ScriptShadow
12-13-2008, 01:16 AM
This one was great. Easily the best of the bunch I've read so far. It's a simple story about a guy and a girl who meet, but she has a boyfriend, so they become friends. They fall in love, unable to act on it of course, and although you've seen it a million times before, it all works. What really stands out here is the dialogue. It's natural, cute, but not Diable Cody "look at me" type dialogue. It stands out, but not for the sole reason of trying to stand out.
There are a few great scenes in here. Particularly memorable is a skinny dipping scene where their friends steal their clothes and leave them only with a single sleeping bag, forcing them to sleep naked together. Again, you've seen it before, but they make it all feel fresh.
For the Rules Nazis, there are a few parts I raised my eyebrows on. Particularly the rule that when you have two people falling in love but are kept apart because of one's significant other, you need to make the significant other actually worthy of being with that person. If you describe a girl as incredibly beautiful and smart and nice, and she's going out with a total dickweed, well that doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? Also, it leaves your hero - the guy trying to get the girl - with an extremely easy road to victory. Just throwing that out there - that these scripts don't need to be "perfect" to sell.
Very good script. Highly recommended.
There are a few great scenes in here. Particularly memorable is a skinny dipping scene where their friends steal their clothes and leave them only with a single sleeping bag, forcing them to sleep naked together. Again, you've seen it before, but they make it all feel fresh.
For the Rules Nazis, there are a few parts I raised my eyebrows on. Particularly the rule that when you have two people falling in love but are kept apart because of one's significant other, you need to make the significant other actually worthy of being with that person. If you describe a girl as incredibly beautiful and smart and nice, and she's going out with a total dickweed, well that doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? Also, it leaves your hero - the guy trying to get the girl - with an extremely easy road to victory. Just throwing that out there - that these scripts don't need to be "perfect" to sell.
Very good script. Highly recommended.