accident, right?
Lost your eye sight?

ALL THE OFFICERS
(their hands cover
their groins)
Oooooooh --

CLARA
It's just temporary.

ALL THE OFFICERS
(now smiling and
shaking their heads
in approval)
-- ooooooooh.

INT. MORGUE

A group of white smocked doctors huddle around a body on a
examination table. Clara walks in...

DOCTOR #1
Good morning --

WHACK...

DOCTOR #1
Oh **** my --

CLARA
groin?

WHACK,

WHACK

A doctor holds her head. Another with his hands over his
groin. He goes to his knees in obvious pain.

DOCTOR #2
Ooooooh.

Clara feels around for someplace to hang her walking stick.
It misses and clatters to the floor.

DOCTOR #1
Thank God.

Clara finds her way to the corpse on the table.

DOCTOR #3
She's -- Oh jees.

DOCTOR #1
Doctor, the body is facing the other
way.

CLARA (O.S.)
I knew that.

Clara climbs on the table.

DOCTOR #2
What is she doing? --- Oh my --

SCLURP

DOCTOR #3
She can't really be doing that --

Doctor #3 vomits. Doctor #1 slips on the vomit. Doctor #2
faints. TOM SPICER 30's runs in, slips on the vomit.

TOM
Clara, the Captain -- agh.

Clara looks up as if she is reading something on the wall.

CLARA (O.S.)
He wants to see me about --

TOM
A case we need your expertise in.

CLARA
Forensic proctology. I was at the
bottom of my class you know.

INT. 12TH PRECINCT - CAPTAINS OFFICE -- LATER

WHACK

Sara faces a corner. WHACK, -- WHACK, -- WHACK. CAPTAIN MARX
40's watches.

CAPTAIN
Clara, over here.

Clara walks toward the Captains desk knocking over stuff on
the way. CRASH, WHACK she hits the Captain up side the head.

CAPTAIN
Oh God.

Tom walks in, takes a seat next to Clara as he flips open a
small note pad.

CLARA
I'm happy to see you too Captain.

Tom takes notes.

CAPTAIN
We have a case that is very strange.
We have three women and three men
dead in a hotel room up on sixth.
The on scene detectives found bottles
of poison a large knife and two guns.
And lots of blood.

CLARA
And you suspect fowl play.

The Captain stares at Clara.

CAPTAIN
Yeeea, pretty much.

CLARA
I say we get to the bottom of this --
quintuple homicide?

Tom looks up at the ceiling.

CAPTAIN
Maybe not, one of the men has gun
powder residue on his hands.

CLARA
So a quadruple homicide, suicide?

CAPTAIN
Well one of the women was holding
the knife. We think she was trying
to fight off one of the men.

CLARA
So a triple homicide, suicide and a
self defense?

CAPTAIN
Two of the women we know for sure
were killed in a loft above the room
where the bodies were found.

CLARA
So a double homicide over a homicide,
suicide and a self defense.

CAPTAIN
One other thing too. A Mr. Saladaze. --
hmm.
(looks at notes)
-- Cheaf Saladaze needs to be
interviewed first.

CLARA
Got it Captain. We'll start off with
Cheaf Saladaze. Then the double
homicide over the homicide, suicide
then the self defense.

CAPTAIN
And I almost forgot the woman with
the knife was found in a ritualistic
pose on her side.

The Captain's phone rings.

TOM
(writes)
-- got it the self defense -- on the
side.

CAPTAIN
-- right -- Thanks.
(hangs up phone)
That was the Mayo clinic. They're
not set up yet for the preliminary
exams.

TOM
-- no Mayo?

CAPTAIN
Right.

INT. CAR

Tom sits, scribbling in his notebook.

TOM
Are you sure you are up to some field
work?

CLARA
Yes. Now hand me the keys.

TOM
You do realize you're in the back
seat, right?

CLARA
(pretending)
Of course I know that.

TOM
I think I'll drive.

EXT. 6TH STREET HOTEL -- NIGHT

People dressed in Winter Soltice costumes walk up and down
the street.

INT. 6TH STREET HOTEL LOBBY

Drawn curtains behind a couch. Cheaf Saladaze sits quietly.
Clara and Tom walk in. Saladaze jumps up.

SALADAZE
That's her. She was there.

TOM
What?

SUPER: DECEMBER 21 2005

INT. 6TH STREET HOTEL -- NIGHT

RONDA sits facing JANET, PAUL, and GREG. All in their 20's.

RONDA
-- And they never found out.

KAREN (O.S.)
Oh gees, that is the goofiest ghost
story I've ever heard. --

Karen walks from a small kitchenette carrying a tray of half
eaten jack o latern cookies.

KAREN
-- OK, so what happened to the bottle
of poison.

Karen drops the tray and SCREAMS. The room, full of her
unconscious friends. Ronda comes up behind Karen gripping a
large knife in both hands. Karen turns looks up at the knife.
SCREAMS.

RONDA
The cookies are old I thought a knife
would help.

KAREN
What?

Ronda lowers the knife.

RONDA
This isn't working.

KAREN
No. Don't say that.

Ronda wipes a tear from her cheek. Still holding the knife
in one hand she swings her arms while talking.

RONDA
This is a sham. It's a goofy
unfinished halloween story, that's
lamely trying to be passed off as a
...

Karen is watching the knife intently as Ronda swings it
around.

RONDA
Sorry.
(puts down the knife)
... a Winter Solstice story.

Karen looks down at her feet.

KAREN
The Winter Solstice costumes thing
was a bit weak.

RONDA
Yea.

A long silents.

RONDA
I've got a cucumber in the other
room. Whatdyasaaa....

Karen grabs Ronda's hand and pulls her toward the room.

KAREN
I thought you'd never ask.

The End.

[theblondewritr]

LMAO!! Welcome aboard clueless! I thought I was diving in to something dramatic and dark. Then it turned Naked Gun-ish. lmao I love it!

...and the cu****** at the end. LOL

That was fun.

Merry Christmas :rolling:

[Kwvillen]

ROTFLMAO! You win this hands down!

KWV

[theblondewritr]

A long silents ...another edumacated writer, no doubt ;) ! lol

[Kwvillen]

ROTFLMAO I caught that too, but let it slide, since it was so damn funny. : ). I guess we can allow clueless an error here and there, but I do expect compensation with her cucumber reference. I mean, Jesus, I invented the line and, uh, you 'use it'. LOL.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Silents of the Lambs

I bet the price of Cucumbers has already gone up. KW, you're definitely entitled to your share of the market increase. lmao

[Kwvillen]

LOL. Walmart probably can't keep them in stock. Yes, blondewritr :rolleyes: ... I mentioned Walmart. I know how sensitive you are when I say the "W" word, with the botched sequin job I did on your costume for the MMOMO Tour in China....

Uh.. If it makes you feel any better, your duette with Tina Yothers was sensational... But your ventriloquist act with Sally Struthers, like totally, brought down the house, literally.

KWV

Silents of the Lambs


:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

Chinese screenwriters everywhere are like, "What she say wrong?"... "What so funny?". "Me no get?". (not meant to poke fun at any ethnicity group, just for the sake of a joke).

[theblondewritr]

lol, Brooke Sheilds morphed in to Sally Struthers? c'mon man! At least Brooke does Broadway. Struthers well, need I go any further? LMAO

You must've got a memo from Tom Cruise: "Brooke's too depressed to do a Bird Flu Fundraiser. She doesn't even KNOW PSYCHOLOGY. :rolleyes: Affectionately, Tomkat.
p.s. I ice skate better than King Kong."

Sirents of the Rambs

[Kwvillen]

LOL.

The two washed up actresses that popped into my head were Tina Yothers and Sally Strutters and remembered that hilarious S. Park parody, where fat ass Strutters was caught eating all of those donated boxes of cookies intended for the 'feed the children campaign'. ROTFLMAO. Thought she'd be the perfect candidate to join you on the MMOMOM Tour. Once we negotiated her stringent contract requirements of a case of lard, pork rinds and fried chicken she was a shoe in.
And yeah, unfortunately, I got the memo about Brooke's cancellation, but it wasn't from P.P. Depression like it's been publicized. What really happened is that she got her brow caught in Agassi's zipper, nearly tore her forehead clean off. Jesus, talk about a desperate housewife. :rolleyes: Guess she's booked solid, as the lead in the Pirates of the Caribean on Ice Tour. From what my sources say, without the patch she looks like this;)
Anyway, have a Happy Holiday and I didn't know you could skate better than Kong. : ), LOL.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

LMAO KW! Brooke's not married to Agassi. They divorced. Are you telling me....LOL, I'm not even going there! And Struthers best keep her paws off my Cheetos or she's gonna be 'selling rubber dog ****' out of Thailand!

no, I don't ice skate better than King Kong, Tomkat does. lol I was mocking the media reports about Katie's birthday extravaganza; which included a SHORT skate at Rockefeller Plaza. lol-there's a short scene in KK (that would explain it further) but I don't want to spoil it for you.

I guess this is IT. We got the best short from clueless. Thanks clueless!
And THANKS to: KW, dpaterso, vex & his writing partner and BROUGH (for sharing Bill O'Reilly's poem).

"I'm so glad we had this time together. Just to have a laugh and sing a song..."

Take care all :)

[Kwvillen]

Yes I know that they're divorced, I'm not that dense. LOL.

Ah... guess that went over my head about tomkat, but if I never saw Kong....:rolleyes: . Btw, do you think that we should get some sort of accolade or award for our use of this emoticon :rolleyes: . The lucrative advertisers that sponsor the site here on DD are probably like, "Thank God for blondewriter and KWVillen. Unfortunately :bounce: is down 25%, we can forget about :love: , down 29% and when people do use it, they usually are threatened with manual castration or a labotomy. Would have thought using a ruse (Jessica88) would have gotten KWVillen to use the :mad: at least once, but no, he decided to be a smart ass, then was coy, then a smart ass again... We'll have to think of a campaign to lure Geevie and Writepro to post more. Yeah, that'll get our percentages up:D . LOL.

It has been fun, blondewritr.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

lol, the LAST thing I think is that "you're dense":rolleyes: ; quite the contrary. A man that can sew sequins on a dress and make it look like a Christian Dior instead of Wal-Mart is anything but dense. :angel:

I've never used :love: That is, until now. *ducks* More people should use it.

As for the rest, I didn't quite get (the jessica88 ruse), but then I never admitted to being "deep" or the sharpest tool in the shed either. So perhaps I'm the dense one:confused: :p

LMAO-what they really need is to incorporate the cucumber icon. PROFITS, thru the roof!
ditto One-eyed Pete. Fun times :mpopcorn:

...Tell me something, did you get that the narrator in the beginning of my short was a ghost? I'm getting ready for a major edit...

Blazing Saddles, you're quick on the draw! lol-you replied as I was editing!

[Kwvillen]

lol, the LAST thing I think is that "you're dense"http://scriptsales.com/boards/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif ; quite the contrary. A man that can sew sequins on a dress and make it look like a Christian Dior instead of Wal-Mart) is anything but dense. http://scriptsales.com/boards/images/smilies/angel3.gif




LOL, you kill me!! Oh the Jessica88 comment was this newbie over in script pages that was being an ass to me, for a reason unbeknownst to me. I'm not going to spell check so don't bading me. LOL. God what hell of a door of emoticons did I open? ROTFLMAO, love your *duck*.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

I dunno, I stumbled upon their secret Emoticon Lair? Who knew!
I wonder what else they have hidden in this site, Jimmy Hoffa?
Waldo? The Holy Grail? :eek:

[Kwvillen]

Lol!!!

Kwv

[theblondewritr]

KW, four posts up (not counting this one), just after the popcorn icon, I edited my post and asked you a question. Did you see it? lol, I was wondering whether-or-not you understood that the gal 'dusting cobwebs' around EARL was a ghost (the one he hit).

[Kwvillen]

...Tell me something, did you get that the narrator in the beginning of my short was a ghost? I'm getting ready for a major edit...




That's so funny you said that, because when I first read it I was like... Hmm, okay, who is the VO? But when you used your VO to mention her grandmother, car accident, etc., I got it. Not right away, but I did get it.

I think that you're right to do an edit to make that more clear. It's cool to be cheeky, but you don't want someone rereading pages.
My pages sucked, because I spent little time on them : ), as you can tell and as you can also tell I could care less, since I posted them. LOL. I wouldn't worry about it too much, because at least your story was interesting and I thought it was good.

KWV

[Kwvillen]

Since you asked me a question on your pages did you get the phonetics of the little girl's name in my script?: Anita Manda Playwith? ROTFLMAO.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Jesus-Lord, I missed that! What the ... I'm gonna go back an read yours again. sneaky sneaky. How did I miss that?:rolling: I guess that ONE synapse wasn't firing. :o

I didn't miss 'Alotta Vagina' in Austin Powers. heh

Here's my delimma; I don't want to give it away. Likewise, I don't want anyone to have to work too hard to get it. One thing I noticed was that I gave the ghost an accent ("ain't") in her opening commentary. Yet there's no hint of an accent in the rest of her (V.O.). She sounds more like a maid in the beginning. I dunno, maybe I'll change that dialog altogether.

...and maybe the name EARL conjurs the character in the new TV series.
my thoughts. lol

...AND where's clueless? I've been waiting all day to give HIM:o this PIE!

[Kwvillen]

No problem with missing Anita Manda Playwith : ). I was actually going to sound it out within a wrly, but I thought that it would have more of a punch if I didn't.

I hear what you're saying about not wanting to reveal that she's a ghost, I think that's pretty cool. But, I would change your (VO) to NARRATOR or VO, that way you automatically assume she's a person. The (VO) is what confused me, because I thought it was Earl's (V.O.)at first.

INT. EARL’S DEN

Earl’s keeping cadence (with every gulp of Budweiser) to a song he's listened to since last Winter Solstice.

..."I'm a loser, so why don't you kill me" {Beck}

EARL (singing)
Hot-La-nanta, so why don't you kill me...

God I apologise for rewriting even this half a page, but I think this would be easier to read IMHO. AND PLEASE don't rewrite my crap! ROTFLMAO:

INT. EARL'S DEN - DAY

Earl keeps cadence with every gulp of his Budweiser. He lounges in a recliner, watches television. Earl sings along with a radio song that he's listened to since last Winters Solstice: Beck's I'm a Loser why don't you kill me.

EARL
I'm a loser why don't you kill me...

NARRATOR
He can't be any shorter than an elf. Look at him in that 'Barkolounger'.
It outweighs him by half! He's not even watching:

ON TELEVISION: THE STORY OF JESUS OF NAZARETH

EARL(O.S.)
Hot, La, nanta, so why don't you kill me...

Earl let's out a beer induced cry.

NARRATOR
It's the same cry as the mythological tale of Atlanta. Or as I like to call it, Earl's wassailing. Only HE'S wassailing alone, unless you count his dog SAM.



Anyway, this is how I write normally. I hope that I didn't misinterperate what you were saying within your pages and I apologise for screwing with your style. : ). You could probably just as well use VO, but take it out of the parenthesis. Or make it a: GIRL'S (V.O.).

When I change word color you know I mean business! : ), ROTFLMAO.


KWV

[theblondewritr]

I just watched KILL BILL and you're using colored font!
A lethal combo.

AND PLEASE don't rewrite my crap!

don't rewrite your crap. lol NOTED :devil:

Ok, I get what you're conveying and my instinct tells me
you're right. I should use Narrator instead of V.O. or use
GIRL (VO). My choice.

not bad crap at all...Thank You, KW. Thanks a lot. Your crap
flows better. err...yeah, we'll just leave it at that. ;) lmao

[Kwvillen]

theblondewritr, you're a riot! You seriously have a sharp wit about you. I had to include this emoticon :rolleyes: because it's almost like a fix at this point. And if don't see it within a post, I'm lost... (exhale)Okay... better now.

Clueless. You're pages were truly FUNNY. I especially loved the dialogue:

CLARA (V.O.)
Since my younger days I suspected my
psychic abilities.

One of a group of guys nearby.

GUY
Nice jugs. Need any --

CLARA
Lotion?

GUY
Wow dude you must be --

CLARA
Psychic?

GUY
Wow.

:rolling: (http://scriptsales.com/boards/images/smilies/laughing-smiley-014.gif):rolling: :rolling:
That killed me!!

Also, you were too too kind on my pages. On very short notice, I honestly just whipped them out within an hour (in a DD dialogue box), as you can tell. I normally wouldn't have posted pages like that, but you and blondewritr best be ready for the next challenge!! Oh and uh, sorry I assumed you were a girl. : ).

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Also I'm a him not a her and I love pie. What kind of pie do you have for me?


I'm 0 for 3 on gender around here. Sorry clueless. lol you took it better than the others. It was a 50/50 and I followed KW's lead. :rolleyes:

:o Uh, I got up in the middle of the night. You know, with a late-night craving...for PIE of all things! And well, I ate it. It was a chocolate creme PIE. I was going to fib and say that KW ate it, but the lie wasn't worth a friendship.

It's almost better this way because now you can tell me your FAVORITE PIE and I'll whip it up for you, fresh. lol It's the least I can do.

All kidding aside clueless, your pages were the best. (cough) according to the guy who thought you were a girl. naw naw, I loved your pages too. You have a great sents of timing and your humor...Top Shelf-lmao.

Thanks again for your participation. Now you can check that Halloween short off your 'to do' list for 2005 -LOLOL Glad I could provide the outlet.

I like very much how you handled the voice over and that might have been part of my problem. You did it so well.

Thank you clueless.

[theblondewritr]

Will this LOVE FEST ever end?

[Kwvillen]

I was going to fib and say that KW ate it, but the lie wasn't worth a friendship.




great sents of timing

ROTFLMAO.

I think this is the new one on one. Okay, I think our fun here is over... It's been great, blondewritr! I just ask that you don't say something funny after this post, so I won't be forced to continue to procrastinate from writing and respond to you, please! :rolleyes: <----- Thanks for the memories.

LOL,

KWV

[Kwvillen]

theblondewritr, Kw, you both are incredibly sharp wits. I've had lots of laughs from reading your comments.




:rolleyes: Duh.

LOL. You're pretty sharp yourself Clueless. Damn good writer to boot.

Have a Happy New Year!

KWV

[theblondewritr]

Clueless, the "cough" is to preface or post-script bull****". Sometimes it's someone else's bulls-h-i-t and sometimes it's your own; take your pick. (lol)

(cough)...now about that PIE. Is it Punkin or Chocolate Creme with red and green (lmao) Winter Solstice thingy's sprinkled all over the top? The easy solution would be for me to make both pies. That way (lest I've lost MY MANNERS) we could ALL enjoy a variety of something sweet.

:rolleyes: Kw, get back to work! Go work on that AI thing-a-ma-bobber Space Suit voice. LOL Make it say, "Luke I am your Father" or something....(cough)

edited to add: I'm not going to edit this because it's so blonde. lmao

[Kwvillen]

HEY! Well looky here, it's theblondewritr!! Btw, (CACK, COUGH, CACK COUGH) that was clueless's script, not mine :rolleyes: LOL. I'm the abused girl in the cornfield the one that I recenly revised LOL.

KWV

[theblondewritr]

I'm LOL so hard right now, I can barely type.

(CACK, COUGH, CACK COUGH)
Ok ok, (composure)... LMFAO

Oh yeah, your little girl's a sharp-shooter with her cell phone. *pfft* sorry bout that.

Maybe the drunk bastard leans against the scarecrow and says, "Luke, I am your Father"? :rolleyes: Then, the abused girl looks at her cell phone (takes a deep breath) and and instead of aiming for his bottle of liquor, cold-cocks him square in the nuts....

:bounce:

[Kwvillen]

Oh yeah, your little girl's a sharp-shooter with her cell phone. *pfft* sorry bout that.




ROTFLMAO. Why is that so damn unbelievable to people? LOL. I had to change:

THE BOTTLE SHATTERS

To this:

THE TING OF CELL PHONE THAT HITS A GLASS BOTTLE

:o :| :o

That's embarassing to write for the second time around. Jeezus. Thanks sc111 & dpat :rolleyes:. So much for ever being taken seriously. :mad: ;)

KWV

[Mark Somers]

FADE IN:

INT. RECORDING STUDIO

SUPER: DEC 31 2005

MR. KING stands in front of a metal stand covered with sheets
of papers.

MR. KING
T'was the night before new years and
all through the house -- not a
creature was stirring not even a
sticky trapped mouse. --

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM

A well dressed man sits behind a console facing the recording
studio, drinking tea. The well dressed man spits out a
mouthful of tea ...

WELL DRESSED MAN
What the?

MR. KING (FILTERED)
-- The children were hung from the
chimney with care in hopes that saint
nick would soon be there --

The well dressed man fumbles frantically through some papers
in front of him. He grabs a microphone and speaks into it --

WELL DRESSED MAN
Mr. King -- Mr. King, I'm sorry. But
you can't say that.

MR. KING (FILTERED)
What?

WELL DRESSED MAN
You can't say -- The children were
hung from the chimney with care. --

INT. RECORDING STUDIO

Mr. King scribbles on one of the papers.

MR. KING
Oh -- they were hung sloppily in
great haste -- got it.

WELL DRESSED MAN (FILTERED)
No, no, no. They aren't hung anywhere.

Mr. King nods his head and scribbles again.

MR. KING
Got it.

WELL DRESSED MAN (FILTERED)
Start from the top. Please.

MR. KING
T'was the night before new years and
all through the house -- not a
creature was stirring not even a
sticky trapped mouse. -- The --

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM

WELL DRESSED MAN
Excuse me, Mr. King. It's christmas
not new years.

MR. KING (FILTERED)
But it is the night before new years.

WELL DRESSED MAN
Yes but this is for a Christmas
recording.

The well dressed man covers the microphone and looks over
the console. Then speaks into the microphone.

WELL DRESSED MAN
You're not in a house, right?

MR. KING
(scribbling)
Got ya. I see where you're going
with this.

The well dressed man covers the microphone and looks over at
another guy, CHESTER.

WELL DRESSED MAN
You can edit out the sticky trapped
part, right?

CHESTER
No problem.

WELL DRESSED MAN
And Christmas?

CHESTER
He'll need to say it.

The well dressed man uncovers the microphone.

WELL DRESSED MAN
Mr. King, what's the holiday before --
new years?

The lights flash on and off in the room.

WELL DRESSED MAN
What the?

The lights come back on in the production room but are out
in the studio.

WELL DRESSED MAN
(into microphone)
Mr. King?

INT. RECORDING STUDIO

Mr. King's shadow moves towards the glass between the two
rooms. As he approaches the glass his face is lit eerily
from the bottom.

MR. KING
Winter -- Solstice.

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM

The well dressed man with mouth a gap, stares in disbelief
at the strange apparition on the other side of the glass.

WELL DRESSED MAN
This can't be happening.

He looks over at Chester.

WELL DRESSED MAN
Can't we still get, Whoopi Goldberg?

Chester shrugs.

WELL DRESSED MAN
Mr. King, I would like to wish you a
merry -- a merry --

MR. KING (FILTERED)
Christmas?

WELL DRESSED MAN
(to Chester)
Got it?

CHESTER
Got it.

WELL DRESSED MAN
(into microphone)
I'd like for you to start at the
part after the mouse.

INT. RECORDING STUDIO

MR. KING
Right.

Mr. King shuffles papers around on the metal stand.

MR. KING
-- the children weren't hung from
the chimney with care -- the children
weren't hung anywhere
(he gives a thumbs up)
-- the children weren't hung full of
good cheer -- the children weren't
hung like run over deer --

INT. PRODUCTION ROOM

BAM, BAM, BAM

The well dressed man beats his head against the console in
front of him.

THE END.

[theblondewritr]

*tears streaming down my face from laughter* "Jesus Christ! Clueless, do you have an Agent?"

No, no, no. They aren't hung anywhere.


LMFAO, this is the most brilliant diatribe I have ever read.

AIY PLUS!

Mr. King's shadow moves towards the glass between the two
rooms. As he approaches the glass his face is lit eerily
from the bottom.

MR. KING
Winter -- Solstice.


and then...

MR. KING
-- the children weren't hung from
the chimney with care -- the children
weren't hung anywhere
(he gives a thumbs up)
-- the children weren't hung full of
good cheer -- the children weren't
hung like run over deer --


You....you clueless mo-fo. (lmao) BRAVO!

[dpaterso]

Why is that so damn unbelievable to people? LOL. I had to change:

THE BOTTLE SHATTERS

To this:

THE TING OF CELL PHONE THAT HITS A GLASS BOTTLE

Logic suggests that cell phones are too lightweight to shatter a glass bottle, that's all. (If M's questing fingers had found a stone or similar that could do serious damage... and I'd show her winding up her arm like a pitcher, giving it everything she's got.)

Plus, M's throwing her cell phone is kinda like a drowning man throwing away his life preserver -- it could come in useful later. I'd have used the dog instead, his last spark of life, a valiant sacrifice to protect his mistress -- CHOMP, bad man's ankle, WHOOSH! Whoops, wrong thread.

I liked bw's "Luke, I am your father" line. You guys should rent a broom.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[theblondewritr]

KW, you've been honing your craft.

But you're still no Clue -- LEAAAHHH... :rolling:

priceless!

[Kwvillen]

ROTFLMAO, I thought you'd like that.

:D

KWV

Edited to add: I did an edit, on the Comedy Club pages, just for you theblondewriter. LOLOLOL.

[theblondewritr]

:rolling:

:rolling:
:rolling:
Could there be MORE barfing? lol :o
I feel like I need to take a bath.
Yes, right now. lol or maybe a
cold shower. Maybe both.

[theblondewritr]

Logic suggests that cell phones are too lightweight to shatter a glass bottle, that's all.


I hear what you're saying Doctor Spoc, but...

Whether you’re talking about a Spielberg movie, a Stephen King novel, a twitch-em-up video game, a multi-decibel rave, or a simple TV sitcom, they all require the same thing of spectators/ participants: a willing suspension of disbelief. That is if the spectator/participant wants to enjoy the experience.
It’s why we’re so happy to pay for such experiences, why we seek them out. They can take us away from ourselves for a while. Escape. We forget our life and become contented, immersed observers of another world.

http://www.texaschapbookpress.com/magellanslog8/disbelief.htm

Plus, M's throwing her cell phone is kinda like a drowning man throwing away his life preserver

M's in a fight or flight state of mind. Throwing her cell-phone (or her "lifeline") buys her a few seconds to try and flee. And who knows, maybe it's forshadowing...

I had a harder time believing he shot the family dog than her throwing the cell phone and breaking a bottle. So while my heart was pounding over the dog, the breaking glass brought me out of one emotion and right into another...caring for the girl. "A little emotional rollercoaster ride".

Seems to me this is how tension is created and IMHO, it was executed without flaws.

Just my .02

[dpaterso]

Thanks awfully for explaining what willing suspension of disbelief means, is that a new term that's just been coined?

Yes, that is precisely what I meant, that I was unable to believe that a lightweight plastic cell phone thrown by a young girl could shatter a glass bottle. Maybe a pro baseball pitcher... Anyways, all my comments, here and in other script pages threads, usually stem from the bending or breaking of my willing suspension of disbelief (a situation or event that's too hard to swallow), or from a feeling that drama levels could be upped.

This scene was executed without flaws? Hmm, maybe. But that doesn't mean it couldn't be tweaked so it's better. I'd probably begin by looking at the skirting-close-to-unbelievable scenario of a psycho drunk on a lonely farm molesting an underage girl then chasing her into a cornfield to shoot her because he hates her mother, that's if she doesn't kill herself first. That spells CONTRIVED in big pink neon letters to me.

ps - I'm not offering expert parenting advice, just my personal opinions on a couple of script pages.

Can't wait for the next Winter Solstice exercise.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[OneEyedPete]

Thanks awfully for explaining what willing suspension of disbelief means, is that a new term that's just been coined?




Whoa!!! Calm down Derek-a-dorothy, you're not in Script Pages anymore. That's right pal. What theblondewriter says, here, goes. Let's get that straight, right from the get-go bub. And don't make me pop a cap in your psuedo-savant advice giving ass. You got that? Good.

OEP

Edit: I knew that growing up in NY was going to come in handy one of these days. So here's looking at you theblondwriter. :cool:

[dpaterso]

I perceive I'm intellectually outclassed and outgunned! All I can hope for is a swift execution.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[OneEyedPete]

I perceive I'm intellectually outclassed and outgunned! All I can hope for is a swift execution.

-Derek

Ah, we'll let you slide this time. :)

OEP

[theblondewritr]

Dpaterso, I'm not trying to coin any new phrases. And I'm not trying to belittle your advice to KW. I'm merely stating my own opinion. I think we would both agree that everyone's 'suspension of belief' or disbelief is subjective. Certainly we've all sat in the theater and gone, "C'mon, you expect me to believe that?"

I think it's totally believable that a cell phone can break glass. Why? Because I've seen it with my own 2 gumballs.

Now, when Jack Daniels comes out with this (see below), it'll be debatable.

http://liquidmetal.com/news/dsp.news.04x204.asp

soooo, lighten up Francis (dpat)! ;) I sure could go for a Broom. Know where I can rent one?

Derek-a-dorothy, you're not in Script Pages anymore
Now THAT'S a coinable phrase! LMFAO

Derek, I truly hope you haven't lost your sense of humor. That was funny.
:)

[dpaterso]

It's not what you've seen with your own eyes that's important, it's what the audience can or can't easily believe. I just registered my disbelief vote, that's all. That quirky KMV fella gets to decide whether or not to take action.

I sure could go for a Broom. Know where I can rent one?

You can buy them cheap in most hardware stores. Cucumbers may wilt, but broom handles are forever.

-Derek
-> * (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57) <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

[theblondewritr]

It's not what you've seen with your own eyes that's important, it's what the audience can or can't easily believe.

lol, and I didn't sign up for the Jerry Springer Audience.

Just like you, I have the capacity to believe or not. So why are we pissing over this?

[OneEyedPete]

Cucumbers may wilt, but broom handles are forever.


Now that was funny! :rolling:

OEP

[Mark Somers]

Oh man this is a mess. Pie tins and wilted cucumbers all over the place.

Thanks KWV and theblondewritr for your support and encouragement. You guys are fun and I probably wouldn't have been even inspired to think up "Twas the night before new years" let alone write it. You two are great.

OK enough of the sappy stuff. :) In all this mess I was hoping to find that squeegy, you know to get that egg off my face.

Maybe Bea's got it and if I'm lucky I'll get a facial too. :)

Oh yea and one other thing too. I hate to bring up the issue of suspension of belief/disbief again but I find it hard to believe that after over a hundred posts, theblondewritr, you would find any satisfaction with a skinny broom handle. :) :) * incoming tomatoes and eegs * ....

[theblondewritr]

You're very kind clueless. :) And a barrel of laughs to boot! Double-threat guy ;) Inspiration comes in many forms, doesn't it?

Speaking of inspiration, looky who I found lingering in the plumbing section at Ace Hardware...

http://www.saviodsilva.net/09/guy/12.htm

His name is Daniel Broom. Go figya! My friendly , helpful Ace Hardware man.
"Oh Danny Boy"

[theblondewritr]

Do we post it on here? Or do we send it to someone? How will the judging be done?

You're not imagining things. Here's your post. lol Winter Solstice.