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Mark Somers
06-08-2009, 01:10 PM
THE INSULT THAT MADE A MAN OUT OF MAC


EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY

It's a glorious day. Surf lolls lazily up onto the golden
sand, while MR. SUN generously sprinkles cancer causing UV
rays over sunbathing morons.

MAC and MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH recline on a large beach
blanket, enjoying the shade offered by their parasol.

Mac is 19. Skinny and pale with dark hair. He looks like
an anemic Pee Wee Herman with bulimia.

Mac's Snotty Bitch looks like somebody put Megan Fox and
Scarlett Johansson in a blender then poured the resulting
babeshake into the worlds most indiscreet bikini.

How they got together in the first place shall forever be a
mystery.

SUDDENLY, like the wrath of God Almighty, a BIG BRUTE OF A
MAN runs past, kicking sand into Mac and his snotty bitch's
faces.

MAC
Hey! Quit kicking that sand in
our faces!

MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH
That man is the worst nuisance on
the beach.

The sound of their whining reaches the ears of the
lumbering behemoth, who stops dead in his tracks. He
stomps back to Mac and Mac's Snotty Bitch, towering over
them like a volcano of pain about to erupt in their faces.

He grabs Mac by his twig-like arm and pulls him to his
feet, like a huge guy pulling a small skinny guy to his
feet.

Mac's Snotty Bitch just sits there, apparently unconcerned.

BIG BRUTE OF A MAN
Listen here. I'd smash your
face...Only, you're so skinny you
might dry up and blow away.

The Big Brute stares into Mac's eyes, reveling in his
power, unaware of how his lack of knowledge of his own
sexuality effects his every action.

Happy with having asserted himself, the Big Brute strides
away, in search of a discreet place in which to masturbate.

Publicly humiliated, Mac turns to his snotty bitch for
consolation.

But there is none. She looks at him with something that is
the sum of hatred multiplied by loathing to the power of
contempt.

Mac tries to regain a sliver of dignity.

MAC
The big bully! I'll get even
some day.

Mac's Snotty Bitch stands and strikes a sexy pose, showing
him the prize that he was not strong enough to hold on to.

MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH
Oh don't let it BOTHER you little
boy!

PAN up to some SEAGULLS gliding lazily on an updraft,
unconcerned about the minutiae of human relationships.
Their cares are different from ours. I mean, have you ever
seen how excited they get over a bit of pizza crust? A
****ing pizza crust! We don't get that excited over a
whole pizza. Hell, we wouldn't get that excited over 10
pizzas. We should all be seagulls.


INT. MAC'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Mac, dressed in a suit jacket with shirt, tie and trousers,
IS PISSED! How do we know he's pissed? Well, for one
thing, he's KICKING A CHAIR, sending it sailing across the
room. It's a good thing Mac doesn't have a dog, or right
now I'd be describing something that I really don't approve
of.

And just in case you're still unclear how PISSED Mac is,
let me also draw your attention to the fact that the
seismic waves of fury emanating from him cause a small lamp
to fall over and a picture to suddenly hang squint on the
wall. Not fall. It just hangs there, squint. Think about
that. Think about the anger that would cause such a thing
to happen.

But that's not all that's going on with Mac right now. As
great as his anger is, it is nothing compared to the
DETERMINATION we see set in his face.

See, not only is he stomping around his living room and
making it untidy, but he is simultaneously READING A BOOK!
And talking to himself.

MAC
Darn it! I'm sick and tired of
being a scarecrow!
Charles Atlas says he can give me
a real body. All right! I'll
gamble a stamp and get his free
book!


INT. MAC'S BEDROOM - DAY

SUPER: LATER

Mac is in front of his dresser mirror admiring himself.
Why? Because Mac is TRANSFORMED. Gone is the skinny wisp
of a man that Mac once was. Now, preening in front of the
mirror, stands an ADONIS. If Mother Nature could be
persuaded to look the other way for five minutes so that
HERCULES could impregnate SUPERMAN, this would be the
resulting child if it was raised by a monastery of
bodybuilders.

The camera moves loving around Mac, reveling in this
physical perfection. If the camera was a tongue, it would
lick Mac. It wants to. It wants to lick him so badly.
AND SO DO YOU.

MAC
Boy! It didn't take Atlas long
to do this for me! What muscles!
That bully won't shove me around
again!

SMASH CUT TO:


EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY

Mac, a God bestriding the Earth, punches The Big Brute in
the face with the force of a thousand special effects
shots.

Watching from her position under the parasol where we first
saw her, Mac's Snotty Bitch watches this in wonder and
probably starts ovulating instantly.

MAC
What! You here again? Here's
something I owe you!

The Big Brute crumbles under the force of Mac's devastating
blow, out cold.

Mac's Snotty Bitch rushes to grab Mac's arm before every
over woman on the beach can throw herself at him.

MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH
Oh Mac! You are a real man after
all!

Nearby a MAN and WOMAN gaze at Mac with a mixture of
wonder, envy and lust. They both want Mac. Almost as
you do.
ADMIRING WOMAN
Gosh! What a build.

ADMIRING MAN
He's already famous for it!

Mac just stands there, somehow brighter than the sun that
beats down on them all. Mac's Snotty Bitch hangs on his
arm, tragically unaware that she is no longer good enough
for him. Why is she no longer good enough? Because he's
the HERO OF THE BEACH!

FADE TO BLACK.

Mark Somers
06-09-2009, 11:45 PM
SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 1 of 3 )


FADE IN:



EXT. BEACH - DAY

KEITH (25) a tall, deep tanned beach God sits perched high up
in his lifeguard's chair. He scans the water for people in
trouble.

THROUGH A TELESCOPE

Keith turns to gaze straight into our telescope.

Keith smiles, waves, blows a kiss.

BACK TO SCENE

LAUREN COOPER (40) a stunner in the way that only women with
unlimited time and money to spend on themselves can be.

She pulls her beautiful face away from the telescope, runs
her hand through her long raven hair. Smiles, waves to Keith.

A tuxedo cat, KITTY, in her prime, rubs against Lauren's leg.
Kitty is a very big cat. The markings on her face resembles a
permanent "Cheshire grin".

Lauren glares down at Kitty. Shoos her away with her foot.

LAUREN
Why can't he have a dog like a real
man?... Get away from me.

Kitty struts away, her white-tipped tail in the air.



INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

The room is a contemporary vision in European styling. Glass,
marble, leather, high tech.

DONALD COOPER (60) fit for his age, deep tan, a heavy gold
Rolex on his wrist enters from the master bedroom. He wears a
towel around his waist. His thin gray hair is still wet from
the shower.

Kitty enters the room through the open glass doors. Donald
picks her up, pets her.

DONALD
(baby talk)
Hello Kitty. How's my favorite
little ***** today?

Kitty purrs, loves his attention.

Donald turns his gaze out the glass doors to the pool deck.

Lauren catwalks by the infinity pool as if she was a model on
a photo shoot.

Donald strolls out onto the...

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

...where he scans the beach in the same direction the
telescope points to.



EXT. BEACH - DAY

Keith brings the binoculars down from his face. He stares at
Lauren and Donald.



EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Donald startles Lauren. She jumps. Quits posing.

LAUREN
Jeez, Donald! You scared me. I
thought you were doing your work
out.

She slides up to him in a sexy feline way. She glances at
Kitty with contempt then kisses Donald.

Donald grabs her, his arm around her waist. Pulls her in
tight.

DONALD
I rather do my work-out with you.

He pulls her close for a kiss. She pulls away.

LAUREN
Maybe later, okay? I'm going down
to the beach for a little while. If
you don't mind of course.

Donald glances towards the telescope.

DONALD
No, why would I?

Lauren grabs a towel from a pool chaise, hurries down the
wooden stairs to the beach. She spins around, blows Donald a
kiss.

Donald blows one back to her. He pets Kitty, while he watches
Lauren head over to the lifeguard tower.



EXT. BEACH - DAY

Lauren strides along the waters edge. The towel in her hand.
Hips sway from side to side. She glances towards Keith. A
smile beams on her face.

Keith notices her. His handsome face smiles back at her.

Lauren lays the towel down on the sand, sits down.

Keith jumps off the Lifeguard chair, strolls up to Lauren.

They both glance towards Lauren's house.

The house stands proudly. Donald is nowhere in sight.

Keith kneels down close to Lauren.

KEITH
I've missed you.

LAUREN
I've missed you too. I'm going
crazy at night when I'm in bed with
him. All I can think of is you.



EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Donald exits the house.

With Kitty in his arms he steps toward the telescope. He
looks into the eye-piece.

THROUGH TELESCOPE

Lauren sits on the towel. Keith puts lotion on her back.

KEITH (V.O.)
When do you want me to do it?

LAUREN (V.O.)
Tomorrow morning. When he goes for
his swim.

Keith wipes his hands, gazes into her eyes.

KEITH (V.O.)
So soon?

LAUREN (V.O.)
I can't stand it anymore. Can't
stand his hands on me.

BACK TO SCENE

Donald pulls away from the telescope. He stares out over the
beach at Lauren and Keith.

Keith and Lauren embrace in a romantic kiss.

Donald pets Kitty. Kisses her on top of her head.

DONALD
Tell me, Kitty. Is something going
on here during the day when I'm at
work?

Kitty rubs her head against Donald's face. She purrs.

DONALD
I don't like that ******'s hands
all over my wife.

Kitty pins back her ears. Hisses.

DONALD
He obviously doesn't know who's
wife he's dealing with.

Kitty licks his face. Rubs against him. Kitty loves him.



EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

The morning sun rises over the calm ocean.

Lauren sits at a table with her breakfast in front of her.

Donald enters through the open glass doors. He wears swim
shorts, a towel around his neck.

DONALD
Just going for my--

LAUREN
Are you going for your--

DONALD/LAUREN
--swim.

DONALD
I'll be back in thirty minutes.

Lauren watches him, shoots him a fake smile.

LAUREN
Okay honey. Be careful out there.
Lots of riptides...

Donald moves on past her down to the beach.

Lauren watches him go with an icy stare.



EXT. BEACH - DAY

Keith with binoculars pressed against his face. He follows
Donald as he enters the water.

Donald glances in Keith's direction. His eyes narrowed. He
proceeds into the water, begins to swim out.

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Lauren swings the telescope towards the sea, towards Donald.
She watches him swim out far.

EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY

Keith sees Lauren behind the telescope. He turns his gaze
through the binoculars to Donald.

EXT. SEA - DAY

Donald swims with powerful strokes. He glances back at the
beach.

It's pretty far away. Not many people on the beach this
early. He sees Keith up on his perch.

Donald starts to flap his arms around. Fakes him drowning.

DONALD
HELP! HELP!

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Lauren makes a double take through the telescope, swings it
around towards Keith.

EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY

Keith stares at Donald surprised.

He turns to Lauren. He puts his hands up as if to say "What
the ****!"...

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Perplexed, Lauren stares at Keith. She shakes her head as if
to say "I have no idea?"...

EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY

Keith puts away the binoculars, grabs his lifeguard gear,
jumps down then runs towards the water.

Mark Somers
06-09-2009, 11:50 PM
SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 2 of 3 )


EXT. SEA - DAY

Keith dives into the sea, swims out to Donald.

Donald fakes drowning. He glares at Keith who swims towards
him.

DONALD
(to himself)
Come on you mother-******.

Keith swims closer, closer. He reaches Donald. For a moment
both men stare each other down then Donald swings at Keith,
punches him on the nose. Pow!

Keith's nose bleeds. He lunges at Donald. A wild fight breaks
out as they both attempt to drown each other.

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Lauren watches in horror as the two men fight.

Keith struggles. He spends a lot of time under water.

Lauren clenches her fists.

LAUREN
Come on baby. Kill that *******.

EXT. SEA - DAY

Keith is in bad shape. Donald has his hands around his neck.
Keith goes under for a long time. Donald holds on tight.

After a moment, Donald relaxes some. Keith's body breaches
the surface. He's out. Donald pushes him under one more time
for good measure.

EXT. POOL DECK - DAY

Lauren covers her mouth in horror.

She paces back and forth on the deck.

EXT. SEA - DAY

Keith's dead body bobs up and down with the water. Donald
swims back to the beach.



INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Donald and Lauren at the dinner table. Candles lit. Wine and
gourmet food on the table.

Donald eats with gusto. Lauren picks at her food. She is
quiet, looks upset. She drinks a glass of wine.

Kitty sits on a chair, watches them.

DONALD
What's the matter? You're not happy
I survived?

Lauren fakes it.

LAUREN
Of course honey. I'm just upset
because I realize... how close I
came to losing you.

Kitty pins back her ears, growls.

Lauren glare at the cat.

Donald shrugs, drinks some wine.

DONALD
I feel bad about that poor
lifeguard. I don't know what came
over me? I guess I must have
panicked. That can happen you know.

Lauren is mortified.

DONALD
You get a supernatural strength
almost. Heck, I don't even remember
exactly what happened?

Lauren's looks like she has an idea. She smiles to herself.

LAUREN
You're right. Instead of thinking
what could have happened, let's
celebrate you're still here alive
and well. After all, that's all
that matters.

She picks up the wine glass.

LAUREN
To Donald the amazing.

Donald smiles, raises his glass.

DONALD
To us.

Lauren turns on the charm, flirts with him.

LAUREN
Let's celebrate full force.

Donald gazes into her eyes with anticipation.

DONALD
What do you have in mind?

She winks at him.

LAUREN
Your favorite.

They clink their glasses together, "cheers" - drink.



EXT. POOL DECK - NIGHT

Donald sits on a lounge chair. His wrists are shackled behind
his back with handcuffs. He's got a choker around his neck.
Lauren holds on to the chain attached to it.

Kitty watches from another lounge chair.

Lauren gives him some wine. He gulps it down. She tightens
her grip on the chain.

LAUREN
You'll get more too if you're a
good boy and do exactly what I tell
you to.

Donald nods.

DONALD
Yes, Mistress.

Lauren tugs on the chain, pulls him up into a standing
position. She pulls him in tight, glares into his eyes.

LAUREN
You shouldn't have killed him,
Donald.

Donald looks surprised.

DONALD
What are you talking about?

He twists his hands. Feels the handcuffs. Nervous.

LAUREN
Don't play innocent with me. I
watched you.

He takes a step away from her. She yanks him back, takes a
step closer to the pool.

Donald resists. She takes a firm grip on the chain. Pulls
hard. He stumbles. She pushes him into the pool.

Kitty watches, pins back her ears, hisses.

Lauren jumps into the pool. Donald thrashes about, struggles
to swim up to the surface.

Lauren pulls on the chain with both hands, forces his head
under the water.

Donald kicks wildly. Leans in to bite hear. He is unable to
do anything with his hands behind his back.

After a long struggle Donald's body goes limp then floats to
the pool surface.

Lauren climbs out of the pool out of breath.

Kitty growls.

Lauren pulls Donald's dead body to the edge then pulls him
out. She removes the handcuffs and the leather choker. There
are no marks on Donald.

Lauren rolls dead Donald onto his back. She gets up, grabs a
cell phone on the table, dials.

Mark Somers
06-09-2009, 11:53 PM
SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 3 of 3 )



INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lauren sits on the couch. She appears very upset. There's a
bottle of vodka on the coffee table. A glass in her hand.

Across from her sit two POLICEMEN. One of them writes on a
note pad. The other one asks questions.

LAUREN
(sniffles)
I don't know... It's so horrible...
All I can think is... he was so
upset about the lifeguard who
drowned... and he drank too much
then he was just too... too drunk
to swim.

Policeman #1 watches her closely while Policeman #2 writes.
Policeman #1 glances around the luxurious living room.

POLICEMAN #1
How long were you married?

Kitty enters the room. She takes a seat on the couch.

Lauren glares at her then gets back to business. She cries.

LAUREN
Only six months.

POLICEMAN #1
Would you say your marriage was
good?

LAUREN
Yes! We loved each other very much.
We were very close.

Kitty pins back her ears hisses, growls.

The two policemen glance surprised at Kitty.

POLICEMAN #1
Is that your cat?

LAUREN
She's was my husband's little
darling.



INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

A big luxurious bath. Lauren lies submerged in a heart shaped
whirlpool tub full of bubble-bath surrounded by lit candles.
Her arm dangles over the edge. A bottle of vodka clasped in
her hand. She takes a swig.

LAUREN
I'm glad you're gone... I'm pissed
you had to take Keith with you
though... I really liked him.

Kitty enters the bathroom.

LAUREN
What do you want?

She downs another slug of vodka.

LAUREN
Just so you know, as soon as the
pound opens tomorrow, you're
history...

Kitty jumps up on the counter near the tub. She stretches,
watches herself in the wall to wall mirror.

She sits down, licks her paw, fixes her yellow eyes on the
back of Lauren's head.

Lauren turns around, glares at Kitty.

LAUREN
I can't stand that ugly grin of
yours.

She turns back.

LAUREN
Never understood what he saw in
you.

Kitty tip-toes around the many items on the counter. She sits
down by a flat-iron plugged into the electrical outlet

Her yellow eyes dart from the iron to Lauren and back. A
grin. The Cheshire grin. Menacing.

Kitty swipes hard at the flat-iron. It drops into the water.

Lauren spasms. Drops the bottle. The Vodka bottle cracks when
it hits the marble floor. Vodka pours onto the bathroom tiled
floor.

Lauren spasms wildly in the tub. She knocks one of the
candles down. It lands in the vodka. Flames dance around the
tub.

Kitty jumps down. Struts out of the bathroom. Her white
tipped tail flicks arrogantly in the air.

FADE OUT:



THE END

Mark Somers
06-11-2009, 01:51 AM
THE SAND CASTLES


FADE IN:

EXT. SEASHORE BEACH - DAY

A hot sun bakes the holiday crowd on a sizzling summer day.

HAROLD, (about 10 years old), labors upon a small plot of
sand near the high water mark. With a waxed milk carton as
his only tool, he scoops damp sand from a moat and constructs
the ramparts of a sand castle about a yard long on each side.

Teenagers and adults walk along the wave-swept portion of
the beach and give a passing glance at the construction
project. Small children point it out to one another, laugh
with glee, and scamper off.

Harold smooths the domes of the corner towers; and, satisfied
with his efforts, he steps back to admire it.

A GREY-HAIRED MAN, (in his 60s), shuffles up from the water's
edge and offers Harold a handful of sea shells.

GREY-HAIRED MAN
Nice work, kid. Would you want to
use these to decorate it?

HAROLD
(taking the sea shells)
Sure. Thanks, mister.

Harold arranges the shells upon the domes and castle's gate.

He steps away from his sand castle and searches for more
shells on the wave swept portion of the beach. From there,
he sees a gang of TEENAGE RUFFIANS race toward his castle.

Feet batter the ramparts and explode them into clouds of
sand. Domes crumble into the moat. The molded arches of the
castle's gate disappear under the trample of giants.

HAROLD
Hey! Why'd you do that? That was
mine!

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #1
Thought you were finished with it.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #2
Yeah. No one was guarding it.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #3
Tough luck.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #4
What'cha gonna do about it? Huh?

Harold realizes that he is outnumbered and outsized. He shades
his eyes against the glare of the Sun. He summons up as strong
a warning as one can muster in the face of an unfair battle.

HAROLD
Don't do it, again, okay? I'm warning
you.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #4
(laughing)
Look at who's warning us off.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #1
Look, you little jerk, this is a
public beach. You don't tell us what
to do. Get it?

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #2
Build another castle, if you want,
but you'd better guard it.

TEENAGE RUFFIAN #3
Don't even bother. We'll smash it,
too!

The Teenage Ruffians walk off down the beach and kick up
clouds of sand to taunt Harold.

LATER

Harold digs a deep hole in the midst of the sand castle's
ruins.

Harold speaks with the Grey-Haired Man, who responds by
pointing up to a spot in the sand dunes behind the high water
mark. Harold marches off in that direction.

LATER STILL

The hole and ruins have been replaced by a new sand castle.
Wet sand glistens in the sunlight. Ramparts reach twice as
high as before, and domed towers rise up from the ramparts,
rather than the corners of the castle. The fortress has no
gate, and just a handful of sea shells adorn its walls.

Harold scoops out a deeper moat and piles the sand along an
outer wall. With a stick, he scratches a warning sign on the
new castle's walls: "Don't Touch".

Harold shade his eyes from the Sun's glare. He steps back to
admire his new construction. He glances up and down the beach,
then walks into the breaking waves, to wait chest-deep in
the water, facing the beach.

Coming down the beach, the gang of Teenage Ruffians returns.
They spot the new castle, glance about for Harold, then
assemble to conduct their siege.

IN THE WAVES

Harold turns to one side, kicks off, and swims parallel to
the beach. About a hundred feet further down the beach, he
washes ashore with the waves. He spots the Grey-Haired Man.

GREY-HAIRED MAN
Want some more shells for your castle?

HAROLD
No thanks.

GREY-HAIRED MAN
Did you find those clumps of
driftwood?

HAROLD
Yeah. It was exactly what I needed
to shore up and reinforce the walls
of my castle.

FADE OUT.