K.I.S.S (Contest Guide)

[OzFade]

Or for those not up to date with their acronyms "Keep It Simple Stupid".

Everyone can tell a story in five pages...but can you tell one in just one page.

A competition that literally wants you to write a short script to be proud of.

CONTEST GUIDELINES:

1.5 Pages Max - The aim is to write a short in one page but I will give lee-way for a little over.
Open Theme/Genre
People may enter up to (2) submissions each.
Standard Formatting Applies (no Courier New 6pt).
Pm all Submissions to me.
Comp opens 20th of February and closes 29th of February.
Voting commences on the 1st of March until the 6th of March.
No voting for yourself.

All entrants must vote or else disqualified. Voting is open to non-entrants as well.Feel free to make suggestions etc as this is my first time holding a comp.

[Moviequill]

I like it -- sounds good

Make it that voters can only vote once, no multiple voting or cheating the results by emailing your entire family, friends, dentist, 900 porno buddy, pet monkey and ask them to vote for you -- it should be determined by the actual voting of your peers and people who really enjoyed it

[OzFade]

Thanks Cool.

I really don't mind if people go over one page a bit. This is really more of a challenge than a "who is the better writer" comp.

So yeah I just want people to have fun and challenge themselves.

[OzFade]

Moviequill I don't think it'll get that extreme...I mean other board members can still read and vote. Plus I'm not sure if there's a prize or not...maybe...we'll see.

But yeah one vote per person.

[Moviequill]

I'm not sure if there's a prize or not...maybe...we'll see.

it doesn't have to be big, but cool if there was something... I once won a plastic Oscar for writing with my name penciled on it, plus a cool SCREENWRITER cap in a contest run by SCRIPT magazine contributor Joel Haber -- and a movie pass to AMC -- small prizes, but physically significant

[Adam Isaac]

A nice idea, Oz.

Been waiting for you to lay it down. Your other idea is pretty sweet too.:cool:

[OzFade]

Okay this thing is going to kick off shortly. I'm running on the DD clock on the top of this page.

New deadline is the 29th of this month. You have 9 days to do me proud chumps!

Voting will begin on the 1st and finish on the 7th. (It's my birthday on the 9th which will be a saturday and after doing 10 hours at work I'll be drinking...a lot...so I won't have time to think and post).

I promise I'll have results up before that though.

Anyway...good luck and K.I.S.S

(Okay my entry is done...it's not easy let me tell you that. Have fun with it guys)

[OzFade]

Okay we're roughly 7 hours in by my count.

Hope everyone's recovered from Adam's TOUCH OF NOIR contest!

[Gobo]

I'd like to have a go and enter this one. How do we send this to you in a PM?
Thanks
Benedict

[OzFade]

Alright Gobo!

The best way is just to copy/paste into a pm to me and I'll reformat into the thread and then if you notice an error by myself to shoot another pm over telling me how I ****ed up ;)

[OzFade]

Remember guys you can enter 2 entries considering they're so darn short! Plus two shots at coming first!

[dpaterso]

I'm thinking about writing 100 entries and then joining them all together into one big David Lynchian mind-f***.

-Derek

[Adam Isaac]

I'm friggin amped about writing at the moment!

I'm friggin amped about this contest too!

And I'm also amped about this sixth cup of coffee--you hear me? AMPED!!

[IndieMe]

I'm not a coffee drinker, but a six-pack of diet Mountain Dews keep me going. Also use caffeine soap in the morning. Amazing stuff. Do NOT use at night though.

I think I'll write something for this K.I.S.S contest even though my track record on these boards are pretty bad. :D

Btw, I love David Lynch...

[Kevan]

I'm thinking about writing 100 entries and then joining them all together into one big David Lynchian mind-f***.

-Derek

Funny you should say that, Mr. Derek, because that's exactly what he does!

If you watch him interviewed in the recent BAFTA David Lean Lecture he talks about how he writes scripts and he does just what you mentioned..

So for all you bozos out there who wondered how he did it, you read it here..

Cut and paste boys, cut and paste.. Same way David Bowie writes his lyrics.. Some folk give it an arty name and call this montage..

No mistaking the technique works for Mr. Lynch, his films are something else!

"Show it to me"...:eek:

[Kevan]

I'm thinking about writing 100 entries and then joining them all together into one big David Lynchian mind-f***.

-Derek

Derek

You look rather cute today with your new avatar..

What's the story morning glory?

"We're going Japanese I really think so"...

[Kevan]

Indieme, bad reputations or records are what this business is all about. :)

Yeah, you're a naughty girl, IndieMe.. :eek:

[IndieMe]

I can see a new craze starting aroun' here, male posters with female avatars. it works for me ... class act.

Does that mean I have to change mine to a male avatar?
I dun wanna...

[dpaterso]

Does that mean I have to change mine to a male avatar?
I dun wanna...
Nooooooooooooooo!

Er, I mean, of course that's your choice.

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

-Derek

[Kevan]

Does that mean I have to change mine to a male avatar?
I dun wanna...

We had a competition for the best avatar on DD and you won.. :love:

[Adam Isaac]

Band of Barracudas in the hizouse!:cool:

[dpaterso]

Princess Yuki say: Sweaty man need bath.

-Derek

[Adam Isaac]

While you two are switching avatars, Bernie and I have some parties to crash.



Karl,

Yo. I'm sending you an important PM here in a bit. Need to throw something by you.

[OzFade]

Wow guys only 5 days in and already we have 15 entries. That's more than I expected let me tell you that.

But I still wanna see more! Remember, everyone can enter twice.

Also I'm going to officially announce right here that yes there will be prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd but as to what they are....well you'll have to enter to find out ya mugs!

[OzFade]

Also feel free (not mandatory though) to write a short note about entries you liked, or the entries you voted for etc.

I know dpat and myself will be doing this and I hope others will join in.

Now get back to writing...

[Gobo]

...how are we voting? Top three? A PM to Oz?

[OzFade]

Yeah top 3 pm'd to yours truly...voting starts on the 1st.

[Gobo]

Cool. You got it.

[OzFade]

2 days left people. 17 entries...and I know there's still a few out there who are (hopefully) going to grace me with an entry.

Get to it.

[OzFade]

In light of the recent "down time" I'm going to extend the deadline to the 1st of March. That should be enough time. If anyone sent an entry resend it. I already lost one entry which I am getting back at the moment.

More news to come.

[IndieMe]

March 1st at midnight?


I could enter a second one!

Don't worry, the maggot one will not be entered! :D

[OzFade]

:rolling:

March 1st at midnight...still plenty of time to crack out a one page short.

[OzFade]

The K.I.S.S (I really wish I thought of a better name) contest is officially over!

Voting commences asap (all entrants must vote) and is open to anyone. Pm 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices to yours truly.

In just one week we got 28 entries which is amazing. Much more than I expected.

I just want to thank everyone for entering and even to those who didn't enter but still supported and promoted the comp.

Here are your entries:

CORKY
FADE IN
YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH
BRIGHT YELLOW PARROT
LOVE ACTUALLY PART II
SELF PRESERVATION LEVEL
LOVE, HONOR, DEATH, VENGEANCE
BOOGIE DAYS
NINJA GIRL
RUNNING HIGH AT CRAZEE JUMP
THE REASON WHY
GRACE PERIOD
ALL IN
RAGE OF FANCY
PUPPY LOVE
DUE PROCESS
REQUIEM FOR A SPACE HERMAPHRODITE
LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS
MILKY GOODNESS
M.U.R.D.E.R
THE END OF THE TOUR
THE ELEVATOR
IN THE LIGHT OF DAY
BOBBLEHEAD
DAISY
UNDA DA SEA
LAST ACT
PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW

[Adam Isaac]

New record, you little rippa! 28 entries!

I think your other contest idea is solid too; although this one sort of touches on it.

Where do we vote? Here, right?

[dpaterso]

Where do we vote? Here, right?

Pm 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices to yours truly.

-Derek

[OzFade]

I would like to run that other idea sometime in the year Adam (and yes...votes pm'd to me)

[OzFade]

Also I should mention (not that it's happened) but no voting for yourself...or being sneaky and creating a new username to vote for yourself...or paying me to stooge the votes so you win...or

Actually no I'll stop giving you guys ideas.

[dpaterso]

Have I won yet? When will my win be announced?

PS - PayPal says the money's in your account. I must say, your prices are ridiculous, even Isaac only charges $200 for first place.

:devil:

[OzFade]

Technically you were outbid...but still 2nd's pretty good right?

Anyway I'm still waiting for 4 entrants to cast their vote and I really want them in asap...the 7th for you guys will be the 8th(ish) for me and I'm starting a new job Friday night for a poker company, working 10 hours on sat (the 8th) for my regular job and then drinking all sat night for my birthday so I wouldn't mind getting the voting done and posting winners etc before all that happens.

Lets say we bump the end of voting up? I'll post out a pm to the entrants who haven't voted and then announce dp coming..

Er I mean...the winners

[Fortean]

Technically you were outbid...but still 2nd's pretty good right?

CAD$1 = USD$1.0103 (March 5, Noon)

[Adam Isaac]

Have I won yet? When will my win be announced?

PS - PayPal says the money's in your account. I must say, your prices are ridiculous, even Isaac only charges $200 for first place.

:devil:


:eek: :D

[IndieMe]

I dint pay nobody. I guess I lose again...
:)

[Gobo]

So for some reason (maybe because I haven't written anything this week!) I am anxiously checking for the results of this writing exercise......

OzFade....put me out of my misery!!!!:eek:

[OzFade]

I still have two people who have not voted.

Deadline is midnight 6th of March. That's tonight (By Done Deal time).

I don't want to disqualify anyone but I will!

[dpaterso]

I dint pay nobody. I guess I lose again...
:)
If only you got extra points for moody avatar pics...

Oh, wait, I'd still win!

:D

-Derek

[TheKeenGuy]

So how many people intend to post mini-reviews of all the short scripts after the winners come out?

I found it was a entertaining way to pass the time while we wait (and while I procrastinate getting back to work on a script).

[OzFade]

Moody?...there's a freaking rocket in my eye!

[OzFade]

I have my notes all ready...I think dpat has as well.

[dpaterso]

Moody?...there's a freaking rocket in my eye!
Hmm, well, there's moody and then there's homoerotic subtext (ouch, missed!). Not that there's anything wrong with that you understand. [/Seinfeld]

I have my notes all ready...I think dpat has as well.
I use the notes I scribble to pick my top 3. Is there another way to grade 25+ entries? Does everyone but me have total recall??

-Derek

[TheKeenGuy]

I use the notes I scribble to pick my top 3. Is there another way to grade 25+ entries? Does everyone but me have total recall??
Well, I used the long list or titles and went through the thread as I couldn't remember a script from the title off the top of my head. I went by process of elimination, based on my strict and still-secret critera, until I had fewer than three and then started over again.

[DeaconBlu]

I just printed them out (don't yell, I used recycled paper). Does everybody want notes?

[dpaterso]

I went by process of elimination, based on my strict and still-secret critera, until I had fewer than three and then started over again.
You stuck the title list on a dartboard, didn't you? :)

I just printed them out (don't yell, I used recycled paper). Does everybody want notes?
Always nice to have, especially if you're not a winner and have no idea what readers thought of your entry.

-Derek

[TheKeenGuy]

I can't imagine that anyone who submitted a script wouldn't want feedback on it, although anyone speak up if that's the case!

I just tried to stay critical but not mean with my notes, since it's a friendly competition.

[TheKeenGuy]

You stuck the title list on a dartboard, didn't you? :)
Yup, and that's the reason why the three with the longest titles won.

[DeaconBlu]

How extensive are your notes? I know it's a 1-1.5 page story. Is there a ratio of some kind?

And yes, the last contest I was in on this board I wanted notes but less than a third gave them to me. I'm not bitter, just wondering is all. Maybe some peeps don't know.

Just so you know, I'll take all the notes you care to give.
:D

[TheKeenGuy]

I wrote anywhere between a sentence to a paragraph for each. I just explained why I did or didn't vote for things, what I enjoyed and what could have been better.

Not so much that I feel I should be paid for my time. I think the whole thing was like 6,500 characters, enough that it'll have to be split between two post.

[DeaconBlu]

Norfolk VA, where you're either in the Navy or sick of them.

[IndieMe]

I had written some quick notes for myself so I'd know who to vote for. Didn't know you people wanted feedback.

I had to do an erase/install last Saturday so I lost my notes, but I can pretty easily breeze through them and write down a few notes.

Don't hate me if they sound like they are from a "moody" person though... :D

[dpaterso]

My comments are only 1 or 2 lines per entry, like the Touch of Noir contest, not War & Peace.

Edit: since the deadline is looming and I need my beauty sleep, here are my comments for anyone who's interested. Highlight text with your mouse to read 'em. They're just my personal opinion, not gospel.

CORKY - visual, funny, I didn't love it at first but I came back to it. 3rd place. But it really needs edited.

FADE IN - I liked this one in written form but wondered whether I'd appreciate it so much if I were watching the film. I'm wobbling my hand, not sure. Almost got a vote.

"YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH" - this one should have been simple but it ended up overcomplicated and left me thinking "Wha?" and trying to figure things out.

BRIGHT YELLOW PARROT - this joke is older than I am!

LOVE ACTUALLY PART II - where the **** is Part I?

SELF PRESERVATION LEVEL - nice setup but the ending kinda fizzled, the symbology of the Waiter and the Cranberry juice were lost on me.

LOVE, HONOR, DEATH, VENGEANCE - Too violent for my liking.

BOOGIE DAYS - needs stronger focus on who she's talking to on the phone, maybe this could be her junior PA in the movie or fashion business instead of her son, so she can stress how important image is to the right people.

NINJA GIRL - cute, but too much "tell" not enuff "show."

RUNNING HIGH AT CRAZEE JUMP - well, that happened. I had to read this one again trying to figure what I'd missed, possibly too much space is spent on details like burger and ketchup, and not enough on character relationship setup and story.

THE REASON WHY - wordy dialogue morphing into political speech just didn't ding my bell. If you want to send a message, use Western Union.

GRACE PERIOD - felt overlong and wordy for what it delivered.

ALL IN - I read this joke on the Girls of Maxim site just last week!

RAGE OF FANCY - felt overlong for what it delivered, why'd the crazy kid kill her, I've no idea.

PUPPY LOVE - I didn't get this, did Mabel tell the vet to neuter Blanche's dog? Maybe if Blanche had been a lot more obnoxious and abusive I could appreciate why.

DUE PROCESS - never mind the photo, what happened to the rock?! Cute, but just a little too linear for my liking.

REQUIEM FOR A SPACE HERMAPHRODITE - clever title and content but this wasn't enough to grab a vote.

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS - sorry, this seems overlong for what it delivers, it just goes nowhere and does nothing.

MILKY GOODNESS - nicely done, tho' I thought it was missing a final line from Brett: "Dude! You nailed my mom!" Just missed a vote.

M.U.R.D.E.R. - just how "slowly" does the water leak in if it rises from his ankles to his face in seconds? Does the "D" stand for "Drowning"? But how does "E" connect to a thirty-year-old lesbian with twins? Clever, creepy and nicely done yet puzzling. Regardless of which, 2nd place.

THE END OF THE TOUR - not bad at all, but I really wanted to hear the woman's side of the phone conversation, cooing sweet love while humping the other guy.

THE ELEVATOR - cute and nicely done, almost got a vote.

IN THE LIGHT OF DAY - pardon my dumbness, two reads and I still didn't get this. Yeah OK the dam is being blown but what are Dan and Jeff up to with the grenade? I've no idea.

BOBBLEHEAD - could be something but right now it lacks a horror vibe that's badly needed.

DAISY - sounds like somebody recently had to say goodbye to their cat, nicely written but it's not entertainment, sorry.

UNDA DA SEA - cute slice-of-life glimpse of the ocean depths, tho' I don't think it'll play too well on Disney Channel.

LAST ACT - my 1st choice, I liked the setup and the choice Pete makes, voice over is handled well.

PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW - well OK, that happened. Nicely written but ultimately unfulfilling.

-Derek

[IndieMe]

Here's my first batch. Hope it's okay to post before midnight. Will post second batch shortly.

Please take my comments as they are intended... Just MHO and trying to be helpful. :love:

Corky:

I enjoyed it and it received one of my three votes.
I thought it was not just a joke, but did have some characterization to the coconuts and a complete story. It would make a cute/funny animated short.

Fade In:

My number one pick.
Yeah sure, it was another “writer” story, but in such a short short, I thought you filled it with interesting visuals, different locations, made a point and kept me entertained.

You didn’t let me finish:

The ending confused me. Is Beth and Susan the same person or are they different women with same type of earrings? Camera directions and descriptions that can’t be filmed were distracting to read.

Bright Yellow Parrot:

Well written, but a very old joke. Therefore you scored VERY low on originality to me. Sorry…

Love Actually:

I didn’t care for the warning at the beginning. You have no idea what might be offensive to the reader. Better to just let the reader discover for themselves what it’s about. Story wise, I did not see a clear beginning, middle and end… Even a super super short needs that, IMHO.

Self Preservation Level:

This one was sort of unsatisfying to me. The writing itself was fine, but… What’s with the wrecking ball? Why set something up that doesn’t pay off? The cold sore? I didn’t get it. Did I miss something?

Love, Honor, Death, Vengeance:

Don’t use “nice” descriptions in a moment of terror or horror. Creamy breasts when a woman is being attacked by four gangsters don’t sit right with me. It suggests we are supposed to like their threatening actions. You describe Boss Renko as a sadist, but he doesn’t do anything sadistic… Despite these few complaints, I thought the story itself was good.

Boogie Days:

Can’t say I really got the point of this one. Nancy is a very unlikable bitch for sure. I hated how she spoke to her son and then it ended with a finger up her nose?... Sorry.

Ninja Girl:

I very much enjoyed the writing, especially the dialogue. You did like so many others however, describe things we can’t see. If Johnny Capo is a small time con and pimp, you need to “show” us this. You’re telling me as a reader, but an audience would only see a guy in a bed having sex with Ninja Girl. Try to think visually.

Running High at Crazee Jump:

I didn’t really get this one… Not sure what to say about it. I have a feeling I missed some important part. I give you freedom to tell me I’m dense… It wouldn’t be the first time. :D

The Reason Why:

Funny, but…. As a screenplay I found it visually uninteresting. It’s basically just a joke. A funny one though and with a point, I’ll give you that.

Grace Period:

I felt this was a bit of a chunky read and in the end I didn’t really understand it… Nicely written, but perhaps a little too wordy for a screenplay. Just MHO.

All In:

Kind of funny, but not really a story. Aren’t we supposed to write stories? Even if we are just writing 1 pagers, they are supposed to be stories. This might work better for the March Madness challenge.

[IndieMe]

Last batch!

Rage of Fancy:

This was a complete story… however, I believe it ran a bit long being a bit unfair to those who tried to stick to 1 or slightly more page count. I also think the bloody ending were a bit much and brought the story down. I would have liked a more sinister end without blood and gore.

Puppy Love

I actually liked this one. I think you should try to make it a little more visually pleasing though and not rely on dialogue alone.

Due Process:

This wasn’t bad, but I felt the ending was a bit abrupt and hurt the overall story. Good until that point though.

Requiem for a Space Hermaphrodite:

The best title for sure! Short story that fits onto one page. Story was okay too, but not kick ass.

Life is What Happens When You Make Plans:

IMHO, this one fails as a screenplay as it has pretty much nothing visual going on, just dialogue. Rewrite this with visuals and it will be soooo much better.

Milky Goodness:

Haha, not sure, but I sorta enjoyed this one. It was “bad” in a good way. I was told my maggot script was too much for this site… You might have enjoyed it though. Fun read.

M.U.R.D.E.R:

At one point I rolled my eyes thinking… another “quick murder without motive script”, but by the time I got to the end, I really enjoyed it. I had it for my #3 vote. Good job!

The Elevator:

Is this the same script that was the WILDSOUND finalist? It was okay. Didn’t rock my boat, but it was okay…

In The Light of Day:

This one had me interested until the end… then I got lost. What exactly did it mean? I have a feeling I missed something… What did they try to accomplish with the granade?

Bobblehead:

In a way, this was okay, but ultimately it doesn’t make sense. Michael seems stupider than stupid… Sorry

Daisy:

Well written and had a story. My biggest beef with this one was that there was no surprise. I knew from the very beginning where this was heading. Btw, I just had to put one of my rabbits, Groucho (10yo) to sleep this week so I absolutely felt the pain and sadness.

Unda da Sea:

I liked it and thought it mirrored land life pretty well. Could have got a vote from me if there had been fewer entries.

Last Act:

I liked this one. A complete story that kept me interested. The only reason you didn’t get my vote is because there were three ahead of you as my favorites. Great job!

Party Like There is no Tomorrow:

Hmmm… This one made me think of Jonestown and Cool-aid… Didn’t really see the point of it, but the writing was fine.

I hope you all see this as MHO only and I'm nobody so maybe don't pay any attention to it at all.

[TheKeenGuy]

Norfolk VA, where you're either in the Navy or sick of them.
Too true, and I'm in the second category. Anyway, my notes are remarkable similar to DP's. Since you guys have posted already, here's mine...

With these short scripts, the main criteria that I used was that it needed to tell what I felt was a complete, original and affecting story.

CORKY

One of the better submissions, it tells a full story quickly, although it wasn't clear from the start that it was going to be animated "living" coconuts until they started talking, and it also felt a little too crass around the end.

FADE IN

I was rather impressed with this one, but felt that it fundamentally belonged on the page and wouldn't translate to film as effectively. Still, I was tempted to vote for it despite the fact that it didn't meet my criteria.

YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH

I thought the ending was too cute for its own good, but, this one told a full story very quickly in a way that is engaging. I gave this my #3 vote, although I had been hoping that I wasn't going to find myself voting for one that felt similar to the short films of On the Lot.

BRIGHT YELLOW PARROT

A clever way of scripting an old joke, but that's all it is. It was funny to read but I wouldn't possibly have voted for it since it wouldn't have translated to screen as well and especially because it's not an original story.

LOVE ACTUALLY PART II

I laughed a little, but I didn't feel that this was a serious entry.

SELF PRESERVATION LEVEL

The set-up was engaging, and then the pay-off was minimal, leaving me wondering what the point of the whole thing was. Well-written, though.

LOVE, HONOR, DEATH, VENGEANCE

This met my criteria, so it was came close to my top picks, except that I felt it was a little too much like the greatest hits of a longer story.

BOOGIE DAYS

I was tempted to vote for this one too, since this was one that stuck in my mind, though there were a couple things about it that confused me. The phone conversation didn't make much sense to me, and I didn't know whether I was supposed to know if she was killed or not in the end.

NINJA GIRL

This felt like it was just a scene from a larger story, and not one that had much of a point. Again, I didn't really feel like it was a serious entry.

RUNNING HIGH AT CRAZEE JUMP

This was an alright entry, but I found myself feeling moderately confused and underwhelmed by it. It just didn't have much of an impact on me, as opposed to the impact Troy's brother had on the water.

THE REASON WHY

Most of the time is spent telling a joke that isn't an original one, and then making a political point that I don’t think is incorrect, but is made in a way that is easily dismissible by those who don’t already understand and agree.

GRACE PERIOD

A little too distant and weird to be heartwarming. It took me a couple of reads to really get it, so when the emotional impact came for Mrs. Wollsey, I didn't feel the same.

ALL IN

It's an old joke, but a great one. Still, I would think it really unfair and pointless for this to place among the winners rather than an original story.

RAGE OF FANCY

A decent entry, but paced poorly so that most of the story is jammed into the second half, and it felt again like just a fraction of a larger story.

PUPPY LOVE

After reading it the first time, I went "wait, what?" and had to go over it again a couple more times to try to understand what was being communicated in the end. That ending could be reworked to be much stronger and clearer, saving the Don Juan quote for a title card at the end.

[TheKeenGuy]

(cont'd)

DUE PROCESS

Again, this felt like a fraction of a story. It’s well-written and does give a glimpse of an interesting character, but I think more could have been done if half the story wasn't spent watching him run through the woods.

REQUIEM FOR A SPACE HERMAPHRODITE

This just felt like it never really took off. It's a set-up with no real pay-off, and I didn't get whether it was supposed to be funny or dramatic.

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS

Another attempt to make a political point, but it's easily dismissible by the opposition especially because this one’s built on fallacy. As a result, despite creating a ridiculously large off-screen tragedy, it has no emotional or intellectual impact.

MILKY GOODNESS

It's cute, and makes a funny point, but it feels like the set-up for a larger story, so it barely didn't make my top 3.

M.U.R.D.E.R

This starts off really well, I liked it all the way up to the big twist. I even like that there's the big twist there, the way it was set up was perfect, but I didn't care for the way it was done, and felt like the reveal felt (again) like an incomplete part of a larger story, and one that I didn't really care for, because I would have preferred this to stay realistic and scary from start to finish rather than become part of the post-Tarantino murder-cute genre.

THE END OF THE TOUR

This one is guilty of pulling strings just a little too hard, but it tells an emotional story and very efficiently plays with your sympathies. So I gave this my #2 vote.

THE ELEVATOR

I really enjoyed this up until it used vomit for cheap laughs in place of an actual comic pay-off. Very reminiscent of the On the Lot short films in that way. The way I would have taken it would be to have it turn out that one of the people on the elevator watching him flip out under pressure turns out to be the person he was coming to meet for the interview.

IN THE LIGHT OF DAY

I was close to voting for this, and primarily didn't because I had no idea what Dan's actual intentions were. I was so distracted trying to understand that after the grenade was a dud that I felt it muddied the impact of the rest of the story.

BOBBLEHEAD

Weird and haunting, though it didn't feel as complete as a story as many of the others and a bit lacking in meaning. Still, it was one of the better entries.

DAISY

Well, I wrote this one, and it feels very different to me than the rest of the scripts submitted, so we’ll see if that’s a good or bad thing. I wanted to create something that had an honest emotional effect, that happens every day, and hopefully give it a sense of thematic depth, but worried that some people would reject this as an attempt to evoke a response simply by killing a cat. I hope it didn't read that way. Also, I keep wondering if purposely not using a fade out cost me any points with anyone.

UNDA DA SEA

This just didn't make any sense to me.

LAST ACT

This I felt had the strongest idea, and was the only one (other than mine, of course) to create a complete, original and affecting storyline a short amount of time. There are elements that could have used improvement, like how the hacksaw was literally abandoned, and I felt the ending could have played out stronger through tight and clever editing (without VO, of course). But still, I felt it was strong enough to get my #1 vote.

PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW

I knew where this was going long before it got there, and I didn't feel that the story provided much in the way of insight.

[Naudikom]

Apparently, my taste differs from some of yours. "Ninja Girl" and "Boogie Days" were my #1 and #2.

Ninja Girl, I thought, very succinctly communicated an idea. A pretty badass concept.

And the point of the Boogie Days ending was embarassment. It was also damn funny.

[TheKeenGuy]

I did quite like the writing of BOOGIE DAYS, I just didn't feel it'd make for the most effective of the potential short films. Like I said, it was close to the top for me. In fact, after my number one choice, I had about five picks that I had a really tough time juggling around to pick two, ultimately using my pre-established criteria merely as the tie-breaker.

[OzFade]

Okay I'm still waiting on one person to vote and I have no idea when was the last time they were online so I don't know if they've gotten my pm's, they've forgotten or they don't care.

I really don't want to disqualify them though but I'm a busy man...I have to get this done now otherwise you guys will be waiting till after the weekend.

My notes:

CORKY - This is funny. Reminds me of a joke I’ve never heard (go figure that one out). The start doesn’t do too much for me but I love the way you tie it up in the end, completely unexpected and it works great.

FADE IN - One of my entries...so yeah it's awesome!

“YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH” – Another good little joke short. Would have liked to see Jake overact a little more...a long-winded rant ranging from denying it, to admitting it and accusing Helen of being too controlling etc...only to then realised he’s put his foot in it and Helen has him busted...and then have Susan retrieve the earring.

BRIGHT YELLOW PARROT – I know this joke like the back of my hand but still it works.

LOVE ACTUALLY PART II – Someone’s been watching too much Monty Python! Exceptionally funny and exceptionally crass. Took my 2nd place. And where the hell is part one??

SELF PRESERVATION LEVEL – This was one entry I had to re-read to get my head around. Left me saying “huh?”. The set-up of the meeting feels too long. IMO the short should have started with the man in the car prepping himself and then revealing it’s a blind date and then for the man to be put off by the cold sore and make his hasty get away...the traffic cop felt random and I didn’t know if the man was trying not to get a ticket, was getting away from the date or if it was the woman who was meant to think the man was taking off because of her sore when really he was just trying to not get a ticket. Maybe I’m overcomplicating things or just missing the point.

LOVE, HONOR, DEATH, VENGEANCE – Over the top, random and uber-nerdy. Made beer come out my nose with “FADE OUT TO TOUCHING JAPANESE MUSIC:” :D

BOOGIE DAYS – Ahh....death by nose picking. Could have been shorter and more punchier IMO.

NINJA GIRL – The stereotypical asian accent killed it for me man on what otherwise brings up a anime in my head. Other than that...I think she killed him? Am I right?

RUNNING HIGH AT CRAZEE JUMP – Another one that left me blank...I get it...Ace Bleeder dies maybe...but I have no reason to care...sorry. Things like “Troy (20’s renamed himself after that movie)” throw me off.

THE REASON WHY – Interesting. Obviously very political but interesting nonetheless. Good reveal. My 3rd place as not only does it work as a short but also as a larger story.

GRACE PERIOD – Sorry but another one that left me wearing my “huh?” face. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t get this...I get it literally (kid is upset because is getting a new teacher) but I don’t get it as in “why do I care”.

ALL IN - Another one of mine...I had heard the joke a day earlier at poker and although I usually would like to do something original this was just for fun (since I can't win anyway). I'm thinking now I should have entered the short about the robot.

RAGE OF FANCY – Paid who off sooner?

PUPPY LOVE – Subtle humour. I like it.

DUE PROCESS - This feels like a scene and without context the story is lost.

REQUIEM FOR A SPACE HERMAPHRODITE - This one’s so weird it’s funny!

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS – Another “political” entry. The ironic line at the end needed something else...instead it feels like the short just peters out. I don’t know what it is but it feels like its missing something.

MILKY GOODNESS – Never heard that milk analogy and never want to again.

M.U.R.D.E.R – Twisted...I liked it.

THE END OF THE TOUR – Very dark but to me felt very clichéd. I saw the ending coming before it even happened.

THE ELEVATOR – It was refreshing to read this one. Simple and short and quite amusing.

IN THE LIGHT OF DAY – So Dan is helping Jeff kill himself by grenade? But is then pissed when his body is gone by the flood? Wouldn’t a grenade do the same thing? Confused. There’s some potential here of a person trying to kill themself and failing or having his choice of death being taken away. (Dan tackles Jeff out of the way and saves him...leaving Jeff pissed because being killed by an giant wave of water would be awesome)

BOBBLEHEAD – My 1st place. Loved the concept of this but I feel the short could be reworked (too melodramatic and Michael’s dialogue is over the top)

DAISY – A simple story which a lot of us can relate to.

UNDA DA SEA – Loved the image of the dirty fish bowl in the ocean. So the ink was like a fish heroin?

LAST ACT – Funny set-up, especially the saw gag and the line “Don't shoot me if I make it.”. The ending was lost on me. Great start though.

PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW – Another one that has potential but I saw the ending coming a mile away.

[sarajb]

CORKY – Very cute with an end that cracked me up. Definitely in the top half for me.

FADE IN – I liked this and came very close to voting for it. Good message told with irony, my favorite kind.

YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH – This was well done, but the scene was too familiar.

BRIGHT YELLOW PARROT – I don’t know what to say, an old joke told with pictures. I probably would have liked it more, if the joke struck me funnier.

LOVE ACTUALLY PART II – This was sweet. Just kidding. I did like it, though, and I don’t see how “shag you up the bum” could ever sound offensive. “bum” lol.

SELF PRESERVATION LEVEL – Does she have herpes? I’m not sure I get it. The writing was pretty good, though.

LOVE, HONOR, DEATH, VENGEANCE – For such a short piece, I think this one would have played better if it had either went campy or at least a little less dramatic.

NINJA GIRL – Girl’s gotta get her freak on, before a night of body tossing. I liked it. Top half.

RUNNING HIGH AT CRAZEE JUMP – I get the impression I’m missing something in this, references that were lost on me, so I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

THE REASON WHY – Well done, if preachy.

GRACE PERIOD – I didn’t really get this one, either. I mean, I sort of got the overall ... and the title ... I’ll probably feel like an idiot, once it’s revealed. My apologies to the writer.

ALL IN – Great take. I laughed. I don’t remember if I ranked this second or third. It was one of those.

RAGE OF FANCY – Interesting. I think, if it were well made, seeing the film would make a bigger impression.

PUPPY LOVE – I’m an idiot. A just deserts tale, I think? which I like.

DUE PROCESS – Unibomber justice, eh? Not bad. Not bad. Top half.

REQUIEM FOR A SPACE HERMAPHRODITE – I cannot explain my love for this entry. It’s very well written, so that’s part of it, but I don’t know what the rest of IT is. #1.



More later...

[OzFade]

Okay....I'm swamped. Since I have dicked around so much changing the end date of voting I will not disqualify the short that hasn't voted purely because

a) I dicked around

and

b) The short is not a qualifer for 1st, 2nd and 3rd so I don't think its fair to disqualify it because there could be a number of reasons why the person has not voted.

If anyone has a problem with that please pm me.

But without further ado *drumroll*...

THE WINNERS ARE (http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showthread.php?p=424979#post424979)

[sarajb]

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS – Another nicely written preachy. As part of something bigger, I think this would work better.

MILKY GOODNESS – sour, chunky and crusty. I shuddered. Too much talking heads. A visual or two and I may have heaved and voted for it.

M.U.R.D.E.R – This was clever and pretty solid. I voted this second or third.

THE END OF THE TOUR – Sad. A little predictable, but I didn’t think it was trying to hide anything, so it was forgivable. Top half.

THE ELEVATOR – This was cute. I saw Ben Stiller.

IN THE LIGHT OF DAY – Irony! Yay! This was good. I thought about voting for it.

BOBBLEHEAD – This one had a wryness about it that I found appealing, plus the image of the bobblehead, mercilessly saying yes over and over was a priceless visual.

DAISY – I think this one connected with anyone who’s had to put a pet down. Pretty nicely written, too.

LAST ACT – Good visuals, a message with a light touch and God was funny. I liked this.

PARTY LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW – I felt icky reading this, which means it was set up believably. I was there feeling uncomfortable.



Thank you, Oz, for a FANTASTIC contest! I really enjoyed reading everyone's short shorts.

[OzFade]

Thanks Sara and conngrats on 2nd and 3rd!

[Naudikom]

The thing that kept me from voting for M.U.R.D.E.R. was the dialogue. For example:

"That was whaack. What's the criteria for the next challenge?"

I can't see the same person saying both of those sentences.

[Fortean]

PUPPY LOVE - I didn't get this, did Mabel tell the vet to neuter Blanche's dog? Maybe if Blanche had been a lot more obnoxious and abusive I could appreciate why.



Sorry that you not aware of "Neutersol." Instead of a castration to neuter a dog, (with the obvious absence of testes and an obvious cut with stitches), a simple injection prevents the future development of sperm. For all appearances and hormonally, Lord Augustus would be a healthy and normal male; but, he'd never produce any puppies. In a single page, I think that the different values, expressed by Blanche and Mabel toward their dogs, was fairly clear.

Was my entry really the only one with an "antipodean" reference?

[Adam Isaac]

Word of the day: antipodean

:cool:

[velysai]

Sorry that you not aware of "Neutersol." Instead of a castration to neuter a dog, (with the obvious absence of testes and an obvious cut with stitches), a simple injection prevents the future development of sperm. For all appearances and hormonally, Lord Augustus would be a healthy and normal male; but, he'd never produce any puppies. In a single page, I think that the different values, expressed by Blanche and Mabel toward their dogs, was fairly clear.

Was my entry really the only one with an "antipodean" reference?
I had to Google "Neutersol" after reading this piece. Never heard of it.

[dpaterso]

antipodean n. & v. person not on the same wavelength as, or who experiences difficulty in communicating with, pod people.

Example: I am antipodean towards Fortean.

(Yet somehow I managed to award 1st place vote to Fortean's Touch of Noir contest entry, which fact still unsettles me somewhat.)

-Derek

[Fortean]

I am antipodean towards Fortean.

(Yet somehow I managed to award 1st place vote to Fortean's Touch of Noir contest entry, which fact still unsettles me somewhat.)

The last thing that I'd need: an antipodean Caledonian (http://www.resologist.net/Scotch%20Poem.mid)!

I think that were I certain of success,
I hardly could compose another line:
So long I've battled either more or less,
That no defeat can drive me from the Nine.
This feeling 't is not easy to express,
And yet 't is not affected, I opine.
In play, there are two pleasures for your choosing --
The one is winning, and the other losing.