Logline Challenge

[yeehi]

How about some more fun? Deadline 31st of August.

Write a logline for a horror movie, set in the Wild West, involving a donkey.

If you would like to make a suggestion regarding the rules, please do so. For example, how are we going to judge this thing?

Prize: :confused:

[Brass Bradley]

Write a logline for a horror movie, set in the Wild West, involving a donkey.


Do you mean a horror movie or a porno?

[Mac H.]

How about some more fun? Deadline 31st of August.

Write a logline for a horror movie, set in the Wild West, involving a donkey.

If you would like to make a suggestion regarding the rules, please do so. For example, how are we going to judge this thing?

Prize: :confused:
Logline: A cowboy must fight the expectation of society after he finally admits his love affair with his long standing farm companion.

Movie title: "Kiss my Ass"

-or-

Logline: When a famed sharp-shooter wakes up one morning after a drunken night out and wearing oversized pants, he has only one question on his mind: "Dude, where's my Ass?"

These are movies that contains the worst kind of horror ... bad puns.

Mac

[yeehi]

Thanks for getting the ball rolling guys! I loved the humour.

Let me throw my hat into the ring :

Among peace loving `49ers hunting the motherlode, a vampiric donkey seeks a different kind of gold, and will not stop killing until it has eaten the last carrot in California.

Title: A four legged friend

[Fortean]

Logline: Everyone in Tombstone laughed at the story of a gigantic pterosaur, in the "Epitaph" of April 26, 1890, except for Marshall Bill, (part-time clapper boy and MTV video extra), who knew that prospectors were disappearing in the mountains of Cochise County. With his trusty donkey, Hedley Lamarr, to warn him of aerial monsters, Bill journeys to the Kartchner Caverns, in search of the pterosaur's nest, only to discover that he's surrounded by Indians and could end up with egg on his face, from a super-sized omellete, if he cannot convince them to join his ride into Hell.

Title: BRAYS & SADDLES

[yeehi]

Brays & Saddles
:rolling:

No doubt about it: you people are *good*

[Totiwos]

A hapless gentleman from the East, inspired by tales of cowboy heros, travels West and seeks to slay a legendary beast terrorizing a frontier town, one that is donkey by day and demon coyote by night.

Title: Donkeyote

[dpaterso]

Grrrooooooaaaaannn! to all. :) Can't anyone take this seriously???

Title: Ah've Come Fer Ma Paw

Logline: Humiliated by El Loco's gang of desperados, a donkey teams up with a three-legged dog to seek revenge, together they become the fastest sh!tslingers in the Wild West.

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Alta, about a million years from now the human race will have crawled up to where the Krell stood in their great moment of triumph and tragedy. And your father's name will shine again like a beacon in the galaxy. It's true, it will remind us that we are, after all, not God.

[Genevieve]

Donkeys On A Plane..........

[yeehi]

Great stuff!

Keep it coming :)

[leapboy]

"Donkeys on a Wagon"

[Jcorona]

Donkeys Gone Wild

Corona

[dpaterso]

The Good, The Bad, and The Donkey.
A Fistful of Donkey. :eek:
For A Few Donkeys More.
Hang 'Em Donkey.
High Plains Donkey.
Once Upon A Donkey In The West.

Hey wait a minute it's loglines not titles! You slackers!

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
A superlative suggestion sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we don't have any defensive shields. Now I realize that technically speaking that's only one flaw, but it's such a big one I thought it was worth mentioning twice.

[Han Shot First]

THE NIGHTMARE

When a group of frontiering cowboys discover that the demon horse that terrorizes them by night is really their pack donkey, the enterprising cowboys begin a lucrative venture, "saving" settlements from the cursed ass. But when one particularly unforgiving camp discovers their grift, the cowboys' real nightmare begins.

[Harbinger]

In a small western town Donkeys are being abducted, only a fleshy puddle of hair and hooves left behind. Derek, A gay rancher (hey it's the in thing), must uncover the sinister donkey murder conspiracy before it's too late...uhh....for donkeys.

It's called....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ASS?

[JayKid]

hahaha to Donkey's on a Plane...

I can see it now...

"I've had enough of these motherf*cking donkeys on this motherf*cking plane!"

[dpaterso]

Derek, A gay rancher (hey it's the in thing)

Watch out for the sequel, GO MEDIEVAL ON MY ASS.

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
The fool, the meddling idiot. As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell.

[voxel]

I tried to create serious loglines but all I got were B-grade films:

When cowboys raid an Indian settlement, a warrior uses sacred magic to transform his beloved wife and children into donkeys, but accidentally unleashes a horde of angry dead who seek retribution on the living for their violent deaths.


In a lonely gold rush town, a poor man's prized donkey is drawn into a sinister haunted house rumoured to have eaten half the town. But when he enters, he visits a future where a developer is trying to erase the historic old town in order to build a casino and brothel.

I eventually gave up and went gay:

Gay marriage loving demons have invaded a quiet western town but the only effective weapon, a sacred Indian rubber ball, has been swallowed by the Mayor's prized donkey, Love Muffin. Sheriff Kumagin must tear up the ass and assemble an group to battle the society destroying demons with the single ball.

[warrenP]

While Sam Spade the third is investigating a series of murdered teenagers in an abandoned ghost town, he finds himself surrounded by the undead whose leader is after one thing, a mystical gold-encrusted statue of a donkey.

The Maltese Donkey

[yeehi]

This competition is certainly hotting up. :)

Keep sending your donkeys with loglines this way!

Donkeys on a plane!:rolling:

[Willith]

Ooooh, looks like y'all are having fun! I wanna try, I wanna try...

How My Donkey Saved My Ass

Traveling from county fair to county fair with her prized show donkey, a young woman's trailer breaks down near an old western gold mine where unsavory people hunt for gold rumored to still be buried and are more than willing to kill over it. Armed only with her donkey and a half-full can of Mace, she struggles to survive the night and get out of the mining town alive, and discovers that her trusty donkey is more of an asset than she thought.

[earlyman75]

What the hell. I'll try a serious stab at this because I'm in a logline writing mode...

I'm also resolved to the fact that anything is going to sound lame, so I can't screw up too terribly bad.

TITLE: THE TRAVELER

LOGLINE: A dying sheriff, caught in the last hours of his battle with a bullet wound-induced infection, experiences horifyings visions of his town's destruction at the hand of a mysterious traveler on a donkey. Convinced the visions are more that just a product of his fever, he must rally his town to fight off the traveler, who just may be the Devil himself.

[RBoss]

Title: Donkeyote

:rolling: :rolling:

A Scotland Yard inspector tracks a murderous donkey to a Colorado mining town.

Title: Jackass The Ripper

[earlyman75]

What the hell. I'll try a serious stab at this because I'm in a logline writing mode...

I'm also resolved to the fact that anything is going to sound lame, so I can't screw up too terribly bad.

TITLE: THE TRAVELER

LOGLINE: A dying sheriff, caught in the last hours of his battle with a bullet wound-induced infection, experiences horifyings visions of his town's destruction at the hand of a mysterious traveler on a donkey. Convinced the visions are more that just a product of his fever, he must rally his town to fight off the traveler, who just may be the Devil himself.

What, no love at all from anyone for that line? Come on, that ain't bad for the tools I had to work with: western, donkey, horror. Now, had it been, western, donkey, WHORE, then I could have created a masterpiece.

Still, any thoughts on my logline? I was kinda ready to hang that one on the fridge with a magnet for mom.

[VickiLee]

Donkey Does Dallas

With only a donkey and a prayer, an aging down-on-his-luck gay prospector turned bee wrangler moves to Dallas to make his fortune as a male stripper - only to realize the only thing people will pay to see is his old ass...


Incomplete, I know, but the image of an 'old ass' in my mind's eye caused me to have a mini stroke and now my right eye is twitching.

[dpaterso]

The Lost Treasure of San Pedro

A nervous gunslinger who hates loud noises and a nun disguised as a saloon whore are pursued by a cunning German archeologist and renegade Apaches as they seek the legendary Golden Donkey, known as "the telegraph office of God."

Screw it, I'm writing this!

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Stop reading this and get some writing done instead.

[Jcorona]

What, no love at all from anyone for that line? Come on, that ain't bad for the tools I had to work with: western, donkey, horror. Now, had it been, western, donkey, WHORE, then I could have created a masterpiece.

Still, any thoughts on my logline? I was kinda ready to hang that one on the fridge with a magnet for mom.

The problem with your line is that it makes sense. Now get hyfie (sp?) and go dumb.

[writerman]

After learning that his great grandfather's gold mine was closed down by an evil entity, Shane and his trusted donkey travel back in time to claim his family's rightful fortune.

Title: Donkey Shane...starring Wayne Newton.

[ihavebiglips]

Burning Bush, My Ass

Notorius donkey outlaw Remus P. Blandersnatch has lived his lawless life trying to disprove his crazy mama's claims that he was the product of immaculate conception... until an unforseeable turn of events involving a consumption inflicted whore, a mangy one-legged hare, and a wooden toothed bisexual preacher with a penchant for arson have him facing his destiny like a man... I mean... um... a donkey.

Alternate title: Preacher Whore Ass Hare

[earlyman75]

I give in. I liked my serious one, but here is another shot:

LOGLINE: A small town sheriff must take action when the Grim Reaper steals his favorite donkey and rides across town on a killing spree.

TITLE: Hey, would you get off my ass already?

[writer0825]

Ok, this is stupid, but all I could think of: (good thing I don't write Old West or horror :bounce: )

Logline: A mans wife tries to kill him by burning down their ranch then runs off with another man leaving her husband with only a horse and a donkey. He sets off to find her, taking all he has left, the horse and donkey. As his rage at how she left him grows, he begins killing everyone that gets in his way to finding her.

Title: JACK ASS

Ok, not that good, but that's my try. Has all the elements and was quite interesting trying to think up something that includes all of them :rolling:

[yeehi]

Thank you everybody for your entries so far.

We have about a week left.

To the shy members: please get your donkey out, and think of something horrifying. Glory awaits your entrant.

[dpaterso]

After a brutal robber gang murders his Shaolin priest master, Chinese kung fu student H'ung hones his skills by studying the natural movements of his donkey, and seeks revenge.

H'UNG LIKE A DONKEY

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Daddy, I got cider in my ear.

[yeehi]

H'UNG LIKE A DONKEY

I love it, but hope you will goose it up with
a little horror...

[dpaterso]

It isn't horrific enough?!?

There's room for the legend of the seven golden vampire donkeys in there somewhere.

And of course somehow they get transplanted to the Wild West. Details, mere details!

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Well versed in the natural sciences and mathematics. She speaks seven languages proficiently. Were she not a woman one would consider her to be an intellectual.

[ihavebiglips]

After murdering an Indian Shaman for bloodlust kicks, Sam Kincaid is tracked by the Shaman's vengeful spirit. When a freak snowstorm hits the Rio Grande valley, Sam's forced to seek warmth in the belly of his now eviscerated donkey, Jimenez. In the donkey's guts Sam faces the haunting guilt of past killings...

Title: In the Ass

[BetterThanNormal]

I once wrote a screenplay about a talking donkey in the age of the goldrush who was pathological liar. It was simply called "A$$hole".

God I missed you guys. :love:

LOG: A small western town is teroroized by a rebellious donkey that is hell bent on kicking down every door he can find.

TITLE: Brae-kin all the rules

[yeehi]

The end of August deadline is nearly upon us. Your donkeys parade proudly before our hanging jaws.

Yet what is this? Grab your ass with both hands, everyone. Coming from the horizon, from every direction, donkeys galore!:bounce:

[Charli]

ha ha ha ha

[ihavebiglips]

Polishing off their world tour, the Bremen Town Musicians find themselves in tequila-soaked south Texas. Through a haze of booze, broads, and burritos Donkey awakens to find his three bandmates gruesomely slaughtered. Armed only with his lute, six gun, and a terrible case of tequila sh!ts, he investigates, finding his friends' fates were sealed by none other than the infamous chupacabra. It's on like a pot of neckbones.

TITLE: Kick Ass, Take Names

[yeehi]

http://cryptozoo.monstrous.com/el_chupacabra.htm

[Fortean]

Logline: The perils of the desert had long prevented Marshall Bill in his quest to round up the last of the Camel Corps' (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0047517/) feral herd, which had been spooking the horses at the OK Corral; but, when he tries to trap the "Terror of Tombstone," he's not certain if bad moonshine is responsible, (or if it's another secret government experiment gone wrong), for hallucinations that make make the chupacabras seem tame, by comparison. He'll just have to keep drinking, until the moonshine's gone, or until the beast shows its stripes, (if it's a case of "Dr. Donkey & Mrs. Zebra").

Title: Z-DONK (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Zeedonk_800.jpg)

[dpaterso]

How to Write a Logline (http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showthread.php?t=3305) - sticky thread in the Logline forum
The Construction of a Logline (http://www.twoadverbs.com/loglinearticle.htm) - unmissable article on Two Adverbs site

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Butch and me have been talking it all over. Wherever the hell Bolivia is, that's where we're off to.

[TATAM78]

Just a general thought on loglines:

I hate when people use 'must' in their logline to convey the urgency and seriousness of the situation.

e.g A protagonist must race against the clock..

e.g A protagonist must rally a town...

It is everywhere and just looks and sounds so generic and cliche. There are better ways to achieve the same end...

Do I have anything to add to this thread re: Donkeys....ummm, no not really.

[dpaterso]

I agree completely T, every "logline" containing "must" should be automatically disqualified.

I also agree that giving ladies French kisses down under can be a source of pleasure for both participants. A donkey can add to the fun if introduced at just the right moment.

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Well, I've heard people talking. A lot of 'em think she's some kind of high-functioning schizophrenic. But I also heard that maybe... Like, maybe she could help with this kind of thing. Do you think we should go get her?

[TATAM78]

When you're hung like a donkey a lot of foreplay is required.

[earlyman75]

So who won?

[yeehi]

The contestants

For ease of reading, the entrants are herded below:

Logline: A cowboy must fight the expectation of society after he finally admits his love affair with his long standing farm companion.

Movie title: "Kiss my Ass"

-or-

Logline: When a famed sharp-shooter wakes up one morning after a drunken night out and wearing oversized pants, he has only one question on his mind: "Dude, where's my Ass?"

Logline: Everyone in Tombstone laughed at the story of a gigantic pterosaur, in the "Epitaph" of April 26, 1890, except for Marshall Bill, (part-time clapper boy and MTV video extra), who knew that prospectors were disappearing in the mountains of Cochise County. With his trusty donkey, Hedley Lamarr, to warn him of aerial monsters, Bill journeys to the Kartchner Caverns, in search of the pterosaur's nest, only to discover that he's surrounded by Indians and could end up with egg on his face, from a super-sized omellete, if he cannot convince them to join his ride into Hell.

Title: BRAYS & SADDLES

A hapless gentleman from the East, inspired by tales of cowboy heros, travels West and seeks to slay a legendary beast terrorizing a frontier town, one that is donkey by day and demon coyote by night.

Title: Donkeyote

Donkeys on a plane\a fist full of donkey

THE NIGHTMARE

When a group of frontiering cowboys discover that the demon horse that terrorizes them by night is really their pack donkey, the enterprising cowboys begin a lucrative venture, "saving" settlements from the cursed ass. But when one particularly unforgiving camp discovers their grift, the cowboys' real nightmare begins.

In a small western town Donkeys are being abducted, only a fleshy puddle of hair and hooves left behind. Derek, A gay rancher (hey it's the in thing), must uncover the sinister donkey murder conspiracy before it's too late...uhh....for donkeys.

It's called....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ASS?

When cowboys raid an Indian settlement, a warrior uses sacred magic to transform his beloved wife and children into donkeys, but accidentally unleashes a horde of angry dead who seek retribution on the living for their violent deaths.

Gay marriage loving demons have invaded a quiet western town but the only effective weapon, a sacred Indian rubber ball, has been swallowed by the Mayor's prized donkey, Love Muffin. Sheriff Kumagin must tear up the ass and assemble an group to battle the society destroying demons with the single ball.

While Sam Spade the third is investigating a series of murdered teenagers in an abandoned ghost town, he finds himself surrounded by the undead whose leader is after one thing, a mystical gold-encrusted statue of a donkey.

How My Donkey Saved My Ass

Traveling from county fair to county fair with her prized show donkey, a young woman's trailer breaks down near an old western gold mine where unsavory people hunt for gold rumored to still be buried and are more than willing to kill over it. Armed only with her donkey and a half-full can of Mace, she struggles to survive the night and get out of the mining town alive, and discovers that her trusty donkey is more of an asset than she thought.

TITLE: THE TRAVELER

LOGLINE: A dying sheriff, caught in the last hours of his battle with a bullet wound-induced infection, experiences horifyings visions of his town's destruction at the hand of a mysterious traveler on a donkey. Convinced the visions are more that just a product of his fever, he must rally his town to fight off the traveler, who just may be the Devil himself.

A Scotland Yard inspector tracks a murderous donkey to a Colorado mining town.

Title: Jackass The Ripper

Donkey Does Dallas

With only a donkey and a prayer, an aging down-on-his-luck gay prospector turned bee wrangler moves to Dallas to make his fortune as a male stripper - only to realize the only thing people will pay to see is his old ass..

The Lost Treasure of San Pedro

A nervous gunslinger who hates loud noises and a nun disguised as a saloon whore are pursued by a cunning German archeologist and renegade Apaches as they seek the legendary Golden Donkey, known as "the telegraph office of God."

After learning that his great grandfather's gold mine was closed down by an evil entity, Shane and his trusted donkey travel back in time to claim his family's rightful fortune.

Title: Donkey Shane...starring Wayne Newton

Burning Bush, My Ass

Notorius donkey outlaw Remus P. Blandersnatch has lived his lawless life trying to disprove his crazy mama's claims that he was the product of immaculate conception... until an unforseeable turn of events involving a consumption inflicted whore, a mangy one-legged hare, and a wooden toothed bisexual preacher with a penchant for arson have him facing his destiny like a man... I mean... um... a donkey.

Alternate title: Preacher Whore Ass Hare

Burning Bush, My Ass

Notorius donkey outlaw Remus P. Blandersnatch has lived his lawless life trying to disprove his crazy mama's claims that he was the product of immaculate conception... until an unforseeable turn of events involving a consumption inflicted whore, a mangy one-legged hare, and a wooden toothed bisexual preacher with a penchant for arson have him facing his destiny like a man... I mean... um... a donkey.

Alternate title: Preacher Whore Ass Hare

Logline: A mans wife tries to kill him by burning down their ranch then runs off with another man leaving her husband with only a horse and a donkey. He sets off to find her, taking all he has left, the horse and donkey. As his rage at how she left him grows, he begins killing everyone that gets in his way to finding her.

Title: JACK ASS

After a brutal robber gang murders his Shaolin priest master, Chinese kung fu student H'ung hones his skills by studying the natural movements of his donkey, and seeks revenge.

H'UNG LIKE A DONKEY

After murdering an Indian Shaman for bloodlust kicks, Sam Kincaid is tracked by the Shaman's vengeful spirit. When a freak snowstorm hits the Rio Grande valley, Sam's forced to seek warmth in the belly of his now eviscerated donkey, Jimenez. In the donkey's guts Sam faces the haunting guilt of past killings...

Title: In the Ass

LOG: A small western town is teroroized by a rebellious donkey that is hell bent on kicking down every door he can find.

TITLE: Brae-kin all the rules

Polishing off their world tour, the Bremen Town Musicians find themselves in tequila-soaked south Texas. Through a haze of booze, broads, and burritos Donkey awakens to find his three bandmates gruesomely slaughtered. Armed only with his lute, six gun, and a terrible case of tequila sh!ts, he investigates, finding his friends' fates were sealed by none other than the infamous chupacabra. It's on like a pot of neckbones.

Logline: The perils of the desert had long prevented Marshall Bill in his quest to round up the last of the Camel Corps' feral herd, which had been spooking the horses at the OK Corral; but, when he tries to trap the "Terror of Tombstone," he's not certain if bad moonshine is responsible, (or if it's another secret government experiment gone wrong), for hallucinations that make make the chupacabras seem tame, by comparison. He'll just have to keep drinking, until the moonshine's gone, or until the beast shows its stripes, (if it's a case of "Dr. Donkey & Mrs. Zebra").

Title: Z-DONK

TITLE: Kick Ass, Take Names

[yeehi]

All the Donkeys are fully in, and it is now very difficult to decide which is the best.

Taken as a whole, I was deeply impressed by the entrants. One or two members stuck out, (some titles were particularly strong: Donkeys on a plane, A fist full of Donkey, and some great chupacabra logs.)

The criteria that I used were that the log conform to the challenge, and that the winner would be the logline that would most likely get my ass in a cinema. It is very hard, I can tell you...

The envelope please...

The winner is:

Totiwos, with "Donkeyote"

:love:

Congratulations, Totiwos! Thank you everyone for entering, I really enjoyed it.

:bounce:

[ihavebiglips]

Congrats, Totiwos.

Great damn title, by the way. Very clever.

[dpaterso]

Yay Totiwos! Cue fireworks! Post naked pictures!

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
The fool, the meddling idiot. As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell.

[Totiwos]

Are naked donkey pictures OK?

I'm so pleased, I could howl at the moon. I would just like to add that this is NOT the horror film I mentioned I'm working on. However, if the right offer came along, I'm sure I could be convinced to get my ass in gear and write it.

[Jcorona]

Congrats! Couldn't happen to a nicer Totiwos.

Corona :)

[frankts1]

Late entry (Sorry, I'm new):

In the newly settled Western Territories of the US, a young Mexican boy sets off in search of his missing parents. His journey leads him to the now-deserted town of Inspiration, Arizona, where he discovers the only sign of life: the family's prized burro. Knowing that his parents would never leave their most valuable possession behind, he resolves to find them and the missing townspeople before an ancient evil can carry out its vicious plans.

NOTES: It'll be a Freddy Kruger-type deal. Where the townspeople brought some evil on themselves. The boy's parents were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Happy ending -- the boy's parents will live, but many townspeople must die. Basically you need to kill a few people off for the sheer stupidity of messing with the supernatural. (seriously, don't those people watch movies?)

Frank

PS, congrats to the winner! This looked like fun, so I wanted to throw one in there, even though it's late.