Christmas/Hanukkah Short Contest

[Kwvillen]

CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH/KWANZAA/OR COMPARABLE - HOLIDAY SHORT CONTEST

I thought it would be fun to host a Holiday Short Contest for anyone who's interested.

Contest Rules:


- The short must have a Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or comparable Holiday Theme. But if you are feeling super festive and would like to incorporate all Holidays, into one short, go for it. The more the merrier. Get it? Merrier... :|

- Only one entry per person [no resubmissions of previous short entries]. Any genre is acceptable.

- Five page maximum.

[Any entrants submitting a short with more than 5 pages will be automatically disqualified].

- The top three winning shorts will be judged by fellow Done Dealers on the familiar 3 point system:

3Pts. - Your number 1 pick.
2Pts. - Your number 2 pick.
1Pt. - Your number 3 pick.

- The shorts will be posted here no later than December 15, 11:59pm.
[Any entrants submitting later than December 15, will be disqualified].

- When I recieve all of the shorts I will create a new thread where judging will commensurate: :D


[So PLEASE do not begin judging the shorts until I compile all of the entries on a separate "voting thread" after the deadline of December 15, 2006].

PRIZES:

Bragging rights.

[Unless someone would like to offer a little more: ;) ].

KWV

P.S. - I hope that a lot of people participate, since I think that Done Deal needs some Holiday Cheer, esp. lately.

[Fortean]

Contest Rules:
- The short must have a Christmas OR Hanukkah Theme. But if you are feeling super festive and would like to incorporate both Holidays, into one short, go for it. The more the merrier. Get it? Merrier... :|



As one of those godless atheists, who dreads the festive insanity of the masses at the end of the year, I'll complain, right now, that you've neglected that marvellous secular holiday, Kwanzaa (http://www.officialkwanzaawebsite.org/index.shtml), celebrated by many African-Americans, (tho we're all supposedly descended from Africans, thus we may all feel a bit of kinship, however distant our family relations).

"Merry Christmas!" "Happy Hanukkah!" Pshaw! I'll take my delight, confounding the rascals, by responding, "Habari gani?"

[Kwvillen]

I did an edit, Fortean, since I aim to please: :D

KWV

P.S. - I don't know EVERY Holiday, so if I missed one, just post your Holiday Short and have fun.

[OzFade]

Maybe a prize could be somebody/dd'ers donating something like a hard to get script they have or something?

[Harbinger]

Maybe a prize could be somebody/dd'ers donating something like a hard to get script they have or something?

Or a kidney.

Either way, I'm game.

Although don't expect some jolly portly santa, happy dancing elves thing. I don't do festive (at least story wise).

Think dead festering santa corpse wedged in the chimney since last christmas and you'll get the general theme of my entry.

Still, we celebrate xmas in different ways.

Now.....where's that broom?.....the house is really beginning to smell.

EDIT: ohhh and 'Captain Contests Kev', where was your entry in the action shorts challenge? Eh? Ehh?

EDIT2: Like the avatar K, TNBC is the best animated film EVER. Altogether now...

'What's this?
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes.
What's this.......etc etc.

Or

'And since I am dead
I can take off my head
To recite shakespearian quotation
No animal or man
Can scream like I can
At the fury of my recitation.


Great stuff!

...........I'm a TNBC geek....I've been outed!

[Kwvillen]

Harbinger: Think dead festering santa corpse wedged in the chimney since last christmas and you'll get the general theme of my entry.



:rolling:

I wouldn't expect anything less, from you, Harbinger: :) And I'm glad you like my avatar - I love TNBC too, one of my all time favorites! Kick Ass Classic!
Can't wait to read your entry, along with these other fine folks: :cool:

I came in late on the action contest: :( Guess I'll have to wait for another time on that one.

KWV

[OzFade]

Harbinger you ass I was thinking along the same lines...harkening back to Phoebe Cates story from Gremlins.

[Harbinger]

Harbinger you ass I was thinking along the same lines...harkening back to Phoebe Cates story from Gremlins.

BINGO! YATSEE!

That was exactly what was going through my head when I wrote that.

That story chilled me to the bone as a kid. Especially the way it's filmed. Shivers down the spine!

But truth be told, my entry won't be anything like that.

My initial thought is based round a violent Elf revolution agains Santa's tyrannous reign! I'm thinking Holly leaf torture, bondage with christmas lights and violation with sharpened candy canes!

.................................................. .................................................. .
......................................anyone got the number of a good therapist?

[OzFade]

Hmm...I might write a magical realism peice to keep me in the zone...let me think.

[Mark Somers]

Hey KW, great idea. Can I submit what I wrote last year for the Winter Solstice contest?

Can we enter more than once?

Can I use crayon? I like crayon. It's the only thing they'll let me use here.

[Kwvillen]

clueless: Hey KW, great idea. Can I submit what I wrote last year for the Winter Solstice contest?

Can we enter more than once?

Can I use crayon? I like crayon. It's the only thing they'll let me use here.


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: CLUELESSSSSSS?????!!!!!!!

Welcome back, my friend!

Yes, you can use crayon, but only one entry and you can't resubmit what you posted last year: ;) :D

I will make an edit to the rules.

Again, welcome back, clueless!!!!!

:D

KWV

[J off course]

You guys had the action contest without me! Great entries.
I enjoyed the reads.
Anyway, I'm in on this one. Maybe I'll incorporate an action idea with
Christmas.


HEY! WELCOME BACK CLUELESS!

[theblondewritr]

:rolling: Oh My-God! Time to break out the Jack Daniels!!!!

All my favorites are in town for the Holidays: KW, CLUELESS, HARBINGER, oh my!

lmao @ harbinger...'holly torture and bondage'. That's right up my alley :D

[Mark Twain Weck]

Where do we post our entries? This thread?

[Kwvillen]

MTW: Where do we post our entries? This thread?


Hey, Mark, you just post your short here and when I have all of the entries, I'll compile them on a separate thread for judging: :)

Hey theblondewritr! Just like old times: :D

KWV

[Mark Twain Weck]

SH*TTY SANTA


FADE IN:

INT. AIRLINER – NIGHT

Many of the PASSENGERS are asleep. Others read or listen on headphones.

BILLY, 7, peeks over the top of his seat.

BILLY
Where’s Rudolph?

In the window seat behind him is… SANTA… in his big red suit.

Santa ignores Billy and stares out into the blackness.

BILLY
Well?

SANTA
(snappy)
He’s in quarantine. All right?

Santa turns back to the window.

BILLY
Where’s that?

SANTA
(mutters)
They’re all in goddamned quarantine. – F*ckin’ Customs.

FLASHBACK:

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL

Santa stands at the Customs desk.

A CUSTOMS OFFICER goes through Santa’s big sack. He pulls out all sorts of toys, dolls, wrapped presents and such.

A drug sniffer DOG sniffs at Santa.

CUSTOMS OFFICER
Remove your boots, please.

SANTA
You’re kidding!

CUSTOMS OFFICER
Just do it.

Begrudgingly, Santa complies.

SANTA
Hell! I gave your boy a bike last year. And this is how you thank me?

CUSTOMS OFFICER
He wanted a computer.

SANTA
Aw, for crissakes! Who do you think I am? Bill Gates?

Santa SLAMS his boots on the desk.

A SECURITY OFFICER waves a handheld security wand over Santa’s body.

SECURITY OFFICER
Arms out to the side please.

SANTA
Ya wanna take a look up my butt too? Huh?

SECURITY OFFICER
If you insist.

END FLASHBACK:

PREVIOUS:

SANTA
(mutters)
F*ckin’ Security. – Goddamned amateur proctologists they are.

A STEWARDESS, 30, leans over to Santa with a delightful professional smile.

STEWARDESS
Can I get you anything?

SANTA
Yeah. Scotch.

The Stewardess walks away. Santa calls after her.

SANTA (cont.)
A double.

BILLY
Where’s Blitzen?

SANTA
You want reindeer? I’ll give you reindeer ya little sh*t.

Quick as a flash, Santa shoots out a right jab to Billy’s forehead. Billy’s head lolls about and LITTLE REINDEER fly around it. Billy flops down out of sight. He’s out.

The Stewardess comes back with the scotch in a plastic cup. Santa downs it all in one gulp and tosses the cup over his shoulder.

MAN (O.S.)
Ow!

Santa stares back out the window as the FIRST RAYS OF DAWN shine in.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – MORNING

Xmas DECORATIONS adorn the homes.

INT. LIVING ROOM

A well-decorated TREE stands in the corner. PRESENTS are piled up under it.

MUM and DAD stand proudly by and watch as TOMMY, 5 and SALLY, 6, open their presents.

Sally has a little DOLLY. She hugs it deliriously.

Tommy has an AEROPLANE. He couldn’t be happier.

He runs around the room flying his plane and making PLANE NOISES.

CLOSE UP on Tommy’s plane.

SH*TTY SANTA stares out the window.

FADE OUT:

[J off course]

I decided to enter in early so as to not interrupt my Christmas shopping.



THE BELLS OF CHRISTMAS




EXT. BANGKOK CITY STREETS--DAY

The skytrain metrorail glides over exhaust -choked streets and past a billboard welcoming tourists to Thailand.


INT. SKYTRAIN--DAY

PASSENGERS, mostly Thai, crowd a skytrain car, expertly avoiding
eye contact with one another.

One passenger stands out. JI is 20-something, petite, dressed in thin white material, white hose and white heels.
Strands of blond-white hair extend down over a rather flat chest.


Ji wears fashionable sunglasses over a beautiful nose and high cheekbones and a pair of lips against a snow-white complexion. Lips, kissable at any hour seem to mirror a concentration.

Ji watches a beautiful Thai WOMAN seated nearby wrestling with a hyperactive LITTLE BOY to get him to keep still. The woman is burdened with shopping bags and a purse.

A pleasant voice announces a stop and the skytrain glides to a stop.

Many of the passengers exit. The woman with the child tries to take the hand of the boy and gather her bags at the same time.

Ji follows the passengers out but before exiting notices the woman has left her purse behind on a seat.

Ji grabs a shopping bag, retrieves the left-behind purse and
follows the passengers out.


EXT. SKYTRAIN PLATFORM--DAY

Ji sees the woman leading the boy away and starts to call.
An announcement from the station drowns the call.

Ji takes after the woman but stumbles and grimaces.


EXT. SKYTRAIN PLATFORM--DAY

Ji puts the shopping bag down on a bench and takes a seat.
Ji kicks off the heels and takes a pair of sandals from a shoe box
from the shopping bag and slips them on. The heels go back in the
box.

EXT. SKYTRAIN PLATFORM--DAY

Ji leans over a railing and looks below at a stream of pedestrians
below. Ji spots the woman with the boy standing at the curb.


EXT. SKYTRAIN PLATFORM STAIRS--DAY

Ji takes the stairs quickly down towards the sidewalk.


EXT. SIDEWALK --DAY

Ji makes it down the stairs as the woman and the boy enter a taxi.
The taxi pulls off leaving a cloud of exhaust.

Ji wipes a damp forehead with a handkerchief and fans against
an oppressive heat.

Ji looks at the purse across a shoulder and up to the railing where
a skytrain COP catches a smoke.

Then a look up those stairs that look Himalayan in the oppressive
heat.


INT. ICE CREAM PARLOR--DAY

Ji places two purses on a marble table with one
hand. With the other places a small bowl of vanilla icecream with
a small spoon stuck on one side.

Two perfectly round globes of white cream.

Under those fashionable sunglasses, a killer smile widens.


EXT. STREETS--DAY

Ji enters a taxi.


INT. TAXI--DAY

Ji opens the purse and finds an ID with the woman's picture and
an address.
Ji hands the ID to the taxi DRIVER.


EXT. RESIDENTIAL AREA--DAY

Ji exits the taxi and walks up to a fine home surrounded by
a high wall framed by lush vegetation.

Voices come from the side of the house and Ji follows.


EXT. HOME--DAY

Ji stands at a gate.

Ji looks through the gate into a courtyard and a large picture
window.

The woman from the skytrain paces back and forth with a cellphone
to her ear.

Ji follows the woman's movement and sees a large Christmas
tree fully lite with twinkling lights and covered by bulbs that
glimmer with fragile hope.

The woman disappears from view.
Suddenly the sound of a stereo and a soothing Christmas carol.

Ji starts to slip the purse through the gate when suddenly
the sound of metal lifting.

The woman's little boy lifts the lock and the gate swings open.

The little boy not much taller than Ji stares.

LITTLE BOY
Are you one of Santa's elves?
Did you come to Thailand to bring
me my presents?

Ji steps forward extending the purse in one hand.

Ji can now see a lovely setting of swimming pool and patio.

A rotund white MAN in red swim trunks, atop a lounge chair.
His globe of a stomach rising and falling in sleep.

LITTLE BOY
Well?

The little boy tries the same question in Thai, but Ji just
responds by a shake of that lovely head as attention is
now drawn to...

A sliding glass door opening.

The woman of the house steps outside now wearing a bikini and
carrying a towel.

She sees her purse in Ji's hand and smiles.

Ji lowers the sunglasses.
Western eyes in delicately applied makeup open wide.

The woman's breasts barely contained in the bikini top can
only be described as perfection.

Ji swallows and out comes a voice lower than the snore coming
from sleeping papa.

JI
Actually kid, I came to Thailand
to get a pair like your mom's.
But, can I wish you a Merry Christmas, nevertheless?



THE END


And to all, the same!!!

[ihavebiglips]

Good one, J.

Just don't tell my girlfriend I found it funny.

I'm going to go write one now.

[ihavebiglips]

Okay, here's one: BELIEVING IS BELIEVING



FADE IN.

INT. BASEMENT - DAY

The basement is a dusty little dungeon; the ceiling a maze of
exposed pipes and insulation.

RONALD RUMBURGER(11), a chubby little guy in knee-high
socks and Chucks, holds a broken bike chain. He tries, in vain,
to put it back together.

He wraps a three foot wad of duct tape around the chain,
closing the circuit. He puts the chain back on his antiquated
bike, flips the bike right-side up, and gets on for a test
run.

He rides about two feet, the wad gets caught up in the gears,
and he falls flat on his face.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ronald on his hands and knees at the foot of his flip-flop
wearing mom, RUBY RUMBURGER(41). Her make-up could make
a french whore blush, and if you print these pages and soak
them in gin you'll know how she smells.

RUBY
Will you get off of my god damned
foot? I just did my toes.

RONALD
(screaming)
But please! Please, Mama, please!

RUBY
Write a letter to Santa Claus.
Maybe he'll bring you a new bike
this Christmas.

RONALD
A Schwinn?

She blows a big bubble with her gum. POP!

RUBY
Sure, a god damned Schwinn.

INT. KITCHEN - LATER

The calendar on the kitchen wall is turned to August, 1971.

Ronald at the kitchen table with a tablet of paper, 3
sharpened Ticonderoga pencils. Ruby fans herself and drinks a
gin and tonic.

RONALD
(as he writes)
Dear Mr. Claus. My name is Ronald
Rumburger. You can call me Ronnie,
or Rumburger. I know it is only
August, but I want to make a deal
with you. If you are willing to
bring me a brand new nineteen
seventy-one Schwinn Grey Ghost,
with silver streamers and a white
racing stripe on the banana seat, I
am... no, I "would be," willing
to...
(to Ruby)
How do you spell "forgo?"

RUBY
F-O-U-R-G-O-E.

RONALD
Thanks... Forgo all Christmas
gifts, and good tidings, for the
five years following delivery of
said Grey Ghost. To add, I have
been really, really good this year.
Sincerely, Ronald Seymour
Rumburger.

RUBY
You haven't been that good this
year.

RONALD
Do we have stamps?

RUBY
Go to bed.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

The calendar reads December, 1971. Cheap Christmas
decorations, um... decorate the apartment.

Ruby drinks a talk glass of chocolate milk. Ronald's at her
feet again, groveling.

RONALD
Please, Mama? Pretty please, just
one? A small one?

RUBY
I'll tell you what. Get Santa some
milk and cookies and put them out
in the living room, then you can
open one small present.

Ronald hops up and starts to gather the goods. He pours a
tall glass of milk.

RUBY (CONT'D)
Make it chocolate.

RONALD
Santa likes chocolate milk?

RUBY
Everyone likes chocolate milk.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER

Ronald stands in front of a pathetic tree. He shakes foil
wrapped gifts, judges the weight of them.

Ruby grabs one.

RUBY
Here. Open this one.

She tosses it to him. He fumbles it, picks it up, then opens
it. Tube socks. Tube socks with mismatched color piping.

RONALD
Socks?

RUBY
Go to bed.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Christmas morning. Ronald opens his presents, his face going
from optimistic, to hopeful, to worried, to despondent.
No Schwinn. Ronald cries.

RUBY
There's always next year. Go to
bed.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

The calendar on the wall reads August, 1972.

CLOSE UP: Ronald's pencil-holding hand, neatly writing on a
sheet of paper.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A. Ronald in front of the tree, open presents at his feet.
B. Ronald writing another letter. Ruby popping her bubble
gum, reading over his shoulder, laughing.
C. A blinding flash of scenes, the calendar on the kitchen
wall files from 1973 to 2006.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

The calendar reads August, 2006.

Ronald(46), now fat and balding, slouches over the kitchen
table pasting letters clipped from newspapers and magazines
to a piece of paper.

Ruby(76) is a decrepit old bag, but hasn't stopped putting
her make-up on with a spatula. She sits slumped in a chair by
the window, drinking a gin and tonic.

RONALD
(as he arranges letters)
Okay... This is it.... I know I
said the same thing... last year,
but this time... I mean it. I'm
going to ****... you up, fat man.
All... I ever wanted... was a god
damned bike. One bike.... Silver
streamers-

RUBY
Maybe you should leave him some gin
with the cookies this time. Maybe
he's, what-do-you call it...
Lactose-

RONALD
Do we have stamps?

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

The calendar on the wall reads December 2006.

Ronald places cookies on a plate, arranging them in an
aesthetically pleasing fan configuration.

RUBY
I'm going to bed. I'm tired. Don't
forget his gin.

Ruby leaves the room.

Ronald makes a gin and tonic, then reaches under the kitchen
sink and pulls out a bottle of bleach. He pours bleach into
the gin and tonic, stirs it with a candy cane.

RONALD
Thirty-five years, mother******.
Thirty-five years of dashed dreams,
of heartache.
(pours a little more
bleach)
Get some.

He walks into the living room and places the drink and
cookies on an end table.

THE END.

[Fortean]

Habari gani!

ComicBent's instructions never help me with posting MovieMagic files; so, PM me, and let me know what you want to use when re-posting this in another thread, if needed.

GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

FADE IN:

INT. RANDY'S BEDROOM - DAY

RANDY, (8 years old), lies atop his bed, fully dressed without shoes, with his back against the wall. He leafs through the back pages of a comic book. A pattern of shadows fall across the bed reminiscent of the bars of a prison.

Randy's room belongs to the late 1950s. Overhead, model aircraft hang from threads in frozen dogfights, a squad of green plastic soldiers guard the bookshelf, and movie posters of cowboys and soldiers, with guns, decorate the walls.

A knock on the bedroom door interrupts the silence. LYNN, (4 years old), opens the hallway door just enough to look inside.

RANDY (O.S.)
Get out.

Lynn frowns but makes no move to retreat.

From the bed, Randy scowls with rage.

RANDY (CONT'D)
Get out, you little snitch!

LYNN
(defiantly)
No. And, I'm not a snitch.

RANDY
You are, too.

LYNN
Am not.

RANDY
You told on me.

LYNN
You were playing with matches.
(steps into the room)
Mommy wasn't wearing her glasses and asked where the matches were, so it's not snitching. She asked, and I'm not going to be a liar, so I told her that you probably had them.

RANDY
That's snitching.

Randy reaches behind the squad of green plastic soldiers and hurls a couple of grey plastic soldiers at the door. Lynn ducks as the grey objects hit above her and fall to the floor.

LYNN
Hit me, and I'll tell.

RANDY
Look at 'em, you stupid snitch.

Lynn looks and picks the grey soldiers up.

LYNN
Ew! What'd you do to them?

INSERT: Partly-melted grey soldiers.

RANDY (O.S.)
They got hit by a flamethrower. Looks kinda gross?

Lynn hurls the grey soldiers back at Randy.

LYNN
When Santa sees what you've done, you won't get anything this year. You're a real bad boy--

RANDY
And, you're a snitch.

LYNN
Am not! I asked Mommy if Santa would get you the BB gun you wanted, when you play with matches, and--

RANDY
Not again?

LYNN
She said, no. You'll be lucky to get anything at all. A whole month before Christmas, and, if you're not nice to me, you know you'll get nothing.

RANDY
Okay, you want nice. You gotta stop being a snitch, 'cause you know what happens to snitches? They go crazy an' get locked away in the nut-house.

LYNN
You liar! I'm not a snitch!

Lynn sticks her tongue out at Randy, in defiance, and retreats from his bedroom, with a slam of the door.

Randy turns back to leafing through his comic book and catches sight of a page that gives him a gleeful idea.

RANDY
So, you still believe in Santa, you stinkin' little snitch?

INT. LYNN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

By the dimness of the night-light, Lynn, in pajamas, sleeps in her bed.

From the wall closet, sleigh bells jingle.

RANDY (O.S.)
(whispering, from the hallway door)
Lynn, are you awake?

The hall door opens, and, from the darkness of the hallway, Randy sticks his head into the room.

RANDY (CONT'D)
Pssst! Lynn, wake up.

Lynn struggles out of a dream.

LYNN
(sleepily)
Go 'way.

RANDY
Lynn, listen.

From the wall closet, sleigh bells jingle.

Lynn's eyes open wider. She tries to rub the sleep from them and looks toward the wall closet.

RANDY (CONT'D)
Not there, it's coming from outside, or up on the roof.

LYNN
(joyfully curious)
Is it Santa?

Randy puts a finger to his lips to signal silence.

RANDY
(whispering)
Shhh! Keep quiet. Santa might hear you, and fly away if you're awake.

Behind Randy, he pulls on the end of some twine.

INT. RANDY'S WALL CLOSET - NIGHT

Dangling up and down, from the clothes rack, a string of sleigh bells jingle quietly at the end of a length of twine.

INT. LYNN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Randy shushes Lynn, as her excitement increases.

RANDY
I think Santa's just left. Let's go find that new dolly he's left you.

Randy takes Lynn by the hand into the hallway.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Randy leads Lynn through the darkness, toward the living room, and drops burnt matchsticks with his other hand.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Randy strikes a wooden safety match to reveal: a dark Christmas tree, a cold fireplace mantel with stuffed stockings dangling, and, on a coffee table, an empty glass with a film of milk and cookie crumbs on a plate. He lights a candle.

RANDY
(whispering)
If you stay quiet, you might hear the dolly calling your name.

Lynn's eyes race from one large gift-wrapped box to another, and another, uncertain which one holds Santa's gift to her. Shadows from the candle's flickering light play upon the walls.

SOFT VOICE
Lynn.

LYNN
I hear you.

SOFT VOICE
Lynn.

LYNN
Where are you?

Lynn races from box to box, putting her ear against each to listen, while Randy watches from next to the fireplace.

SOFT VOICE
Can't breathe.

LYNN
Where are you? Tell me, dolly.

SOFT VOICE
I'm Santa. In the chimney. I'm stuck.

RANDY
Oh no, can you help get him out?

Randy takes the candle and leads Lynn to the dark fireplace.

RANDY (CONT'D)
Hold this candle up, so you can see him. Be careful, remember what happened to my little soldiers.

Lynn lifts the candle up to the flue, where it touches a wad of red wrapping paper. A roar erupts from the chimney. Lynn shrieks in terror, as flaming wads of wrapping paper descend one after another into the fireplace from the chimney.

RANDY (CONT'D)
Santa's burning up! Can you hear him? He's in the chimney! Santa's burning up! Can you hear him screaming? Who's the bad girl?

Frantic, Lynn screams, screams, and screams, again.

INT. LYNN'S NEW BEDROOM - DAY

Lynn, in pajamas, struggles to free herself of the restraints that bind her hands and feet and confine her to the hospital bed. Shadows fall across her bed from the barred window.

INT. ASYLUM CORRIDOR - DAY

An ASYLUM ORDERLY jingles a ring of keys, as he walks down the corridor.

ASYLUM ORDERLY
Merry Christmas.

LYNN (O.S.)
(shrieks in horror)
Santa's burning up! He's screaming! I can hear him? He's stuck in the chimney! Get him out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

INT. BACKSEAT OF MOVING CAR - DAY

Randy looks out of the car's rear window at the asylum.

He turns his attention back to his comic books. He opens one of the covers to reveal a booklet inside, with the title showing.

INSERT: "Art of Ventriloquism: How to Throw Your Voice."

Randy smiles with glee.
FADE OUT:

[That's five pages in my MovieMagic file.]

[dpaterso]

Insert Part 2 of last year's SNOW HARDER Christmas short here. You already know how it ends.

Snow Harder (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/dpaterson57/s_hard.htm)
Humor
Part 1. A tough toy quality inspector from Elf City pays his estranged wife a visit in Santaville, but his timing just couldn't be worse.

-Derek

[frankts1]

My entry is titled "Rock On Ebeneezer".

NOTE: Foul language! Sexual Themes! Drug Use! (and yes, I know Chuck Berry isn't dead yet).

http://www.geocities.com/frankts1/rockon.pdf

Go easy on me, I'm new.

[Kwvillen]

crusty..., if you don't mind, please do an edit and remove your vote until all entries are in.

I will compile a separate thread for voting after Dec. 15th: :)

Thank you,

KWV

P.S. - I will be expecting a short from you too. Heh.

[theblondewritr]

This is work in progress:



FADE IN:

An enthusiastic band of marauding 'Church of Christ' Carolers beckon neighbors to their door to embibe in the Holy Spirit of Christmas.

CAROLERS

Oh come all ye Faithful
Joyful and Triumphant...
Oh come ye
Oh come ye
To Be--eth--leham-

Come and behold him
Oh the King of A-nnn-gels

A male youth jabs a fellow Caroler at the sight of a

[Fortean]

...to embibe in...

...Be--eth--leham-

Imbibing too much, are they? So much that they can't sing "Bethlehem"?

[ylekot43]

STRANGER THAN PULP FICTION -Part I.

INT. DENNY'S -NORTH POLE -DUSK

SANTA (played by Samuel L. Jackson) and the GRINCH (Jim Carrey) sit in a booth. In front of Grinch is a big stack of pancakes and a strange meat, which he eats with gusto. Santa, on the other hand, just has a cup of coffee and a muffin. He seems far away in thought. The Waitress pours a refill for both men,

GRINCH
Want some Polar Bear?

SANTA
No thanks, I don't eat Bear.

GRINCH
Why Not?

SANTA
Because a Polar Bear is a filthy animal.

GRINCH
Bear tastes good. Bear chops taste good.

SANTA
A snow rat may taste like pumpkin pie. I'll never know 'cause even if it did, I wouldn't eat the filthy motherf0cker. Bears sleep and root in sh!t. That's a filthy animal. I don't wanna eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense to disregard its own feces.

GRINCH
How about Reindeer. Reindeer eat their own feces.

SANTA
I wouldn't eat no Reindeer either.

GRINCH
But do you consider the Reindeer to be a filfthy animal?

SANTA
I wouldn't go so far as to call a reindeer filthy, but they're definitely dirty. But a reindeer's got personality. And personality goes a long way.

GRINCH
So by that rationale, if a Bear had a better personality, he's cease to be a filthy animal?

SANTA
We'd have to be talkin' 'bout one motherf0ckin' charmin' Bear. It'd have to be the Cary Grant of Bears.

They Laugh

GRINCH
Good for you. Lighten up a little. You been sittin' there all quiet.

SANTA
I just been sittin' here thinkin'.

GRINCH
(mouthful of food) About what?

SANTA
The miracle on 34th street we witnessed.

GRINCH
The miracle you witnessed. I witnessed a freak occurrence.

SANTA
The point is, I felt God's touch. And he's tellin' me its time to leave the game.

GRINCH
So you're serious, you're really gonna quit?

SANTA
The life? -- most definitely.

Santa takes a bite of food. Jules takes a sip of coffee. In another booth, we see a PATRON call the Waitress.

PATRON
Garcon! Coffee!

We recognize the patron to be FRANK THE TANK from the first scene of the movie. Beside him is Money Bunny (played by Wynona Ryder).

GRINCH
So if you're quitting the life, what'll you do?

SANTA
That's what I've been sitting here contemplating. First, I'm gonna deliver these toys to the kids. Then, basically, I'm gonna walk the earth.

GRINCH
What do you mean, walk the earth?

SANTA
You know, like Caine in "KUNG FU." Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures.

GRINCH
When did you make this decision -- while you were sitting there eatin' your muffin?

SAMTA
Yeah. I was just sitting here drinking my coffee, eating my muffin, playin' the incident in my head, when I had what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity."

GRINCH
I gotta take a ****. To be continued.

Grinch exits for the restroom. Santa, alone, takes a mouthful of muffin, then...Frank and Money Bunny rise with guns raised.

FRANK THE TANK
Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!

MONEY BUNNY Any of you f0ckin' pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherf0ckers! Got that?!

Santa looks up, not believing what he's seeing. Under the table, Santas' hand goes to his Red-Rider BB Gun. He pulls it out, COCKING IT.


To be continued.... If I feel like it.

[csparks]

FADE IN.

EXT. BRICK BUILDING- NIGHT
Tight on JACK BAUER, who is crouched against a brick building, whispering into a cell phone, his gun drawn.

JACK
(to himself)
Dammit!
(into phone)
Listen to me: we have a possible terrorist situation here. We’ve had an invasion of U.S. airspace, and I’ve traced the unidentified aircraft to this location. I need everything you’ve got right here, right now.

Jack clicks off the phone. Looking around wildly:

JACK
Dammit!

Jack, still crouching, walks O.S. Camera pans back to show a brick home, decorated with lights for Christmas.

INT. VARIOUS ROOMS OF A HOUSE
A family sleeps soundly in their beds: a mom and dad in their room, two and half children in their rooms, a dog, etc. Camera settles on the outside of a bedroom door, from under which a light is glowing.

INT. ROOM

HOLLY GENNERO is asleep in bed, (or trying to sleep, rather). JOHN MCCLANE, wearing a white wife-beater and Christmas patterned flannel pj pants, is pacing.

HOLLY
Honey, turn off the light and come to bed.

JOHN
My legs are all cramped up from driving for eleven hours.
(to himself)
"Come spend Christmas with us in Oregon, it’ll be fun."

HOLLY
John-

There is a sound downstairs. John gestures to his wife:

JOHN
Shh.

HOLLY
(whispering)
It’s probably just the children peaking at their gifts.

JOHN
(dryly)
Or maybe it’s Santa Claus.

John turns off the lamp, unplugs it from the wall, and carries it like a weapon.

HOLLY
Where're you going?

At the door, before exiting the room:

JOHN
I'm going to go deck some halls.

EXT. BRICK HOUSE
As we pan back from house, with sled on roof, and Christmasy neighborhood, we hear:

JOHN
Well fa la la la la, la la la la.

SANTA
Ho, ho, ho! Merry–

A thud and groan.

JACK
Dammit!

INT. CLINIC ROOM
Dr. House is sitting on a chair, playing with a game boy, as a man in a red santa suit sits waiting on a table.

SANTA
My head hurts.

HOUSE
Your beard’s too tight.

SANTA
What?

HOUSE
The fake beard you’re wearing with your ol’ saint nick costume. It’s too tight, cutting off the circulation to your brain, if indeed you have a brain, and that –

SANTA
It’s a real beard.

House looks up and wheels over.

HOUSE
Now I’m interested.

SANTA
I got hit in the head.

Santa indicates a red welt near the top of his head.

HOUSE
While breaking and entering into a house dressed as santa claus. What has happened to the world.
(popping a vicodin, hands santa one)
Here. You’ll be laughing like a bowl full of jelly in no time.

Suddenly everything freezes, except Santa and the door, as it opens and Hiro Nakamura walks in, dressed in black, his hair tied back.

HIRO
I am from the future. Tomorrow you must not go to the McClane house–

SANTA
It’s too late. I’ve already been.

HIRO
What day is it?

SANTA
The 24th.

HIRO
Oh no! I did it again!

SANTA
I’m O.K. It’s the cheerleader who needs your help right now.

EXT. HOSPITAL
Santa is climbing into his sleigh.

SANTA
I need a vacation.
(to reindeer)
O.K., now where were we....On Dasher, on Dancer..

The sleigh rises and flashes into the night sky.

EXT. ISLAND
HURLEY is sitting on the beach, looking up at the sky. Suddenly a sled comes into view, and in a flash, soars into the water. Hurley stands up, and is joined by LOCKE, CHARLIE, CLAIRE, etc..

They all look at each other in disbelief:

HURLEY
(to Locke)
Do you believe in Santa Claus?

LOCKE
Nope. But the island seems to.

CHARLIE
Well what are we waiting for? Merry Christmas everyone!

As the camera pans back, they wade out and begin helping Santa, the deer, and his bag, to dry land.

FADE OUT.

[ylekot43]

Nice entry -- no plot, but you definitely nailed House and Locke. House's "now i'm interested" line was great.

[csparks]

thank you (i've just finished watching season 2 of house on DVD, so i definitely have his voice in my head).

as for plots... eh, they're overrated... ;)

[ylekot43]

Running out of time guys -- this is for fun -- post your pages

[Harbinger]

Well as if in answer to the venerable (maybe) Ylekot, here's my entry. (next post).

A quick warning. Fairly adult content. At least not exactly Happy Christmas stuff. It's pretty damn dark. Still if you like that kind of thing. :)

It's spot on 5 pages. Hope you like it. If it's not an infringement of the rules, I'd be happy to hear your critique VIA PRIVATE MESSAGES. Not here of course as it's been forbidden.

Good, bad I'd like to hear your thoughts. I fear most of it will be phone numbers of a good therapist!....It's pretty weird!

Oh and apologies for those of you who don't like Voice overs. I'm with you on that, but there really was no other way I could do it. Especially with the 5 page constraint. I promise never to do it again :)

[Harbinger]

FROSTBITE By HARBINGER


FADE IN:

INT. TOOL'D UP - STORE - NIGHT

The store is closed. Empty. Silent, but for the incessant hum of
florescent lights. Then, a shuffling sound.

A hunched figure pushes a trolley down the long, wide aisles
of DIY tools and gardening implements. The man wears an
unflattering bright red apron with name tag: WILTON BRISK.

WILTON, 39, is an empty shell of a man. Receding hair and a
pronounced limp. Weight of the world on his frail shoulders.

Wilton stops in the Christmas decorations aisle. He fills the
trolley, stacked, head high, with boxes of Christmas tree
baubles. He adds a long flex of Christmas lights.

A fallen Christmas streamer, hanging from one of the shelves
catches his eye. He reaches up to adjust it. Two fingers are
missing from his right hand. Amputated at the first knuckle.

INT.TOOL'D UP - STOCK ROOM - NIGHT

Wilton wheels the full trolley into the room. He catches his
reflection in a stack of mirrors, propped against the wall.

A broken man reflects back at him. Wilton grabs a spade from
the shelf and swings it at the mirror, shattering it to pieces.

A moment to catch his breath. He grabs the Christmas lights
and walks up a flight of stairs all the way to the ceiling,
onto a gangplank, stretching the length of the room.

He loops the flex of Christmas lights over one of the beams.
His hands tremble as he ties a noose in the end of the wire.

EXT. TOOL'D UP - STORE - MORNING

The early morning winter sun falls over a crowd, gathered
outside. Police tape cordons off the area. Uniformed OFFICERS
mill about. Ambulance lights flash across the snowy ground.

Two PARAMEDICS emerge from the store. They wheel away a body
on a gurney, covered by a white sheet.

One of the paramedics slips on the icy ground. The gurney
topples over. The crowd gasp as the sheet falls away.

A young BALD MAN's lifeless eyes stare up at the winter sky.

INT/EXT. VAN - MORNING

A crackling 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland' plays over the
radio. The van driver taps his hand on the dashboard to the
beat. Two fingers missing. Amputated at the first knuckle.

Wilton smiles. He watches the scene through the windscreen.
Paramedics desperately scramble to gather up the body.

WILTON (V.O.)
There's no dignity in death. No
matter what they say.

There's a smattering of laughter from the crowd, as the white
sheet falls away to reveal Bald Man's death erection.

WILTON (V.O.)
Coroner stifles a laugh at your
rigid 'Angel lust', while the
Mortician, wired on Crystal Meth,
finger-F**ks your corpse to the
rhythm of Beethoven's Ninth.

The Paramedics scramble to cover up Bald man's modesty.

WILTON (V.O.)
So what? You think it matters?
Dignity is the wasted sentiment of
dead men's vanity.

Wilton stares deeply into the ambulances flashing light.

INT. TOOL'D UP - STOCK ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Christmas lights blink from red to ice blue. Wilton stands
back and admires the twinkling noose, swinging from the beam.

WILTON (V.O.)
First month working here, the store
took an order for fifty mirrors.
All shapes and sizes. Etched and
framed. Carved and beveled.

Wilton drags Bald man's unconscious body from the shadows.

WILTON (V.O.)
Tracked the delivery address to a
pokey little dive in the suburbs. A
plastic-perfect young couple's
first home. Barely more than a
three-up, two-down fixer upper.

Wilton loops the Christmas light noose over Bald man's head.

WILTON (V.O.)
Why did they need so many mirrors?

Wilton walks up the stairs and steps onto the gangplank. He
fastens the other end of the noose to a large stone snowman.

WILTON (V.O.)
I watched them parade their brazen
naked vanity in the wall to wall
mirrors of their bedroom.

Wilton barges his shoulder hard into the stone sculpture of
the snowman. It teeters on the edge of the gangplank.

WILTON (V.O.)
And I waited. Until they left
home... Then I smashed every one of
those god damn mirrors.

One more push. The snowman plunges over the edge. As the
snowman end of the noose falls, Bald man is dragged upwards
by his neck. His eyes open. He thrashes against the binds.

WILTON (V.O.)
But I realize now, I couldn't blame
them for the way they were. Any
more than I could blame a wolf for
eating the runt of her litter.

Wilton switches off the light. The Bald man convulses. His
body quivers in the glow of the twinkling Christmas lights.

WILTON (V.O.)
It's the nature of the world to
reject life's imperfections.

INT. VAN - MORNING

Wilton's eye is drawn to the windscreen. The reflection of
his hand on the steering wheel. His amputated fingers.

WILTON (V.O.)
I understand that and I've never
blamed anyone for my lot.

He watches Bald man bundled into the back of the ambulance.

WILTON (V.O.)
Well, apart from him.

A shuffle of movement behind him. He looks over his shoulder.

WILTON (V.O.)
And him.

He glares at the naked man, bound and gagged, in the back of
the van. Laid unconscious, among boxes of Christmas baubles..


CONTINUED....

[Harbinger]

EXT. MEAT FACTORY - NIGHT

The van pulls up outside the steel shutters of the factory,
dark and forboding in the feint splashes of moonlight.

INT. MEAT FACTORY - FREEZER - NIGHT

Darkness. A shuffle of movement. Someone shivering.

WILTON
Cold, isn't it.

The lights flick on. Wilton sits on a chair, almost enveloped
by the rolling mist of frost. He points a gun at--

--the naked man, stood shivering in front of him. JIMMY, 41,
long shock of hair, lean and toned. Everything Wilton is not.

Jimmy looks panicked. He takes a step forward. Wilton wags a
gloved finger. He smiles and points to the ground.

Shards of frosted glass glitter about their feet. The freezer
floor is carpeted with broken shells of Christmas tree
baubles. Jimmy's bare foot hovers above the jagged spikes.

Jimmy takes a step back. He stares intently at Wilton, as the
mist briefly dissipates. A sudden look of realization.

JIMMY
Wait... I know you.

EXT. FROZEN LAKE - DAY - FLASHBACK

YOUNG WILTON, 10, wrapped up against the cold, sits on the
bank, in a snow chair mound of his own making. He watches--

--OLDER GIRL, a slender beauty, skate across the frozen lake.
Suddenly she loses her balance and topples forward. She
plunges into an icy puddle. Her jumper soaked through.

The girl gets to her feet. She pulls the wet jumper tight to
her chest. Her nipples almost poke through the knitted weave.

Young Wilton touches the bulge in his pants. He squirms.
Looks around, embarrassed. A shadow falls over him.

JIMMY (O.S.)
Well, well young Wilton. Looks like
you may need a cold shower.

Wilton looks up. YOUNG JIMMY and FRIEND stand over him. A
nasty smile. They grab him and drag him towards the lake.

EXT. FROZEN LAKE - WATER - DAY

Wilton thrashes underwater. A hand reaches through the icy
waters, pushing him down deeper. Ice and darkness all around.

INT. MEAT FACTORY - FREEZER - NIGHT

WILTON
I spent a month in hospital.
Christmas's were never the same
after that. Kids would play in the
snow. I'd shy away from it.

JIMMY
We were kids. It was a joke.

Wilton takes off his right shoe and slips off his sock. Every
single toe has been amputated from his foot.

WILTON
This look a f**king joke to you?
Well, try this one on, laughing boy.

Wilton replaces his shoe. He limps over to the steel door.

WILTON
Somewhere, amidst all this glass,
is the key to the door. Air's
running out and your temperature is
dropping. Happy hunting, Jimmy.

Wilton flicks off the light, leaving only darkness. He slams
the door to the sound of crunching glass and screams of pain.

WILTON (V.O.)
It's the nature of the world to
reject life's imperfections.

Wilton opens his hand. A large iron key falls from his grasp.
It hits the ground and slowly sinks into the snow.

WILTON (V.O.)
So I'll purge them from my life.
One soul at a time.


FADE OUT:

Thanx for reading :)

[OzFade]

Ok I didn't think I was going to enter but tonight...it just hit me.

Inspiration you ask? L'Anniversaire D'Irvin...track two of the 'City of Lost Children' CD...suits this short beautifully.

The Night Before Christmas...

FADE IN:

ON A RED THREAD COVERED IN SOOT

INT. LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM - NIGHT

As a shadow passes an open room.

An eye opens...filled with the wonder only a child's eye
can contain.

A LITTLE GIRL props up groggily on her bed, eyes dart to
her open door...the rays of a dwindling light dances
whimsically.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

The girl peers around the corner. The light seems to draw
away into another room.

She silently edges towards it...a curious smile spreading
across her delicate face.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Still, silent. An unlit Christmas tree sits in a
corner...it droops to one side.

The 'light' seems to creep up a chimney...and after a second
it's gone. Lost in the blackness.

The little girl steps towards the chimney...peers up. A
twinkle at the far end seems to beckon her.

A golden dust drifts down, sparkling...falls onto the
girl's enchanted face. She smiles.

A glint of red catches her eye. She kneels down, brushes
away at a pile of soot revealing...a thread.

She delicately picks it up. The rest of the red thread
continues up the chimney.

The girl tugs on it. Nothing.

The light at the top twinkles again.

...and without a moment of hesitation she begins to climb
the thread...up, up, up...into the depths of the chimney.

In a second...she's gone.

The star on top of the droopy Christmas tree twinkles.

And as snow starts to fall outside the window...the light
returns. Shimmering down the chimney and stretching out
into the living room.

The Christmas tree groans and stretches upright. It's
branches shiver, becoming fuller...greener.

The Christmas lights flicker on.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

The light seeps slowly down the long corridor like a golden
fog.

INT. LITTLE BOY'S ROOM - NIGHT

The light seeps in under the door. A floppy Christmas
stocking grows fuller and fuller.

The little boy wakes...

INT. PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

As mistletoe slowly grows out of the roof...above the
sleeping heads of the parents.

The mother softly wakes...eyes curiously on the mistletoe.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

As the parents join their son in the living room...eyes
with awe at the dancing lights of the Christmas tree, the
delicate flakes of snow on the windows, the piles of shiny
presents underneath the tree.

And finally...on the little girl...curled up on the
couch...

Asleep with a smile on her face.

FADE TO BLACK.


MERRY CHRISTMAS

[Harbinger]

OKAY!

Where's the rest of the entries? Typical writers. Leave everything to the last moment.

Where are the contest veterans?

Dpat, JCorona, Kev (the contest organiser hasn't posted his entry yet!! For shame :) ), blondewritr, Vig (or whatever new guise he goes under these days) Clueless (armed with his crayons), wenona (whose Valentine entry was excellent) ...and anyone else I missed out.

Put the Vodka and pills down, Take the phone off the hook and pull your finger out! It's Christmas! :)

[theblondewritr]

Harbinger, (lol)

"The VODKA stays in the Picture."

[OzFade]

Yeah come on blonde...finish the rest of your short...let the potatoe skin juice fuel your creativity.

[yeehi]

Christmas Time


FADE IN

INT. JAIL - VISITING ROOM - DAY

BOSS (60), wearing uniform, is on one side of a table. The Boys: MICKEY, JOEY and BANANAS (50), sit opposite.
A CALENDAR showing December 24 is on the wall, above it is some Holly. A GUARD has a piece of tinsel wrapped onto his cap.

MICKEY
So the boys, we figured you needed a little bit more love in your life. So we got you this. It was a puppy.
Banana Fingers, give him the box.

With great respect, Bananas offers Boss a beautifully ribboned BOX. Boss looks but can see nothing inside the already opened, colourful parcel.

MICKEY (CONT'D.)
Joey, you tell him.

JOEY
Boss, its great to see you looking so good. I made some nice shouts with the dice on The Strip, and everyone was feeling good. We were all looking forward to seeing you again, weren't we boys? We wanted to make it special, so I give Bananas some of the dough and tell him, "Go outside. Pick something nice for the Boss for Christmas." Would you believe him? Bananas comes back with a puppy.

BANANAS
Boss...

JOEY
"How are we gonna give the Boss a puppy when he is in the Pen?", I ask him. We go to the shop, but it is closed. Mickey says dump the dog, but Bananas ain't happy. He wants to take care of the puppy till you get out.

BANANAS
Boss, you would have really liked him.

JOEY
So Mickey decides we can keep the dog...

BANANAS
We called him Santa, coz of his white fur...

JOEY
Mickey decides we can keep the dog, but we need a box, or the guards will notice Santa when we go inside. We love you, Boss. You know that. We get the best box in Las Vegas. But Bananas don't like having Santa inside, especially with the lid on, and keeps taking him out, to see if he is OK. Eventually, we let him sit there with his head sticking up, and I have to say, he looks very happy, yapping away there in the box, with his pretty little nose and his tongue hanging out.

MICKEY
Joey, the Boss ain't got all day. We had some time to kill before they let visitors in. We didn't know what to do. It was go to the Liberace Museum or visit the gun club, and we end up pulling into the gun club.

JOEY.
It ain't nothing like back East, Boss! They got bazookas, tripod machine guns, rocket propelled grenades...

MICKEY
Bananas wants to keep Santa in the car, coz he is worried about the noise of the guns. Anyway, we all go in. There is this glass cabinet full of guns. Pistols, revolvers, everything. Bananas is just staring at it and the man comes over and says to us, do the voice Joey,...

JOEY
Decisions, decisions. Life is full of them. Just make the right one...

MICKEY
That is right. It sure made us think! After we fire off a few rounds we all feel fine again though, and ready to see you. We go back to the car. The door is still locked, but get this, Santa is gone! And somehow, a note got inside the car. Says it is not nice to to be locked inside on a hot day.

JOEY
So now we got nothing, except a mystery and an empty box, and it is time to see you.

MICKEY
Boss, you always say, "It is the thought that counts". We just wanted you to have this box. It sure got us thinking, and you said that wasn't an easy thing to get us to do.

BOSS
That is very kind of you boys. Very touching. I ain't never had no empty box as a Christmas present before. But it looks very nice. I will take it to my cell. I will keep my things in it.

MICKEY
Boss, tell us how it is inside.

BOSS
Its not so bad now, with this guy Claus they put in with me.

MICKEY
Where is he from, Boss? Sounds foreign.

BOSS
Sure ain't from anywhere round here. He is real happy all the time, always laughing. Big fat guy. Not even the guards get him down.

JOEY
What is he in for, Boss?

BOSS
Couriering. Big time. They threw the book at him. With what he was carrying, they ain't ever letting him out. But he says they are never going to keep him inside. Says he will be out for Christmas. I believe him. This guy is connected! He has got friends all over. His mail- sacks of it! Don't write much himself, but the envelopes just keep coming. I like to see his happy face when he opens the letters. Gives me hope.

MICKEY
Boss, tell us what you are doing when you ain't looking at Claus. I know you been in a long time, but it ain't good, you know?

BOSS
They gave us these long willow twigs. I weave them. I started off trying for a nice round lamp-shade. Then Claus asks me, "Have I been a good boy? Have I been a bad boy?" I was saying it to myself while I was weaving. When I went down, I tried to think of when I was a bad boy, and when I came up, I tried to think of when I was a good boy. I tell you, that lamp shade took a very long time. I finished it now. I keep it in my cell. It looks just like a bird cage, but with no door, and no bird in it.

JOEY
That is great, Boss. It is great to hear what you are doing with the basket weaving. I will have to try it, too.

MICKEY
Boss, if you don't mind me asking, why have they given you basket weaving to do?

BOSS
Well, I started seeing elves. Yeah, and they ask Claus, and he says sure, he sees them, too. So we been basket weaving together.

MICKEY
I hope this Claus does get out for Christmas. I would to meet him.

BOSS
A few days ago, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He looked into my eyes. Then he asked me. I told him. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be in jail."

JOEY
Boss, what do you think? You think Claus is getting out?

BOSS
Ain't no lawyers been in to visit him. All I seen is elves.

MICKEY
Boss, you slay me! The things you say! I am going to tell them all back home. "All I seen is elves."

The GUARD motions.

MICKEY
The guard wants us to go now, Boss. Bananas, stop sniffling!

BANANAS
We love you, Boss! It ain't the same without you outside.

JOEY
Merry Christmas, Boss!

The Boys leave.

INT. JAIL - CELL - CHRISTMAS - DAY

The cell is empty, except for a BOX and a WILLOW WEAVING. A GUARD opens the cell door carrying a Christmas cake.

GUARD
What the...?!

The guard, finding nobody in the cell, looks out the window.

GUARD (CONT'D.)
Snow? In Las Vegas?

FADE OUT

[sc111]

OVER BLACK

A man’s throaty GROAN … a woman’s breathless SIGH.

FADE IN:

IN A DIMLY-LIT PASSAGEWAY,

a glimpse of a WOMAN’S UPPER THIGH. Her black skirt rides up to her hip as her pelvis grinds against …

… a RED-SUITED MAN’S BELLY, round, firm and super-sized.

He has her up against the wall, their faces obscured by shadows. His gloved hand cups her firm butt cheek.

Her long Pilates-toned legs lock around his girth. The high-heeled shoe dangling from her toe falls to the floor.

They bump and grind faster, faster …

DR. MIKE (V.O.)
Interesting. You know - our
emotional needs are often
revealed in our fantasies.

… faster still. The couple GROAN in sync.

DR. MIKE (V.O.)
Kate?

INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE

Kate (28, ‘Merry Christmas’ sweatshirt, faded jeans) blips out of her reverie. She pushes a strand of dark hair from her flushed brow and looks to …

KATE
Sorry. Come again?

… Dr. MIKE (40, painfully thin). Her unassuming sensuality distracts him for a moment. He jolts back into “shrink mode” and sets a notepad on his lap.

DR. MIKE
I said, our emotional needs
often rise – um -
(adjusts note pad)
come – I mean - surface in our
sexual fantasies.

KATE
Oh – I don’t have sexual
fantasies. Ever.

He doesn’t buy it. She looks to the window, snow falls outside.

CUT TO:

Red jacket open, the BELLY massages Kate, up and down, up and down. She grasps a fistful of her lover’s long white beard and MOANS.

DR.MIKE (V.O.)
Do you remember what I said when
I released you from the hospital?

BACK TO:

Kate’s dazed eyes move back to Dr. Mike.

DR. MIKE
Honesty, Kate – it’s vital to your
healing process.

KATE
(nods, contrite)
I ... I did ... Santa.

DR. MIKE
This is your fantasy?

KATE
(excited)
No – in the flesh. All three-hundred-
and-fifty pounds of hot, yuletide,
merry-merry, chestnuts roasting –

DR. MIKE
This is not constructive Kate -

KATE
(more excited)
He brought joy to my world, then he
totally rocked it --

DR. MIKE
Kate - centering exercise. Now.

She takes a deep breath in, holds it, then exhales slowly.

KATE
Did I mention he tickled my sugar plum?

DR. MIKE
Have you been skipping your meds again?

KATE
Only the blue one, but I doubled up
on the yellow to compensate.
(off shocked look)
I’m fine, really. Ever since I’ve met
Nick - no man has ever --

DR. MIKE
Wait – Nick? Who’s Nick?

KATE
You know – Nick. Short for Saint
Nicholas? Sometimes I call him Nicky.
Oh – remember the thing about Malibu
Barbie? Wasn’t Mom’s fault. Nick
apologized. Big clerical glitch back
in 1985. Dyslexic elf --

DR. MIKE
Kate – focus – you know this isn’t true.

KATE
Santa lied to me?

Dr. Mike stares at her – so beautiful yet a total fruitcake.

DR. MIKE
Okay-okay. Let’s go with this-this
Santa thing. Jolly. Bearing gifts.
Hmmm. Yes – symbolically, the image
of Santa represents your desire for
a benevolent, generous man in your
life. A man who intuitively knows
when you’ve been naught – I mean –
understands your needs –

KATE
Oh he does. He really does.

CUT TO:

The white-bearded Lothario rips open Kate’s silk blouse revealing a lace bra. He buries his face in her cleavage and -
HUMS. LOUD. Ecstasy consumes her.

DR. MIKE (V.O.)
Are you listening to me?

BACK TO:

Kate’s eyes pop open. Dr. Mike points his pen at her.

DR. MIKE
Santa Claus is a fairy tale.

KATE
Are you sure?

DR. MIKE
Without a doubt - he’s not real.

KATE
Wow - not real?
(ponders this)
But I’ve been sore for three days.

DR. MIKE
There is no Santa Claus!

Self-doubt clouds her eyes.

KATE
Do - do you think I’m relapsing?
(off look)
Please don’t commit me, it’s Christmas.

DR. MIKE
Now, now – let’s not get ahead of
ourselves. A momentary – um - segue
from reality. But you’re okay now.
Let’s turn this into a learning
experience. Close your eyes, relax.

She closes her eyes, sits back in her chair.

CUT TO:

Santa does Kate like a human piston. She grabs his RED HAT and bites down on its white pom-pom.

DR. MIKE (V.O.)
Good. Now feel your feelings.
F-e-e-l your feelings.

Her eyes roll up, her back arches, she shudders with the pleasure of a very-merry orgasm.

BACK TO:

Dr. Mike studies Kate. A single tear falls as she opens her eyes.

DR. MIKE
Don’t hold back – this
could be your breakthrough.

She shakes her head, too overwhelmed to speak. Dr. Mike offers his notepad, his pen, and motions, ‘Write it down.’

She takes both and scrawls a sentence. The pad and pen fall to the floor as Kate dashes from the room. The office door slams behind her.

With a concerned sigh, Dr. Mike picks up the pen, the note pad. He settles back in his chair and reads Kate’s note:

Only 9 more shopping days left till Christmas!!!

He hits the intercom button on the desk phone.

WOMAN’S VOICE
Yes doctor?

DR. MIKE
Try to get Kate on her cell phone.
Oh – and call the admitting office.

INT. SHADOWY PASSAGEWAY – LATER

Kate’s Xmas sweatshirt and jeans on the floor, her cell phone on top. A red suit strewn nearby. A man GROANS … a woman SIGHS.

In the buff, Santa holds naked Kate up against the wall, her leg over his shoulder – this girl is double-jointed. They bump and grind their way to the holy grail of sex …

… simultaneous orgasms. Santa shudders, his BELLY jiggles like a bowlful of jelly. Kate’s back arches, her body trembles -

KATE
Oh! Jingle! Freaking! Bells!

The cell phone chimes a melody: “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

CUT TO BLACK.

BORED VOICE OVER A
DISTANT LOUDSPEAKER
Attention shoppers – the mall will
be closing in fifteen minutes.

The End.

[Harbinger]

No fair! SC11 went for titilation and softcore Porn..... with Santa no less.
What a cheap trick!

All is lost! Towel thrown in!

No wait! Cunning plan hatching.

I Hearby instigate new rule. No Hormonal teenagers allowed to vote......uhh or frustrated housewives!

[sc111]

:angel:

[Harbinger]

Yeah yeah...Butter wouldn't melt.

Sometimes you gotta wonder though just where Reality stops and fiction begins.

Me thinks someone has a Santa Fetish. :)

.....................NO not me! Read between the lines!

[sc111]

:smokin:

[OzFade]

Damn nicely done...now all we need is someone to hack into sc's account and modify said thread into the script for "Christmas with the Kranks"...at least then we have a shot.

[haunted1]

Here's my story. I have Movie Magic and someone earlier said it has formating problems so... it shows up as 5 pages in the program.

Let me know what you think. This is the first "writing" I've posted online so I'm curious to see what you think.


A CHRISTMAS WRAITH

FADE IN:

INT. GROCERY STORE - CHECK OUT LANE - DAY

A line of people wait. An intercom call disrupts the Christmas music played overhead. MARK (28), rough and tired looking, watches the FEMALE cashier (25) scan his items. Her long blonde hair covers her face. She passes groceries down to the BAGGER (20).

The bagger looks up at Mark. An blank expression crosses his face.

BAGGER
You did it.

MARK
Excuse me?

BAGGER
You did it. You did it...

MARK
What? Stop it.

The COUPLE (40's) behind Mark start the chant also. Mark looks back. Shocked. They all start to chant together over and over - YOU DID IT.

The next LANE over joins in. Mark spins around and sees EVERYONE around is chanting.

FEMALE
(raspy voice)
You did it. Mark. You did it.

Mark slowly turns to the female cashier. Her face is cold and gray. Emotionless. She's a ghostly WRAITH. Bruises cover her neck. Eyes wide and hallow. She's pissed.

WRAITH
Mark. You did this to me Mark.

She reaches out and grabs his neck. His eyes widen in terror.

WRAITH
You did this. Mark. Mark!

INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY

Mark lays twisted in the sheets. BECKY (27) sits beside him. She shakes him...

BECKY
MARK! Wake up.

He jumps up. He looks at her like she's unfamiliar.

BECKY
You wet the bed again.

MARK
Huh?

BECKY
You... Is everything alright?

He slides out of bed. He looks down at his wet crotch.

INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY

Mark picks up the phone that hangs on the wall. He dials a number. The tones echo through the receiver.

MARK
(into phone)
Hey Paul. It's me... I know you said after the trial we shouldn't talk but we need to... it's important.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

The music from a juke box pumps a tune into the small smoke filled neon lit place.

Mark sits next to PAUL (29) at the bar. They both look bad - messy, unshaved, and dirty. They huddle over their drinks.

MARK
I'm seeing her now. I never did before. Tell me the same things happening to you?

PAUL
You're just feeling guilty. Relax. You were... we were found not guilty. So forget it happened.

MARK
I can't... I... she's...

PAUL
Look Mark. Christmas is coming up. Enjoy it with Becky and your family. You almost weren't able to.

MARK
I don't think she'll let us enjoy it--

PAUL
Stop it!

The bartender glances over at the two.

PAUL
We're safe okay? There's no need to worry about it. Alright? Alright?

Mark nods and takes a long drink from his bottle.

INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A plain Christmas tree is set up half strung with lights. The end of the lights sit tangled at Mark's feet. He wraps a section of it around the tree...

A SHADOW slides behind him.

The lights flicker. He taps a bulb. The room darkens as they go out completely.

MARK
Son of a--

-- a Santa Claus MUSIC BOX starts playing: SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN.

Mark turns to it. Behind him the tree lights come back on.

In the glow of the lights, the Wraith stands in the corner of the room. Her eyes wide with anger.

The string of lights lift up behind Mark like the head to a snake. They wrap around him. It twists up around his neck. He fights to loosen it.

MARK
Stop it! Please!

The Wraith quickly gets in Mark's face as...

...the Christmas lights noose lifts him up -- he dangles.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Paul lays next to JENNIFER (28). He shifts in his sleep. Suddenly he jumps - a jerk reaction. His eyes POP open.

Jennifer wakes up.

JENNIFER
What is it?

Paul's out of breath. He scans the room...

JENNIFER
Did you have another nightmare?

PAUL
No... no. I thought I had to work today. I thought I was late.

JENNIFER
Well it's Christmas. You're off today.

PAUL
Yeah... right.

Paul grabs the phone on the nightstand. He dials a number.

JENNIFER
Who you calling? It's two in the morning.

He waits with the phone pressed to his ear.

PAUL
No one.

His hand trembles as he sets the receiver back down.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A giant decorated Christmas tree lights the room. It's surrounded by animated dolls. Angles, elf's, Santa. The low buzz of the motors fill the room as they move. Heads tilt, arms shift, bodies rotate.

Paul sits in the middle of the couch. He's in a daze.

A FIGURE of a woman moves down the hallway. It stops in the doorway.

JENNIFER
What are you doing?

Jennifer steps into the light of the room.

JENNIFER
You should come back to bed.

Paul glances over at her.

JENNIFER
Santa won't come if you stay up to late.

PAUL
Yeah... I'll be right there.

She smiles and turns back down the hall.

Paul stands. He shuts off the switch that powers the Christmas wonderland in the room. The motors to the dolls wind down.

He heads to the hallway. A motor BUZZES. He freezes.

They all power up. The bodies shift around. Motors run.

He moves in behind the dolls and yanks the cords out of the wall. Again, the motors wind down.

PAUL
There. Take that.

As he steps past the dolls the cords WHIP around his legs. He falls forward.. The motors fire back up to life again.

The dolls shake forward towards Paul. The tree lights FLASH.

In the doorway the Wraith appears.

He struggles to free himself. He looks up - she's standing above him. Eyes wide. The bruises around her neck take on a glow from the flashing lights.

A cord wraps around his neck. He struggles to pull it away.

Blood starts to ooze from the dolls mouths...

WRAITH
You did this Paul. You did this to me. Paul. Why'd you do this to me?

The cord RIPS into his throat as the bruises around her neck starts to disappear...

He gasps as...

...a tune starts to play from one of the dolls - IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR.

She vanishes. Paul's lifeless body lays tangled in the cords.

FADE OUT:

THE END

Thanks for reading! Happy Holidays!

[ylekot43]

Two days until the deadline. I love the posts so far. Haven't heard from the guy who started the contest in a while though.

[Kwvillen]

Sorry, guys, been busy. Thanks for all of the entries: :)

I'll have mine in soon.

KWV

[Mark Somers]

FADE IN:

SUPER: ABOUT 2000 YEARS AGO

EXT. MIDDLE EAST DESERT -- NIGHT

A star filled sky hovers over a small stable made of stone
and timbers.

Through an opening in the timbers, a young couple JOSEPH and
MARY sit near a fire. In Mary's arms a baby sleeps.

Surrounding the tiny stable, people huddle around camp fires.

Shepherds watch over small flocks of sheep.

SHEEP
Baaaaaaaaaaa.

INT. STABLE

SCREECH... SCREECH... SCREECH. Joseph sharpens a large ax
with a smooth rock.

MARY
Dad said he could get you a job as a
mason.

JOSEPH
I'm a carpenter not a stoner.

MARY
It's stone mason not stoner.

JOSEPH
Can a stoner do this?

WHACK.
A large log explodes in two from a blow from Joseph's ax.

MARY
Why would one want to.

JOSEPH
It's a crib for the baby.

MARY
It's a mess, is what it is.

Mary shakes her head and lays a blanket between the split
halves of the log. She then carefully lays the baby in the
makeshift crib and kisses his forehead. The baby coos then
PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

MARY
Oh dear.

Mary holds her nose.
A strange yellow glow surrounds the baby.

MARY
(nasally)
Not again. Honey it's happening.
Like before.

JOSEPH
It'll be ok. Just don't put him too
close to the fire.

EXT. STABLE

A few yards away at an open fire, an old hag, HAGUS THE OLDUS,
in rags, watches as the glow around the baby shines brighter.
She leaps up.

HAGUS THE OLDUS
It's a miracle.

Hagus the Oldus runs and kneels before the crib. Two other
women also in rags join her.

EXT. MIDDLE EAST DESERT

Hooves blast through desert sand as three camels, at full
gallop, head straight for the stable.

Atop each a finely clothed man holds on for dear life.
The camels reach the entrance to the stable and stop on a
dime.

The men fly off, head first.

INT. STABLE

They land prostrate on the ground, their belongings scattered
in front of the crib.

HAGUS THE OLDUS
It's a miracle.

One of the three men, CASPER, stands, brushes himself off.

CASPER
(looks at the other
two men)
It's a miracle, I haven't fed you
two knuckle heads to the snakes.

The two men BALTHASAR and MELCHIOR pick themselves off the
ground.

BALTHASAR
(high pitched)
But boss.

CASPER
I'll but boss you.

Casper quickly extends one hand and makes a waving motion in
front of Balthasar's face. Balthasar's eyes are glued to
the hand's motion. Casper grips Balthasar's nose and slaps
his hand down, pulling violently on his victims nose.

BALTHASAR
Yeooooooooo.

MELCHIOR
It wasn't his fault.

CASPER
Oh a wise guy, eh.

Casper makes two fists and pounds one with the other. The
pounded fist makes a full circle at arms length and conks
Melchoir on top of his head.

CASPER
Now chase down those camels. We
gotta get out of here.

A Roman officer MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS flanked by two ROMAN
GUARDS struts into the stable as Casper picks up the bundles
catapulted from the camels.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS
(points to Casper)
Seize that man!

Joseph drags a twisted tree stump into the stable. He notices
gold coins spilled from one of the bundles.

He looks at Casper then back down at the coins.

He runs over to Casper just as the two guards are approaching
him and puts an arm around his shoulder.

JOSEPH
Uncle. Glad you could make it.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS
You know this man?

CASPER
A wise guy ...

Joseph slaps his hand over Casper's mouth.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS
What was that?
(looks at Casper)
You are speaking to an officer of
the King's court.

JOSEPH
(gestures with his
hands)
A-wise-gueee. It means, uh. Greetings
and he wishes you all, well... He's
from a far off land and doesn't speak
our language.

Maximus Assorted Citrus eyes Joseph with suspicion.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS
He's a thief.
(signals the guards)
And I mean to take him and what he
stole into custody.

From the crib. PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

Joseph graps one of the bundles. Reaches in and pulls out a
handfull of frankincense.

JOSEPH
(shows the officer)
See? It's for the - the kid.

Mary enters the stable holding her nose.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS AND THE TWO
GUARDS
Mary?

Maximus Assorted Citrus and the guards look at one another.
Then down at their feet.

Joseph looks at Mary.

Mary looks up at the ceiling. Whistles nonchalantly.

Shepherds usher in sheep.

SHEEP
Baaaaaaaa.

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS AND THE TWO
GUARDS
Baaaaaaaa?

MARY
What the?

MAXIMUS ASSORTED CITRUS
(looks around)
Yes. Well - uh. Roman business is
never done. Err - Ah Ok... so I guess
we're done here.

From the crib. PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

HAGUS THE OLDUS
It's a miracle. She is a glowing
again.

JOSEPH
She?

EXT. MIDDLE EAST DESERT -- LATER

Directly overhead the stable, through a light snow fall, a
lone star brightens.

JOSEPH (O.S.)
It's not a stump. It's a chair.

MARY (O.S.)
And a beautiful one at that.

PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.
THE END.

[Harbinger]

MARY
It's stone mason not stoner.

JOSEPH
Can a stoner do this?

WHACK.
A large log explodes in two from a blow from Joseph's ax.

MARY
Why would one want to.



I especially like it when some guy called WHACk turns up to narrate what's happening in the stable. I kept wanting him to turn up again. ;)

Someone's been given the Monty PYthons Life of Brian DVD box set for christmas me thinks.

Fun entry though.

WHACK
Harbinger begins to sing to himself.

HARBINGER
(singing)
Blasphemy........Blas for you.......Blas for everybody in the room.

(one for the Eddie Izzard fans)

[Boobsie Malone]

Since Dubya put his up there, I thought I'd be sporting and put mine up:

EXT. JOHNSON HOME -- DAY

BILLY JOHNSON (5), a small boy in jeans and a T-shirt races down the small snow covered walkway to a mailbox. Billy opens the mailbox and looks hopefully inside.

The mailbox is empty.

With less bounce in his step, he walks back up the walkway. He looks up just in time to see SIMON JOHNSON (11) standing in the doorway, looking a little evil --

BILLY
NO! Simon!

-- As Simon slams the front door shut.

Simon looks out the window in the door, and laughs at Billy as Billy runs to the door and starts pounding on it.

SIMON
(muffled)
SAY IT!

BILLY
No.

SIMON
Then you’ll freeze to death.

BILLY
Santa IS real!

SIMON
SAY IT!

Billy’s teeth start chattering. He starts jumping around, trying to keep warm.

SIMON
It’s so warm in here, Billy.

Billy glares at Simon. Fine!

BILLY
There’s no such thing as Santa.

Simon cups his ear and presses it against the glass.

SIMON
THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS!

Simon opens the door, and Billy tackles him.

INT. US POSTAL SERVICE SORTING OFFICE -- DAY

ARNIE WILKES (65) a tough, hardened man in a fading uniform, sits at the conveyor sorting letters with a flourish. Tossing them here, throwing them there. Always hitting his target.

JAMES DAVIS (20) spiky hair, scratches at his starched uniform, as he takes his seat next to James.

JAMES
Tomorrow’s the big day, huh?

Arnie keeps tossing and throwing.

JAMES
They’re throwing you a huge party.

Arnie looks down at a letter. It’s addressed to SANTA CLAUS.

ARNIE
Take this will you?

JAMES
God, I hate that room. It’s depressing. It’s like every kid in America’s dreams, all locked in one room.

Arnie shoves the letter in James’ hand.

JAMES
So, they givin' you a bonus or anything?

ARNIE
Heh. Yeah. It’s not enough to pay for new bifocals. It’s not enough to pay the co-payment for my HMO so I can get this hip replacement. It’s not enough --

Like all young folks when faced with the reality of age, James leaves.

EXT. JOHNSON HOME -- DAY

SUPER: THE NEXT DAY

Billy opens the front door. He’s wearing the same T-shirt and jeans. He listens for a second, then sprints to the mailbox. He exhales, or is it a prayer? He opens up the mailbox. Nothing.

Dejected, he walks back to the house. Slowly, he realizes he’s being watched. He looks up in horror as Simon slams the front door shut.

SIMON
(muffled)
SAY IT!

BILLY
You are so dumb!

SIMON
I can’t hear you...

BILLY
There is no Santa Claus.

Simon opens the door, and Billy tackles him.

INT. BAR -- NIGHT

TONS of MEN AND WOMEN IN BLUE. Postal Blue. All milling around, drinking. Arnie looks uncomfortable at his table. To his left, James, to his right, Neil, a virtual clone of James. In front of Arnie, BARBARA MEADOWS, (60) way, way, way, too much of Revlon’s Sunset Orange lipstick.

JAMES
So, dude, I went to drop off this letter to 447.

BARBARA
Awww. 447 is so sweet, don’t you think, Arniekins?

JAMES
You know, some of them are pretty damned funny.

James pulls out a handful of letters, all addressed to Santa in children’s writing.

NEIL
Dude!

Neil grabs some letters out of James hands. And rips one open.

ARNIE
You shouldn’t do that.

Barbara bats her fake eyelashes at Arnie.

NEIL
(reading)
“Dear Santa, I want a Mailbu Barbie, the PINK Barbie Corvette, not the black one like Jenny has.”

Neil practically falls out of his chair laughing.

JAMES
Here’s a good one. “Dear Santa, I know you’re busy, it’s just that, my brother and my dad, they’ve been really sad since...

Neil’s still laughing. James isn’t.

JAMES
Jesus! Kid says his mom was killed in Iraq. His dad's, "sad," and lost his job. They can’t afford Christmas presents. This is...

James is horrified.

NEIL
That’s hysterical, dude! Read another one!

Arnie snatches the letter out of James’ hands.

ARNIE
That’s enough, dude!

Arnie grabs his jacket and stomps off. Barbara struggles to get up.

BARBARA
Arniekins, where are you going?

But, Arnie’s out the door.

INT. JOHNSON HOME -- DAY

SUPER: CHRISTMAS EVE

Billy, in the same T-shirt and jeans, comes out the front door and walks slowly to the mailbox.

He opens the mailbox. Empty.

He walks back up to the front door, just as Simon slams the door shut.

SIMON
SAY IT!

Billy digs into his pocket and pulls out a key. He unlocks the front door and pushes his way in.

He looks at Simon for a minute.

BILLY
There is no Santa Claus.

He just walks past Simon into the house.

INT. ARNIE’S HOUSE -- NIGHT

Arnie, in street clothes that look eerily similar to his uniform, sits in a worn leather chair. The crumpled letter on a table next to him.

He stares at a piece of paper in his hand. It’s a check for $500.00 from the US Postal Service. The memo section is filled out: “Retirement Bonus”.

Arnie gets slowly out of his chair, favoring his left hip.

EXT. JOHNSON HOME -- EARLY MORNING

SUPER: CHRISTMAS DAY

A hand in a blue glove knocks hard on the Johnson’s door. Somewhere above, a light goes on in the house.

BILLY’S DAD (late 30’s), in a bathrobe and slippers, opens the front door to find there’s no one there. He looks up and down the street, no one... except some old guy limping down the street.

Billy’s dad looks down and sees a huge bag bulging with presents. On top is a letter addressed to Billy Johnson. It’s postmarked: “S. Claus, North Pole”.

Billy’s dad picks up the bag, confused, and heads inside.

BILLY’S DAD
Hey, Billy?!

The door shuts behind him.

THE END

[OzFade]

Nice Boob...

And yeah the story was sweet.

[Jcorona]

Hey, I wanna throw my present into the mix!

UNWRAPPED

FADE IN:

INT. DAMIAN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Everything's Christmassy, perfect.

A train in motion rounds a beautiful Christmas tree.

A mistle-toe hangs from the entrance.

Three stockings hang from the chimney: "Daddy," "Mommy," "Damian."

Alvin, Theodore and Simon sing softly from the stereo until the most beautiful sound in the world rhythmically rises, quickens and drowns out the Chipmunks.

WOMAN (O.S.)
(having an orgasm)
Ah -- ah -- ah -- ah ah ah ah ah ah AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --

THUMP! On the roof. The house shakes, Alvin stutters, ornaments fall and the train derails.

WOMAN (O.S.)
-- yeeeeeeees!

The woman sighs.

Noises come from the chimney, soot rains down.

Of course, SANTA follows. He steps down, peeks out, his bag draped over a shoulder.

The bag's almost empty except for something rectangular, flimsy at the bottom.

He tip-toes toward the tree and freezes when a bedroom door opens in the hallway.

He stares.

The finest PROSTITUTE alive, in prostitute clothes, steps out and looks back inside the room. She catches her breath, her hair's a mess.

She blows a kiss, fans herself and staggers toward the front door.

She stops in front of Santa and fans ten one-hundred dollar bills.

PROSTITUTE
He was nice.

She staggers out, Santa's eyes follow.

DAMIAN (7) steps out of the room the Prostitute stepped out of in a man's robe. He sweats, his hair's a mess.

DAMIAN
Hey, it's you!

Santa's eyes dart toward Damian. He takes back at the sight and the thought.

DAMIAN
You like 'er, don't'chu? She does some crazy stuff for a PS3.

Damian pulls up a sleeve, exposes a joint, tokes it and extends it toward Santa.

SANTA
Can't. Got a long night ahead of me.

Damian exhales, flicks the joint.

He walks to the bar, pours a shot and extends it toward Santa.

SANTA
I'm driving.

Damian swirls the shot glass, smells the liquor.

SANTA
What happened? You were nice, now you're -- naughty.

DAMIAN
Freedom, big man. F-R-E-E-D-O-M, freedom!

Damian throws back the shot, grimaces and exhales.

DAMIAN
The folks won a trip to the Big Spin. Told me to be good till tomorrow. Thought they'd never leave. Seven years, big guy, babied me for seven long years.

He pulls out a bag of coke, dumps the coke on the coffee table and forms a line from end to end.

DAMIAN
Got a dollar?

Santa hands him a buck.

Damian rolls it, snorts half the line and extends the bill toward Santa.

Santa shakes his head: "No."

Damian finishes off the job, his eyes roll to the back of his head and back down.

DAMIAN
Tony Montana lives!

Santa's had enough, drops the bag and ducks inside the chimney.

DAMIAN
Santa?

He stops.

DAMIAN
I know you didn't get me what I asked for. Don't worry about it. Don't need to.

Santa climbs up the chimney.

Damian kneels, reaches into Santa's bag and pulls out a newspaper with the headline: "COUPLE ON WAY TO BIG SPIN FATALLY MAULED BY REINDEER."

THE END

Corona

[doubler83]

Nice one, Corona.

[Jcorona]

Thank you, doubler.

Corona :)

[dpaterso]

Hey Corona, you and sc have really nailed the joyous family Christmas vibe! I think I m-might have appreciated more d-description of the p-prostitute's clothes.

-Derek

[Jcorona]

Hey Corona, you and sc have really nailed the joyous family Christmas vibe! I think I m-might have appreciated more d-description of the p-prostitute's clothes.

-Derek

Dp, I just brought it to my own attention that I didn't give you the props you deserved for this hilarious post earlier 'cause it flew right over my head when I first read it.

I deleted the mess I posted earlier to give you:

:rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

Corona

[bed-and-bones]

"HELLION"

FADE IN:



EXT. SKY - NIGHT

Snow decorates a fleeted town. Lights dangle over a large
sign that reads: HELLION.



INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - NIGHT

CLOSE ON two hands assembling a Grandfather clock.

VOICE
Apologize. Apologize!



INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

DESMOND HAINES, six, is shown by an OLD MAN how to repair a
Cuckoo clock.

OLD MAN
Time, Desmond. It's a beautiful
thing when appreciated.

DESMOND
Where's the birdie?



INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - NIGHT

A thinly paled Desmond, late twenties, uses a sharpening
stone to grind the edges of a Bowie knife.

DESMOND
The Christmas spirit.



EXT. HELLION - DAY - FLASHBACK

Desmond grabs the old man's hand. They walk across an unpaved
road.

DESMOND
Where are we going grandpa?

GRANDPA
To visit your parents.



EXT. HELLION CEMETERY - DAY - FLASHBACK

Desmond sits, playfully, in front of his parents tombstone
that reads:

EMMA AND STEWART HAINES

A DAY TO MOURN

December 25th 1984



INT. CABIN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Desmond sits next to a Christmas tree, shaking a present.

He hears a MAN and WOMAN screaming from another room. Desmond
throws the present into the fireplace; watching it
burn to hot ash.



EXT. CABIN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Smoke lingers over Desmond's head. His eyes reflect a
confounded expression on his face.



EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

We move steadily across a dirt yard, and up a
short flight of steps, before stopping at a front door that
barely hangs by its hinges.

A fist knocks twice, and is immediately answered. It's
Grandpa. He's given a present.

GRANDPA
Come in.
(turns his back)
It's good to see you.

A sharpened Bowie knife is wrapped around the old man's
throat.

DESMOND
You too.



FADE OUT.
THE END.

[Kwvillen]

******Offensive Material Alert********

But not meant to offend anyone.


FADE IN:

OVER BLACK

MAN'S VOICE
(echo)
Mary... Mary... Earth to Mary...

INT. MARY'S HUT - NIGHT

MARY stirs from sleep:

MARY
Go away, Joseph. You know my fruit isn't ripe for your picking.

MAN'S VOICE
If your fruit gets any riper, you'll be drawing flies from here to Phoenicia.

MARY
Excuse me?

Mary opens her eyes to a naked ANGEL surrounded with a golden glow. His back turned to her.

ANGEL
That was a joke.

MARY
I got it. Crude humor, a real turn on. I'm wet. Now, who are you and where are your clothes? And what's with the wings? They real?

ANGEL
You want the King James Version of it or —

MARY
Whatever.

ANGEL
I have come to thee with thy seed of thy Lord.

MARY
Hold up. I don't think so. And I don't know what gave you the impression that I'm that kind of gah —

The angel turns around.

Mary's eyes lower to crotch level, up-lit with an amber glow.

MARY
Jesus H. Christ.

Mary reaches.

ANGEL
Coming soon, to a town near you.

EXT. VILLAGE - DAY

Mary walks with RUTH, a woman of the same age. Many turbaned men cluster around in prayer groups. Mary carries a bowl of wheat.

MARY
He said that he was sent by God himself. I kid you not. May the good Lord strike me dead on this spot.

Mary spits to mark the spot, but instead hits a Rabbi, who stumbles and levels a fruit stand.

RUTH
Was he any good?

MARY
Heavenly, but I feel so guilty.

RUTH
There's nothing to be guilty about. You were meant to bare a spiritual child and if you had a little fun in the process, so be it.

Ruth faces Mary.

MARY
So be it.

Mary and Ruth share a laugh.

RUTH
But are you sure he was an angel?

MARY
Good point. He fvcked like the Devil.

RUTH
Mary!

MARY
Sorry, but he did. Cross my heart and hope to die.

Mary gestures a cross by touching her forehead, chest, crotch.

Which gets the attention of a group of robed men who are outraged by the display.

RUTH
Are you crazy?

MARY
I don't know why I just felt the need to touch my forehead, nipples and pvssy in public.

RUTH
I'm all for self-love, but maybe in the future, you should do it in private.

INT. MARY'S HUT - DAY

Mary prepares some bread by an inviting fire in the middle of the hut, while JOSEPH paces.

JOSEPH
They wanted to stone you. Make an example out of you, woman!

Mary throws down the dough, approaches Joseph.

MARY
So what, I screwed an angel and spat on a Rabbi. Does that make me bad?

JOSEPH
You spat on a Rabbi?

MARY
Yeah. Synagogue news flash: Mary touched her nipples and pvssy in public too! Whoopty Doo!

JOSEPH
You touched your what?

MARY
Now tell me something I don't know.

JOSEPH
They wanted to stone you, because you were seen carrying a bowl of wheat on the Sabbath.

Mary
Oh. That I didn't know.

Joseph shews a goat away, who humps his leg.

JOSEPH
Now what were these other things that you were saying?

MARY
Nothing.

Mary brings a loaf of bread over to Joseph.

MARY
That wheat was for this bread. And a little bit of leaven spoils the entire loaf.

Joseph's expression relaxes.

JOSEPH
You know the laws, Mary. Why must you make things difficult for me?

MARY
Would you rather I was easy?

Joseph cocks his head, opens his mouth.

MARY
Don't answer that.

Didn't have time to finish, but had to participate since I started this thing:

:)

Thanks for every one's entries, we had a great turnout this Christmas!!!

Thanks again,

KWV

[IndieMe]

Hey all,

I'd like to submit my short, but it keeps looking all screwey when I copy/paste it in the reply box
Any ideas?

I'm running out of time.

:o:)

[Kwvillen]

When you paste, it looks screwy, but when you hit the submit button it should look okay. Hit preview to see what it will look like.

KWV

[Kwvillen]

I reformated your script, that I rec'vd by PM, IndieMe: :)



This is from IndieMe:


SANTA'S GIFT TO JOEY


INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

A small room with bare walls, a rusty metal bed with super-hero sheets, a red Christmas bow hangs on the door knob.

JOEY (5) in super-hero pj’s sits on the bed. His hands covers his ears, he rocks back and forth while he hums.

(O.S) From another room, emanates sound of commotion. Thud, bang, slap, a woman’s scream.

Joey rocks faster back and forth while he hums louder and louder. His eyes are squeezed shut and his hands press on his ears.

(O.S) The sound of a bottle breaking and more screaming.

JOEY
(singing)
We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

A loud crash against his bedroom door startles him.

JOEY
Please hurry Santa.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Joey is hunched into a ball on the floor, his ears still covered.

JOEY
(singing)
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane..(tapers off)

He carefully loosens the vice of his hands on his head. He opens his eyes, looks around. He gets up and treads over to the bedroom door. He puts his ear against it and listens. Silence.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Joey sticks his head out through the bedroom door, looks around.
A mirror on the wall hangs crooked and there's broken glass on the grimy floor.

He leaves his bedroom and heads over to another bedroom door. He opens it and peeks inside.

INT. WOMAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

A woman snores as she sleeps on the bed in the dark room.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Joey smiles slightly and excitedly tip-toes to the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

The kitchen is a mess. Dirty dishes overflow the sink, liquor bottles and trash litter the counter. A roach runs by.

Joey opens a cupboard and takes out a plate and glass. He opens the refrigerator, grabs a jug of milk, takes the cap off and pours some milk into the glass. The milk drops into the glass in big congealed lumps. He dumps the rancid curdles into the sink.

He looks into the fridge again and finds a carton of chocolate milk, he pours some into the glass.

In a breadbox he finds a no-name brand package of cookies. Only five cookies left, he takes all five and puts them on the plate.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The living room is small and depressing. A pathetic Christmas tree with branches weighted down by too much tinsel and flea market ornaments sits in a corner. No presents underneath.

Joey pads across the room to the tree. He kneels in front of it and places the plate and glass on the floor in front of it, a wide eyed expression of anticipation on his face.

He gets up and heads back to his bedroom, he turns around and gazes back at the tree with a smile on his face.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Joey climbs into his bed, a smile on his face as he pulls the sheets up to his chin and closes his eyes.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

The faint light of dawn illuminates the room. Joey wakes up. He eagerly pulls the blanket off and jumps out of bed. Wide eyed and excited he rushes out of the room.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

He hurries across the room to the Christmas tree.

Disappointment grows on his face as he nears the tree. He slumps down on his knees next to the plate and glass, the cookies and chocolate milk untouched.

He leans in under the tree, no presents there. Sadness on his face as he looks around the room. He gets up and with his head hung low and shoulders stooped he slowly leaves the room.

EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY

The front door to the decrepit house opens up and Joey steps out.

He wears a winter jacket over his pajamas and Barney slippers on his feet. He strolls down the uneven wooden porch and into the snowy front yard.

He kicks some snow at a plastic Santa lying smiling in the snow, walks down to the curb, looks left and right then sits down.

Lights start to come on in some of the windows of the houses.

WALTER (55) tall and scrawny with long gray greasy hair and wears Army surplus clothing limps down the street towards Joey.

He takes a swig out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. He hobbles past Joey. He stops and studies Joey. He turns around, stumbles back, takes another swig.

WALTER
Hey kid, shouldn't you be opening presents or something?

Joey looks down into the snow while making patterns in the snow.

WALTER
You didn’t like your presents?

Joey stares at the ground and shrugs.

WALTER
What did you get?

Joey glances at Walter then back at the ground.

WALTER
Hey Kid, are you serious?...Santa didn't bring you anything at all?

Joey shakes his head. Walter ponders this for a moment.

WALTER
What did you do?...(teasing)
Did you do something naughty?

Joey nods. Walter sits down on the curb next to him, his pant legs rise up revealing two metal rod prosthetics. Joey glances at Walter's metal ankles then turns back to stare at the ground.

WALTER
What did you do Kid?

JOEY
I called nine one one.

WALTER
You made a prank call?

Joey shakes his head.

JOEY
I wanted the police to come.

Walter looks puzzled.

WALTER
Why?

Joey looks up and their eyes meet.

JOEY
He was hurting my Mommy.

WALTER
Who?

Joey looks down again. Walter turns and peers at the house.

JOEY
Rodger.

WALTER
…that means you were trying to save your mom. That makes you a hero.

JOEY
She got mad at me...said I was bad.

Walter thinks for a moment then he stick his hand inside his pants and starts groping around. Joey watches him.

WALTER
Hey Kid, look away, alright.

Joey does. Walter pulls a small pouch out from his pants.

WALTER
I didn't tell you at first, but my name is Walter. I'm Santa's cousin.

Joey suspiciously eyes him.

WALTER
Santa told me to come here and give you your present. He couldn't come by himself. Some problems with his reindeer. I think Prancer had a bowed tendon, Comet colicked and poor Rudolph choked on an alfalfa cube.

Walter opens up the pouch and takes out a star-shaped medal with a blue ribbon. Joey studies the medal.

WALTER
This medal, they give you--I mean Santa gives you, when you've displayed personal bravery or self-sacrifice to save someone else. It's called the medal of honor.

Joey stares at the medal in Walter's hand.

WALTER
Santa only gives out one of these every year. Of all the kids on earth, he told me to give this one to you.

He slowly drops the medal into Joey's hand, then he gets up.

JOEY
To me?

WALTER
Yes, it's for you.

Walter gets up, Joey does the same.

WALTER
Next time someone tells you you’re bad, you just remember that medal Santa gave you.

Joey looks up at Walter who wipes a tear from his eye.

WALTER
Don’t loose that thing Kid. It’s very special, only brave people get one.

Walter turns and hobbles down the street. Joey watches him.

Joey gazes up at the last remaining star in the morning sky. It twinkles brightly once and disappears. He closes his hand around the star in his hand.

FADE OUT:

[IndieMe]

WOW!!

KWVillen, you're the man!

You know how many hours I've been messing with this? :D:love:

PS. For anyone that might read it, I must mention that English is my second language.

[Kwvillen]

No problem, IndieMe.

Good luck:

:)

KWV

[sarajb]

Happy Holidays. :)

TOYS



INT. OFFICE - NIGHT

Drunken chat and laughter. "Santa Baby" drifts from ceiling
speakers. The large work area is decked out for Christmas,
cozy as earrings on a mannequin.

JOEL FOSTER, man in charge, hosts a crowd by a fake tree
that's wrapped in red, white and blue garland. He sees the
flirts, the too drunk to drive, the light ready to burn out
in the corner. Joel sees everything, all while conversing.

JOEL
...so, until housekeeping can
fumigate his office the position
stays open.

HOLLY TRINIDAD, ninety pounds of wannabe, leads the ensuing
laughter. KEVIN MCKNIGHT steps up.

KEVIN
Ray was a good guy. He knew his
sh!t.

HOLLY
He smelled like sh!t.

Kevin makes an aggressive move. She flinches, but he simply
fills his cup from the punch bowl behind her.

JOEL
Ray was shark bait. I did him a
favor.

KEVIN
Yeah, you're a regular coin in the
kettle. Get to the fvcking jar, so
I can leave.

JOEL
Just for you, McKnight.

Holly leans into Joel

HOLLY
You know, I could do Ray's job.

JOEL
No, I don't know.
(claps)
Alright. Gather round my puppets.
Gather round. Thank you all for
coming. Thank you, George, for the,
uh, patriotic party favors.

GEORGE hoists a plastic "Support Our Troops" cup picturing
Santa in fatigues and a sackful of AK-47's on his back.

Joel's thank you's fade off. The clock reads 10:15.

A LONG DRAWN OUT LATER

10:42. Kevin crumples a cup. He's about to pop.

JOEL
And, finally, thank you to the
exquisite Loretta for counting the
candy.

Joel lays a hand on a large jar of colorful Christmas candy
labelled, "Guess how many. WIN $500".

JOEL
Loretta?

LORETTA slips an envelope from her bosom to multiple catcalls
of approval. Joel holds the envelope to his head.

JOEL
Limburger. Denmark. Ray.

Raucous over the top laughter.

JOEL
You guys are too easy. Okay, the
number of candies in the jar is ...
one thousand one hundred thirteen

Groans from those way off. Holly points to the guess board.

HOLLY
Joel, yours is close.

JOEL
Damn, you're right. Anyone get
closer than 1075?

KEVIN
One thousand one hundred fifteen.

HOLLY
But, you went over.

KEVIN
By two! Joel?

JOEL
The rule is closest without going
over. It's on the jar. You read it.

KEVIN
Come on!

He scans the room, but gets no support from Joel's crowd.
Kevin points at him on the way out the door-

KEVIN
No more silent night, Foster.

-and he's gone.

HOLLY
What was that all about?

JOEL
Blackmail.

He leaves her wondering there.

HOLLY'S CUBICLE

Holly slides into her chair and wakes the computer. She winks
at a framed school picture of a toothless boy.

BY THE FAKE TREE

Somewhere nearby a man rambles unintelligibly. Joe taps
Loretta's shoulder.

JOEL
Add Molinaro to the cab list.

Holly sneaks up behind and takes his hand. He lets her drag
him to a quiet corner, where she flashes a folded paper.

HOLLY
Kevin's address. I don't know what
this is about, but I won't let him
get away with threatening you.
Let's teach him a lesson.

JOEL
Holly, I appreciate your concern,
but trust me. He's not going to get
away with it. Lessons are dishes
best served methodically.

HOLLY
But sometimes, you have to strike
while the iron's hot and do what
your gut knows is right.

Holly coils his tie around her fist and kisses him. She
awaits his reaction with less bravado.

JOEL
Let's go.

[sarajb]

INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT

Joel and Holly approach a silver Jaguar. There's a fresh key
mark on the driver's door. Joel blinks. Just blinks.

INT. JAGUAR - NIGHT

Joel fiddles with the climate control and turns on some
acoustic Christmas music - Baby It's Cold Outside.

HOLLY
What do you think we should do when
we get there?

JOEL
It's your lesson.

HOLLY
I know. I was just wondering what
your thoughts were.

The neighborhoods go downhill fast. The streets become dark,
narrow, lifeless. Holly clutches her purse tight.

Joel smirks on the side she can't see.

He pulls into an alley and surveys a sh!tty brick building.

JOEL
What does he do with all the money
I pay him?

HOLLY
1B. It's the basement apartment.

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

They peer around a dumpster. The well-pressed pair looks
superimposed in this run down setting.

Down in the apartment, Kevin sits on the floor, drinking
something. The place isn't much nicer than the alley.

HOLLY
I think we should confront him. The
shock and gall will throw him off
balance.

Joel takes a step forward. He slips on some juicy garbage
that's fallen from the overflowing dumpster. His face
twitches.

JOEL
No.

He pulls a gun from his coat pocket.

HOLLY
What? What are you doing?

JOEL
What my gut knows is right. I'm
putting him out of his misery.

She yanks on his arm with little effect.

HOLLY
Stop. Don't do this. I was wrong.

A little girl's curly head bounces from the other side of the
tiny apartment.

HOLLY
He has a daughter.

JOEL
She'll be better off.

He gets a bead on Kevin just as the girl jumps in his arms.

BLAM!

Joel's body jerks. A blood stain spreads on his chest. He
looks to Holly for help.

A tiny silver handgun smokes in her hand.

He collapses onto the trash. With a weak grin, he takes aim
at her. BLAM! She finishes him off.

A click comes from Joel's gun. An American flag pops out and
unfurls. It says, "PEACE ON EARTH"

Holly screams at the stars.

[Kwvillen]

Wow, we had 22 Entries in the Holiday Short Contest this year! Huge turnout!

Here are the people who participated - in the order they posted:

Mark Twain Wreck
J off Course
ihavebiglips
Fortean
dpaterso
frankts1
theblondewritr
ylekot43
csparks
Harbinger
OzFade
yeehi
sc111
haunted1
clueless
BestWriterEver
BoobsieMalone
Jcorona
bed-and-bones
Kwvillen
IndieMe
sarajb


We might as well vote within this thread. Since there are so many shorts to read, lets shoot to have the votes in by Dec. 25, 2006, Christmas Day.

Anyone can vote whether they participated or not.

So, go ahead and cast your three votes. [entrants can't vote for themselves]:

3Pts. - Your number 1 pick.
2Pts. - Your number 2 pick.
1Pt. - Your number 3 pick.

Good luck, everyone, and thanks for your entries! Happy Holidays!

:)

KWV

[yeehi]

Isn't there an alternative method of voting?

Could an admin create a poll, or something like that? vBulletin supports polls.

I think 3 might be needed: One for people to place their first choice, another for their second choice and one more for their third choice.