to creativexec. please read.

[Gilliatt]

Hiya, I'm brand new here, but I hang out on other boards around town. Happened upon this one while I had my wet suit on.

My agent tells me that I should take chances with my scripts and pitch to as many people as I can get an ear for, so if you wanna lend me your ear, then the pitch follows.

"Prankster" : Action/Thriller

Angelo is an artist who creates murder in the name of art. By doing so he strives to reveal to society how art work, as it exists in mass media, creates human suffering. He is also the Prankster, a multiple felon positioning evidence from the murders in situations which are emabarassing for the police and seem to lead nowhere.
Nick and Nelly Defido pursue and they pursue with the heart of unseasoned detectives, still high on their job description. They learn at the hand of Angelo that murder is best left out of their marriage and their emotions, a fitting analogy to the countless people who everyday enhance their tolerance for violence via television, video games and film.
Angelo's masterwork is complete when he is acquited for the murders because he has successfully positioned the evidence in the pranks, and therefore made it circumstancial by law. Angelo has made the killings into a Prank. A fitting analogy to the claim of "coincidence" which the creators of mass media use to prevent society from making their products into villains.
To complete Nick and Nelly's arc and the story's theme, the thrilling third act to "Prankster" places Nick and Nelly themselves at the mercy of Angelo, who is attempting to create a work of art from our two heros.

How do they find their way out of this...

Find some actors and some funding for the film and I'll let you know. :)

Thanks for reading.

I look forward to any comments you could provide.
Gilliatt

[Gaijin Samurai]

please forgive me for chiming in here, gentlemen, but i thought i'd just let you know...

there is already a serial killer movie in development right now with a serial killer called michael angelo who creates artwork out of his victims. a female fbi agent must track him down as he works his way up the fbi's top ten most wanted list, as number 5 is an fbi agent undercover. it's called "top ten" and is an adaptation of the novel by ryne douglas pearson.

[CRASH]

Why isn't your agent doing anything for you?

[Gilliatt]

Gaijin
Were did you get this information from? Can you let me know please I would grteatly appreciate it.

Crash,
My agent does alot for me but he's part of a boutique agency so I can imagine that he doesn't hear everything in the industry.

Gil

[Gilliatt]

Gaijin
Don't worry I found it.

I can't believe how similar these stories are. I mean the fact that we both based the characters on Michealangelo, and this same damn story and everythig, @#%$.

[Gilliatt]

Actually the two aren't as similar as I derived from the interview with Pearson that I found.

I found a review of the book on amazon that talks about the story and the characters more, but they are very different, the only similarites are the names of the characters and acts of the killer. The story for the film is more about the pursuit of the killer and the agent to get that number one spot on the most wanted list. Mine is more of a maturation script for the detectives.

I'm not as worried as I was before but this kind of information could proove helpful. I'll have to let my agent know to rule out Waner Brothers while he markets the script.

CreativExec. If you're still out there, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

[creativexec]

Gilliatt,

Welcome to the Board.

Although I find serial killers quite fascinating. I prefer
to read about them in non-fiction books - where the
details are gorier and more lurid than could ever be
portrayed in a Hollywood film.

The genre peaked with SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
and SEVEN. Two films that dealt with intriguing
criminals and equally as intriguing protagonists.

Now, Hollywood serial killers are like villains from the
60's TV series BATMAN. "The Minstrel", "The
Black Widow", "The Clock King". It's starting to
get silly.

Regarding your log line:

Kudos to Crash and Samurai - who were able to
make sense out of your brief synopsis.

But you lost me after:

"Angelo is an artist who creates murder in the name of art. By doing so he strives to reveal to society how art work, as it exists in mass media, creates human suffering. He is also the Prankster, a multiple felon positioning evidence from the murders in situations which are embarrassing for the police and seem to lead nowhere."

With respect to you, I DID have A LOT to drink last
night, and my brain may be malfunctioning more than
usual.

But your synopsis is way too convoluted for me to
try and interpret.

You'll need to start again.

[Gilliatt]

Creativexec: This is longer so I don't blame you if you don't wanna read it. I'd appreciate any further comments you could provide though.


Prankster: Action/Thriller

Great art does require suffering, but only the victims of the Prankster know that sometimes the artist in not the one who suffers.

Nick and Nelly Defido are detectives in the 18th precinct. They are well eucated but they have not learned to divorce their emotions from policework.

In the Bloodbath murders the murderer (Angelo) has apparently killed 19 people and used their blood to paint the entire contents of a home. The bodies are not present though. Nelly then ofcourse discovers the bodies themselves and reveals Angelo's motive. Angelo killed the 19 people by tattooing them to death. Strapping them down and tattooing their entire bodies until they die from the pain. He has used artwork to murder, and murder to make artwork. A number of other murders follow under the same motive, but in every scenario a plethora of evidence is missing.

In the meantime Nick and Nelly's paths consistently and unknowingly cross as Nick pursues the Prankster. (Also Angelo). Packaging peanuts bury SWAT teams, sprinklers systems soak forensics units, buckets are found in Nick and Nelly's home balanced on the doors. But amidst the humor of the pranks the police overlook the connection between the evidence in the pranks and the missing evidence needed to find the Bloodbath killer.

Once two and two is put together it is too late though. Angelo is set free because the evidence was positioned to make it circumstancial. But Angelo is not done and as he continues his killings, he attempts to make Nick and Nelly part of an artwork. This finishes their character's arcs as they learn that being a cop requires them to divorce their emotions from the violence of policework, or their gruesome work will find its way into their lives.


One of the things that I'm doing with my Agent is trying to let the theme shine through more. That being how "we should not let mass media and popular culture enhance our tolerance for murder." Angelo has allowed this to happen to him, but during the script Nick and Nelly are taught not to.

The entire story then becomes an analogy for the manner in which children and even adults today, are constantly subject to violence via the arts of media. Through that, their tolerance for violence is increased. There are then cases where kids react to life based on their tolerance for violence, and school shootings start happeneing everywhere.

The pranks work into the theme when Angelo is set free because of them. Just like in reality when a company says it's simply a coincidence that a child plays a violent video game all day, then goes out and kills someone, so does Angelo say that the evidence in the pranks only coincidentally links him to his murderous art work.

Thanks for reading

Gilliatt

[RyRy]

Gaijin Samurai,

That movie you speak of sounds interesting. Can't wait to see it.

[Gilliatt]

RyRy
I must admit, that if I wasn't so angry right now I would be more excited about seeing the film thats being made.
Gil

[RyRy]

Why are you angry?

[Gaijin Samurai]

ryry,

i even read the novel the script is being adapted from. and because it is soon halloween, i'm reminded of a rather intriguing scene that starts with the line "would you like to buy a pumpkin?"

check it out if you ever have the time. i'd send you my copy but it's autographed, so i'm afraid i'm holding on to it. ;)

gilliat,

you wrote:

"...the only similarites are the names of the characters and acts of the killer. The story for the film is more about the pursuit of the killer and the agent to get that number one spot on the most wanted list. Mine is more of a maturation script for the detectives."

those are the most important similarities. the name of the character, and the acts of the killer, are the concept and the idea behind your script. the story itself, while different, isn't what differentiates between the two. people are going to remember the story because "it's about a serial killer who is an artist, who makes art works out of his victims", and not "a maturation script for two detectives who have to find a serial killer who is also an artist."

for instance, you could no longer do a serial killer story about a guy who commits murders based on the seven deadly sins, because that's exactly what se7en was about, even though the storyline about the detectives could be worlds apart.

just being real with you here. i do hope that at the very least, it serves you very well as a writing sample. hey you might even get to rewrite that script in development and wouldn't that be a trip? you should, however, check that novel out and give it a read to so you know exactly what's going on. synopses don't do much except give you a very general idea. some of the things you've described about what your killer does to his victims show an m.o. that's fairly close to the killer in "top ten", though he actually never does the same thing twice to them.

to address the issue about your agent - even agents at boutique agencies need to know everything that's going on. case in point - i'm not an agent at any agency and i knew about this script in development because i keep an eye on the trades and an ear open. he should do the same.

good luck and cheers -- sorry to have been the bearer of this news.

[RyRy]

Good point Gaijin. My agents (now at UTA) started at a boutique agency, but that didn't stop them from landing plenty of seven figure deals for their clients while they were there.

[creativexec]

Well, you've given me an awful lot to do.

First, I must toot my own horn. It seems
my sarcastic "Batman" comment from a previous
post was rather prophetic in regards to your
story. The "Prankster's" pranks sound rather
similar to the Riddler's riddles and the Joker's
jokes.

Down to business:

Your "serial killer" has too much going on. He
uses BOTH art and pranks as his modus operandi.
These seem like two very different concepts.
It feels "too busy".

"Nick and Nelly" is too cutesy and reminiscent
of "Nick and Nora". Are you writing a spoof?

If Angelo is suspected, arrested, and then freed,
why aren't the police tailing him? Would they
be careless enough to release him so he could
kill again? You're making your protagonists look
stupid.

Most of your pitch consists of points relating to
the theme of your screenplay.

Gilliat, nobody cares about theme. All anyone
cares about is the story. When a writer rambles
on about the thematic relevance of his piece,
I'm immediately turned-off (and put to sleep).

Do not interpret the piece for other people.

My future grandfather-in-law created (and
starred in) a 60's British TV series called
THE PRISONER.

It's this amazingly enigmatic sci-fi show
(kind of) that nobody has ever understood.
We've been buying the DVD's and asked him
to tell us what certain episodes were about.
(He wrote several). He refused to do so, stating
that the individual must come to his own
conclusions. (He also admitted that he didn't
know what any of it meant either.)

Concentrate on the story, the human elements,
the emotionality of the piece. That's what's
going to draw people in.

Let others determine what the experience means
to them.

As written, you haven't stumbled upon anything
that is particularly compelling or original. However,
most serial killer scripts are derivative. This
isn't necessarily going to work against you, but,
unless the writing is superb, it isn't going to
help either.

[Gilliatt]

No Gaijin don't apologize,

I'm glad you told me, its better then spending another couple months developing it before I find out its useless.

This is actually not the first time this happened to me. I'm writing an action script right now about a taxi cab company in New York that sells drugs on their cab routes, and uses video footage of the drug transactions to blackmail people into supporting the mafia. I almost stopped last month when I found out that Richard Donner was pushing Crazy Taxi, from the video game, but I'm still gonna finish the script because the stories may be about taxi cabs but that's literally all the similarities that exist between the two scripts. I just hope this doesn't become a pattern for my career.

I'm gonna make alot of changes with the story, the antagonist mostly, and alot of the details, but I think alot of the concepts in the script can be removed and used in a different manner. The theme can be applied in a number of different ways, I just need to rethink, reimagine and restructure everything. Time to go to Staples and get another thousand count pack of white postcards.

Thanks for letting me know though Gaijin



Creativexec,
Thanks for the info. Nick and Nelly where just straight out my my mind, I don't really know who you're making reference to when you mentioned the spoof.

I'll keep your advice about theme in mind when I pursue future pitches. Thanks again.

Gil

[wordhurler]

creative - Your grandfather-in-law-to-be created "The Prisoner"?

Wicked! :)

[Gilliatt]

Creativexec
To respond to your question about the police following Angelo, they do follow him in the script, I just didn't want to clutter my post with too much detail. You read my first post and I didn't want you to have to sacrifice too much time on one person here. The amount of stuff that is important to this script, but that I left out of my synopsis, is astronomical.

If you wish to know. Angelo breaks away from the police while they are following him because-

In the script there is a character, Leary, who I didn't mention to save you reading time and simplify the synopsis. Leary is Nelly's partner on the Bloodbath case, but only on the Bloodbath case. Nick and Nelly were originally together on the Prankster case, but after the third prank, which is where the story starts, the chief splits them up and puts her on the bloodbath with Leary because he doesn't think the Prankster is worth the time of more then one detective.

Leary is older, and he acts as a source of tension for Nelly as he acts as the opposition of her state of mind throughout the script. Fitting to his character, at one point in the script while Nelly and Leary are following Angelo, we see Leary sleeping in the car, while Nelly watches Angelo. Leary wakes up in this scene and makes a comment about how boring this part of police work can get.

Later that night while Nelly is not with him, Leary falls asleep, and Angelo gets the drop on him, killing Leary and attacking Nick and Nelly afterward.

[fwuffykosak]

... how much do you know about Painters/sculptors/"fine artists"/the Art World?

Do you have enough foreknowledge to pull this off in the manner that C E is suggesting?

[Gilliatt]

I got my degree from Syracuse University. Majored in Architecture and minored in Fine Arts. I sell some of my charcoal drawings locally. Mostly works related to dancing.

Not an advanced knowledge of the art world but I think I know enough.

gil

[fwuffykosak]

If your artist character works primarily in charcoal (the poor man's pastel), then yes, I agree.

If he's a painter or a sculptor, then I don't think so.

As someone who's been a published illustrator for over a decade, I'd strongly suggest that you take advantage of your major, and switch from "artist" to "architect". There are interesting aspects to the use of murder (and murder victims) for the sake of Building (such as the myths and folklore of freemasons) that have not often been done in Cinema, whereas the "psycho artist" has been done to death, and by such Moguls as Corman.

[aguirrej]

Gillant:

TOP TEN is currently only "In Development" with Steven Reuther (Bel-Air Ent) and Mark Canton (Canton Co.) committed as Producers. Warner Bros will distribute. There is neither a Director nor a single Actor attached to this project yet.

[Basic B]

But I hear the budget already has a line item for pie. What's up with that?

Bonita

[sciguy88]

Too bad you couldn't get any info our of your future g-i-l - would loved to have heard about it. I've watched the first two eps, now, and will be renting the rest over the next few weeks. Ever see Lathe of Heaven? Also obscure and a great rent!

[creativexec]

sciguy88,

I haven't seen LATHE OF HEAVEN.

I'll look for it.

My future "g-i-l" is an amazing man but rather
cryptic and very private. We get him to open
up about some stuff. And he has great stories
about the filming of BRAVEHEART. (He played
Longshanks.) THE PRISONER is wonderfully
bizarre and has a cult following. But it was a
long time ago. Anyway, I've learned over the
years that what we view to be genius,
actors/writers/directors often remember as
only a paycheck.

[wordhurler]

At the very least, I'd love to know what your "g-i-l" thought of "The Simpsons" spoof of "The Prisoner" -- if he's seen it. ;)

[creativexec]

He liked it very much. In case you didn't
know, he did his own voice-over for the
episode.

[wordhurler]

I didn't realize that. He's obviously a cool guy.

I wasn't sure you were talking about *the* guy, until you mentioned him playing Longshanks. It's almost like you're marrying into royalty. :)

[creativexec]

Royality, huh? Well, he is British.

[wordhurler]

Not just British, but Irish. :) And he was a genuinely huge star at the peak of his popularity.

So are we ever going to get a Prisoner movie? (Or maybe that's a bad idea....)

[creativexec]

Yes, Irish. But born in NYC.

Chris McQuarrie was writing the feature.

Now James Vanderbilt, who penned BASIC
(in pre-production with Sam Jackson and
Travolta), is writing the script.

Rumors stated that Clive Owen was going
to play #6. But I think that was a rumor.

Supposedly, the hack who directed TOMB
RAIDER (Simon somethingoranother) is
attached to direct. At least he can't make
it any more incomprehensible than it already
is.

[BlueParrot]

I would love to see Top Ten in theaters. I saw Mercury Rising which was an adaptation of the same novelist.

That guy is brilliant.

Bonita, LOL about Pie. I guess only half the people here are in on the joke...which makes me LOL even more.

[wordhurler]

I guess if it can't be the original, I could see Clive Owen as #6. I really thought Owen should've gotten the nod as the next Bond. I mean, "Croupier" proves he's cool, is comfortable in a tux, and can handle himself around cards, casinos, and capers. ;)

[creativexec]

I think Owen would be a great Bond.

Did you know that #6 was the first choice to
play Bond before Connery? (Because of the
SECRET AGENT man series.) They asked him
again before Lazenby and after. Obviously,
#6 turned it down. Go figure.

[wordhurler]

We coulda had him instead of Roger Moore? Damn! ;)

[Gaijin Samurai]

come on, roger moore made james bond cool. he brought the series a lounge lizard quality that makes me want to be an international spy.

[ladycroft0]

wow creativexec. I'm loving the Prisoner every time I see it :) Is there anyway your grandpa in law can stop the horrendous fate of The Prisoner falling into Simon West's hands? The man directed Tomb Raider for pete's sake *shiver* and I don't wanna see The Prisoner dumbed down!

[creativexec]

It's out of his hands, Ladycroft.

[Gilliatt]

Didn't Simon West also direct Con Air?
CON AIR!

Which was the film and video equivalent of staring at a large penis for 2 hours.

[Olga]

Only staring? It would be a real torture. :evil

[PteranoDon]

I remember when Secret Agent and later The Prisoner came out in the 60's. They were just so cool. Cooler than Star Trek. The Prisoner especially (except for the "Do Not Forsake Me" episode).

Unreal.

Dem dry bones.

[ladycroft0]

Ah, I cannot side with one or the other. I love em both too much :)

I agree 'The Prisoner' was definitely a good show that cannot be duplicated (West, I wish you were listening). It's up there with my fave sci-fi shows as I was growing up (in the 80s not the 60s). I remember reciting the opening VOs of #2 & #6 with my brother.

Rover always gave me the creeps.

Love 'The Avengers', too (Diana Rigg eps o' course).

[sciguy88]

Part of the wonderfulness (yes, that's a word now) of The Prisoner is the 60s go-go feel of the whole thing (that weather balloon? Gotta love it!) And that just hasn't worked in movies - they tried it with The Avengers and it was just hideous.