In A World Where.... RESULTS

[OzFade]

Thanks all for entering!

1st - FLYING NUN (12 Votes) - dpaterso

AND TIED FOR 2nd Place!

2nd - DEATH COMES TO DEVIL ROCK (7 Votes)- JonnyAtlas

RED ASPHALT (7 Votes) - Signal30

3rd - LITTLEWOOD (6 Votes) - By Ozfade but due to disqualification the 3rd place goes to....

IN A WORLD WHARE (4 Votes) - Clueless


Congratulations guys.

Honorable mentions also go to

Jekyll & Canada (3 Votes) - By our very own Mr. X Fortean

Sword of Doom (2 Votes) - dpaterso

and last but not least...

Serpentine of Fire - theblondwritr



Thanks again guys and keep writing!


Read the In A World Where... contest entries here:
http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showthread.php?t=40584

[theblondewritr]

That's :rolleyes: :rolleyes: to you mister! Thanks ;)

LOL 'Serpentine of fire'. It's Serpentine Fire.

Flying Nun. I wanted to think about Sally Field and couldn't go there because of the Title. Yes, I read it but didn't masturbate while reading it.

RED ASPHALT. It felt too much like Boondock Saints montage's.

Death comes to Devil Rock. Nice.

>forgot who she voted for. CONGRATS WEINNERS!

freeking clueless won honorable mention.

[Mark Somers]

Holy Flippin Order of the Sisters of Rambo, Batman.


Derek I had no idea you wrote FLYING NUN. Not an inkling. I haven't been able to read everything you've written in the writing excersizes/contest area so I could have missed some other comedy writing of yours, but this should put to rest the negative responses from past naysayers that said you couldn't write comedy. I say this because I thought it very unfair at the time that there were people who were quick to judge your stuff as not funny. I didn't say much because I was very fresh to writing on this web site and figured who was I to say if something was funny or a writer is funny. Now of course if you come back and say that this wasn't intended to be funny I am so screwed. :)



Anyways good job. It took me awhile to think of something that would compare to this. I could see the Monty Python guys writing something like this. If you've got some pages I'd like to read them.



DEATH COMES TO DEVIL ROCK is also one I'd like to see from the trailer. Because I could see a story unfolding. I did get a little lost though.



I couldn't see a story in RED ASPHALT. Sorry most of what I saw was atmosphere/setting.

[Mark Somers]

That's :rolleyes: :rolleyes: to you mister! Thanks ;)

LOL 'Serpentine of fire'. It's Serpentine Fire.

Flying Nun. I wanted to think about Sally Field and couldn't go there because of the Title. Yes, I read it but didn't masturbate while reading it.



That might explain their blue color. I you need to relax. Then they'd have big smiles on them.



RED ASPHALT. It felt too much like Boondock Saints montage's.

Death comes to Devil Rock. Nice.

>forgot who she voted for. CONGRATS WEINNERS!

freeking clueless won honorable mention.

Honorable mention, my butt. I got third place. :bounce: :bounce:

[JonnyAtlas]

Flying Nun was so awesome. I kinda knew dpat wrote it, because I didn't know of too many others who would have the balls to write it.

What both impresses and irritates me (in a good way) about Flying Nun is that a) I don't think it took him that long to write it, and b) there probably isn't a real script for it. He was probably just like "f*ck it, I'm gonna write a trailer about nuns blowing people away." And then it's sooooo badass! With little thought or effort, I bet! Grrrrrr.

lol

Seriously though, congrats, dpat. You very much deserved it. And if there really IS a script for Flying Nun, PLEASE let me read it!!! And if there isn't... write it!

Your second entry (two, no less! How do you do it?) Sword of Doom, I also liked. I voted for both of yours. Clearly, I'm a fan of your writing (at least what you posted in this contest). Of course, I'm a sucker for anything with swords.

Red Asphalt I liked. It felt very 70s exploitation, which I dig. It was a cool teaser trailer. No real story, just a "hey, by the way... we're making this and your probably going to want to see it. But we're not gonna tell you much about it yet."

Oz, I would have voted for Littlewood if you hadn't told me not to. I thought it was very cool (what there was of it). I'm always a fan of your writing.

In a World Whare made me laugh. I still smile thinking of it. I don't think anyone on this board doubts your comedic chops, clueless.

Jekyll & Canada I totally didn't get. I thought it kind of funny in its quirkiness, but I didn't really get it.

Serpentine Fire - did I miss it? I think maybe my computer was blocking it, or... all I saw was the title and a tagline. Was that just me? It sounded like a cool premise that could have had a cool trailer, but I never saw one.

Finally, YAY! I tied for second! I'm not gonna lie, writing a trailer for that script (which is sitting in first draft with a desperate need for a rewrite) was haaaaarrrrd. But I loved the idea for the contest, so I tried none the less. I can see how one would get lost to the story in the trailer, considering I made a point to leave out most of the big aspects of the story. I wanted to leave in just enough to tease.

Perhaps I will enter more of these. This was a lot of fun, and the first one I have entered since the noir contest oh so long ago. Thanks for drawing me back in, Oz.

As a side not, people will read this post, and see that I posted it at 3:48am. They will think, "wow, he was up late". But no! I went to bed at 9pm. I am now awake and getting ready for work. Hooray Starbucks...

[OzFade]

Thanks Jonny...glad you're coming back to the writing exercises and glad you enjoyed this contest.

I agree...it's hard writing a freaking trailer.

I really liked Red Asphalt in that it was different. We see trailers like this all the time for video games (Bioshock anyone?) and they work really well...maybe its a trend we'll see come into movies.

Can anyone think of a movie thats done this?

Jonny...I'm currently writing Littlewood at the moment but damn making a trailer for it is hard...I always believe the devil is in the details...and a lot of that you can't show in a trailer.

[dpaterso]

Congrats to the winners! Because we're all winners! Once again we elevate our skills in writing to theme and deadline. And this time, visual thinking outside the box came into play.

Some comments from me, scribbled as I read the entries... the usual my humble opinion rules apply.

In A Wold Whare

This is much, much deeper than it initially looked. It's a tragedy of Liza Minelli proportions. Hearing Barbara's shocked realization that her speech impediment is about to result in the destruction of her career would have swung this one for me, but alas it just... ends.

Red Asphalt

Nice lines, but this reads like a complete short short, not like a trailer. Too much focus on the token victim and not nearly enough focus on the leads. Despite which, SECOND. YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL, AND YOU THREW IT AWAY.

Death Comes to Devil Rock

Nicely done, tho' the dimwit deserves all he gets for riding into town like an a$$hole, talk about uncool. FIRST.

Jekyll & Canada

Clever as hell, and music, too! But I haven't a clue what it's all about. Despite which, THIRD just for being so clever that I feel my appreciation of the arts has been elevated.

Flying Nun

Please, not another theological discussion! I'm so tired of these.

Littlewood

If you hadn't told me not to vote for this, I would have voted for it.

Sword of Doom

I didn't understand this, when and where are these scenes set? Several knights wouldn't attack one man at once, that's against their code of chivalry.

Serpentine Fire

Nice tagline. BUT THIS ISN'T THE NICE TAGLINE CONTEST, SEE?

...Anyways, thanks to everyone who voted for FLYING NUN, and whassamatter you no like SWORD OF DOOM? You people gotta no taste! :D

Added: just read the comments above. Too funny. :) Sorry to disappoint, there is no script, just this thrown-together-at-the-last-nanosecond trailer. It was intended as a tongue-in-cheek actioner, tho' that's maybe the same as "comedy." I wasn't going to submit my original attempt, Sword of Doom, but the small number of entries made me think, "Ah hell, why not?" and Oz didn't veto my shoehorning it into the entries thread. Before posting, SoD got chopped from 9 pages including some seriously bloodythirsty battle scenes and subplotty asides that I didn't even keep. Oh the tragedy! Thanks for your comments (and votes) on both, much appreciated.

-Derek

[Signal30]

For those that voted Red Asphalt, many thanks.

RED ASPHALT. It felt too much like Boondock Saints montage's.

Ouch. But on the other hand... ? My montage was one short, cop-out line. A real montage would have taken a few days to structure, and I was coming up on deadline. My bad, my slack.

Red Asphalt I liked. It felt very 70s exploitation, which I dig. It was a cool teaser trailer. No real story, just a "hey, by the way... we're making this and your probably going to want to see it. But we're not gonna tell you much about it yet."

Glad you got that from the teaser... the script is a full-on, nitro-fueled tribute to the 70s car chase film, built on the structure of 70s disaster and horror.

It's messed up, and I doubt too many folks would get it anymore.

I really liked Red Asphalt in that it was different. We see trailers like this all the time for video games (Bioshock anyone?) and they work really well...maybe its a trend we'll see come into movies.

Can anyone think of a movie thats done this?

The Roger Corman flicks used to do this... basically get the teaser into theaters before the film even started shooting. Obviously, a lot of times the trailers usually had nothing in common with the films, but I dig the approach. I like the theory that a trailer shouldn't reveal anything from the flick, but is still cool enough to park butts in the seats.

Red Asphalt

Nice lines, but this reads like a complete short short, not like a trailer. Too much focus on the token victim and not nearly enough focus on the leads. Despite which, SECOND. YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL, AND YOU THREW IT AWAY.

Neener... that was my point. As clueless pointed out, it was all about the atmosphere. And actually, in a motorhead sort of way, the '70 'Cuda is the lead. Well, one of them... it's a very musclecar-centric piece.

That said, I voted for Flying Nun. As I mentioned to Oz when I PM'ed, it reminded me of the tone of Red Asphalt (when I read it, I was all like, "Dude, gang-bangin' nuns... why didn't I think of that?"). But very fun... and... if you don't deliver with a script for that trailer?

YOU'RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY.

[OzFade]

Damn I'm glad this contest went well...seems everyone had a lot of fun and I hope, like myself, this comp has inspired people to write/finish the script that inspired the trailer.

Congrats again to Derek and to this lively board and posters.

I'll see you all again next contest...which I hope won't distract me too much from actually writing Littlewood.

[Fortean]

Jekyll & Canada I totally didn't get. I thought it kind of funny in its quirkiness, but I didn't really get it.

Following in the footsteps of Jay Ward (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0911599/), Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Steve Martin, and Carl Reiner, my current film project might be dubbed a "feature-length fractured flicker." Jay Ward added silly, spoken dialog to heavily-edited silent films, (making them into live-action cartoons), in an old television program, "Fractured Flickers." (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056756/combined) Woody Allen added silly English dialog to a Japanese film to change its story into WHAT'S UP, TIGER LILY? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061177/combined) Mel Brooks sought star appeal in his SILENT MOVIE (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075222/combined), which was how his hero gets a latter-day "silent movie" made, with minimal dialog. I am trying to spend no more than the honest budget espoused by Steve Martin's BOWFINGER (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131325/combined), ("Cash, every movie cost $2,184,"), and I'm making use of his methods of using film stars, (whom I am not paying). Carl Reiner and Steve Martin, (along with George Gipe), utilized clips from various film-noir films to advantage in their new story of DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR PLAID (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083798/combined).

Being a Canuck, I thought of making a bilingual film. This was attempted in BON COP, BAD COP (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479647/); but, if it was a "silent film," then, the intertitles could be bilingual, (which accommodates a mixed audience of anglophones and francophones). The initial exercise was prompted by the idea of reworking the silent version of DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0011130/combined) into a story about the Canadian identity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_identity), (itself, the subject of endless debate), simply by changing the narration and dialog on the intertitles. However, I became a bit more ambitious, (tho, still within my limited budget), by adding additional clips from other silent films, for cut-away scenes, (which helped to expand the story and its roster of stars); for example, Charles Chaplin portrays Canada's first prime minister, Sir John A. MacDonald (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_A._Macdonald), in clips from CRUEL, CRUEL LOVE (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0003805/combined) and ONE A.M. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0007145/combined) The big problem with a "silent film" is its silence, thus a musical score was needed to match the scenes and the moods evoked in the audience. And, the music has been incorporated into the story.

Economically, I'm mostly using public domain footage, (with some of my own film clips), and my own arrangements of public domain music, (dating from 1922 and before). Writing the musical score has been the most time-consuming part of the process. My only legal difficulty is that "Rin Tin Tin" is trademarked in Canada, (and, maybe, elsewhere), for films; so, I will identify this original film star (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0863833/) by his nickname "Rinty," in the credits.

Literally, if you aren't familiar with Robert Louis Stevenson's original story, it is a disjointed tale, which is largely known by its derivative film versions. The magic of story-telling, which I am attempting to perform, is to take the familiar images of an old allegory and transform them into a new comedy about Canadian history.

The trailer was actually written about a year ago, (tho I updated it with a few stars, added since then), with this music in mind, (written up into a midi file for this exercise). It's not meant to reveal more than the bare bones of the story, but it shows familiar images of silent film stars expressing surprise, horror, and anger, in a rapid succession of silent clips, with a few title cards. Few film buffs would recognize, by name, more than a handful of the stars, (eg. John Barrymore, Charles Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Rudolph Valentino, Lillian Gish, Lon Chaney Sr., and Rin Tin Tin). No spoilers; but one can get the gist of what to expect: a silent film, plenty of conflict, comedy, bilingual title cards, a history lesson about Canada, and an accompaniment of old music (http://www.resologist.net/Canadian%20Capers.mid).

Will it work? I hope that it's able to get enough butts into seats so that I can get back my US$2,184!

[theblondewritr]

Derek, you make me laugh so hard. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning with a tummy-ache! :rolling: :rolling:

congrats!


Oz, this is one of the bestest exercises ever. People thunk outside the box.

****ing clueless TIED for third. still laughing. Before the ballots were tabulated, you took 1st! How do you do that? What's your secret?

[Mark Somers]

"****ing clueless TIED for third. still laughing. Before the ballots were tabulated, you took 1st! How do you do that? What's your secret?"


theblondewritr, Some buddy you are. Asking me to relive that whole traumatic debacle. :)

I thought I was late actually. Rule number one from now on is to read the instructions.


Interesting idea Fortean. I really like "Dead Men don't wear Plaid". Good Luck. When you get some frames put together please post them.


Derek if you ever get around to putting some pages together please post them. I'm still waiting to read some more of your Pirate story.


signal, if all you wanted to do was create the atmosphere of your story then well done.

jonny, I figured you were out to just tease with your trailer. In which case that worked.

Thanks OZ. And thanks to whomever gave my entry 4 votes.

What's Next?

[IndieMe]

I know I'm seriously late here and this post won't matter, but just in case it might make the authors happy to know I'll post my vote now.

I would have voted

Flying Nun

Sword of Doom - this one is a little tricky because although I enjoyed the story, I think it was the writing itself that made me vote for this one...

Littlewood

As a side note, the writing exercise we we did a few months back where we were only allowed to write 1 page, I wrote one titled End of the tour. Probably no one remembers :D , but someone turned it into a short film. http://www.virginmediashorts.com/film/1636601437

Anyway, I'll try to do a better job reading/writing and commenting on the scripts next time. :)

[OzFade]

Wow Indie congrats! I'm glad I played some small part in this success!

How did you get in touch with these guys?

[dpaterso]

Yay Pia, good-looking little film, looks "real."

Love the viewer comments. :)

And thanks for the almost-votes. :D

-Derek

[Mark Somers]

Hi IndieMe,

I would have the guy shoot the girl. Hell he was ready to do that with a sniper rifle anyways. But foremost I wouldn't have him with a sniper rifle to begin with. They let you go on leave or discharge soldiers with rifles like that?


The whole point of "fit of passion" is discovering the truth and the acting on that truth with passion. Being so caught up in the moment that you don't know what you're doing. And of course normal people would live to regret that action for the rest of their lives. He obviously stalked his girlfriend and set up a snipers nest. Hardly an impulsive act.


I don't think you thought your story through enough before publishing it.

Just my opinion.

[IndieMe]

Wow Indie congrats! I'm glad I played some small part in this success! How did you get in touch with these guys?
I posted it online at SimplyScripts. The same guy also asked for permission to film that nice little maggot one I wrote for the SICK comp. :rolling:


Yay Pia, good-looking little film, looks "real." Yes it does, doesn't it! :p

Love the viewer comments. :) Well...

And thanks for the almost-votes. :D I'll do better next time. :)

I would have the guy shoot the girl. Hell he was ready to do that with a sniper rifle anyways. But foremost I wouldn't have him with a sniper rifle to begin with. They let you go on leave or discharge soldiers with rifles like that? No, they don't let you take home the weapons from your service, but you can buy pretty much anything...


The whole point of "fit of passion" is discovering the truth and the acting on that truth with passion. Being so caught up in the moment that you don't know what you're doing. And of course normal people would live to regret that action for the rest of their lives. He obviously stalked his girlfriend and set up a snipers nest. Hardly an impulsive act. True, but he plans to kill her, but when he finds out she's pregnant, he changes his mind. Sadly, this is actually something that happens quite often to real soldiers that come back.


I don't think you thought your story through enough before publishing it. I agree to a point, but it's pretty hard to write an intense drama in one page that uses few actors and locations and is simple enough to shoot for an indie filmmaker to do.

Happy 4th and cheers to all! :love:

[12IronMonkeys]

Crap, I hate that I missed this excercise! I totally would have jumped on this one. Great idea!