In A World Where... THE ENTRIES!

[OzFade]

Ok not the turn out I expected (hey even I didn't enter...I started...but then I actually wanted to write the script and not the scenes :D)

5 entries...enjoy! (Edit: 8 entries!)

(P.S I hope this comp did serve its purpose somewhat)

To kick things off...:D

[OzFade]

IN A WOLD WHARE...


FADE TO WHITE:

NARATOR (V.O.)
In a wold whare wittle wambunctious
wesbian weprechauns wule. A new weeder
emerges...

BERT (O.S.)
Barbara?

NARATOR (V.O.)
What?

BERT (O.S.)
I don't think this is going to work.

NARATOR (V.O.)
What do you mean?

[OzFade]

RED ASPHALT


EXT. THE CITY – NIGHT

The bad side of town.

A saxophone WAILS, echoing across derelict storefronts. Steel gates down, neon light bleeds in puddles of oily water.

Distant gunshots POP.

The SAXOPHONE PLAYER leans against graffiti’d wall, ignoring the glare of a BAG LADY. Her knuckles clench white around the handle of a shopping cart. She turns her attention back to the red traffic light. The crosswalk waits.

The light CLUNKS to green: WALK.

She pushes off from the curb, rolling her garbage skow into the crosswalk. A crooked wheel complains…

SQUEAK… SQUEAK… SQUEAK…

Below the noise, the sound of a POLICE SIREN builds. Her eyes shift, tracking the source. Distant ENGINES HOWL at each other, the sound of pursuit growing louder…

… louder…

… and RUBBER SHRIEKS as a black ’70 Barracuda takes the corner a block away, fishtailing through the intersection in a cloud of rolling smoke. Headlights pinning her halfway into the crosswalk, it launches itself at her…

And before she can blink…

… the ‘Cuda is on her…

… and swerves around her.

The guitar crunch of Ministry’s ‘Just One Fix’ EXPLODES from the car’s sound system as the Bag Lady’s eyes lock with those of the redheaded PASSENGER, whose comet tail of hair snaps out the open window...

CUT TO: MONTAGE

The mayhem surrounding the pursuit of the ‘Cuda in machine-gun bursts.

END MONTAGE

… and then the ‘Cuda is past, screaming through the intersection. The music fades with the taillights.

Backlit by approaching emergency lights, the Bag Lady twists in her filthy Keds... face contorts as she stabs a middle finger at the receeding tailights, mouth opening to…

Her curse is cut off by IMPACT.

The shopping cart EXPLODES across the grill of the pursuing police car as the Bag Lady is launched up into the moonless sky…

OVERHEAD

The Bag Lady slowly tumbles upwards towards the CAMERA as the patrol car roars on below her. She’s wide-eyed in silent scream as beads of blood spill from her ears… her mouth…

THE STREET

The sound of the pursuit fades.

… and a canvas shoe hits the pavement. Followed by the wet IMPACT of the Bag Lady. A leg kicks, bloody hand spasms. Stills. Her eyes are fixed, blank. Blood spills from her mouth…

SILENCE.

The Saxaphone Player blinks at the motionless pile in the crosswalk… puts the mouthpiece back between his lips… resumes the mournful wail.

… blood trickles across pavement…

… pools…

… forming the words: RED ASPHALT

Coming Soon.

[OzFade]

DEATH COMES TO DEVIL ROCK


BLACK.

TITLES OVER BLACK:

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse:"

FADE IN:

EXT. A DESERT GAS STATION - DAY

Waves of dust roll across the ancient gas station that sits
in the middle of nowhere.

A monstrous chopper, pale with days of desert dust, sits idle
next to a circa 1920's gas pump.

JORDAN CAMPBELL (36), a weather-beaten oak tree of a man,
chugs from a bottle of whisky as he sits on the dirt behind
the chopper.

He mounts the bike.

Under his leather jacket the butt of a gun glints in the
harsh sunlight.

The chopper roars to life.

Jordan speeds off in a cloud of dust.

EXT. DESERT TOWN, MAIN STREET - EVENING

The street winds down for the evening. KATALYN YOUNG (23), a
modest girl whose beauty has been put in its place, carries a
bag of groceries across the street.

A low rumble echoes in the distance.

SHERIFF ANDREW LYNCH (43), a stoic yet menacing man with
almost as many scars as he has tattoos, blows a puff of smoke
from his cigar as he leans against the door to his office.

He tips his hat to Katalyn.

She smiles back.

The rumble grows to a roar.

Jordan Campbell flies into town on his chopper.

Dust envelops the street.

The bike is out of control!

Jordan swerves.

His bike lays down, skids.

The chopper skids to the right, takes out a trash can.

Jordan tumbles and flops down the dirt road.

CUT TO:

INT. CRUIZER'S SALOON - DAY

Jordan sits down at the bar next to a SIR WALTER DOWNING
(31), a sharp dressed man with a bowler on his head and a
beer in each hand.

The majority of the men in the bar move towards Jordan, with
the exception of Downing, who simply downs another beer.

The men pull out guns, brass knuckles, blackjacks, chairs,
beer steins... anything they can get their hands on, really,
and crowd around the weaponless Jordan and Downing.

BAR PATRON
Ain't you the guy that tried to run
over Chance's girl last night?

Jordan looks at the drunk.

The bar erupts into a clusterf*ck of feet and fists, only
this isn’t your standard bar-room brawl. It’s two men against
the world.

The drunks and miscreants pound on Jordan and Sir Downing.

BLAM! A gunshot reverberates through the saloon.

A six shooter points to the ceiling, held by Sheriff Lynch.

CUT TO:

INT. OLD JAIL - DAY

Sheriff Lynch unlocks the jail-cell door. Jordan walks out.

LYNCH
You should be headin' on now, boy.
I figure those boys will put a hurt
on you worse than I ever could if
they get their hands on you.

Jordan stares him down, smirks.

INT. JORDAN'S HOTEL ROOM - EVENING

A shirtless Jordan takes apart his guns on his bed. His upper
body is riddled with scars. His back and arms are covered
with tattoos.

He loads round after round of massive fifty caliber bullets
into shiny black clips.

INT. POST OFFICE - DAY

Jordan walks towards the exit. Katalyn watches him go.

KATALYN
Jordan?

He stops, looks back.

She looks worried.

KATALYN
You really should leave town.

JORDAN
Yeah, well, I'm not quite ready to
move on.

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT TOWN, SIDE STREET - NIGHT

Jordan leans into a break between two buildings, pulls out
his guns.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Katalyn sits next to Jordan, looks at a photo.

JORDAN
My sister.

KATALYN
Did she die?

Jordan takes the photo back, stuffs it back into his wallet.

JORDAN
They all did.

CUT TO:

INT. BARBER SHOP - DAY

Jordan closes his eyes.

The BARBER lifts his sharpened razor. It's paper-thin edge
gleams.

CUT TO:

AN ALLEYWAY

Katalyn screams.

Her legs flail against the dirt as someone drags her around
the corner.

CUT TO:

INT. AN OFFICE - DAY

Jordan and Sir Downing bust in, guns raised.

INT. HOUSE, UPSTAIRS - NIGHT

Jordan steps back, kicks the door open.

Jordan opens fire on the right side of the room.

Downing runs, slides into the room. His pistol spits fire.

Hoodlums fall.

CHANCE
Woah, boys!

CHANCE (25), a venomous outlaw spawned from the Devil
himself, stands next to Katalyn, who sits tied to a chair,
gagged and blindfolded.

CLOSE ON: The barrel of his gun digs into her temple.

CLOSE ON: He pulls the hammer back.

CUT TO:

INT. BARBER SHOP - DAY

The barber e a s e s the razor to Jordan's throat.

CUT TO:

EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT

Lynch picks Jordan up by the nape of his jacket.

LYNCH
You got yourself in a mess of
trouble, boy.

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT TOWN, SIDE STREET - EVENING

A black towncar full of MOBSTERS races down the street. The
gunmen hang out of the windows, blast bullets behind them.

Jordan and Downing dive for cover.

A black rally car drifts around the corner after the car of
mobsters. THUGS hang out the windows and spray bullets.

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT TOWN, MAIN STREET - NIGHT

Chance holds Jordan by the throat. Jordan's face is bloody.

CHANCE
Welcome to Devil Rock.

He slams his fist into Jordan's face.

SMASH CUT TO:

DESERT TOWN, MAIN STREET - EVENING

It's the f*cking Apocalypse.

The buildings of Main Street spew flames.

Cars burn in the streets.

A sh*tload of gunmen unload bullets from every kind of
firearm known to man.

Bodies litter the street.

Jordan and Downing run out into the chaos. Their guns blast
holes through one gunman after another.

They dive behind the corner of a building.

Gunfire echoes everywhere. Explosions rock the town.

SMASH CUT TO:

Downing crouches in a storefront. A swarm of bullets make
splinters of his cover.

SMASH CUT TO:

Jordan sprawls behind a car.

He is alone. Bloody.

His face contorts from the pain.

Bullets whiz by as the carnage spews down the street.

A Molotov cocktail lands feet from him, vomits flames across
the dirt.

EXT. MANSION - SUNSET

The massive house burns. In front of the flaming building, a
crowd of figures stand in wait.

Jordan limps towards them, pulls out his guns.

In the middle of the crowd of thugs is Katalyn - bound,
beaten and bleeding. She kneels, held down by Chance.

Lynch stands on the other side of her, holds his six shooter
to her head, aims another at Jordan.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I'm looking at this as a second
chance.

CLOSE ON: Jordan. Determined. Deadly. No... Unstoppable.

CLOSER ANGLE: His eyes. The anger that burns behind them
could turn the world to cinders.

TIGHT ON: He thumbs back the hammers on his solid black guns.

SMASH TO BLACK.

TITLES OVER BLACK:

"...and his name that sat on him was Death,"

"...and Hell followed with him."

BLACK.

SUPER: DEATH COMES TO DEVIL ROCK.

FADE TO BLACK.

[OzFade]

JEKYLL & CANADA


ON BLACK

MUSIC: Nat Ayer's "King Chanticleer" (http://www.resologist.net/Trailer.mid) begins.

FADE IN:

All title cards are bilingual, in English and in French.

TITLE CARD: BASED ON A TRUE STORY / BASÉ SUR UNE HISTOIRE VRAIE

TITLE CARD: JOHN A. MACDONALD WAS DRUNK / JOHN A. MACDONALD ÉTAIT IVRE

TITLE CARD: CANADA WAS IN PERIL / CANADA ÉTAIT DANS LE PÉRIL

TITLE CARD: A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH / UN DESTIN PLUS MAUVAIS QUE LA MORT

TITLE CARD: ONLY ONE DOCTOR COULD RESCUE THE COUNTRY FROM DISASTER /SEULEMENT UN DOCTEUR POURRAIT SAUVER LE PAYS DU DÉSASTRE

SERIES OF SILENT SHOTS

John Barrymore, as "Jekyll," turns away from the microscope.

Charles Chaplin, as "MacDonald," points to a vision.

Cecil Clovelly, as "Deschamps," anticipates dinner.

J. Malcolm Dunn, as "Utterson," is shocked in his study.

Lillian Gish, as "Elsie," reacts to Lincoln's assassination.

Joseph Henabery, as "Lincoln," feels a chill.

Brandon Hurst, as "Hines," is frightened by Jekyll's transformation.

Charles Lane, as "Lanyon," protests Jekyll's idea.

Walter Long, as "Gus," is at the mercy of Ku Klux Klan.

Martha Mansfield, as "Heather," is frightened in the laboratory.

Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., as "Zed-o," raises his sword.

Nita Naldi, as "La Macarena," reacts to the "lucky" hat.

George Stevens, as "Poole," finds Hines in the garden.

Edgar Varse, as "McMicken," leads the police pursuit.

Raoul Walsh, as "Booth," leaps to the stage.

Rudolph Valentino, as the "Dancing Instructor," clicks his heels.

Lon Chaney, Sr., as "MacDonald," jeers angrily.

Rin-Tin-Tin, as the "Dog," snarls in anger.

Buster Keaton, as the "Helmsman," loses control of the ship's wheel.

Louis Wilhelm, as "Le Marteau," pounds his gavel, (in sync with the CLASH OF CYMBALS).

TITLE CARD: SOON AT YOUR THEATRE / BIENTÔT À VOTRE THÉÂTRE

INT. PARIS OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT

Ballet dancers cavort on the stage.

TITLE CARD: "JEKYLL & CANADA"

INT. HELL - NIGHT

Chaplin, as "MacDonald," dances between two devils.

TITLE CARD: TRULY, MACDONALD WAS DRUNK / VRAIMENT, MACDONALD ÉTAIT IVRE

MUSIC ENDS.

FADE OUT:

[OzFade]

FLYING NUN


FADE IN:

EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

NUNS wander the tranquil gardens as relaxing music plays over.

INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

SISTER BRIDGET knocks and peeks inside, the MOTHER SUPERIOR waves her in.

SISTER BRIDGET
(Irish accent)
You wanted to see me, Mother Superior?

MOTHER SUPERIOR
Yes Sister Bridget, sit down. I've got a special job for you.

Mother Superior shoves a photograph across her desk, Sister Bridget picks it up, it's an OLD PRIEST with a benevolent smile.

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Two muscle cars SCREECH round a corner, engines ROARING, one chasing the other.

INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

The Old Priest from the photograph sits nervously in the back seat clutching a leather briefcase on his lap.

A YOUNG PRIEST drives while another PRIEST leans out the window and aims a machine-gun. BRRRRAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!

INT. PURSUIT MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

The windshield shatters around her but Sister Bridget keeps driving, teeth bared in determination.

INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Mother Superior offers Sister Bridget a cigarette.

SISTER BRIDGET
I'm trying to give them up.

MOTHER SUPERIOR
Better to smoke than to masturbate, that's what I always say. They're closing us down, Sister. Budget cuts. Father Antonio's joint does more good for the community, so the Bishop says. It's all over for us.

INT. PURSUIT MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Sister Bridget, face spattered with blood, has one hand on the wheel, her other hand aims an Uzi machine-pistol. BRRRRRAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!

EXT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Bullets PLINK, glass SHATTERS, the Priest with the machine-gun jerks and hangs out the passenger window, dead.

EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

SISTER BRIDGET (V.O.)
Mother Superior, I came here to get away from the sins of my past life.

INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Mother Superior blows smoke at the ceiling.

MOTHER SUPERIOR
I'm not asking you to go home and blow up a school bus, Bridget. I'm just asking you to kill that smug bastard and take the five million dollar check the Bishop gave him.

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

The lead muscle car SLAMS into a reversing truck.

The pursuit muscle car skids to a stop behind it.

INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

Plainclothes 'tec FANCY TOPPS sits on the edge of JUG-EARS NEWMAN's paperwork-littered desk and hands the unamused Newman a bundle of Polaroids.

TOPPS
It's not every day a priest gets gunned down. Today we got three.

EXT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR - DAY

Smoke billows, the Young Priest raises his head, stunned. He looks in his side mirror.

Sister Bridget advances like the angel of death, black habit flowing, Uzi by her side.

NEWMAN (V.O.)
We got any witnesses?

INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR - DAY

The dazed Young Priest fumbles with an automatic pistol, pulls back the slide--

Sister Bridget steps up to his window, BBRRRAAAAAK!

TOPPS (V.O.)
Sure. They all say the same thing. The hottest nun they ever saw did a number on our boys in black.

INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR BACK SEAT - DAY

Sister Bridget wrenches open the back door. The Old Priest cringes in terror.

INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

TOPPS
Even better? Security camera took her picture.

Topps opens a folded print-out with a grainy blown-up shot of Sister Bridget's face.

INT. CHAPEL - DAY

Sister Bridget kneels before the altar and crosses herself. Tears stream down her face.

INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

Newman grabs the print-out, his eyes are bugging out his head, he's fit to explode.

TOPPS
Yeah, I kinda thought you'd say that.

INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR BACK SEAT - DAY

Sister Bridget aims her Uzi at the Old Priest.

OLD PRIEST
In the name of God, who are you? What do you want?

Bridget snatches his briefcase, finds a slim leather wallet inside, thumbs it open, and there's the check:

THE MOST HOLY INTERNATIONAL BANK OF THE VATICAN
Please Pay The Bearer Of This Script The Sum Of...
$5,000,000.00 (Five Million Dollars Only)

OLD PRIEST
Damn you to hell, you murdering bitch.

SISTER BRIDGET
Too late, Father. I'm already damned.

BBBBRRRRAAAAAAAAKKK!!

INT. COP STATION CHIEF'S OFFICE - DAY

Newman slams the print-out down on the grim-faced CHIEF's desk.

NEWMAN
You think I don't recognize the lunatic bitch who killed my family?

CHIEF
You're off the case, Newman.

INT. NEWMAN'S CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Newman drives like a lunatic -- Topps casts a glance at his partner.

TOPPS
This is not the Gulf. You are not a pilot.

EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget shoots it out with FOUR COPS who scramble for cover behind their cars.

INT. STORE CLOTHING DEPARTMENT - DAY

Sister Bridget shoots it out with MORE COPS. Store dummies are cut down in the murderous crossfire.


EXT. NEWMAN'S SHOT-UP, BUSTED-UP CAR - DAY

Newman, spattered with blood, shirt ripped, reaches through the broken side window to snatch the radio mike.

NEWMAN (INTO RADIO)
This is Newman! I am calling battle stations! Every available unit in the city, respond!

EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

A fleet of cop cars screech to a stop, DOZENS OF COPS emerge with guns ready -- and find themselves caught in a raging battle with DOZENS OF NUNS hiding behind statues and trees and hedges, armed to the teeth and ready for 'em. BBBRRRRRAAAAAAAKKKK!!! Cops go down! Nuns go down!

COP SERGEANT (INTO RADIO)
Nuns! Nuns!

EXT. HIGH CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget's pursuit muscle car comes sailing over a rise and bounces down the hill, losing a hubcap.

Newman's car comes shooting after, lights flashing, siren WAILING.

INT. NEWMAN'S CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Newman's knuckles are as white as his bared teeth.

TOPPS
I repeat, you are not a pilot!

Topps looks ahead -- his eyes bulge with terror.

TOPPS
Ooooooh ssssssshhhhhhiiiii---!!!

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget walks among the scattered bodies of COPS and shot-up cop cars. It's like the middle of Beirut.

A COP groans, still alive. Sister Bridget aims her Uzi at his face.

SISTER BRIDGET
Give generously. It's for a good cause.

CRASH CUT TO BLACK

BBBRRRRRAAAAAAAACKK!!!

TITLE: FLYING NUN - COMING TO CINEMAS NEAR YOU SOON

[OzFade]

And just for funsies...my half completed
"trailer"...which was written in 2 minutes and is really dread-awful...but what the hell (Don't Vote For It)

LITTLEWOOD


FADE IN:
INT. DINGY APARTMENT ROOM - NIGHT

MILES HUME, early 30’s unkempt appearance sits on a stained sofa underneath a flickering lamp.

MILES
Do you know what Littlewood’s Law is?...It’s a theory that a person can expect a miracle to happen to them at the rate of one per month...through math and stuff.

BOONE, an older well-kept and physically imposing version of Miles drinks a beer on a stool.

BOONE
Your wife just left you...is that the miracle?

Miles opens his mouth to say something...nothing comes out.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - DAY

A dejected looking Miles scans the Flight Boards. One after another they all switch to “DELAYED”...all except for one.

MILES
Oh come on.

CUT TO:

INT. MILES FAMILY HOME - NIGHT

A door flings open revealing Miles. His MOTHER screams in delight, wrapping him in a bear hug.

MOTHER
Miles is home. Everyone Miles is back!

The FAMILY all crowd in.

MOTHER
Where’s Jess?

An awkward silence falls. Miles cringes...

AT THE DINNER TABLE

A little GIRL pokes Miles with a spoon.

GIRL
Are you going to kill yourself?

Miles laughs nervously. A light bulb above him flickers on and off.

EXT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY

Miles exits with a hefty bag filled with bottles of alcohol, he accidently bumps into a cute short brunette (AMY).

MILES
Oh god I’m sorry

AMY
- ow jeeze man eyes on the - Miles?!

Miles shuffles awkwardly. Amy goes to hug him, doesn’t work...

AMY
Miles Hume.

MILES
Amy -

A teasing smile spreads across her face.

AMY
You forgot my name.

AMY
That’s a lot of poison.

MILES
It’s not just for me...I’m sharing it with a homeless guy.

Amy raises an eyebrow.

AMY
So...you back home?

MILES
No I’ve got my own place.

CUT TO:

INT. DINGY APARTMENT ROOM - DAY

The door swings open, Miles follows Amy in...a look of disgust on her face. Miles flicks on a light...the lights in the room flicker.

AMY
Bad wiring?

MILES
No just me.

A RAT scurries past AMY and out the door. She jumps and screams.

MILES
It’s okay they’re just leaving.

She stares at him wide-eyed.

INT. DINGY APARTMENT ROOM - NIGHT

Miles rubs his red tired eyes.

AMY
Are you okay?

He ponders the question for a moment...shakes his head no.

AMY
You remember when we were kids. I told you my biggest secret. You told me yours.

Miles doesn’t.

AMY
I remember yours...

Miles listens intently.

AMY
You said that ever since you were born you knew you were being kept for something...something rare and strange but terrible. A catastrophe of the miraculous.

Miles snorts.

AMY
You still think that way?

MILES
Maybe.

AMY
What was my secret?

Miles doesn’t have an answer.

EXT. ABANDONED ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Miles and a HOMELESS MAN drink together watching the world go by. Miles seems even more vacant than usual.

HOMELESS MAN
Who is she?

Miles shrugs him off.

MILES
Just keep looking.

They go back to their world-watching. A street light flickers on the corner.

EXT. MILES FAMILY HOME - NIGHT
Boone confronts a very drunk Miles outside the home.

BOONE
What are you doing to get back what you had?

Miles throws a bottle at the house and yells.

MILES
I don’t want it back!

INT. MILES FAMILY HOME - DAY

A family meeting.

MOTHER
He needs help!

FATHER
He needs a psychiatrist!

AMY
(quietly)
He needs a miracle.

INT. DINGY APARTMENT ROOM - NIGHT

MILES
I have to get out of here.

The static on his television turns to a grainy picture.

NEWS REPORTER
News just in of a freak storm -

CUT TO:

EXT. SNOW DRENCHED STREET - DAY

Snow blankets everything, including Miles’ car. He watches kids build a snowman on it blankly.

LATER

Miles furiously destroys the snowman.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

A GIANT FISH slams onto Miles’ now running car...he’s speechless.

EXT. ABANDONED ROOFTOP - NIGHT

HOMELESS MAN
Why’d she leave you?

MILES
She's with the doctor that cured her blindess...

HOMELESS MAN
Love at first sight.

He laughs. A lightbulb explodes above them.


(Trailer flickers out simultaneously with originality and the power to write...erm...good)

[dpaterso]

Oz's green light isn't on so this one came to me to post:

SWORD OF DOOM

FADE IN:

EXT. ANCIENT STONE CITADEL WITH TOWERS - DAY

3-second establishing shot. (CGI)

EXT. CITADEL GATES - DAY

The gates swing open! Twenty mounted KNIGHTS in black armor
with horned helmets and billowing red cloaks charge out.

INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - DAY

Overlooking the courtyard the Knights just rode out from.
SOLDIERS push the heavy gates shut.

QUEEN LYDIA, a frosty and erotic MILF, watches. (For God's
sake make sure fresh flowers are delivered daily to Miss
Sarandon's trailer!)

LORD DEMORG a handsome rogue steps up beside her. (Note,
Orlando insists all shots must show his good side!).

DEMORG
They'll be back in a week with the
princess and the key, highness. I
swear it on the honor of my left
hand.

Demorg draws his dagger and cuts his left hand off! He
thrusts his wrist into a burning torch, cauterizing the
wound. SIZZLE! Demorg bares his teeth and doesn't make a
sound.

Queen Lydia wrinkles her nose in distaste.

QUEEN LYDIA
What if the princess and the key
elude your fanatics?

EXT. ROCKY CANYON - DAY

The twenty Knights gallop along led by NERIAD, an evil
pink-eyed albino with acne.

DEMORG (V.O.)
Fail? They won't fail. Nothing can
stop Neriad and his unbeatable
Knights of Doom.

EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

An unbeatable Knight of Doom SCREAMS and staggers, blood
bursting from a hideous wound that runs from neck to crotch.
He falls to his knees, pitches onto his face.

The sword that slaughtered him moves into close shot,
dripping blood. It's a big sword. And its owner is--

HACK THE BARBARIAN, a solid slab of bronzed muscle with a
chiseled face and a mane of golden hair. Hack raises his
sword to his lips and licks it.

HACK
(thick German accent)
Blut fur der blut gott.

EXT. ANCIENT TEMPLE - NIGHT

3-second establishing shot. (CGI)

INT. PRINCESS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

PRINCESS ALEENA a young beauty, is awakened by sword fight
SFX, clanging steel, SCREAMING. Suddenly, silence. (Note,
Miss Alba insists her stretch marks are CGI'd out. Make it
so!)

The doors fly open! Neriad grins at Aleena's fearful
reaction.

ALEENA
I am the Princess Aleena. My
stepmother is Queen Lydia. She
will have your head for this
outrage.

Neriad throws back his head and laughs. Aleena cowers,
afraid.

NERIAD
Put on some clothes, Princess.
You're going on a trip.

EXT. JUNCTION OF DIRT ROADS - DAY

The twenty Knights stop. Princess Aleena is tied behind
one of the riders.

NERIAD
Take the princess to yonder village
and guard her. I'll be back with
the key soon. They must be brought
back together! Thus speaks the
prophecy.

Neriad gallops away with nine of his men. The Lieutenant
leads the other Knights and the Princess in the opposite
direction.

EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

The Lieutenant and his Knights arrive. But Hack blocks
their way, they have to pull up.

LIEUTENANT
Out of our way, you barbarian beast!

HACK
I vas here furst. You get out of
my way!

The Lieutenant draws his sword and dismounts.

LIEUTENANT
Fool! We are the Knights of Doom!

CUT TO: the Lieutenant SLAMS into a wall with bone-jarring
force. He slowly slides down, unconscious.

Hack trades blows with various Knights who come at him
from all directions only to get chopped by Hack's big sword.

Aleena, tied to her horse, looks down at Hack who assesses
her with interest.

PRINCESS ALEENA
I forbid you to look at me,
barbarian.

A dazed Knight slowly rises behind Hack, he raises his
sword-- Without any fuss, Hack cuts the Knight down.

HACK
You haf gut thighs.

PRINCESS ALEENA
And I forbid you to speak to me.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Hack and Princess Aleena gallop across the golden desert
sands. Behind them comes Neriad and his Knights in hot
pursuit.

HACK
What did you do to make them so
angry?

Aleena is speechless. ME?!

INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - NIGHT

An old graybeard ADVISER bows to Queen Lydia. Demorg watches
with contempt.

ADVISER
Majesty, the prophecy stones have
shifted again.

QUEEN LYDIA
What do they say? Tell me what
they say! Will Princess Aleena
arrive soon? Will her vibrant life-
force be transferred into my body
so that I shall live for a thousand
years?

ADVISER
They say a man is coming, Majesty.
A man from the north.

DEMORG
The north is a frozen wasteland.
Only barbarians live there. What
interest have we in such scum?

VARIOUS SCENES:

Hack cuts down Knights, Guards, Priests, more Knights, more
Guards, definitely more Priests, a Vampire, etc.

EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT

Hack tears a leg off a cooked gopher and gives it to Aleena.
She doesn't know what to do with it.

ALEENA
Do you think I will live to see
another dawn?

HACK
Eat your gopher.

CLOSING SHOTS:

Hack brings his big sword up.

Before him stand a hundred Knights of Doom. Behind them
are Demorg, Queen Lydia, and Aleena.

Hack smiles.

[OzFade]

Thanks for picking up my slack Dp.

Ok guys you know the voting drill.

[OzFade]

Voting ends 22nd of June guys so get them rolling in.

[theblondewritr]

Oz, can I enter this? last minute, of course.

[theblondewritr]

Screw it, I already sent you an entry. It's better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

[OzFade]

Lol Blonde...now I understand the pm you sent. I can post if you want but official (ha) rules state than you cannot win...unless you remove that top of course....

[theblondewritr]

Do you mean THIS top?

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[OzFade]

Boobs.


Back on track...want me to post or no?

[theblondewritr]

Please, post the Abbey Normal entry. And Thanks :)

I learned a long time ago, if I were a horse I'd be glue by now.

[OzFade]

Serpentine Fire

By Thetoplesswritr

In a world prepared for Armageddon, there's only one man brave enough to become one with the root of all Evil.

[Mark Somers]

Flying Nun (1), gets my vote for winner. A trailer with a memorable line like "Better to smoke than to masturbate, that's what I always say." as gotta win. I'd like to read some pages on script pages if possible. This is funny sh!t.


Death Comes to Devil Rock (2)as a stronger story but I'm a comedy freak.


Red Asphalt seems more of a description of atmosphere. I couldn't see a story there.


Jekyll & Canada, Hmmmmmm?


Littlewood, I can see a something of a story.


Sword of Doom. A story. Needs Lesbian Leprechauns post haste.


In a Wold Whare. WTF is that?


theblondewrtr, they're blue? With faces on them?

[OzFade]

Guys I need votes in pronto...and maybe to my pm box.

[dpaterso]

THE EXCITEMENT IS UPON ME!

Here are the titles -- send your 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices to OzFade (http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/private.php?do=newpm&u=216)

In A Wold Whare
Red Asphalt
Death Comes to Devil Rock
Jekyll & Canada
Flying Nun
Littlewood
Sword of Doom
Serpentine Fire

-Derek

[theblondewritr]

Derek, 'Serpentine Fire' isn't in the running because it was entered late.

thanks :)

lol@ clueless. YOU WON!!!!!!:cool: