View Full Version : Contest entries - Valentine's Day - don't post here unless you're ForteanCorona
02-05-2009, 09:22 AM
Edit - contest entries list:
Valentine's Day: Grateful Dead
Where's My Valentine
It's Our Night
A Man For Valentine's Day
Mark & Brandy are in Love
A St. Valentine's Day Question
And now, seriously, with great pleasure, let the contest begin.
Good luck all and congratulations to all who enter.
We already know, you're all winners.
02-05-2009, 09:23 AM
Valentine's Day: Grateful Dead (1 of 2)
Dance on a black screen, mixing colours as they cross.
TRUCKIN' by THE GRATEFUL DEAD plays in the background.
The hearts swirl until they meet in the centre to become a white heart on a black background. It pulsates with life.
JUSTIN CROCKER(male, 26) speaks.
Vee Dee, Man!
The heart pulsates with light.
Vee Dee Gee Dee Vee Dee Gee --
Then it explodes into
JUSTIN CROCKER'S FACE
His sweat glistens in rainbows.
Dee Vee Dee --
Below him DELORES(28), her voice PHASES.
Harder Crocker, harder. Big
Bang's coming. Big Bang Big Bang.
Shet, fockin' Cupids watching. --
The air forms a vortex as Crocker looks above. Spark-like sprites fill the air.
Armed Cupids, baby. Don't piss
them off. Harder, baby, harder.
Shet! I'm melting. No! Not before
the Big Bang. Hurry Crocker.
And her voice melds into the music. Crocker smiles hugely as he SOLARISES and sings.
Fockin' got my stick stashed in,
keep fockin' like the do dah man,
Fockin' til that big ole bang,
just keep fockin' on and --
Crocker looks down; nothing is there but swirling colours. The music warps.
Delores? Fockin' Delores! Oh
He crawls backward through the rainbow maelstrom.
Delores fockin' melted. She
fockin' melted before the fockin'
Oh shet, man!
Come back Delores. Big Bang's
coming. It's coming...
I loved you, man. I loved you...
Crocker wipes at his eyes as he scans the shifting landscape. Then he looks up at the vortex. Cupid sprites vibrate like laughing voices.
Crocker's pissed off now.
Don't laugh at me.
The Cupid sprites zoom in at him and chuckle. He bats at them.
I said don't laugh! You stole her
from me, man. Stole her before
the fockin' Big Bang. Fockin'
Cupids. I want her back. You hear
And he throws himself to the floor, beating his fists and kicking his feet against the lava-light ground.
She's mine, you can't have her.
Give her back!
Everything spins; Crocker goes foetal.
You're playing with existence, man. The universe can't exist before the Big Bang.
Crocker stares up into the vortex. All the Cupid sprites make circular trails as they follow the spin.
How can something so beautiful be
so focked up?
The vortex turns to army-surplus green liquid sky. The spinning stops.
02-05-2009, 09:24 AM
Valentine's Day: Grateful Dead (2 of 2)
There's a buzzing now. Crocker opens his purple eyes wide as his orange skin turns red.
Fockin' Bee! Can't see! Fockin'
Bee! -- Vee Dee Gee Dee --
The buzzing gets deafening. His eyes open wider. His volume goes louder.
VEE DEE GEE DEE VEE DEE GEE DEE --
And the green liquid sky is torn away to bright blue. So bright his orange eyes turn green. He screams.
A stampede sounds off nearby. The multi-coloured Crocker, is curious. He sits up, leaving a rainbow trail behind him.
A herd of gazelles rushes by. One stops to chat.
Then it skitters away.
Wait! What the hell is lease poe?
I don't understand Gazelle!
He stands and a rainbow trail follows him high into the sky. He looks down from above the clouds at the marching ants and laughs. His laugh echoes like thunder in a valley.
He seems surprised by this and he moves his hand to his mouth; a trail follows. He seems surprised by this too.
With a goofy smile on his face, he twirls both his hands like batons as he watches the trails they make.
Until the ants catch his attention with their small voices.
He bends his ear toward them and suddenly he is small and the ants are huge.
The collective sound from the enormous ants makes the ground shake. Crocker covers his ears and closes his eyes.
Psychedelic snowflakes fall in shimmering colours as they drift downward.
Then a big flake with the flashing letter L in the centre floats to the bottom of the screen. Followed by another with the letter E, and another with A. Then S - E - P - O - E in quick succession.
A wind swirls them and they are replaced by
ACRES OF FURRY WHITE BUNNIES
That play, hop, and run, swirling off in every direction. Crocker stands in awe amidst them.
He trails his hand out and one hops onto it. He grabs the bunny tightly. It twists and turns trying to escape. Then it stares at him with its pleading pink eyes.
And it melts from his hand. Crocker looks down at his empty hand then he scans the land of bunnies.
His anger rises.
What the fock is Lease Poe?!
He runs after a too-quick bunny.
Tell me! What the fock is it?
He's almost grabbed one.
Another hops over him.
He's given up now. He stands his ground and shouts.
Lease Poe! Lease POE! LEASE
POE LEASE! Shet!
Crocker turns and is confronted by a huge blue pig holding a black-light truncheon. The world around them blurs.
Crocker prepares his best Bruce Lee pose, his arm-trails make a protective rainbow sphere around him. The sphere reaches out toward the pig.
The black-light truncheon pushes away the colours as it lands on Crocker's head. BANG!
Explodes into a billion stars, which in turn becomes
As he lays on his back surrounded by some green canvas. Dried blood streaks his face. He opens his eyes and stares up toward the
NORMAL LOOKING CLOUDS
A crow flies downward and lands just as
Sits up. He holds his head and lets out a moan, then he scans the
It's covered in camping debris. Hippies mull about, some oblivious, some unhappy. Stray police question a few of them.
Crocker examines his collapsed army surplus tent. He lifts a corner of the canvas and looks under it.
FADE TO COLOURS, MAN
02-05-2009, 09:17 PM
Where's My Valentine (1 of 2)
INT. L.A. APARTMENT - NIGHT
A Luscious blonde slaps a hand to her semi-exposed breasts. She's
about to cry...sort of.
On a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 28.
But JCerveza, I thought--
You thought wrong, baby. You'd
better go now.
JCERVEZA, alpha Mexican, holds the door open.
I'll do anything JCerveza,
I know baby. But Valentine's Day--
I thought I was your Valentine.
You and a dozen others, baby.
She sports one last glossy-lip pout, picks up her coat
Will you call me after Valentine's?
We'll see, baby...we'll see.
He shuts the door, shakes his head with sadness. He picks
up the phone to call his best friend in the whole wide
Ralphy, I take it anymore...I just
RALPHY DUBYA (V.O.)
You're a freak of nature, JCerveza.
Meet me at the watering hole. I'll
call the guys.
It won't do any good.
It'll do me some good. I'm tired of
posting on this damn forum. I need
INT. WATERING HOLE - NIGHT
The guys circle JCerveza, gawk at him as if her were an
alien (extraterrestrial not illegal alien).
Look, guys...Valentine's Day is for
love. Every other day is for lust.
For you maybe. Ever think of
sharing with your friends?
I say we shoot him...Shoot him now.
CODE 77, intimidating ex-cop turned pro wrestler, reaches into
his jacket...the guys hold their breath...
He whips out a business card.
You need help, you twit. You got a
different woman hanging off you
every night and you want love on Valentine's
JCerveza scans the card.
There's nothing wrong with true
love, Code. And a shrink won't
Yeah. He screwed the last shrink,
too. Not even Tony Soprano...
I don't see why they have to charge
six bucks for a beer in this dump.
WILSONFOLLOWS, Mr. Hyperactive, wipes off the
table...again. LIMONA, the waitress, eyes him suspiciously.
I expect a tip from you, Wilson.
Limona then turns her attention to JCerveza, gyrates her eyebrows
Man, even Limona hits on JCerverza.
What's he got that I haven't got!
Everything. Plus those gosh darn
email addys I can never find.
I'm the one who PM's you those
She wanders off. ZEN PILATES, The Thinker, leans forward...
I think we should analyze this from
a structural point of view.
That's a good idea, Zen.
The first question you should ask
yourself is...what the hell is
wrong with you!
Look guys, the physical
stuff...it's great and all but I'm looking
BEN BENJAMIN leans back in his chair, oozes confidence.
I bet that JCerveza will find love
by Valentine's Day.
Seriously Ben? You really think so?
And if he doesn't?
Make it good Ben.
If JCerveza doesn't find love by
Valentine's... I'll disappear for
You'd better or I'll kick that
fanny pack up your--
How are you going to get hot tamale
to fall in love?
Don't worry about how. Just place
I'm not putting any money on
this...unless it's a sure thing.
02-05-2009, 09:22 PM
Where's My Valentine (2 of 2)
INT. JCERVEZA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Are you sure, Ben Benjamin? Are
You bet your sweet churro I'm
I don't think we've thought about
Don't worry, guys...I've brought in
the big guns.
I have the big guns, dingbat.
They're in the trunk of my car.
C'mon, give us a hint already. I
can't take it anymore.
WilsonFollows drops to his knees...
You realize how many dust bunnies
you got under your couch?
This is so exciting...
He swings open the door.
OOOOH! Shock, Awe... JEFF WOWELL, the friendly pro, steps inside--he's got an agent.
Crap. There goes fifty bucks.
Jeff Wowell. I'm honored. I'm
thrilled but...how will you help me
find true love on Valentine's Day?
Jeff Wowell, strokes his beard, smiles...
Well, JCerveza, lots of characters
in my last script...
Oh man! It's that hot chick, isn't
He reaches behind the door, picks up a box.
JEFF WOWELL (CONT'D)
Happy Valentine's Day!
JCerveza looks inside...GASP! he reaches in, picks up...
Wait for it....
I'm in love! I'm in love!
Code 77 is the first to smash Ben Benjamin's head open.
02-05-2009, 09:41 PM
I think you guys can see why I posted these first two entries after I read their queries and my daughter read the scripts and passed them to me.
Keep 'em coming, guys, keep 'em coming.
02-06-2009, 08:39 AM
Reasons for the editing to the first two entries were strictly to do with titles and/or carrying them over to their part 2's, respectfully . . . it was all my bad and no rewriting was done nor is permitted.
02-06-2009, 10:41 PM
It's Our Night (1 of 2)
INT. EXTRAVAGANT RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The kind of place that requires a seven-figure bankroll just
to get in the door. Finely dressed PATRONS eat their
expensive-as-sh*t food, get just a little tipsy and converse
in hushed tones appropriate for such an establishment.
One couple in particular - JAMES WAUSA (32) and KAREN JANE
(35, says she's 30) - would be nicely dressed at most
restaurants. Here, they look homeless by comparison.
James holds his wine glass like a goblet. They talk like
they're at T.G.I.Fridays as they stare deep into each other's
eyes. They could give a f*ck about the sneers the other
patrons give them. Tonight is their night.
They say the classics never go out
of style, but they do. They do.
Well my baby, we won't let it
happen to us.
They drink to that. The WAITER walks up, booshie as hell.
Is there anything -
Ah, garcon! Bring our dessert.
Karen questions James with an eyebrow.
Straight to dessert?
Why not? It's our night.
He smirks, which makes her blush.
The doors to the establishment swing open. Six WELL-DRESSED
MEN enter, walk right past the MAITRE D' (63).
You mean the world to me, ya know?
In my eyes, you'll never go out of
style. You're the greatest.
The Maitre D' chases after the well-dressed men.
Excuse me, you must wait to be -
WHAM! One of the men socks the Maitre D' right in his 63 year
old face! The Maitre D' collapses in a heap. Some of the
The waiter walks back to James and Karen, removes the dome
from his Stirling silver tray to reveal -
- a sparkling engagement ring. Karen is floored.
The well-dressed men push towards James and Karen, pull guns
out from under their jackets!
Oh... oh, James. It's -
BLA-BLA-BLAM! The well-dressed men unload!
The waiter's chest explodes in a burst of crimson. The ring box
tumbles to the ground as he's cut down by a swarm of bullets!
Karen's shoulder bursts red! She falls from her chair,
collapses to the ground.
James barely has time to react before bullets rip him apart!
He falls to the ground in a bloody heap.
The well-dressed men move towards the table as they reload.
The restaurant patrons scramble for the exits.
02-06-2009, 10:44 PM
It's Our Night (2 of 2)
On the ground, Karen crawls to James. She sees the ring box,
grabs it, clutches James' body to hers. He coughs blood.
Somehow I thought...
Shh. I'm sorry James. I'm so sorry.
I never thought they would find me.
I... love... will you... marry...
Tears pour down Karen's face like raging rapids. James stares
into her eyes, then into nothing at all. His body goes limp.
She takes the ring from the box, slides it on her finger,
wipes away her tears, reaches into her purse.
The well-dressed men reach the blood-soaked table in the now
empty restaurant. They stand there, guns at the ready, too
badass for their own good.
WOOSH! Karen throws the table at the well-dressed men as she
springs to her feet! The table takes three of the men to the
BLA-BLA-BLA-BLA-BLAM! Fire spews from the barrels of the guns
in Karen's hands!
Die you pieces of sh*t! DIE!
The three standing well-dressed men are cut down in a blur of
blood and gunsmoke. The three knocked down by the table pull
Karen leaps over the upturned table, drives the heel of her
right pump into one of the remaining well-dressed men's eye
sockets! His head thumps to the ground as the heel drives all
the way in with a sickening SCHLOCK!
She slips out of the pump, grabs the other from her left
foot. The two last well-dressed men rush her.
In a flash:
Karen spins -
drives the heel of her left pump into one man's temple -
digs her nails into his throat -
rips out his jugular!
Blood sprays like a fountain as the well-dressed man teeters.
The last guy grabs Karen. She drives the back of her head
into his face.
He stumbles back. A hair pin sticks out of his bloody cheek.
The well dressed man turned artery fountain finally drops.
Karen rushes the last guy, kicks him square in the chest,
yanks the hair pin from his cheek as he stumbles back.
She tackles him to the ground, shoves the hair pin against
Don't kill me.
How did he find me?
How do you think? He's the
President of the United States.
I'm never going back to him.
If you don't, you'll die.
I'm already dead.
With that, she opens the well-dressed man's throat with the
hair pin. Blood sprays across her face, but all the crimson
in the world couldn't cover her malice.
Sirens approach from the distance. Red and blue lights strobe
in through the tinted windows.
Karen stands, the lone survivor in a restaurant of corpses.
She grips her hair pin tight, looks at the exit.
FADE TO BLACK.
02-07-2009, 12:16 PM
A Man For Valentine's Day (1 of 2)
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Tires screech to a complete stop on top of wet pavement.
The sound of a car door opening followed by footsteps.
A man’s feet step into view.
The passenger side door flings open.
A red rose falls out. Hits the pavement.
ROBYN’s badly beaten body follows the rose. She’s about thirty, long tousled red hair that clings to her bloody, swollen face.
The emerald green slinky dress ripped to shreds slides up her long lean legs. One of the high heels is broken off the shoe.
The man, CURT is in his mid forties. He’s a typical suburban overfed non exercising greying male.
He bends down, drags Robyn’s body down into the ditch.
He stares down at her with disgust.
Curt brings his foot back, takes aim then kicks her as hard as he can in the gut then again in the face. Then again and again, again, again.
No movement from Robyn. Curt bends down, rips a heart shaped necklace from her neck
He stares at her one last time then spits on her.
INT. CAR - NIGHT - EARLIER
Curt and Robyn sit in the car parked by a city park.
There’s glimmer of excitement in both of their eyes along with the tell tale signs of a few too many Martinis.
Curt leans over to Robyn. They kiss. Gentle at first then more intense by the second.
F***. You are so hot. Can’t believe I met someone like you.
He takes Robyn’s hand, puts it in his crotch, rubs it, lets go when she does it on her own.
She moans. He groans.
Wish my ex could see me now.
Robyn feels the bulge in his pants, squeezes then unbuckles his belt.
You think she’d be jealous?
Are you kidding? You’re twenty years younger than her. She’s almost fifty! Fifty! Can you believe it?... You’d think she’d be over with sex at that age.
Robyn sticks her hand down his pants, her tongue down his throat.
Curt’s hands roam all over her body.
Poor baby. Who did she run away with?... Some young guy?
She unbuttons his shirt, kisses his blubbery chest.
No some a*****e who’s almost sixty. How’s that for a slap in the face? F***ing disgusting if you ask me.
Her hand works hard inside his pants.
I don’t see why she would leave you. You’ve got more right here than any woman could ever need.
She lowers her head into his crotch. Her head moves up and down.
Oh yeah baby. You know it.
After a few moments Curt pulls her up. He kisses her hard.
His hand wonders up the inside of her leg. Robyn puts her hand on top of his, keeps him from moving it further up.
C’mon, don’t be shy now.
I’m not... it’s just...
Curt pushes his hand further up. She struggles to keep his hand away.
Curt leans over her. Keeps his mouth pressed on hers. She tries to push him away.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT - EARLIER
Curt sits at a table in a cozy romantic restaurant. Every table has a single red rose in a vase and heart shaped chocolates in a small dish on them.
Curt repeatedly checks his watch.
He pulls a small but cute silver necklace with a heart pendant out of his pocket, fingers it nervously then sticks it back in his pocket.
He glances up as the HOSTESS approaches his table with Robyn behind her.
Curt’s eyes widen at the sight of Robyn.
She’s tall, lean, wears a tight green dress, has long red hair that swells over her shoulders and back like molten lava flowing from an erupting volcano. She’s gorgeous.
Curt swallows hard then stands up, takes her hand, while his eyes are fixed on hers.
Robyn greets him with a wide smile.
They both laugh then sit down.
Curt can’t take his eyes off of her.
Wow!... You’re gorgeous! You look a thousand times better than in those pictures you sent.
She sends him a coy smile.
I’ve never used a dating service before...I didn’t think women like you used them. Always thought they were for losers only.
Robyn’s expression cools for a moment. She takes a sip of her drink on the table.
02-07-2009, 12:19 PM
A Man For Valentine's Day (2 of 2)
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT - EARLIER
Robyn, dressed up for a date night on the town in her green dress and spiked heels dances in front of a floor to ceiling mirror with a wine glass in her hand.
Disco music on the stereo, she sings along as she dances.
Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight, won't somebody help me chase the shadows away.
Her hips gyrate to the music.
Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight, take me through the darkness to the break of the day.
She continues her dance, in a more provocative way as if she was a stripper on stage, the mirror a man in the audience.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - EARLIER
The blood red tip of a lipstick glides across a pair of parted lips. The lips press together then pucker up, makes a kissing sound.
A bouquet of long stem red roses and a Valentines Day card sit on the vanity table.
Robyn bats her long dark eyelashes at her own reflection in the mirror. She studies herself.
Do you think Iím beautiful?
Her hair is shoulder length, black, straight. Her expression changes to unsatisfied.
Suddenly she reaches up with her hand, grabs a hold of her hair, yanks the wig off. Her hair is now short and a dull brown.
She reaches over to the side, picks up a long red wig, puts it on. Happy with the result, she winks at her reflection.
Tonight is the night Curt. I hope youíre everything you said you are.
She stands up to reveal a manís body.
She grabs a lacy bra from on top of the bed, puts it on, inserts falsies, adjusts it then grabs a matching pair of panties. She puts them on, pushes back her unwanted ďpartsĒ.
Next comes the dress. All of a sudden sheís all woman.
She twirls in front of the mirror, satisfied with the results.
Think Iím hot?...
Would you be able to love someone like me?...
02-07-2009, 08:24 PM
Mark & Brandy are in Love (1 of 2)
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE, FRAGRANCE DEPT. - DAY
Customers shuffle through the store. BRANDY (21), hot as hell
with most of her brain in her boobs, pitches an expensive
cologne to an eight-year-old GIRL.
I'm telling you, if you give him
this, there's no way he can say no.
He'll have to be your valentine.
But, I only have ten dollars.
Well then, I guess your little
boyfriend will be screwing someone
The girl's eyes well with tears. She buries her face in her
hands, bawls her eyes out as she runs off.
She passes by MARK (23), a young professional if ever there
was one. Smart, well dressed, completely void of scruples. He
chats into his iPhone.
Great. And everything is ready at
the movie theater? Excellent. Talk
to you soon, champ.
He hangs up, b-lines for Brandy.
She sees him coming, pretends not to notice as she pitches
another fragrance to a confused GERMAN COUPLE.
Brandy turns her back to the German couple, makes an annoying
You ready for tonight?
Am I ever!
Mark smiles his trademark smile.
Great. I have a surprise for you.
Brandy grins ear to ear.
INT. BRANDY'S BEDROOM - DAY
Brandy stands in a sultry cocktail dress, her boobs barely
covered. She makes seductive poses into the mirror. STEPH
(19), sultry and Latin, looks her over.
But I always get c*ck in my
Girl, it's Valentine's Day. He has
a surprise for you. You know what
Uh, yeah bitch.
You really want your t*ts hanging
out when your man proposes to you
in front of all those people?
Steph rolls her eyes, pulls her boobs halfway out the top of
her shirt, pushes them together to demonstrate.
Oh baby, I do!
She jiggles her dirty pillows with extra emphasis to make her
Steph snaps a "quit being a stupid bitch" look at her,
rummages through the closet.
I don't know how you got so damn
lucky, but one of the most
desirable bachelors in Long Beach
wants to put a ring on your finger.
She pulls out an elegant dress, throws it a Brandy.
Why wouldn't he?
After all that sh*t with Bobby?
Brandy puts on the dress.
That's totally the reason he's
proposing in the first place. He
realized if he likes it he needs to
put a ring on it.
Steph rolls her eyes.
02-07-2009, 08:26 PM
Mark & Brandy are in Love (2 of 2)
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Brandy looks stunning in her dress. She sits across a table
of half-empty plates from Mark, who smiles.
It just made me realize what I
wanted to do with my life, you
She grins. A BUSBOY walks up to the table, reaches for
Are you done with that plate?
Brandy scrunches her nose.
The busboy walks off, scorned.
I swear. Busboys are just like
homeless people, only their
currency is dirty plates.
You were saying something about
what you wanted to do with your
No, I was done.
She slumps in her seat just a little.
EXT. FOURTH STREET, BUSINESS DISTRICT - NIGHT
Brandy and Mark stroll the sidewalk, pass by hip furniture
stores and consignment shops.
So... you said you had a surprise
Mark checks his jacket pocket conspicuously.
Yeah, it's coming up. Be patient.
You know I'm no good at that.
Oh, I know. Okay, cover your eyes.
She does. He takes her by the elbow, guides her down the
sidewalk, stops her in front of a Mexican restaurant.
He turns her back to the restaurant, takes a few steps back.
Okay, open your eyes.
Brandy grins from ear to ear. Her whole body trembles with
anticipation. She opens her eyes to see...
...an arthouse theater. The marquee reads:
IT'S OVER. I HOPE HAVING BOBBY'S
C0CK DOWN YOUR THROAT WAS WORTH IT.
Her face shatters.
What the f*ck? You're breaking up
Happy Valentine's Day, bitch.
Mark walks away, a grin on his face.
FADE TO BLACK.
02-08-2009, 10:19 AM
The Subtext (1 of 2)
INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY
On someone's hands, covered completely in casts. They're covered by STUDENTS' messages of condolence, jokes, drawings; the usual juvenile stuff because this is after-all highschool.
The hands belong to the pretty JESSIE. She stares at them while her English TEACHER writes an assignment on the board.
She whispers to the girl in front of her, DEIDRE
I'm going nuts not being
able to text him and Saturday
is Valentine's Day.
You need to get
someone to do it for you.
looking at the teacher...
The teacher turns, annoyed.
Deidre, subtext was on our
agenda yesterday and as I recall,
you thought the subtext to the
balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet
was that "girls like to get high with
The students chuckle. Deidre notices the
class stoner gives her a wink of the
She pops her tongue out in disgust.
INT. SCHOOL HALL -- LATER
Jessie and Deidre amidst the throng at their lockers.
I'll stick a flyer on the board,
seeking someone to text for
you Saturday--Someone without a life.
They go off. Eavesdropping was the
luscious DAISY with her friend.
I think I've found a way
to break up Jessie with
her boyfriend and get him
INT. DAISY'S FAMILY KITCHEN -- NIGHT
Her brother KEVIN finishes up dinner.
No, I'm not doing it.
All you have to do is twist
the words around. She won't
know what you're really up to.
Kind of like how you talk
to Mom and Dad.
You owe me. I never told
anyone about how I saw you
and Skippy "counting your
baby squirrels together"
when you were twelve.
plucking in the air..
"This one loves your nuts,
this one loves your nuts"
Kevin gives in, nods. Daisy smiles, the victor.
INT. JESSIE'S FAMILY ROOM -- DAY
THE AUDITIONS FOR SUBTEXT
Jessie and Deidre audition on a sofa.
A NERDY GIRL with glasses on a chair with
I'm super fast and text
more than fifty a day. You can
keep up with me?
The nerdy girl nods.
Ok, let's give you a test.
"You see Idol last night when
Paula kissed up his amazing
The nerdy girl hesitates, feels her
Sorry, I'm a little nervous,
I forgot my meds.
A BAD BOY texts, stops, sneers.
Can I abbreviate "amazing
singing style" to a.s.s?
A GOTH texts, finishes, stares
at Jessie with mascarered eyes.
Wow, you got that
Yeah, and time left over
to download the new " Death
meets the Maiden" song.
The goth flashes the cellphone screen
where a creepy music video plays.
lyrics-" Moss grows on the heart I ripped
from your soul girl. Oh...."
Jessie cringes back against the sofa.
Now Kevin is on the hot seat, he texts, finishes,
flashes a shy smile.
Jessie smiles, she's found her subtext.
02-08-2009, 10:21 AM
The Subtext (2 of 2)
INT. JESSIE'S BEDROOM -- MORNING
Jessie tosses and turns between her bed sheets.
WE ENTER HER DREAM----
INT. SCHOOL GYM -- NIGHT
A volleyball tournament is in full swing. Jessie and her team are in a fast and furious volley. The ball at one point sails up high, hits an overhead old WATERCOOLER on the ceiling.
The play continues. Overhead the hinges creak on the watercooler's support.
Another fast volley below. Jessie saves an errant ball and drops to the floor.
The watercooler SNAPS from its support, drops, sails across the gym from its electrical cords.
On the floor Jessie gets up, turns, lifts her hands as something is coming fast her way.
THE DREAM ABRUPTLY ENDS. Jessie throws her sheets off.
Oh, I relived that
horrible horrible day.
She sits up. Kevin is seated by a window.
Jessie grabs the sheets around her.
On the job.
She motions him to turn around as she gets out of bed and slips on a bathrobe.
Good, mom let you in.
Please text to my boyfriend.
"Morning baby, had that nightmare
Kevin types. On the screen,
"Nightmares again, why are
you always in them?"
He shows her the reply message.
She notices flowers and chocolates at
The delivery man was right
Text him, "flowers are
beautiful, chocolates are sweet"
They remind me of someone
Kevin types again. "Roses clash with
my bedspread, chocolate gives
Jessie looks at the return message,
frowns, a tear rivulets down a cheek.
Kevin looks away, a bit ashamed.
I don't understand..
Maybe you better go, I
want to be alone.
EXT. JESSIE'S HOUSE -- MORNING
Kevin trods away, guilt clearly drawn in
He stops, turns, spots Jessie on a balcony
You ok? You're not
going to jump or anything?
Its such a tragedy.
Kevin gets closer, looks up.
It's my fault. He must
realize you're a really wonderful
girl. Your'e sweet, pretty, your
smile just shines. Let me
Actually, he takes me
for granted. His idea of
romance is playing tennis
doubles on WII.
I sent myself the flowers
and chocolates, like who's
going to love me today?
She lifts her hands.
I look like a lobster.
She starts to go in.
Kevin enters the house.
Kevin joins her, takes her face is in hands.
They share a long, tender kiss.
Happy Valentine's Day.
She lifts her hands to his head, smashes the casts into his skull by mistake.
He falls back and WHOOPS! over the railing!
EXT. JESSIE'S HOUSE -- DAY-- CONTINUOUS
Jessie runs out to Kevin who lies still on his back in the grass.
Oh god, I've killed you.
KEVIN (between groans)
I think I'm ok.
I'll call 911
She punches at her cellphone pad with her casts.
Maybe you better help.
She lifts his hand to the cellphone.
On the two, close and personal, as we move out and
FADE TO BLACK
02-12-2009, 06:43 AM
A ST. VALENTINE'S DAY QUESTION (1 of 1)
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
MOM, (30s), and DAUGHTER, (about 6), sit at the kitchen table. Mom folds a sheet of red construction paper in half and pencils a half-heart against the fold. She passes it to her Daughter, who cuts along the line with safety scissors. The Daughter unfolds a large heart-shaped valentine.
Who's that one for?
My teacher. She gets a big one.
The Daughter uses a marker pen to write a Valentine's Day greeting on the giant heart.
How many boys are in your class?
If you put three on a sheet, I only need five sheets.
Mom traces out more half-hearts onto the folded sheets, and the Daughter continues to cut and mark each heart with "I LOVE YOU" on one side.
Do you love all the boys?
(as a matter of fact)
It's simpler this way.
I need two more big ones.
Mom folds two more sheets.
Who are they for?
One for Daddy, and another for Grand Pa.
I'm sure Daddy will like that, but why Grand Pa? He's been dead for more than a year.
The Daughter looks up from her writing, with a frown.
I know, but we're supposed to send a valentine to all the men that we care about as a token of our love.
I know he's in Heaven with Grand Ma.
Mom wipes away a tear.
We'll deliver it with the flowers, when we visit their grave.
That's what I figured to do. I'd guess that he's glad to be together with Grand Ma, again, 'cause he always said he missed her.
Well, they're both angels, now.
The Daughter pauses from her writing and sets down the marker.
That's one thing that I still don't understand about Heaven. If two angels, like Grand Pa and Grand Ma really love each other so much, up there, can they still have sex?
02-12-2009, 02:54 PM
If anyone recognizes these pages from before, they were not officially entered into any contest or voted on, so they're good. My rules. :p
But if anyone objects, please PM me. And, please after you've read this, just focus on the short. Thank you.
LOVE STARVED (1 of 3)
INT. KATE'S HOME - BEDROOM - MORNING
The early morning sun peaks through a gap in the curtains.
Light cascades over the face of--
--KATE, 32, bottle blonde and beautiful, asleep in bed. Her
shiny new wedding ring catches the sunlight.
She stirs. Instinctively reaches over to the other side of
the bed. Her fingers lightly stroke empty space, beneath a
pillow. An indentation where someone's head once lay.
She sits bolt upright, brow furrowed in confusion. A red
dress has been laid out at the foot of the bed.
INT. KATE'S HOME - HALLWAY - MORNING
Kate, wearing figure hugging red dress, walks downstairs. She
pauses halfway down the steps. Tied to the bannister is a
shiny red balloon with the words: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
INT. KATE'S HOME - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Kate's face lights up. The surprises continue.
On the table, a tower of syrupy pancakes totters on a plate,
shreds of bacon swimming in syrup juice. Beside that a glass
of orange juice and a red rose sat in a tall glass of water.
Propped against the glass, a card with the words: I LOVE'D
YOU TO DEATH. The "D" of LOVE'D in a bright red ink.
Kate stares at the words. She shrugs off any feelings of
confusion and takes a large mouthful of bacon and pancakes.
Washes it down with a sip of orange juice.
A voice comes from behind her.
Kate Delaney. Married 12th of
February 2009. After weekend
whirlwind romance. Just another
reckless impulse of windswept love.
Kate spins around in shock. A dark figure in the doorway.
ERIC PAULLERA, 31, unshaven, long dark hair, dressed all in
black, leans nonchalantly against the frame. He walks around
the table. Picks up the glass of orange juice. Sniffs it.
Still, perhaps in the hours that
follow you'll glean some solace
from the knowledge that for two
days at least, you tasted such
perfect bliss, before everything
Kate's eyes roll. She slumps face forward into the table,
toppling the pancake tower.
EXT. KATE'S HOME - GARAGE - MORNING
Eric drags Kate's unconscious body to her car. He props her
up in the passenger seat. Her head slumped forward. He grabs
a clump of her hair and pulls her head back.
I'd forgotten how beautiful you
look when you sleep.
EXT. LOCK UP GARAGE - MORNING
Eric parks the car outside the garage. He gets out and,
glancing around, unlocks and pulls up the steel shutter.
INT. LOCK UP GARAGE - MORNING
Darkness. A door at the far side of the room opens up. A
sliver of light expands out across the darkness. The light
cascades over Kate, sat upright, tied with rope to a chair.
Her eye's flutter open, then closed again.
Eric emerges from the doorway. He walks, crouches beside her
and uses his sleeve to wipe dried syrup from her lip.
Hey, sleepy head. Open those pretty
Kate's eyes flick open. They slowly accustom to the light.
Don't bother screaming. The walls
Kate shakes the cobwebs. Focuses on the man in front of her.
Er... Eric? Eric Paullera?
I'm flattered you remember my name,
Kate. I thought I would bleed into
obscurity like all the rest.
What... What's happening? I don't
No. You never did.
Eric walks behind her. He grabs the back of the chair, tilts
it back and drags her, behind him, across the garage.
02-12-2009, 02:56 PM
LOVE STARVED (2 of 3)
So wrapped up in your whitewash
world. How could you understand?
It takes a heart to understand the
true pain of heartbreak.
Oh god. Don't do this. Please. I'm
For what? For breaking up with me
on Valentine's day or for choosing
your wedding almost exactly a year
to that special day. Tell me, Kate,
just where does remorse sit in your
limited spectrum of human emotion?
I think it's time we found out.
INT. LOCK UP GARAGE - DARK ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Eric drags Kate in and positions her at the far end of the
room. He walks over to a work bench.
When you left, my art became the
thread by which I stitched my life
back together. I became quite
creative. Installation art mainly.
You... you always were gifted.
Thank you. And it's only fitting on
a day like this, I offer that gift
to you so that for once in your
spoilt, vacuous life you might
understand what this day is all
Eric flicks on his flashlight. Shines it at a photo and waves
it in front of her face. A violent freeze-frame of the past--
--A Chicago cafe. Seven men slumped in a pool of blood.
On this very day, 80 years ago,
seven men of dubious moral standing
were gunned down so that years
later you had a name for the day
you tore out another man's heart.
He reaches over to a light switch and flicks it on. A dim
bulb flickers to life.
Kate stares straight forward at the photograph. Eric whips it
away to reveal the same scene, in vivid color, played against
the backdrop of the far side of the room.
Seven fresh corpses drenched in blood.
I call it "Massacre"
Oh god, Eric. What have you done?
She starts to scream, fear sweeping over her. Eric grabs an
oily rag from the work top and ties it around her mouth.
I've opened your eyes, Kate. Now
lets introduce our guests of honor.
Eric walks over to one of the bodies, laid face down. He
grabs the victim's hair and wrenches his head from the floor.
Kate's eye widen. A muffled scream.
I guess you recognize him. Mike
Newberry. Your high school
sweetheart. How I never tired of
trying to live up to his legacy.
The guy who took your virginity on
a bed of rose petals.
He rams his face hard into the concrete.
Or a drunken knee-trembler in a
dark alley. Just another
fabrication in that ****ed up
deluded mind of yours.
(walks over to other body)
And who do we have here?
He grabs a clump of hair and pulls his face up to the light.
Kate lets out a muffled scream. Her eyes stream with tears.
She thrashes against the chair, toppling it over.
The other half. How was the
honeymoon night, Kate?
Was he everything you expected of a
man who compensates for the
shallowness of his character with
the depth of his wallet?
He allows the head to fall.
Sounds like perfect husband
material for a girl like you.
Eric holds up Kate's husband's mangled hand.
Although I regret to tell you he's
now only part the man he once was.
Each finger is severed at the first knuckle.
By the way, how was the sumptuous
breakfast. Meat tender enough?
A glance at the bloody stumps of her husband's hand. Eric
paces around the other bodies. Nudges them with his foot.
02-12-2009, 02:58 PM
LOVE STARVED (3 of 3)
As to the rest of our esteemed
guests? Those you knew. Those you
screwed. You probably don't even
remember their names.
Eric walks over and right's Kate's toppled chair. He slips
her wedding ring off her finger and slides it on his pinky.
But you'll have an eternity to get
reacquainted. Before the fever and
the hunger sets in.
He walks to the doorway. Hesitates at the light switch. He
bows his head to shadow. His voice different now.
I love you, Kate. I always will
Eric switches off the light. Steps outside into the bright
morning light. He pulls the steel shutter down.
Kate swallowed up by the darkness. Her frightened muffled
screams slowly fading away.
02-14-2009, 11:31 AM
The contest is now closed.
I really wanna thank everyone who entered.
You guys are awesome and brave and winners.
And for those who didn't enter but intended to, don't worry about it, you guys awesome, too.
Voting starts now, from you guys, and will last until next Friday? I'm not sure, you guys tell me, please.
Please PM me your votes.
Everyone who entered must vote but the person cannot vote for his/her own entry. Anyone who didn't enter is welcomed to vote as well.
3 for first.
2 for second.
1 for third.
If you'd like to post comments about the entries after I tally and post the numbers, that'd be nice.
And the fake a$$ Derek goes to . . .
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