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ComicBent
07-31-2005, 03:53 PM
This thread contains the Official Rules. Later I will post "teasers" here and eventually open the thread for discussion of individual scripts. For the time being you should check the "Time for a Done Deal Contest" thread in this forum for news updates about how the contest is coming along.

* * * * *


"End of Summer" Done Deal Short-Script Contest

Okay, guys, I have considered everything that all of you have said, and I have tried to put together something with all or most of your suggestions. Honestly, I did weigh everything, and this is what I came up with.

OFFICIAL RULES





LENGTH: Short-script; maximum of 12 pages, standard formatting.
DEADLINE: September 5 (inclusive), the American "Labor Day" holiday, which marks the end of the summer season. Submissions may be submitted to me (see below, ADMINISTRATOR) at any time before the deadline, but nothing will be posted before August 15 (which is three weeks before the deadline).
THEME/GENERAL TOPIC: "End of Summer" (you will have lots of flexibility here). Don't argue about it; just relate your script, somehow, to something about summer coming to an end. A Labor Day event would itself meet the criteria.
ADMINISTRATOR: I will handle the submissions. Send them to me by email attachment (see next item).
FORMAT: Standard screenplay formatting. Make a PDF and send it to me by email attachment: rolandraystroud@cafes.net. If you cannot make a PDF, send me your script in text, FinalDraft, Movie Magic, Socrates, or Word format, and I will convert it for you. (Windows only, please. Mac users will need assistance from someone else. Anyway, Mac has PDF built in, does it not?)
PROCEDURE: I will make your scripts anonymous and give each one a number. I will keep a record of title, number, and author. Try not to include your name on your title page (if you have your name there, I will have to strip out the title page from your PDF). I will, of course, attach your original title to your submission in some way, if it is not on an anonymous title page. Each script will have a number, like #1 or #12. I will take your PDF and post it on a site to be designated soon (probably my own site, which I will have ready in the next few days). NOTE: I will post the first 2-3 pages of each script here on the Done Deal board as a teaser.

VOTING: Votes may be cast beginning on September 12 and can continue through September 15 (inclusive). The procedure for voting will be announced at a later time, well before time to vote. We might even have a run-off if nobody gets a certain necessary percentage of the vote. We will work on that over the next couple of weeks.
ELIGIBILITY: Any Done Deal member can submit a script; any Done Deal member can vote. A contestant can vote for himself/herself. However, in the event that I submit something, I will abstain from all voting, since I will know who the authors are. Please note that I will be glad to hand over the actual voting management to anyone who is not going to participate as a contestant but would be willing to keep the tally itself (I would still abstain from voting because of my "insider" knowledge).
HONOR SYSTEM: I think anyone who votes should agree to read all the teasers, and at least give a cursory read to most of the actual scripts. Ideally, everyone would read every submission from start to finish, but sometimes you just know, after a few pages, that you would never vote #1 or #2 for that work. That seems reasonable to me. And, of course, please don't follow that old American political dictum to vote early and often. :p
As matters come up that were not addressed in the Official Rules, I will put them into an Addenda List.




ADDENDA LIST






Q: Can I submit more than one script? A: Yes.
Q: Does it have to be a complete script or can it be a setup to a longer script? A: Complete script. However, "complete" is a matter of opinion. How many times have I watched a film and then said, "That's the end?" So if you have a setup that works on its own, you might want to submit it.
Just to help generate some heat for the contest, I am going to go ahead and post the "teasers" starting later tonight (11 August 2005), which is only four days early.
You may download the PDF scripts from:

www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contests/)

I hope the Contests Index is working right on the website. If not, I will fix it.
You may also go ahead and make comments on the board about the teasers or the actual scripts. I am throwing the board open earlier than planned for general discussion of the contest entries. In the meantime, keep your scripts coming to me at the email address in the Rules, above.

ComicBent
08-11-2005, 10:01 PM
Okay, let's move the contest along!

I have now received three scripts with a promise or two of more to come.

Instead of waiting till August 15 to post "teasers," I am going to post them tonight. And instead of holding off till later in the contest to throw the board open for comments on the submissions, I am going to open the board for comments also.

I am doing this because I think it will generate more interest and more responses.

By the way, I will update my website every night to reflect any changes (i.e., more submissions that are available for download).

So here goes ... :)

Post all your comments about scripts in THIS thread.

ComicBent
08-11-2005, 10:04 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #1: "A Poetic Summer's Tale"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/1-PoeticSummer.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/1-PoeticSummer.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:

EXT. TOBACCONIST'S SHOP, BROADWAY, NEW YORK CITY — DAY

Frost threatens to obscure the window panes. Candlelight
gleams out onto a dull, dingy street. Horse-drawn carriages
hurry past, as do sullen gentlemen in stove-pipe hats, who
have other business to attend to, in December of 1844.

EDGAR ALLEN POE, (35), has long side-whiskers but no
mustache. One hand clutches a folded newspaper under the arm
of his black frockcoat; the other hand holds steady the brim
of his hat. He stops to look up at the sign, which announces:

"John Anderson, Tobacco & Cigars"

A brisk wind stings Poe's face and sends the newspaper
flying down the sidewalk. The animated sheet whirls in a
devil wind's dance, then retreats out of sight around the
corner.

THE CORNER. An entry bell chimes, and a door closes.


INT. TOBACCONIST'S OFFICE — DAY

JOHN ANDERSON, (32), at his desk, writes a letter, with a
quill and ink-pot. Poe watches from the hallway door and
raps its frame to announce his presence. Anderson continues
to write, and ignores Poe, so as to finish the letter.

POE
Sir, pardon me, but are you John Anderson?

Anderson sets down the quill.

ANDERSON
I am, Sir. A moment, please.

Anderson sprinkles pounce onto the letter.

POE
My name is Edgar Allen Poe. I work at
the Mirror, and, I would be greatly
obliged--

Anderson lifts the letter up from his desk and holds it
horizontally toward a spittoon. He gently blows the pounce
off the letter so that it descends into the spittoon.

POE (CONT'D)
--If you could furnish me with some
points about one of my stories.

ANDERSON
What's it about? Tobacco, see-gars,
fine cut--?

POE
It's about the assassination of Mary
Rogers.

Anderson turns from Poe and folds the letter.

ANDERSON
There are some things that I'd rather
not see in the Mirror.

POE
It is very true that I have no claims
upon your attention--

Anderson hesitates and looks at Poe.

ANDERSON
The Poe who wrote "The Mystery of Marie
Rogêt"?

Poe acknowledges his identity with a gracious bow.

POE
A great number of my tales might be
termed fantasy pieces--

ANDERSON
What was the name you gave me in that
story?

POE
Monsieur Le Blanc.

ANDERSON
Yes, Le Blanc. Your chevalier--?

POE
The Chevalier C. Auguste Dupin.

ANDERSON
Your chevalier got his facts wrong.

POE
Dupin exercised his ingenuity by
detecting the murderer, from the facts
reported in the newspapers.

ANDERSON
And, what newspapers did you get your
facts from?

POE
You will, of course, understand that my
story was a fiction, disguised as a
coincidence to the real crime. Dupin
reasons--

ANDERSON
Mary wasn't murdered by a naval officer.

POE
(deferring, in jest)
We are fools to your deductions.

ANDERSON
Have a seat.

Anderson indicates a chair with a violet cushion. Poe
perches himself forward of the cushion.

POE
Thank you. The naval officer, of course,
was mere speculation. I was never more
crest-fallen than when I read confession
of--
(hesitates)
Madame Deluc, before the final
installment of my tale was published.

ANDERSON
That confession was as much a fiction
as your naval officer.

POE
Her death-bed confession?

ANDERSON
The ravings of a woman guilty of
unspeakable crimes, and deceits, until
her dying breath.

POE
She confessed that one of her sons put
Mary's body in the river.

ANDERSON
If she did, she was only pointing a
vengeful finger at the son, who had
shot her, while cleaning his gun.

POE
Then, who do you think murdered Mary
Rogers?

ComicBent
08-11-2005, 10:07 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #2: "Dryad"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/2-Dryad.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/2-Dryad.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:

EXT. PARK — DAY

The scene opens in a small city park, where a bench sits
under a huge spreading sugar maple. The tree has some dead
branches, and a live branch has recently fallen to the
ground. A heavy bag lady (EDITH) of about 60 is walking
back and forth under the tree, looking at the fallen branch
muttering worriedly to herself. Her cheeks are dirty and
tear-smeared, and she's wearing tattered brown clothing. BEN,
a 30-ish man in office attire, comes by on the sidewalk.

BEN
Edith? I brought you a sandwich.

EDITH
(with a strong British accent)
There's no putting it back. I have to
put it back, but there's no putting it
back. What'll I do? Oh...

BEN
Oh, look at that branch. I'm sorry.
That was some storm we had last night, huh?

EDITH
Storm broke it, broke it right down.
How can I put it back? There's no
putting it back.

BEN
Come on, Edith...I brought you some
lunch. Sit down and eat with me.

John takes Edith's hand and leads her to the bench. She
follows, frowning, and sits down next to him. He hands her
a paper bag. She accepts it, but doesn't open it.

BEN
I hope you got in out of the rain last
night.

EDITH
Clean rain, I love the rain. I bathe
in the rain...it's the wind as hurts me.
Did you see? The wind broke it, broke
it right down. We used to sway in the
wind, but we're not strong enough any
more...not strong enough.

BEN
This old tree has stood here a long
time. It'll probably still be here
when I die.

Edith shakes her head vigorously back and forth, tears
flowing again.

EDITH
She's sick, sick. By the end of the
summer she'll be gone...

A CITY POLICEMAN approaches on the sidewalk. Edith glances
up at him, then hurries away.

POLICEMAN
(Peering after Edith.)
Do you know that person?

BEN
Edith? I bring her a sandwich now and
then. Why? Is she in trouble?

POLICEMAN
No. I was just wondering if she had
any family to take her in.

BEN
I've looked into it...no dice.

POLICEMAN
I'm worried I'm going to find her dead
in an alley one day.

BEN
[sighs] Could you arrest her?

POLICEMAN
My boss wouldn't like it.

BEN
Yeah. Neither would Edith.
(beat)
About the only think she seems to
really like is this tree.

POLICEMAN
Yeah, well, she's gonna have to kiss it
goodbye. The city's taking it down
early next week.

BEN
They're cutting down Edith's maple tree?
Why?

POLICEMAN
Because it's dangerous. Been dropping
limbs all over the place. Next thing
you know it'll fall on somebody; better
to cut it down. I was the one that
called Public Works about it.

Ben stands up, turns, and eyes the tree appraisingly.

BEN
Thanks for letting me know, officer.

POLICEMAN
No problem. See you 'round.

The policeman walks off, leaving Ben studying the tree.


EXT. PARK — DAY

The morning sunshine is warming the same park, and Ben is
looking around for Edith.

BEN
(calling)
Edith? Edith?

Edith wanders in to the scene, eyeing Ben doubtfully. A
truck with workmen and a SUPERVISOR in it pull up.

BEN
Edith...come sit with me. I have to
talk to you.

EDITH
She won't last, you know. Won't last.

BEN
Edith...These men are here to cut down
the maple.

EDITH
Cut down my tree? They'll not do
that...they'll not do that!
(more agitated)
YOU'LL NOT DO THAT!

Edith charges into the group of workmen just as they're
getting out of their truck, kicking and flailing with
everything she's got. The workers subdue her as gently as
they can.

ComicBent
08-11-2005, 10:09 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #3: "Last Temptation"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/3-LastTemptation.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/3-LastTemptation.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


EXT. SKY — DAY

A swollen angry sun blasts out dazzling yellow sunlight.


EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY — DAY

The highway and the horizon are blurred by shimmering heat.

A DUST CLOUD comes closer.

Made by TWO CARS as they race side by side. Still too far
away to make out details, but moving fast.

The sound of their ENGINES becomes louder and louder. Full
open throttle. Growling like tigers on heat.


EXT. GARAGE — DAY

A shabby broken down building sits alone in the wilderness.


INT. GARAGE — DAY

It's dark here because it's so bright outside. Wooden
crates, empty oil drums and other junk form a tangled jungle.

In the shadows, BENNETT, 20, looks through a crack in a
boarded-up window. Sweat glistens on his shaven head and
face. He wears a sweatstained orange overall with TRAFFIC
stenciled across the shoulders.

A dull CLANG comes from the other side of the garage.
Bennett's eyes swivel to look, the rest of him stays still.

HARTLEY, 18, dressed and shaved like Bennett, has kicked
over a can. His defiant gaze meets Bennett's ice cold gaze.
Hartley shifts position, losing himself in the shadows.

In another hiding place, MACKENZIE, 18, attractive despite
the sweatstains and no hair, shakes her head in disapproval.


EXT. GARAGE — DAY

Two classics, a blue Dodge Viper and a black Ford Mustang,
kick up dust as they approach.


INT. GARAGE — DAY

Bennett watches... not a muscle moving.

The growl of the car engines fills the garage.


EXT. GARAGE — DAY

In the approaching Viper, GOATEE BEARD, 20s, and REDHEAD, 19,
wearing tee shirts and sunglasses.

In the Mustang, COWBOY HAT and BLONDE GIRL, 20s.

Cowboy Hat cuts out and overtakes at the last moment,
roaring into the garage first.

Goatee Beard and Redhead laugh.


INT. GARAGE — DAY

Cowboy Hat parks his Mustang and hops out, opens the door
for Blonde Girl.

The Viper rolls inside. The engine's switched off. Goatee
Beard and Redhead climb out.

Bennett raises his fist -- pumps it.

Everyone jumps out from hiding, Hartley and MacKenzie cover
'em with shotguns. It's an arrest. The prisoners realize
they've walked into a trap.

BENNETT
Traffic Division. You're under arrest
for violation of the Atmospheric
Pollution Laws--

COWBOY HAT
Now hold on--

Hartley slaps his shotgun against Cowboy Hat's head. Cowboy
Hat collapses in agony. Blonde Girl moves to help but
Redhead stops her.

BENNETT
For violation of the Atmospheric
Pollution Laws, Article Seven,
Subsection Nineteen. To wit, illegal
exhaust emissions causing ozone layer
breakdown.

Goatee Beard takes a half step forward.

Hartley takes aim but Bennett shakes his head, don't shoot.

GOATEE BEARD
I'm the one you want. These are my
cars. They just came along for the
ride. Why not let them go?

Bennett and Goatee Beard stare at each other. Regret shows
in Bennett's eyes, and in his deep sigh.

BENNETT
No can do.

Goatee Beard sighs too, and steps back.

HARTLEY
You want me to disable the cars?

BENNETT
I'll do it.

HARTLEY
Only take me a minute.

BENNETT
(firmer)
I said I'll do it.

Hartley shrugs, you're the boss.

BENNETT (CONT'D)
Anything else to say before we carry
out sentence?

Redhead pushes up her sunglasses.

REDHEAD
If you're going to murder us, get on
with it.

Until now the shadows have hidden her face. Now Bennett
sees her clearly, and she sees him. A flash of mutual
recognition and surprise.

ComicBent
08-11-2005, 10:11 PM
Okay, you have three teasers up for the three scripts that I have received so far in the contest.

Have at it!

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 12:18 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #4: "Even Bad Boys ..."
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/4-BadBoys.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/4-BadBoys.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


INT. SMALL JAIL CELL — DAY

A gray cell, barely larger than a king-sized bed, features a
peeling mirror and a small faucet.

On a single bed, teenage RICKY sits, staring intently at the
floor.

RICKY
Ma friends call me stupid, but I don't
like dat name. Dey say I killed a man,
but I am only a boy. Dey say I hafta
die now.

REVEREND THOMAS GRAFTON, on a chair, nods in macabre agreement.

RICKY
Momma says I go to heaven no matter. No
matter what dey do to me. But I don't
wanna die Momma.

Reverend flips through his bible.

JUDGE (V.O.)
I hereby sentence you to death by
lethal injection for the gruesome
double murder of Billy Meyer and
Charlie Ray.

A gavel BANGS.

JUDGE (V.O.)
Bailiff take the boy away.

RICKY
Dey say God's grace is greater dan
anyding humans done. I hope God
forgives me.

Reverend puts a hand on his shoulder.

REVEREND
Your sins will be forgiven, if you take
Jesus Christ, our Lord, our savior, as
your personal savior.
(beat)
Do you Ricky, accept the blood of
Christ as God did as a payment for our
sins and as the price of redemption?

RICKY
I don't know how to read. Can I be
saved if I can't read the Bible?

REVEREND
Yes. Accepting Jesus is all that is
required. Heaven awaits those who
believe in his sacrifice.

RICKY
My momma used to read to me about Jesus.
She said, he was a rightful man.

A GUARD TAPS on the prison bars.

GUARD
Ten minutes Reverend.
(to Ricky)
Ricky is there anything I can get you?

Ricky remains silent. The guard waits a second, then jangles
away.

RICKY
I still dont wanna die. Why does God
want me to die?

REVEREND
God has a plan for everyone.

RICKY
But why do I hafta die? I heard dem say so.

REVEREND
Because you killed a man, Ricky.

RICKY
But I didn't mean to —

RICKY
It was an accident. Dey tried to rob me
ma, but she sad no. No, she said. But
dey didn't listen. No, she said.

REVEREND
Thou shall not kill, Ricky.

Ricky begins to cry.

RICKY
Dey were bad. Badder dan me. Dou shall
kill if dey are killing me ma. Dey'll
go to hell.

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 12:19 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #5: "Summer's End and Friends"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/5-Summer.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/5-Summer.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


INT. RECEPTION PARTY — NIGHT

Two women in party wear stand next to each other. We only
see their butts — the only speaking things in the film.

SUMMER's butt is a perfect-10 ass covered by a tight pink
dress. Next to her, BRIANNA's butt, is also a model of
perfection in a tight purple dress.

SUMMER
I'm, like, the hottest butt here.

BRIANNA
Totally.

SUMMER
How do I look?

BRIANNA
Fabulous! How do I look?

SUMMER
If I were a man, I'd want a piece of
you for sure.

Summer's butt wiggles as "she" adjusts her dress.

SUMMER
I am soo getting some tonight.

BRIANNA
Promise you'll save me a hot piece of ass?

SUMMER
Only if I get the best piece first.

They giggle.

A BIG FEMALE BUTT catwalks by with "if you've got it flaunt
it" attitude —

SUMMER
Oh my gawd. Just look at her butt.

BRIANNA
Ewww. She must be one of those, like,
rapper girlfriends.

SUMMER
Oh yeah. I heard they are, like, real
*******s and they treat you like ****.

A beat.

SUMMER
Oh whatever. You know what I heard? I
heard that Thomas broke up with Mary Jo
and —

A MALE BUTT in dress pants and a dinner jacket strolls by
and FARTS.

BRIANNA
Ewww.

SUMMER
Oh, like, who farted?

BRIANNA
Some people. Ugh.

Summer swings around and see ASHLEY's butt decked in white.
Both butts emit an ear-piercing GIRLIE SCREAM and rush over
to butt-rub each other thrice.

ASHLEY
Oh my gawd. It's so good to see you.

SUMMER
Totally. Totally.

ASHLEY
(to Brianna)
Oh my gawd, I totally didn't recognize
you Brianna. You've lost a lot of
weight and now you look fabulous!

BRIANNA
Thank you. Smooches.

Ashley and Brianna rub each other thrice.

ASHLEY
Isn't that you your old boyfriend?
What's his name — Marcello?

SUMMER
Oh gawd don't look. He's coming over
here. Okay don't panic —

ASHLEY
He's kinda cute.

BRIANNA
Yeah. I could totally bounce a quarter
off him.

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 12:22 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #6: "Brotherly Rivalry"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/6-BrotherlyRivalry.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/6-BrotherlyRivalry.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


INT. SAN FRANCISCO GENERAL HOSPITAL — DAY

NURSE PATRICIA VARGAS (25), pretty, with very intense eyes,
stands within the nurse's station. She feverishly looks
around the station for a patient's chart.

DOCTOR STEPHANIE BENNETT (35), taps the counter, impatient.

Patricia finally finds the chart and hands it to Stephanie.

PATRICIA
Sorry about that. Here's the Davidson
chart.

STEPHANIE
(annoyed)
Thank you Patricia. You should be more
organized here.

She turns away from Stephanie. He lips form the word "Bitch".

Stephanie looks through the chart. She feels someone near
her and looks up to see --

ADAM DAVIDSON (40), sweating, breathing heavily, standing
next to her.

STEPHANIE
May I help you?

He glances over to Patricia. There is a hint of recognition
between them, but perhaps not.

ADAM
I got her as quickly as possible. I'm
looking for Mark Davidson. I'm his
brother Adam.

STEPHANIE
Mr. Davidson, we were told that you
were on your way.
(looking at the chart)
I'm sorry, but...

Adam is startled. For a split second, his lips form a smile.

ADAM
My God! I wasn't told that he died.

STEPHANIE
No, No. Your brother is not dead. But,
he's in a deep coma. I'll take you to him.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

The door swings open, Stephanie and Adam walk in.

MARK DAVIDSON (30), Adam's younger brother, lies on the
hospital bed, immobile.

The rhythmic slow BEAT of the respirator dominates the room.

Stephanie walks over to Mark and checks the respirator.

STEPHANIE
Your brother had a bad reaction to a
combination of heroin, cocaine, and
some other substance that we're still
trying to figured out. We're still
running tests, but the next 24 hours
are critical. If he doesn't come out of
the coma by then...

ADAM
(interrupting)
Thank you Doctor. I understand.

Adam stands over his comatose brother. He wipes away a tear.

Stephanie notices and leaves the room.

ADAM
Lazy fvck!

SUPERIMPOSE: NEW YORK CITY — 1993


INT. LIVING ROOM -* DAY

FRANKLIN DAVIDSON (70), the patriarch of the Davidson clan,
hands a check to a younger Mark (18).

FRANKLIN
Here you go Mark, this should hold you
over for a while.

MARK
Thanks dad.

Behind Mark stands Adam, angry.

ADAM
Dad, you should not be giving him any
more money to just screw around with.

FRANKLIN
This does not concern you Adam. Your
brother is an artist. We need to
encourage him.

ADAM
But, Dad!

FRANKLIN
(sternly)
Take care of the company and leave your
brother alone. He needs to follow his
own path.

Adam meekly walks away, defeated, as his father gives Mark a
warm embrace.

Mark looks over to his defeated brother, smiles and winks.

ADAM
You better be back by Labor Day for
Dad's Birthday.

Franklin and Adam look through a travel book, not paying
attention to Adam.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM — PRESENT — DAY

Adam sits next to his brother and looks down at him.

Mark's eyes suddenly open.

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 12:24 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #7: "The Picture Frame"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/7-PictureFrame.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/7-PictureFrame.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


EXT. CAL BERKELEY CAMPUS — 2171 A.D. — DAY

ANGELA MASON (28), slowly walks through the campus quad
accompanied by, DAVID PETERSON (30), a foot soldier for the
World Government.

He rushes Angela to the waiting hovercar.

DAVID
We need to hurry. The announcement will
be in an hour.

He spins around and opens the door, a particle beam rifle is
underneath his coat.

Angela does not respond. She dutifully steps into the car,
as David sits next to her.

The hovercar lifts off. It heads over towards the Bay Bridge.


EXT. THE BAY BRIDGE — DAY

An aerial shot of the Bay Bridge. Eight large tubes, four on
the top deck and four on the bottom deck, take the multitude
of hovercars from one side of the bridge to the other.

Angela's hovercar slowly glides to the base of the bridge
and queues up behind a logjam of other hovercars waiting to
enter one of the upper deck tubes that will take them across
the bridge into San Francisco.


EXT. MARKET STREET — SAN FRANCISCO — DAY

A massive maze of tubes, suspended by giant columns,
crisscrosses over Market Street.

Underneath the tubes, Market Street is an oasis of pedestrian
walkways and small parks where pedestrians can walk around
without the fear of getting run over by speeding automobiles
as in years long past.


INT. TUBE

Angela and David are within one of the upper deck tubes.

Angela does not look at her companion. She looks out of the
window, lost in her thoughts.


EXT. MARKET STREET — DAY

The hovercar travels through downtown and takes a connecting
tube that takes them deeper into the city.


EXT. TWIN PEAKS — DAY

The hovercar takes an exit out of the tube system and gently
floats down to the pavement. The hovercar slowly proceeds a
few blocks to...


EXT. VICTORIAN HOUSE — DAY

A beautiful Victorian house, at least three hundred years
old, sits on top of a small hill.


EXT. FRONT DOOR — DAY

They both exit the hovercar and Angela walks up to the front
door.

A red beam performs a full body scan.

The door CLICKS open.

Suddenly, David rushes past her and enters the house with
his rifle drawn.

Angela slowly shakes her head and follows him in.


INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY

Angela walks into the living room and drops her purse on an
antique 1990's sofa.

A beautiful wood carved fireplace and mantle dominates the
room. Angela walks over to the mantle and picks up a picture
frame.

ANGELA'S POV — PICTURE

A young Angela (5) and her parents are in Golden Gate Park
having a picnic.

On the bottom of the picture it is written:

Always remember you are special. Use what has been given to
you for the good of all -- Love Mom and Dad. Labor Day,

David comes back into the living room.

DAVID
All's clear.

ANGELA
Was that really necessary? No one knows
who I am.

DAVID
We have to be careful. We don't know if
anyone has caught on yet. We have a
half hour before the announcement.

Angela walks into her bedroom, with her picture in hand.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The image fades away and a PRETTY NEWS ANCHOR comes up on
the screen.

FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR
Lets recap for people who are just
tuning in. An unidentified source at
The World Government has just leaked
information that The World Military has
been experimenting with matter and
anti-matter and that the military has
perfected a method of safely producing
anti-matter for decades. But now, the
Thrilly Liberation Front has broken
into a secret base within Mt. Rainier,
in Washington State.
(long pause)
And has unleashed an anti-matter bullet
into the earth's mantle.
(choking up, teary)
It is speculated that within the next
two hours, the bullet will hit the
Earth's core and the earth will be
destroyed.

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 12:59 PM
I check all the PDF files to make sure that they work all right, and they do as long as you open them directly from Adobe Acrobat Reader.

However, I have run into a problem with a couple of the scripts in that they do not open properly when you open them directly from within a browser, even though Acrobat Reader opens properly. Basically the correct font does not display.

I think this probably has something to do with the program that was used to create the PDF.

If you run into any problems, just RIGHT-click to download/save instead of opening the PDF within a browser. Then open the PDF file with Acrobat Reader as always.

You may go ahead and begin posting your critiques and thoughts on the scripts.

ComicBent
08-14-2005, 07:26 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #8: "The Enemy"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/8-Enemy.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/8-Enemy.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


EXT. EMPTY DESERT — NIGHT

A sea of sand dunes, lit by moonlight and stars.


EXT. BUNKER ENTRANCE — NIGHT

A waist-high concrete and steel hatch is guarded by TWO
ARMED MEN wearing combat suits, helmets and goggles.

They stand perfectly still except for their heads which turn
from left to right and back again, scanning 180 degrees. An
electronic BEEPING comes from each man.

FROM OUT OF THE NIGHT SKY — a whooshing blur of paraglider
wings. Black-clad COMMANDOS open fire with SILENCED PISTOLS.
The Guards topple like felled trees. The BEEPING stops.

The Commandos release their gliders and run to the bunker
hatch. One slaps on an explosive charge. They duck and
cover their ears. BLAM! They leap up through the smoke,
wrench the blown hatch open and drop down inside.

TWO HUMVEES zoom over the dunes and skid to a stop at the
bunker hatch. COMMANDOS and CIVILIAN TECHNICIANS swarm out.
The Commandos guide the Techs down through the hatch. Among
the Techs, PROFESSOR FINCH, 60s.

One of the dead Guards has lost his helmet and his goggles
sit askew, revealing METALLIC SKIN and INFRA RED SENSORS
instead of human eyes.


INT. DOOR-LINED CORRIDOR — NIGHT

The Commandos engage goggle-wearing GUARDS in a blazing
shootout. The Guards go down! The Commandos sprint along
the smoke-filled hallway.


INT. CONTROL ROOM — NIGHT

Filled with technology and monitor screens. Goggle-wearing,
beeping OPERATORS sit at control consoles.

The door CRASHES open, the Commandos rush inside and SHOOT
the Operators as they rise out of their seats. The last
Operator slumps in its seat, its BEEPING grows weaker and
weaker like a failing heartbeat... and stops.

A Commando tears off his mask revealing a sweatstained,
chiseled face. MAJOR JOHN RAWLINS kicks the dead Operator
out of its seat and sneers with contempt.

RAWLINS
Listen up! Let's rig this place to
blow. Sixty second fuses. Hipe!

His men prepare explosive charges and electronic timers.

FINCH (O.S.)
Stop, Major!

Finch and his Techs enter. Rawlins watches as the Techs
swarm over the control consoles. A Tech checks a console
and NODS to Finch.

FINCH (CONT'D)
Bad, very bad. The time matrix has
already been used.

RAWLINS
Well, that just f-cks everything all to
hell, don't it?

TIME DISSOLVE:

Rawlins, Finch and a Tech hunch over a MONITOR that shows a
timeline of historical events spanning centuries.

FINCH
History is littered with Nexus Points,
Major. They pose a series of "what if?"
questions. What if someone went back
in time to Nineteen-Thirty and gave the
Nazis plans for an atom bomb? What if
someone introduced the concept of
steam-driven vehicles to Napoleon so he
conquered Europe and set up an Empire
that spanned centuries? One little
push in the wrong direction at a
crucial instant, at one of the Nexus
Points, and the development of the
human race is forever changed.

RAWLINS
Thanks for the lecture, Professor. How
about cutting the sh-t and telling me
where those Goddamn robots are?

FINCH
The Meks are much more than robots, Major.
They are cleverer than their designers
ever dreamed. One might almost say
they are a new life form, an admirable,
superintelligent breed of being--

Rawlins grabs Finch and growls into his face:

RAWLINS
They're a bunch of murdering machines.
They've killed tens of thousands of
innocent people, including their
designers. My mission is to hunt them
down and destroy them, not give them a
round of applause. So keep your
Goddamn opinions to yourself and help
me find them. Clear?

FINCH
Ironic, isn't it, that we must employ a
killer to stop other killers?

Rawlins's angry snarl is interrupted by a COMMANDO.

COMMANDO
Something you should see, Major.

RAWLINS
(to Tech)
Keep searching. Call me as soon as you
find them.


INT. DARK STORAGE ROOM — NIGHT

Light floods inside as a door opens. Rawlins and the
Commando look in. The room is filled with racks of clothing.


INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE STORAGE ROOM — NIGHT

The Commando reaches into the room and pulls out a uniform.
It's a blue Union Army jacket with a leather belt and a big
brass buckle, plus matching pants, circa early 1860s.

COMMANDO
You watching, Major?

The Commando twists the belt buckle. THE UNIFORM CHANGES
FROM UNION BLUE TO CONFEDERATE GRAY.

RAWLINS
What the hell?

AaronB
08-15-2005, 08:47 AM
So...how's the voting going to work?

I propose that we vote for our top three, with votes weighed by ranking. So the number 1 pick would get 3 points, number 2 pick would get 2 points, and number 3 pick would get one point.

Then you can rank the shorts by point scores, and the first-place winner will emerge.

The upside and the downside of this system are the same: A script can win by taking all the No. 3 votes, if all the 2s and 1s are divided. On the one hand, this means the script has a universal appeal; on the other, it means that the winning script could be one that was unanimously declared third-best in the contest.

Thoughts?

ComicBent
08-15-2005, 12:01 PM
Derek has experience at this sort of thing and has volunteered to help. I will probably hand the vote counting over to him once the script deadline is here.

Derek, what are your thoughts about the mechanism that Aaron has proposed?

Geevie, your past experiences with this could be helpful, too. Thoughts and comments?

dpaterso
08-15-2005, 12:57 PM
I think I'd suggested the same voting method as Aaron, it levels the field and avoids a runaway winner that gallops over the finish line thanks to just a couple of random votes.

The voting arithmetic is easy-peasy, not a problem. If everyone votes along the lines of,

1st - entry 23 (I liked entry 23 best!)
2nd - entry 48 (my second choice!)
3rd - entry 37 (and my third choice!)

then it's easy enough to build up a "votes" file, e.g.</FONT>
.
1st 2nd 3rd
story1 0 2 0
story2 1 0 1
story3 1 3 0
story4 0 2 2
...
that can be easily queried, e.g.
.
1st 2nd 3rd Total
story3 1 3 0 9 (1st=3 2nd=6 3rd=0)
story4 0 2 2 6 (1st=0 2nd=4 3rd=2)
story1 0 2 0 4 (1st=0 2nd=4 3rd=0)
story2 1 0 1 4 (1st=3 2nd=0 3rd=1)
...

(I've bust my head trying to make these damn columns line up!! If they don't do it this time -- aaaaaaaaah! Screw 'em!)

Related topic: did you say that participants can vote for their own entries? If so then that's a no-brainer, who isn't going to vote their own entry 1st place? I know I will! Better perhaps if 3 extra points are offered as a reward incentive for submitting votes and comments. (Or if I've completely misunderstood, ignore this paragraph.)

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

ComicBent
08-15-2005, 02:36 PM
Derek, you aren't using a Diebold machine to count these votes, are you?

:rolling:

I don't know if you will understand that joke in the U.K. or not.

Your columns lined up just fine.

It is all right to vote for yourself. However, I have disqualified myself from all voting, since I know the identities of all the contestants. Nonethess, I am keeping a score on all the entries. I give a certain number of points for each aspect, like characterization, plot, quality of writing, cinematic quality, format, promise (of better things), and overall impression. I weight these factors (format does not count as much as plot, for example), and have the whole thing in a spreadsheet, which automatically calculates a score when I have entered everything. It will be interesting to compare my results with the votes later on!

Interestingly, a script that does well on points is not always all that much better, if at all, than a script that is very enjoyable but loses on points. Ultimately, I think you have to make a subjective decision, tempered with some objectivity.

I kind of like Aaron's idea. Keep thinking about it, you guys. I think some kind of "weighted" system like Aaron's is good. There are probably some other good methods to think about, too.

I would like to hear from Geevie.

ComicBent
08-16-2005, 01:41 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #9: "HappyTrails"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/9-HappyTrails.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/9-HappyTrails.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Two guys sit on a couch staring blankly at a muted television.
They are TAYLOR HAWKINS and VAN HARPER, two underachievers
in their mid teens. Taylor suddenly appears to be in deep
thought about something when..

TAYLOR
C*ck smoker.

Van quickly develops a pained expression.

VAN
Ahh, damn it. Good one.

They return to silence, Van trades expressions with Taylor.

VAN
Cum dumpster.

Taylor fires back, already having thought of his next one.

TAYLOR
Anal avenger.

Van appears to be extremely disappointed, like a kid
promised a trip to Disney Land that ends up at a museum.

TAYLOR
Butt buccaneer, fudge packer.

VAN
What the fvck, man? I haven't even gone
yet.

TAYLOR
I know, now I'm three up on you.

VAN
That's bullsh*t.

Taylor shrugs. Just then, a beautiful teenaged girl walks by.
She is CINDY HARPER, Van's older sister.

CINDY
Pillow biter.

Taylor smirks as Cindy disappears around the corner.

VAN
Bitch.

TAYLOR
Nope, that's a foul. That's like the
first one you used.

Van's eyebrows furrow.

VAN
There has to be something better to do,
man.

TAYLOR
Doubtful.

Van digs into his pocket and pulls out what appears to be a
container of eye drops. He triumphantly smiles and dangles
the bottle at Taylor.

VAN
I still have like 6 hits.

Taylor smirks.

TAYLOR
But where can we go to make sure we get
the most out of it?

Van thinks for a second.

VAN
Cirque Du Soleil is in town.

TAYLOR
What the hell is a Cirque Du Soleil?

VAN
Trippy ass french people doing trippy
ass stuff. It's like $40 a ticket though.

TAYLOR
Yeah, I only have like $20. Hey, go
ask your sister if we can borrow her
copy of The Yellow Submarine.

VAN
Nah, we need something new. Something
that nobody has ever done stoned out of
their skull. Something that we might
actually remember.

TAYLOR
Something that a sober person would say
would be completely retarded to do on
acid, but while on acid would be the
coolest **** ever.

VAN
Yes.

The boys return to deep thought. Cindy walks by, this time
with a cup in her hand.

CINDY
Putt-putt.

She disappears around the corner again.

TAYLOR
I think I love your sister.

Van frowns.

VAN
Lots of guys love my sister -- that's
why she walks like a newborn deer.

CINDY (O.S.)
I heard that.

Taylor blushes and Van couldn't care less.

VAN
So putt-putt then?

Taylor nods. Van holds the eyedropper above his tongue and 3
drops fall. He passes it to Taylor who does the same.

ComicBent
08-16-2005, 01:49 PM
Guys, sometimes I have to go through and use * in the naughty words, for which I apologize. If I don't do it, the board puts **** for the whole word. At least with c*ck you can figure it out, but **** is ???????:mad:

After all, we live in the age of Southern Baptists, George Bush, and Jerry Falwell. Maybe someday this nightmare will be over, and we can return to the sensible attitudes that we had a quarter-century ago.

No problem about the PDF files. It's just the text "teaser" that I post that has to be bowdlerized a bit.

Any day now I expect "teaser" to turn into "******" so that I have to write it as "teas*r" to keep James Dobson and Jerry Falwell from having a stroke, which now that I think about it ... Oh, well, never mind.:)

dpaterso
08-17-2005, 05:45 PM
I guess delightful expressions like "cum dumpster" and "anal avenger" have yet to be added to the list of family-rated bloopers.

Well I've read 'em all and written comments and pegged a couple for tentative votes, depending on what else comes along, but of course I can't post my comments yet because, if I had submitted an entry into the contest, my lack of comments on said entry would be a dead giveaway, right?

Or maybe I'm still thinking about entering, and this is some kind of weird nutjob double bluff that only I understand.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)
"let me tell you guys something. ive shown this script to a bunch of people. some friends, some family, and a neihbor. they all liked it. they all had some (very few) crictisms. now none of them are in the film business, except my neihbor paul who actually worked on a movie once as a assistant so i think he knows what hes talking about." ~forlittleorless

ComicBent
08-17-2005, 08:45 PM
:D

It will be all right for people who may have submitted scripts to post comments.

Just be careful not to signal your identity in too obvious a way. Heh. :)

I have read all the scripts except the last one sent to me (and now posted), and I will get to it tomorrow.

And, who knows, I may submit something myself, though I will not be voting.

At the end of the contest, all identities will be revealed, of course.

AaronB
08-17-2005, 08:59 PM
I found the Poetic Summer's Tale to be a wonderful concept that deserves a longer treatment. There's enough content there for 30 pages...perhaps for a feature with a little development.

dpaterso
08-18-2005, 01:34 AM
Aaron, sounds good, you've made my mind up, I'm voting for this one!

Which is the danger of posting comments too early, maybe?

My comments were pretty similar to yours:

1. A Poetic Summer's Tale

This was a nice piece of writing. I liked the history mystery aspect lots, 12 pages hardly seemed enough, I could happily have read more...

OK, spoiler warning, don't read on if you haven't read the script and made your own mind up.

Comments continue:

...But, the story left me with a couple of uncertain thoughts. The only person I "knew" here was Poe, and he was only a passive asker of questions. Which made me wonder whose story this actually was. The answer, of course, is Mary's. An introduction to Poe and Anderson, then a documentary of Mary's last days with, perhaps, narration from Poe and Anderson, could have been far more effective and certainly more dynamic, reducing the "talking heads" delivery. I often felt that names and facts were being thrown at me, these were obviously related to the girl's murder and therefore important, but because there were no visuals, just faceless names I couldn't relate to, drama levels remained low to medium instead of high. Despite these potential failings I liked it; with some adjustments it could be something, I'm sure.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

voxel
08-18-2005, 04:39 AM
I quickly read through all of them. I thought this script was okay. The Anderson's lines themselves are brilliant, but most of Poe's lines are "feed lines." He asking feeder questions so the OTHER person can answer them. The dialogue exchange(pages 5-9) is really one long monologue for Anderson. And the monologue just explains what happened in the past.

There's no drama in the exchange. It reads well - witty, but I am sure if it was filmed it would be dull. I am sure whomever wrote this is a playwright - no offense.

To rewrite this for film would take fixing half the script. I like scripts with a "Action + Dialogue + Description" balance.

I agree this short could be expanded into something longer.

I vote for The Enemy, but does that script have anything to do with summer?


...But, the story left me with a couple of uncertain thoughts. The only person I "knew" here was Poe, and he was only a passive asker of questions. Which made me wonder whose story this actually was. The answer, of course, is Mary's. An introduction to Poe and Anderson, then a documentary of Mary's last days with, perhaps, narration from Poe and Anderson, could have been far more effective and certainly more dynamic, reducing the "talking heads" delivery. I often felt that names and facts were being thrown at me, these were obviously related to the girl's murder and therefore important, but because there were no visuals, just faceless names I couldn't relate to, drama levels remained low to medium instead of high. Despite these potential failings I liked it; with some adjustments it could be something, I'm sure.

dpaterso
08-18-2005, 08:45 AM
I vote for The Enemy, but does that script have anything to do with summer?Spoiler warning for The Enemy. Don't read on unless you've already read the script and made your own mind up.

I asked the same thing in my comments. I figured maybe summer changing to winter, albeit a nuclear winter, may be the link. Talk about tenuous. Aside from that it moves fast enough, I only realized I'd read 12 pages when I noticed the page count.

PS - you know you're allowed 3 votes -- your 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices?

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

AaronB
08-18-2005, 08:53 AM
The Poetic Summer's Tale (which wasn't my submission, by the way) is the seed of what could be an excellent period mystery feature.

As it is, I find the short as troubled as Edgar Allen himself...just too much exposition for one little short to bear.

AaronB
08-18-2005, 09:00 AM
PS - you know you're allowed 3 votes -- your 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices?

Has that been settled on, then?

dpaterso
08-18-2005, 09:12 AM
Has that been settled on, then?I think Comic is still waiting on comments from Geevie but I sense a shift in the Force toward the 3-vote system.

If however it swings the other way and ye administrator decides only one vote per participant is allowed, it's no problem for everyone to ignore their 2nd and 3rd choices and go with only the 1st.

But if we go with the 3-vote thing, only picking one entry now means you'd maybe have to read them all again and choose a 2nd and 3rd.

Although come to think of it, if we're only allowed one vote, and we're allowed to vote for our own, I think it's going to be the biggest dead heat ever seen in the history of writing contests.

Wow, sore head. Time to get some writing done.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

BottomlessCup
08-18-2005, 03:16 PM
Shouldn't you guys wait till all the entries are in before you vote?

dpaterso
08-18-2005, 03:52 PM
Yes. Tho' discussion was invited, and folks are bound to let slip their voting preferences during discussion, big whoops.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

AaronB
08-18-2005, 04:51 PM
Shouldn't you guys wait till all the entries are in before you vote?

Oh, I haven't voted. Haven't even prepared to vote, really.

ComicBent
08-18-2005, 05:49 PM
I think voting for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd is definitely the way to go.

And of course all we are doing now is just discussing and "caucusing"; we won't vote till the date specified in the original rules (which is well after the deadline, so everyone will have time to read last-minute entries, lobby a bit for their favorites, etc.).

AaronB
08-19-2005, 11:53 AM
Okay, now this I *will* say.

LAST TEMPTATION read like a house afire. LOTS of tension, lots of action. I suspect it'll be one of my vote-getters.

ComicBent
08-19-2005, 01:00 PM
I think the scripts have a much higher quality than what we often see here in posted pages.

Even a few of the scripts that might be a little weak on story at least show good writing and a lot of promise in the authors.

If I say something good about a particular script, it does not mean that I value that script more highly than the others. With that in mind ...

I thought "Summer's End" was unique and hilarious. I was almost falling off my flimsy folding chair in front of my computer.

I agree that "Last Temptation" was appealing and very well-done. I especially enjoyed the biting satire in it.

Right now I have "Brotherly Rivalry" ahead on points — just barely! — and all rankings are just preliminary.

"Poetic Summer" is great for its creation of atmosphere.

"Dryad" showed a lot of naturalness and fluidity. Nothing seemed contrived or artificial. The story was fairly predictable, but it was handled well.

"The Picture Frame" gives us a bleak view of the world in 2171 when, in protest against world government, the "Thrilly Liberation Front" plans to fix things by, well ... just blowing the world up. :( Just to keep the contest as unbiased as possible (pro or con), I will interject that the script was NOT written by anyone known on this board as "Thrilly" (or any variation thereof).

"Bad Boys" must have taken place in Texas. It reminds me too much of the time when our current Fearless Leader was governor there, still had the training wheels on his bicycle, was guffawing and smirking over execution orders, and had not yet moved up to wholesale slaughter. The script is well-done for what it tries to do.

I still have not read "Happy Trails" — but I promise to do so this weekend.

In the meantime, keep the scripts coming to me. The email address is in the Rules, at the top of this thread. :)

AaronB
08-19-2005, 01:15 PM
The problem I have with DRYAD was that everything in it happens boom-boom-boom...it's more of an exercise in walking through a plot than anything else. It was too easy and, as you said, too predictable.

I was left wondering why this guy cared so much for a stinky old bag lady.

ComicBent
08-20-2005, 07:20 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #10: "Into the Fading Light"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/10-IntoFadingLight.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/10-IntoFadingLight.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


INT. CUBICLE — DAY

HARRY works at his computer in a cubicle farm. Harry is
40ish and good-looking with short dark hair, but he looks
tired. A framed photo on his desk shows a younger Harry in
uniform with six other men in front of an armored personnel
carrier in a desert. Another framed photo shows a head shot
of a beautiful red-haired woman of about 30.

Harry's phone rings and he picks up. It's ANN.

HARRY
Westfield Insurance, this is Harry Walker.

ANN (VO)
Harry, it's Ann.

Harry waits.

HARRY
So what did the doctor say?

ANN (VO)
You've got to come home.

HARRY
Why? What did he say?

ANN (VO)
Not over the phone. I...I love you, Harry.

Ann hangs up.


INT. BEDROOM — DAY

Ann is the woman in the photo on Harry's desk, but ten years
older. Her eyes are red. She stands in a small suburban
bedroom. The walls are finished in primary colors and a
Winnie the Pooh-theme border rings the ceiling. The room is
dusty. Boxes and unused exercise equipment stand randomly
about. Ann hears the front door open and close.

HARRY (OC)
Ann?

ANN
Back here.

Footsteps approach in the hallway.

HARRY
I got home as quick as I could.
So...what is it?

Ann says nothing, but embraces Harry and begins to cry.
Harry holds her.


INT. KITCHEN — DAY

Ann sits at the kitchen table while Harry gets glasses out.

HARRY
What about chemotherapy?

ANN
Doctor Kendall said...I...I don't know.
Chemo is miserable.

HARRY
But if it saves your life...

Harry drops ice in the glasses, then goes to the liquor cabinet.

ANN
It's stage four. It's not just in my
ovaries, Harry. It's all over.

HARRY
I'm not giving up. I don't see why you
should.

Harry mixes two stiff gin and tonics and skips the lime twist.

ANN
Harry...

HARRY
I mean, what am I supposed to do? Just
stand aside and let this...this ****
kill you?

ANN
You didn't see the X-ray.

Harry brings the drinks to the table and sits down.

ANN (CONT.)
Four months.

HARRY
What?

ANN
Doctor Kendall said I had four months.
Maybe less.

HARRY
What the hell does he know?

Ann takes a long drink.

ANN
You know what I want to do?

HARRY
What?

ANN
You know that camping trip we've always
talked about taking? Let's do that.

Harry says nothing.

ANN
Just you, me, and the bike on the open
road. We'll camp in the parks, just
like we planned. What do you say?

HARRY
Be serious.

ANN
Summer's ending, Harry. I can't wait
'til spring...please?

AaronB
08-22-2005, 08:22 AM
SUMMER'S END was an absolute hoot, and a very different take on the contest theme. It's within the rules, of course, because it's absolutely about Summer's end.

I'd like to see that one get made. It wouldn't take much time or trouble to film, even to do a really top-notch job on it.

ComicBent
08-24-2005, 02:17 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #11: "When the Wood Is Dry"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/11-WoodIsDry.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/11-WoodIsDry.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


EXT. INTERSECTION — DAY

The gaunt figure of ALBERT approaches from a distance up the
sidewalk. He is a middle-aged man afflicted with a grotesque
but miraculously coordinated walk that always makes him look
as if he is about to fall down.

Albert stops his erratic progress in front of a Ben Franklin
five-and-dime store at the intersection.

On the wall next to one of the store windows somebody has
posted a printed handbill. Albert ponders the exhortation on it:

And beneath the print someone has scrawled a comment in a
bold hand:

A schoolbus rolls up behind Albert and stops at the traffic
light. Two windows come down, and two high school boys,
FERGUS and VICTOR, stick their heads out.

FERGUS
Albert, whatcha been drinkin’, my man?
Buy some good booze and get off that
Lucky Tiger Hair Tonic.

VICTOR
Pretty nice steps there, Albert. You
practicin’ up for a dance contest?

FERGUS
Hey, Albert! Hey, you been gettin’ any
nooky?
(to Victor)
He told me he gets some *****. Hard to
believe, you know?

VICTOR
He probably does better than you, Fergie.

The light changes, the bus starts off again, and the boys
pull their heads back in.


INT. SCHOOLBUS — DAY

Victor is in a seat in front of Fergus and SPENCER. SONJA
and DORA share a seat across the aisle.

SONJA
Why’re y’all bothering Albert?

FERGUS
He’s a freak, Sonja.

DORA
That’s cruel, Fergie, and it’s not true.
(to Sonja)
Tell him what your father, who's a
doctor, said about Albert.

SONJA
He said Albert has cerebral palsy and
people shouldn’t make fun of him.

FERGUS
I need some help against these women,
Spencer.

SPENCER
People have feelings, Fergie. It would
hurt to be called a freak.

FERGUS
So now my best friend is turning
against me, too?

DORA
Spencer is right. And you’re just a
jackass.

Fergus brays “hee-haw hee-haw” at Dora. All the teens laugh.


INT. CLASSROOM — DAY

MRS. HEMBREE, the senior English and speech teacher, is at
her desk. A large, shiny red apple sits on a corner of it.

Fergus is slouched over the lectern, shifting nervously from
foot to foot as he finishes up a speech.

FERGUS
... Now we are in the first week of our
senior year. My most important hope for
the year is to graduate. I know Mrs.
Hembree will help me get through
English —

He clears his throat and gestures at the apple with a nod.

FERGUS
— and then I will join the U.S. Army
and become a Green Beret. That’s all.

He almost rushes to his seat.

ComicBent
08-26-2005, 12:28 PM
Hey, guys ...

The deadline is September 5.

Right now we have eleven entries. Surely some of you out there are slaving away on contest entries, I hope. :confused:

Come on, we need some more contestants.

prescribe22
08-26-2005, 12:40 PM
I'll be submitting soon. So there's one more at least.

I'm sure there will be plenty more coming as the deadline approaches.

dpaterso
08-27-2005, 01:51 AM
I'm waiting to see what dclary enters, then I'll write like the wind to beat the hell out of it.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

AaronB
08-28-2005, 01:21 PM
I'm waiting to see what dclary enters, then I'll write like the wind to beat the hell out of it.

How you gonna know it's his?

dpaterso
08-29-2005, 12:56 AM
How you gonna know it's his?The hairs on the back of my neck will rise. Involuntary bladder release is also a possibility. It's my Hack Sixth Sense. The moment another hack walks into a room...

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

AaronB
08-29-2005, 12:29 PM
Heck...and all this time I thought I was getting the flu.

ComicBent
08-29-2005, 02:01 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #12: "Last Summer in Paris"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/12-LastSummerInParis.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/12-LastSummerInParis.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

INT. MALMAISON — NAPOLEON BONAPARTE'S BEDROOM — EVENING

NAPOLEON BONAPARTE paces the room in deep thought. Some
radical new military strategy, perhaps?

A knock at the door.

NAPOLEON
Enter.

CHRISTIAN, mid 20s, enters. Exudes a cool and wise aura.

CHRISTIAN
It is time, sir.

Napoleon takes in a deep breath. Something very important is
about to happen.

Christian opens the door and presents... a string of six
women. Not particular attractive women, but serviceable if
one knows the type.

They flirt with Napoleon as they present themselves. His
demeanor shifts. Pig sounds begin to emanate from the little
man. A piggy version of Pepe Le Pew's Aaaaarrraaaarrraaauuh!

CHRISTIAN
Do enjoy yourself.

And with that...

OUTSIDE

Christian exits. Closing the door on a torrent of piggy
noises and flirtatious screams.

A FRUMPY MAID reacts disapprovingly.

CHRISTIAN
Good evening, Maid Caroline.

Exits as Maid Caroline performs multiple Hail Marys.

ON MAID MARION, a sculpture of pure beauty. In a maid's
dress no less. Humming as she meticulously cleans crevices
in a small male nude statue.

Christian approaches quietly.

CHRISTIAN
I believe you missed a spot.

She does not startle, nor turn to see him. A smile and...

MAID MARION
I take it you are an expert in cleaning
the male form in miniature.

CHRISTIAN
Limited female attention has made it so.

MAID MARION
A man in your profession lacking female
attention? Positively scandalous.

CHRISTIAN
My profession is but a prison for a
virtuous soul. The attention I seek
features purity of heart and body.
Characteristics exhibited by those who
inevitably avoid my kind as if plagued.

She lets out a small laugh. This is a game.

Christian turns her around. Their lips nearly touching.

Marion fights back into character. Raises a hand between
their faces. Fingers spread as if they were prison bars.

MAID MARION
Ah, you are right. Through these bars
you will see, that you will never be
with me.

This time they both break in to laughter. Then settle into
each other's eyes.

CHRISTIAN
Behold, summer in Paris. May it never end.

A kiss is imminent. But...

A LOUD SCREAM. One of Napoleon's dates runs past them. An
oinking Napoleon ambling behind her. Half disrobed.

Napoleon stops. His attention stole by Marion's beauty.

CHRISTIAN
Is there anything I can do for you, M'Lord?

A game of cat an mouse ensues with Napoleon trying to get
past Christian.

CHRISTIAN
Sir... I would be happy to arrange
additional female companionship.

Napoleon points to Marion like a fat kid in a candy store.

CHRISTIAN
She is but a servant.

NAPOLEON
Aren't they all?

CHRISTIAN
Yes, but she comes to us from the
nation of... Eustacia. A country of
very tall and extremely well endowed men.

NAPOLEON
(to Maid Marion)
Is this true?

CHRISTIAN
They do not speak in Eustacia, sir.

NAPOLEON
How do they communicate?

CHRISTIAN
Hand signals, naturally.

Marion smiles. Makes up some hand signal.

NAPOLEON
Ah, the perfect woman. You are a master
at your services, Christian.

CHRISTIAN
Thank you, sir. But the men from her
country. They are very large. Giants to
be exact. You may not be able to
properly satisfy...
(off Napoleon's reaction)
... your own desires without the
pleasured screams of such a woman. Her
people are completely mute.

Napoleon thinks it over. A serious decision.

NAPOLEON
I see your point, but I believe the
corresponding hand signals for the
throes of pleasure might be rather
amusing. I shall take her.

CHRISTIAN
(reluctant)
Very well then. Do enjoy yourself.

He presents Marion to Napoleon. She shoots a "What the fvck"
glance as Napoleon pulls her off toward the master suite.

AaronB
08-31-2005, 08:11 PM
Okay...now THAT was inventive...

ComicBent
09-01-2005, 03:21 PM
Okay, you guys ... Just four more days to enter a script.

Remember, it doesn't have to be 12 pages ... that's just the maximum.

Surely some of you can knock out some pages in the next few days!

:mad:

ComicBent
09-02-2005, 09:56 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #13: "The Summer of My Discontent"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/13-SummerDiscontent.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/13-SummerDiscontent.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


EXT. ENTRANCE TO THE KERRY FARM — DAY

A new, 1957 Chevy sedan turns off the paved road onto a long
dirt road between fields of green wheat. A dust cloud
billows up and trails the car toward a distant thicket of trees.


INT. CHEVY (MOVING), DIRT ROAD — DAY

At the wheel, JOHN MALCOLM, (late 30s, brown eyes, black
hair), takes a final drag on his cigarette and snuffs it out
in the ashtray. Next to him, KATHERINE MALCOLM, (late 30s,
brown eyes, red hair), checks her face in a compact's mirror.


EXT. DIRT ROAD TO THE FARM — DAY

The Chevy hits a pothole, dips, and recovers.


INT. CHEVY (MOVING), DIRT ROAD — DAY

A jostled Katherine snaps the compact shut.

KATHERINE
Slow down, John. You're going way too
fast.

JOHN
Sorry.

KATHERINE
Stevie, you all right, back there?

In the back seat, STEVEN MALCOLM, (6, blue eyes, blond hair,
pale skin), gathers up his comic books, scattered from the
rear window onto the seat and onto Harry, (3, a medium size
dog of uncertain ancestry), whose sleep has been disturbed.

STEVEN
Yeah.

KATHERINE
How's Harry?

STEVEN
He's just waking up.

A groggy Harry yawns. The Chevy's horn starts beeping.


EXT. FARM YARD — DAY

The Chevy pulls into the farm yard and parks outside a
wooden fence surrounding an old farm house and vegetable garden.

The dust cloud migrates into the farm yard, disperses and
settles, within the boundaries of the barn, hen house,
turkey house, garage, sheds, and combine harvester.

The beeping stops. Cars doors open and shut. Katherine
leads the way past the fence's gate. John and Steven follow.
Harry trots off, past the sheds, to find the nearest tree in
the surrounding thicket.

KATHERINE
Momma? Poppa? Hello, anybody home?

A screen door clatters open. FLORENCE KERRY, (early 60s,
grey hair), and PATRICK KERRY, (early 60s, some red hair
amid the grey), come out with joyful faces.

FLORENCE
Katie! Come here.

PATRICK
Katie, darling! Give Poppa a kiss.

Katherine embraces her mother and father with hugs and kisses.

John steps forward and extends a handshake toward Patrick.

JOHN
Hiya, Dad. How are ya?

Patrick ambles a few steps toward John with hand extended.
Steven steps forward to join in the reunion.

STEVEN
Grandma! Grandpa!

Harry's fierce barking (O.S.) interrupts. Chickens race out
from between the sheds into the farmyard. Harry follows his
prey in hot pursuit. Birds squawk, scurry, and flap their
wings, in frenzied efforts to fly away from the dog.

PATRICK
Whose dog--?

Patrick pushes aside Steven and John on his way to the gate.

JOHN
Harry!

A hen flies into the fence and falls back, stunned.

STEVEN
Harry, no! Stop! Don't--!

Harry pounces. He seizes the stunned hen with his teeth.

Desperate wings flap. Talons claw at Harry's face. He
shakes her from side to side until, neck snapped, her
struggle ends.

Patrick runs past the gate, to Harry's side.

PATRICK
Get away, ya bloody cur!

Patrick kicks Harry in the ribs. Harry tumbles over with a
painful yelp, recovers, and backs away from him, with tail
between his legs. Harry snarls at Patrick.

STEVEN
Don't hurt him!
(commanding the dog)
Harry, come here! Come here!

Katherine grabs Steven by the shoulder and restrains him.

KATHERINE
Stevie, stay here.

PATRICK
John, is that your dog?

JOHN
It belongs to the boy.

Patrick picks up the dead hen. Harry cowers away.

PATRICK
He's killed her.

JOHN
I guess the dog's never seen a live
chicken, before now.

PATRICK
Well, he's learned how to kill 'em,
quick enough. Better keep him on a
tight leash.

ComicBent
09-03-2005, 12:10 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #14: "The Feigns"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/14-Feigns.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/14-Feigns.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

EXT. FUNERAL HOME -- DAY

A pair of hedge clippers busily prunes a rose bush. A
single rose remains among the shortened branches and glows
red under a bright sun.

A latin GARDENER wipes his forehead and appraises his work.
He turns toward the entrance to the funeral home several
yards away where a line of MOURNERS enter.

Nearby on the street in a parked car, WALTER, early 50's
adjusts an earpiece to his ear.


INT. CAR --DAY

WALTER
It's a funeral Meg, but that pained
look on your face from this angle looks
overblown.


EXT. FUNERAL HOME -- DAY

A female dress shoe stubbs on a cobblestone.

MEG FEIGN, late 40's, in black, stops and lifts her foot and
adjusts the shoe.

An earpiece is visible above a tasteful earring.

MEG
( quietly)
These shoes are giving me such grief.


INT. CAR --DAY

WALTER
Think of that beach in Phuket and your
feet in the sand and early retirement.


INT. FUNERAL HOME -- DAY

Meg enters a shadowy vestibule. A YOUNG COUPLE walk ahead
of her. The young man motions for the young woman to enter
first.

MEG
These kids don't believe me when I tell
them how long you and I have been at
this game.


INT. CAR --DAY

Walter watches in his side mirror as a middle-aged MUSTACHED
MAN, walks up to the funeral home.

WALTER
Our first funeral for a child. Imagine
the lost after such cheer. I hear it
leads to many a divorce.

Walter watches as the mustached man hesitates outside.


INT. FUNERAL HOME -- DAY

Meg enters a chapel where a half dozen mourners file past a
casket surrounded by a few flower arrangements and a floor fan.

MEG
We had plenty of chances to have
children, Walter.

She looks over to the casket. A young girl's face can be
seen against its pillow.

MEG (CONT'D)
You always felt both parents being
officers of the law would make a child
unsound. He or she would grow up to be
much like our Mr. Toad, slinking around
to young girls' funerals and feeling up
their cold bodies to satisfy their willies.

The young couple nearby whisper to each other. The young
woman starts to giggle.

Meg tosses her a repriminding stare.

MEG
Charade, Mathers. Do you understand
the word?

She exhales a sniffle into a handkerchief.


INT. CAR --DAY

WALTER
Seems our obit in the Daily earned its
fee. Possible suspect entering.
Mustache and tie with nautical colors.


INT. FUNERAL HOME -- DAY

Meg walks up to the casket.

MEG
Oh, let the summer end and bring the
children safely back to school and free
from summer's hazards.

The mustached man takes a seat in the back. Meg notices the
fan blowing on the casket with a whirr.

MEG (CONT'D)
Dear, the air is not keeping up in here
and there's a fan blowing directly onto
the departed. Her hair is being tossed
across her forehead. I know it's wax
for pete's sake. I'm afraid the wig is
leaving scratches on her forehead. She
looks altogether familiar. TV celebrity?

She looks closer at the departed's face.

MEG (CONT'D)
The girl from Little House on the
Prairie? The peppy Laura? Ah, the
older sister who went blind. The eyes
closed were a giveaway. Funny, Walter.
Ok, we're going to congregate in the
vestibule and allow our unknown mourner
some leeway.

Meg walks away from the casket, wiping her eyes of tears.
She quietly speaks with others as they congregate by the
vestibule entrance.

The mustached man stands up. Meg watches from the corner of
her eye. He starts to walk towards the group.

ComicBent
09-05-2005, 02:39 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #15: "War With Strippers"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/15-WarWithStrippers.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/15-WarWithStrippers.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

FADE IN:


BLACK SCREEN

SUPERIMPOSE: In dedication to Summer Jones(1982-2005) and
all the brave volunteers who died in battle serving our country.

SERIES of stock footage clips on the war on terror around
the world.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
The recent war on terror has left
Canada's tiny military force stretched
for bodies to fight with. To continue
the war on terror, what if Canada sent
it's most abundant resource?

STRIP CLUB STAGE

A female stripper dances on a pole.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
Our strippers!

SERIES of strip club exteriors.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
Canada probably has the most strip
clubs per capita followed by donut shops.

STRIP CLUB VIP AREA

A stripper giving a fat man a lapdance. He's throwing money
at her.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
So instead of sending spies over into
enemy lines, we drop a few perky co-eds
to lapdance them into submission.

1940s NAZI BUNKER

A female stripper dances for Nazi officer, mesmerized. He
doesn't notice a piece of paper being stolen from him.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
How would World War II have turned out
if we sent over our Strippers? And what
if our strippers lapdanced the Nazi's
into surrendering?

1940s JAPANESE MILITARY ROOM

A female stripper dances for a group of Japanese soldiers. A
red light alarm light flashes. Everyone continues to stare
at the stripper.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
Instead of nuking Japan, the US could
have asked us to send our best and
bustiest to lapdance them into a peace
treaty. Cause everyone loves Canadian
beaver!

STREET FULL OF BUSY SHOPPERS

NARRATOR(V.O.)
But first the military needs to recruit
willing and able-bodied women to join
the Stripper Brigade.


INT. SECRET SPY ROOM - DAY

SUPERIMPOSE: Finding the hottest strippers

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT speaks to an unseen interviewer with his
face pixelated out.

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT(V.O.)
We scoured the country in search of
patriotic women -

STRIP CLUB STAGE

Five female strippers with wet T-shirt contests parade around.

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT(V.O.)
Willing to give their bodies for the
cause of Freedom, Justice and Titties
for All.
(beat)
Degrading?

SPY ROOM

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT
Well it's more honourable than shooting
some sixteen year-old suicide bomber's
arm off just because his older brother
told him it was cool to join the
terrorists.

SERIES of clips of P.O.W around the world getting tortured.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
All is fair in love and war, but the
Geneva Convention has rules against
torture. So how would a peace-loving
country like Canada acquire important
information?

MILITARY PLANE DROP OFF BAY

Parachutes female strippers landing in a hostile city in the
Middle East.

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT(V.O.)
Our first attempt wasn't so successful.
We sent a hundred of our best strippers
straight into combat armed with only
their gstrings.

CITY IN MIDDLE EAST

Strippers getting stoned by angry civilians on the feet.

CSIS SPECIAL AGENT(V.O.)
We lost all but five woman that day.

ComicBent
09-05-2005, 03:23 PM
Remember, voting will be September 12-15 (dates inclusive).

I am going to turn the vote procedure and management over to Derek (dpaterso), because he has had experience with this on another board.

I am going to ask Derek to post here what he would like for you to do. When he has the winners, he will give me the script numbers/titles. Only I will know who the authors of the scripts are. Since I have complete insider information, I will not vote (darn it, I sure would like to, but I won't) :mad:. However, everyone but me, contestant or not, can vote.

I will announce the winners, and I will post a list of who wrote what for the contest.

It is all right to post comments here and lobby for your favorite script. Though I cannot (by choice) vote, I am going to post some comments during the next week on some of the scripts. You should do the same, whether you submitted an entry or not.

It looks like we are going to have only 15 entries. Multiple submissions were allowed, so we do not have 15 contestants, just 15 entries. Maybe somebody else will send something to me today.

Although the contest has not had as many entries as I had hoped, we have had a fair response. I have truly been impressed by the quality of the scripts. I have been on this board from its early days, and I really believe that these scripts exemplify some of the best writing that I have seen on DD.

If only the screenwriting part of this board could be as active and spirited as 'One on One' ... Oh well, don't get me started on that subject. :o

(EDIT at 21:30 ... I just received two more scripts. I will get these up by some time tomorrow, Monday. So keep checking back.)

ComicBent
09-05-2005, 09:23 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #16: "Lifetime in a Microwave"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/16-LifetimeInAMicrowave.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/16-LifetimeInAMicrowave.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Plush and Elegant. Very expensive. Two suitcases are
stacked in a corner, a large pile of dirty clothes on the
floor next to them.

CHARLIE WARREN, late 20's, stands in front of a mirror. He's
dressed in a gaudy Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts.

He licks his pinky, smooths out his eyebrows, then clicks
his fingers and points at his reflection with a wink.

He walks to the bathroom and raps on the door.

CHARLIE
Babe, you ready to roll?

BATHROOM

JANE WARREN, late 20's, leans against the bathroom sink,
staring at herself in the mirror. She's pale and looks unwell.

JANE
In a minute.

Her nose starts to bleed. She wipes at it with the back of
her hand, smearing it across her face.

The bathroom door opens, Charlie walks in. She turns to him
and he sees the blood.

He grabs a tissue and cleans her face. He smiles.

CHARLIE
There. All gone.

She mirrors his smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

JANE
I don't know if I can...

He kisses her, then grabs her hand and they begin to dance,
close and intimate.

CHARLIE
If there's one thing my Janey doesn't
do -- it's disappoint her friends.

Jane smiles, more warmly this time.

JANE
What else doesn't your Janey do?

CHARLIE
She doesn't scream when Bungy jumping
in New Zealand. She doesn't lose her
cool with taxi drivers in Bangkok. She
doesn't complain about a shotgun
wedding in Vegas.

JANE
How could I? It was so romantic. What
else?

CHARLIE
Let me see, what else?
(mimes thinking)
Oh, yes! She doesn't hold a tube door
open in London, despite the protests of
her husband.

She slaps him playfully on the chest.

JANE
Ugh! Nine months later and I'm still
hearing about that bloody tube door!

CHARLIE
What can I say, I bear a grudge.

He dips her.

CHARLIE
So whaddya say, babe? You and me and a
night to remember.


INT. CAR - NIGHT

Charlie is behind the wheel. Jane in the passenger seat,
gazing out the window.

Charlie pulls a fifty-dollar bill out of a pocket.

CHARLIE
You know what this is?
(she turns to look)
Our last fifty bucks. So, what I'm
thinking is -- we blow off this party,
we head down the casino, we find the
roulette wheel, and bang, we blow it
all on red.

JANE
And then what?

CHARLIE
Well, I dunno. I'm thinking, after
some kind of miracle where it lands on
red twenty-something times in a row, we
jump on a plane and we do it all again.

JANE
You really wanna put your faith in a
miracle? How's that been working out
for us so far?

CHARLIE
Law of averages says our luck's gotta
change sometime, babe.

She looks out her window for a second, then turns back.

JANE
Okay. Let's do it.

Charlie raises an eyebrow.

JANE
Come on, Charlie, let's do it. See what
we missed the first time around.

Charlie stops the car, looks at her and winks.

CHARLIE
Too late, babe. We're here.

ComicBent
09-05-2005, 09:25 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #17: "The Sting of the Wily Frog"
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/17-StingOfWilyFrog.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/17-StingOfWilyFrog.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

EXT. OXFORD STREET - LONDON - NIGHT

It's rush hour, the footpaths are packed with people.
Everyone's in a hurry, trying to dodge each other and get
past as quickly as possible.

JIMMY WALSH, early 20's, sidles down the street. He's
scruffy looking, and isn't as good at dodging as everyone
else. In quick succession he bumps into four people; TWO
CITY BOYS; a MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN; and a BEWILDERED TOURIST...


EXT. SIDE STREET - OXFORD STREET - NIGHT

Jimmy stands in the privacy of a darkened doorway. He
reveals two wallets, a watch, and a gold bracelet.

He pockets the bracelet, then, with practised ease, strips
the wallets of their cash and credit cards. He drops the
empty wallets on the ground and looks closely at the watch--

JIMMY
You ****in' cheap bastard.

He dumps the watch with the wallets and heads off.


INT. TUBE CAR

Jimmy looks up and down the carriage.

He focuses on the TWO MEN in front of him. One of them is
PRESTON, a dapper man in his late 50's.

The train hits a turn and the two men are jostled. Preston
reaches out and steadies the OTHER MAN.

Jimmy tilts his head and regards Preston with confusion.

The train pulls into the next station. Preston gestures
goodbye to the Other Man and walks through the open doors.

Jimmy makes a quick decision and hurries off the train just
as the doors close.


EXT. BAKER STREET - NIGHT

Preston exits the tube station, crosses the busy street and
turns right. Jimmy keeps close, but not too close.

Preston walks further down the street, then cuts into a side
street. Jimmy looks around, then follows him into--


EXT. SIDE STREET - BAKER STREET - NIGHT

The street's empty. Preston's gone.

PRESTON (O.S.)
Is there a reason you are following me,
young man?

Jimmy turns towards the voice. Preston steps out of the
shadow of a garage, his cane in his hand, resting on his
shoulder.

JIMMY
I just wanted--

PRESTON
To see how much coin I keep in my wallet?

Preston points his cane towards Jimmy and presses a small
button on the pommel--

--A six inch stiletto flicks out from the tip of the cane.
Jimmy puts his hands up.

JIMMY
I didn't want no trouble, guv.

Preston moves forward, uses the tip of the stiletto to pull
something out from under Jimmy's t-shirt. It's a necklace.

PRESTON
What is you do want then?

JIMMY
What'd you get off that geezer on the
train?

Preston raises an unimpressed eyebrow, he flicks the button
again and the stiletto retracts. He turns to leave--

JIMMY
Hold up.

Jimmy moves ahead of Preston and blocks his path.

JIMMY
Teach me.

PRESTON
And why would I want to do something
like that?

JIMMY
Because I got the quickest little
fingers you'll ever see, mate. But I'm
an amateur, you know, all self taught
and that. I need a proper dipper who
knows all the angles, can teach me
everything I need to know about the graft.

Preston looks him up and down, considers his answer.

PRESTON
And how exactly do I benefit from this
little arrangement?

JIMMY
How 'bout twenty percent of everything
you help me earn?

PRESTON
I could not possibly agree to anything
less than fifty.

JIMMY
Fifty?! I might as well be on the dole,
mate. Thirty.

Preston shrugs with a coy smile and moves to walk away,

JIMMY
Alright-alright, clearly I need to, you
know, reassess my thinking here. Who's
doing who a favour and all that. Fifty
it is then, but that is my final offer.

Preston nods. He pulls out a business card and presents it
to Jimmy, who looks at it.

JIMMY
Preston A. Smythe. Suits you.

PRESTON
Call that number tomorrow morning.

ComicBent
09-06-2005, 10:14 AM
Deadline has passed!

I'll put up a last-minute entry from one of our contestants a little later today.

Also, exercising my discretion as contest director, I have decided to put up a list of the Done Deal members who have submitted a script. It might be kind of fun to make a guess as to who has written what. I'll get that up later today, too.

Hairy Lime
09-06-2005, 11:51 AM
I really wish I'd had time to enter this contest, but the timing was lousy for me (certainly not CB's fault - thanks for organizing this!!!!). I hope we have future contests I can enter and best of luck to all the entrants. I'll try to find a few minutes in my busy schedule to read them.

prescribe22
09-06-2005, 12:56 PM
About 1/2 way through the entries. A lot of good stuff. The entries that are really sticking out to me at this point are (in no particular order):






WARNING POSSIBLE SPOILERS!!!!!!





HAPPY TRAILS -- This caught the good doctor's voice very well, IMO. The way the two characters morphed into Hunter and his attorney's persona after dropping the acid was pretty cool. The comedy was good and it really felt like Fear and Loathing at the Putt-Putt course.

THE STING OF WILY FROG -- This was a lot of fun. I'm a big fan of con man stories, and this was well done. The characters were well drawn and the ensuing double cross was very interesting. The lead character reminded me of Victor Lustig and his many cons.

THE SUMMER OF MY DISCONTENT -- This had a rather dark motif, but what really made it stand out was the realism. Nothing horribly tragic happened, but somehow the incredible cheapness of the adults in the story seemed more cruel than a beating. A very subtle tragedy, but extremely effective, IMO.


I've got a few more to read, but those are my favorties at this point. It's going to be a hard call... especially if the remaining entries are as good as those I've read to this point.

ComicBent
09-06-2005, 04:54 PM
* TEASER ONLY, NOT THE COMPLETE SCRIPT
* CONTEST ENTRY #18: "I Wanted to Ride ..."
* You may find this script at:
* www.rolandstroud.com/contest/18-IWantedToRide.pdf (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/18-IWantedToRide.pdf)
* All scripts are at www.rolandstroud.com/contest/ (http://www.rolandstroud.com/contest/)

EXT. COASTLINE PIER -- EVENING

Dusk. Gorgeous sunset. Dark enough for the LIGHTS of
various ATTRACTIONS atop the pier to grab the eye. Throngs
of people. Loud noises of celebration.

REBECCA, late 20s, shapely, well-groomed and cute, sidles up
close to her date as they go down the walkway. JAKE,
scruffy in a clean-cut way, could be younger than her--he's
got that look of 'anywhere between 25-35,' generically
handsome, taller by a few inches. His steely glint takes in
everything impartially.

Rebecca grabs his hand.

JAKE (V.O.)
That didn't take long.

Jake envelops hers in his.

He shoots her a warm glance as they weave their way through
the masses.

REBECCA
OK, yeah, I know maybe that's
conventional. But I'm fine with that.

JAKE
Good. It's good that you're fine.

REBECCA
Well you can't take me here on our
first date and let me get lost, right?

Jake smiles more broadly and looks away, distracted by a
gaggle of SCREAMING TEENAGERS.

REBECCA (CONT'D)
Anyway, I'm getting more and more
convinced that social conventions are
the things which give our daily lives a
touchstone of stability, even if we
chafe against them in a macro-scale of
societal...
(she continues)


Her voice FADES as Jake disassociates from her verbiage.

JAKE (V.O.)
Grad students.

Jake looks around, one-quarter-desperate.

JAKE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Before this one goes back to the
dissertation march, I need to shake her
out. That's what they want.

Jake KISSES her hand softly.

He gazes at her, focused. She smiles nervously.

JAKE (CONT'D)
Would it be 'unconventional' for a girl
to kick a guy's ass in airhockey?

Rebecca takes a few moments.

REBECCA
Not in my world.

JAKE
Ah, but you're in my world now.

REBECCA
We'll see about that.


INT. ARCADE -- NIGHT

Intense LAUGHTER from both as they spar over a table,
KNOCKING the puck to and fro, slower, faster.

REBECCA scores and jumps for joy. 3-3.

JAKE (V.O.)
Business rules: let your opponent win.

She GIGGLES as he SLAM SERVES the puck toward her side.

By another 'lucky' stroke, she deflects it right past Jake's
outstretched arm. 4-3.

JAKE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Something in me wants to let her win.

REBECCA
We had one of these in our basement. My
brother and I broke it, though, when I
was 15.

JAKE
Out here, we have no basements.

He WHACKS it to her, a precise serve.

She only just manages to send it back his way.

JAKE (CONT'D)
And when we learn to play in crowded
places--

CRACK. He sends it FLYING.

JAKE (CONT'D)
--for rented time, we play for real.

BOUNCE and SCORE. 4-4.

She's cute when she's pissed.

REBECCA
I'll show you 'real,' you punk.

WHACK. She serves well, maintaining calm for now.

Jake grins.

JAKE
I bet you broke that table all by
yourself, didn't you?

THWOK. She JUMPS for it.

She mock-dramatizes SHOCK on her face, trying to keep
focused on the puck.

REBECCA
I did not!

She SMACKS a straight line back at him.

JAKE
After getting your first tattoo in Soho.

CLICK. It BOUNCES off the sides.

She almost loses it to the goal.

PARRIES it back.

REBECCA
Mom never let us in the City by
ourselves until we were 18--

JAKE
I can tell.

WHACK. CLICK. CLICK. It slips under her arm.

THUNK. Score. 4-5. Game over.

ComicBent
09-06-2005, 05:00 PM
Hairy, thanks for the nice comments. It was a lot of work, but I enjoyed doing it.

All of the scripts are now posted — 18 in all! Wow, that was pretty good. And — holy smokes! — I still have to read #17 and #18. I had to go out on professional matters and also do grocery shopping today, and the whole day got used up. That is why I allowed a week for reading and commenting before voting.

I will try to get some comments up on a few of the scripts tomorrow.

Later tonight I will put up a list of contestants (no script titles, of course!).

ComicBent
09-06-2005, 05:21 PM
Okay, here are the brave souls who submitted scripts to the contest, in alphabetical order. I hope I did not miss anybody (I checked three times!).

Some people obviously submitted more than one script.

Contestants:AaronB
cmmora
ComicBent
Dave H
dpaterso
Fortean
habronic
J off Course
JesseNC
prescribe22
Voxel

dpaterso
09-06-2005, 05:25 PM
Good job, CB! I've only got the last 4 or 5 to read and scribble comments for, and I'm finding entertainment among many entries.

Hmm, I'm going to do my damnedest not to look at that list of contestants, at least until I've decided my votes! I just want to read the scripts, not play guessing games over who might have written what. Each to their own!

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

prescribe22
09-06-2005, 05:27 PM
Thanks Comic for organizing all this! It was a fun idea and I think the turnout was really good.

Also, to Derek for offering to handle the scoring system which is beyond my mathematical abilities!

voxel
09-06-2005, 05:27 PM
HAPPY TRAILS -- This caught the good doctor's voice very well, IMO.
THE STING OF WILY FROG -- This was a lot of fun.
THE SUMMER OF MY DISCONTENT -- This had a rather dark motif..

I'm in agreement with you on "The Sting of Wily Frog" - Dang I should stop writing and take up another role in life.

I respectfully disagree with you on the other two as they both left me wanting. Strangely enough, I didn't think "The summer of my discontent" was cruel enough because current children's lit. portrays parents even worse (more wicked and unjust). But such is taste...

habronic
09-06-2005, 07:17 PM
Thanks Comic for organizing all this! It was a fun idea and I think the turnout was really good.

Also, to Derek for offering to handle the scoring system which is beyond my mathematical abilities!

what prescribe said. many thanks to both of you! i had a lot of fun doing this. :)

trying to keep under that 12 page limit was a real struggle! i learnt a lot about what's really needed and what's just fluff. lots of "she smiles" and "he shrugs" got deleted (and the read was much better for it). =)

AaronB
09-06-2005, 07:33 PM
Dang. I was hoping vig would put in something.

He's always entertaining, you know.

Fortean
09-06-2005, 09:51 PM
Okay, here are the brave souls who submitted scripts to the contest, in alphabetical order.Identifying those who've made submissions to this contest adds a couple of minor complications: guessing who's contributed which entry, and deterring contestants from boosting their own work(s) before the voting. Total anonymity might have been more fun. A sound-off of who's done what reminds me of THE DIRTY DOZEN (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061578/combined), tho we'll have to settle for the Done Deal Eleven, (with some sounding off more than once)."You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots... and the rest I don't even wanna think about!" ~ Capt. Stuart Kinder, THE DIRTY DOZEN

ComicBent
09-07-2005, 04:22 PM
Nothing is ever perfect. :)

ComicBent
09-07-2005, 05:36 PM
DING, DING, DING!

Ladies and gentlemen ...

Here is how I have it on points, using a fairly complicated formula that rates scripts on a scale of 1 through 10. Bear in mind that I am a very tough grader.

6.92 points: "13-Summer of My Discontent"

6.82 points: "10-Into the Fading Light"

6.21 points: "6-Brotherly Rivalry"

My votes will not be counted, but that is how it looks to me.

I should say that judging is a really tough process.

First there is the fact that this is a small contest, with a small voting pool, so small that we had no choice but to allow contestants to vote and, if they wished, to vote for themselves if they felt that their script was deserving of that vote.

Then there is the subjectivity of the process, no matter how objective you try to be.

And then there is the problem of just comparing one script with another one that is very different in type. For example, I thought that "5-Summer's End and Friends" was hilarious and very well-done for what it sets out to do. It certainly is original. But how do you compare it (a very short, unconventional script) with something quite different, like "6-Brotherly Rivalry" or "1-Poetic Summer" or "2-Dryad"?

Anyhow, I found something good about every submission. Even the one that I rated the lowest was well-done in its own way and showed considerable craftsmanship, but it just did not spark anything in me; I thought it was too sluggish for cinema, though maybe I would not feel that way if I read it again.

Much of this judging is very subjective. Oh, yeah, I've said that already. :o

I gave weighted points on everything that I could think of: relation to the "end of summer" theme; plot; characterization; general writing; promise of better things to come; format; cinematic quality; overall impression. I may have had some other categories; I did it all in a spreadsheet.

Lowest score was 4.08.

Significantly, people who submitted more than one script did not necessarily score in the same range with each script, in my scoring technique.

AaronB
09-07-2005, 07:12 PM
Wow, that is tough. Using an academic analogy, your points winner only scored a high "D."

ComicBent
09-07-2005, 08:59 PM
Ah, I know you're just yankin' my chain, Aaron! ;)

In one of my past careers I was a teacher — mostly in college and in postgraduate medical education.

One truth that I have observed has been unfailing and universal: People think that they start out with an 'A' and can only go down, and then only if they do something REALLY BAD!

With me everyone starts at average (a '5' in this case) and can go up or down. I gave some grades of 7 in some of my categories, but if another category got a 4, you can see what happened to the average.

AaronB
09-07-2005, 09:16 PM
So scoring above a five means, in a nutshell, that more was right than wrong with the script. I get it.

voxel
09-08-2005, 06:41 PM
Here is how I have it on points, using a fairly complicated formula that rates scripts on a scale of 1 through 10.

6.92 points: "13-Summer of My Discontent"

6.82 points: "10-Into the Fading Light"

6.21 points: "6-Brotherly Rivalry"



Could you provide us with your complicated formula and grading system? I'd liked to compare results because I know exactly where these three stand in my rankings.

dpaterso
09-09-2005, 02:43 AM
Interesting methodology, Comic. A spreadsheet, no less! The cold equations! ;-)

I just ping-ponged my way through some basic questions, e.g.

After I read ALL the entries, did I remember this one?
Did I like it?
Did I "get" it?
Did I resonate with any of the characters?
Would I recommend this short to someone else to read?
Did I have an urge to actually tell the author I enjoyed it?
Did the style or presentation irritate me?

...which narrowed the choices down to only a handful of entries that were easy to "sort" into order of personal preference.

Then, of course, I was presented with the staggering moral dilemna of whether or not to vote for my own entry, ignoring all of the above considerations. Only a despicable cad would. Only an idiot wouldn't. What to do? What to do?

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

AaronB
09-09-2005, 05:59 AM
Then, of course, I was presented with the staggering moral dilemna of whether or not to vote for my own entry, ignoring all of the above considerations. Only a despicable cad would. Only an idiot wouldn't. What to do? What to do?

The answer hinges on whether you honestly believe your entry deserves a vote. After having read them all, do you think your entry is top-three material? If so, vote for it.

dpaterso
09-09-2005, 06:16 AM
That's a good thought, and I thank you for thinking it. Problem is, of course, I'm in perfect tune with my own writing, characters and story (aren't we all?) so yes, I honestly truly believe my entry was better than everyone else's and I will be truly shocked if I don't win the contest. Even Comic's top three choices shocked me. Shocked, I tell you.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

jessejames
09-09-2005, 08:07 AM
For what it's worth... I read all of the entries and I'm only going on gut and heart, nothing technical, and my top five do not include any of Comic Bent's. Now I am faced with the challenge of narrowing them down to three and putting them in order. Ugh.

By the way, I really enjoyed reading all of the entries. Cudos to all of you brave souls that entered. Maybe some day I won't be such a chicken sh*t. Also thanks to the people taking time to put this together. I only wish some more of the uberposters would have entered.

ComicBent
09-09-2005, 10:50 AM
Jessejames: I only wish some more of the uberposters would have entered.
I agree with you about that, Jesse.

Unfortunately, they are all much too busy. It takes time, I tell you, to compose all those posts over in "One on One." :o

I expect we will have a Halloween contest again this year (though I am not going to be involved except as a contestant). Maybe at least a couple of the überposters can tear themselves away from the drama of the zillioneth post on "Why Bush is rotten to the core" or "Why Bush is the savior of Western civilization" and submit something next time.

But I am very gratified at the response that we have had. Curiously, I am also glad that we have such a wide disparity of opinion about the scripts that were entered.

Remember, official voting starts Monday. You can, of course, post comments now and lobby for your favorites, if you wish. Or perhaps some of you are just waiting till the voting is in. That is fine, too.

J off course
09-09-2005, 05:15 PM
Derek-
Watching "The Apprentice", "The Cut" and all those other clawing to the top reality
shows have taught me that to not vote for yourself is a sign of weakness.
Weakness is not an asset in Hollywood...so...

Derek, vote for yourself. It may be the only vote your short gets but you will
have proven you're not the weakest link. The MISSING link perhaps, (get a haircut!)
but not the weakest. <smile>

cmmora
09-10-2005, 07:23 PM
I'm very impressed by all of the entries. I wasn't going to vote for myself but judging by all the submittals, my vote may be the only one I get.

ComicBent
09-10-2005, 08:48 PM
Honestly, guys, vote for yourself if you think you deserve it.

I can't vote at all ... I hope somebody votes for me! One should draw NO conclusions about whether my "top three" list includes my own script.

:confused:

ComicBent
09-12-2005, 07:51 AM
Remember, voting starts today. You may submit your votes through the 15th of this month (Thursday).

Derek has his Diebold machine turned on, so vote for your "top three" scripts: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, in that order. Send him your votes.

See his post in the "Voting" thread.