PDA

View Full Version : MOSTLY HARMLESS


Fortean
10-31-2004, 09:55 PM
FADE IN:

INT. DREW'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

LIVING ROOM

A bowl of fruit sits as the center-piece upon a polished
table. The apartment appears spotlessly clean, with elegant
furnishing and decorations. SOFT MUSIC plays on the stereo.

DREW GREELEY, a pretty woman, (late 20s), wears an herbal
mask, bathrobe and slippers. She takes brisk steps from her
bedroom door into the

BATHROOM

Drew looks into the mirror for a brief inspection of her
face, as she wipes off the herbal mask.

Drew tucks her hair under a shower cap. She steps away from
the mirror, slips off her slippers, and hangs her robe on a
clothes hook on the door.

Drew pulls back the shower curtain of the tub, leans forward
to turn on the water, and jumps back to reveal

A LARGE WOLF SPIDER, in the bottom of the tub.

DREW
Ugh!

The shower curtain falls back.

The wolf spider scurries to escape out of the tub but cannot
climb up its smooth enamel walls.

WATER SPLASHES INTO A GLASS in the sink.

Clad, again, in her bathrobe and slippers, Drew pulls back
the shower curtain. With her eyes fixed upon the spider, she
lifts the shower curtain to the outside of the tub.

DREW (CONT'D)
Take that! Damn you!

Drew throws the glass of water at the spider and knocks it
to the other side of the tub. The spider retreats but cannot
escape.

DREW (CONT'D)
Where'd you come from?

WATER SPLASHES INTO A GLASS in the sink.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2.


Drew throws the glass of water at the spider and dashes it
toward the drain.

DREW (CONT'D)
Get out! You don't belong here!

Drew reaches over to the water taps and turns them on. WATER
GUSHES FROM THE FAUCET and spreads up toward the fleeing
spider. She presses the shower valve. Water stops flowing
from the tap, PIPES GURGLE, and WATER GUSHES IN A SPRAY from
the shower head.

DREW (CONT'D)
Bye-bye!

Pelted by the shower and caught in the flow of the tub's
maelstrom, the spider disappears down the drain. Drew reaches
past the dripping curtain and drops a plug into the drain.

LIVING ROOM

Clad in silk pajamas, Drew switches off the stereo and the
lights.

BEDROOM

Half-asleep, Drew rolls over in bed, away from the opaque
window shade which glows from the streetlights below. She
snuggles into the pillow, eager to dream.

A DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET inches from Drew's
face. She shifts her head on the pillow.

ANOTHER DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET and splashes a
fine spray into Drew's face.

ANOTHER DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET. Drew opens
her eyes, reaches out, and feels the sheet. A drop of water
falls upon her hand.

DREW
Huh?

Drew switches on a bedside lamp and sees a damp spot on the
mattress sheet next to her pillow. She looks up at the
ceiling, which is spotless and dry.

Drew switches off the lamp, pulls the pillow to the other
side of the bed, and curls up under the blankets facing the
window.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DREW'S APARTMENT - DAY

A man's finger presses a door-bell button.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.


INT. DREW'S APARTMENT - DAY

LIVING ROOM

A MELODIC CHIME SOUNDS. Clad in a business suit and wearing
makeup, Drew opens the door to reveal STUART, a rough man,
(40s), clad in dirty overalls with a "Stuart" name patch.

STUART
Good morning, Miss Greeley.

DREW
I'm in a hurry, Stuart.

STUART
So where's this leak?

BEDROOM

Stuart peers up at the spotless and dry ceiling.

STUART
Doesn't look wet to me. You're sure
it came from up there?

Drew points to where the wet spot would have been, but the
bed has been made-up with fresh, dry sheets.

DREW
It fell down, right here.

STUART
You're sure you weren't dreaming?

DREW
I felt it splash down on my hand.

LIVING ROOM

Drew follows Stuart out of the bedroom. He surveys the ceiling
between the bedroom and the bathroom.

STUART
I'll check around upstairs and see
if someone might've spilled some
water last night.

DREW
Please do. And, there was a spider
in my tub, too.

STUART
Oh? What kind?

DREW
It was a big hairy one.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.


STUART
Probably a wolf spider. They're ugly
as sin, but mostly harmless.

DREW
Can't you do something about them?

Stuart nods to the fruit bowl on the table.

STUART
Best thing to do is not to attract
'em. They eat fruit flies and bugs.
Maybe, if you kept your fruit in the
fridge, instead of out here...

EXT. APARTMENT ENTRANCE - DAY

Drew steps out of the apartment building and walks down the
dry sidewalk. She wears a business suit on a sunny day.

EXT. SUBWAY ENTRANCE - DAY

Drew approaches a subway entrance. A few drops of water fall
on her head and onto the sidewalk around her. She stops to
look up at the cloudless sky.

EXT. NEWS STAND - DAY

Drew stoops down to glance at the headlines of a business
newspaper. SEVERAL DROPS OF WATER PATTER ONTO THE NEWSPAPER,
her head, and her suit.

Drew quickly turns to look skyward and sees a cloudless sky.
She looks down to see the

NEWS STAND ATTENDANT watching her.

DREW
Ever see it rain like that?

The New Stand Attendant looks up, shields his eyes from the
Sun, and looks back at Drew.

NEWS STAND ATTENDANT
Nope! Well, not 'til now, anyways.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Shielding her head with the newspaper over her head, Drew
races from the street into an office building.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

OFFICE LOBBY

Drew lowers her newspaper and races across the lobby to catch
one of the elevators going up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.


OFFICE ELEVATOR

Drew smiles nervously at other PASSENGERS in the elevator.
Her hair and suit are slightly wet.

DREW
Got caught in some rain.

FIRST PASSENGER
It's raining?

SECOND PASSENGER
I didn't see any clouds.

DREW'S OFFICE

Drew crunches into an apple, while looking through a business
report. Several files and reports lay open upon her desk,
and a desktop computer occupies the secretarial of the desk.
The newspaper, folded over the back of a chair, dries in
front of a sunlit window.

Drew sets down the apple, picks up her coffee mug, but finds
the mug is empty. She sets down the mug and calls into
intercom to EVIE, a secretary, (early 20s).

DREW
Evie, could you bring me some more
coffee?

EVIE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Yes, Miss Greeley.

Drew holds open a business report and begins to jot down
some notes upon a memo pad with a pen. A DROP OF WATER FALLS
UPON THE MEMO PAD and smears the fresh ink.

Drew looks up at the ceiling. She sees the sprinklers.

Drew looks to the memo pad and starts to blot it with a
tissue. ANOTHER SEVERAL DROPS OF WATER FALL UPON THE MEMO
PAD and upon her head.

DREW
What--? No--!

A LIGHT SHOWER OF WATER PATTERS UPON DREW AND HER DESK. She
grabs the newspaper from the back of the chair and hastily
spreads it over her computer and her desk.

DREW (CONT'D)
Stop! Stop! STOP!

The shower ceases abruptly. Drew lifts away the dripping
sections of newspaper from her computer and desk.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6.


DREW (CONT'D)
Damn it!

Drew looks up to see Evie nervously staring into the office
from the doorway, with a coffee pot in hand.

EVIE
How'd everything get so wet?

DREW
Isn't that obvious? It rained!
Get some paper towels, quick!

Evie looks at Drew, whose hair and clothing are soaked, and
retreats off into the hallway.

WOMEN'S WASHROOM

Drew walks up to the sinks and mirror with a handful of paper
towels. Looking into the mirror, she sees that much of her
make-up has been washed away. She blots her hair and wipes
her face dry, but smears her mascara.

DREW
Ouch, that's harsh!

Drew wets a paper towel and wipes the smear away.

DREW (CONT'D)
There, that's better.

DREW'S OFFICE

Drew walks in and sees Evie and another young secretary busy
wiping desk and computer dry with paper towels.

DREW
Evie, if Mr. Burbage asks for me,
tell him I've gone home to change
into some dry clothes.

EVIE
What happened?

Drew takes a compact umbrella from a cabinet shelf.

DREW
I'm having a really bad hair day.

EXT. APARTMENT ENTRANCE - DAY

A taxi pulls up with Drew in the back. She looks skyward
through its windows with her hair in a scarf.

Drew runs from the taxi to the building's entrance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7.


INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

ENTRANCE

CURTIS, a doorman, (early 20s), hurries to open the door,
but Drew pushes it open. Her umbrella snags in the doorway
and crumples, as she tugs to free it.

CURTIS
I'm terribly sorry, Miss Greeley.

She throws the broken umbrella down.

DREW
Not worth anything now! Is it?

Curtis glances at Drew's wet hair and clothing.

APARTMENT LOBBY

Drew walks to the elevator. She punches the "up" button at
the elevator. She hears an ELEVATOR CHIME. The elevator's
door opens to reveal the elderly MRS. TULLY, standing inside.
For a moment, Mrs. Tully gawks at Drew, and Drew steps aside
to let Mrs. Tully exit the elevator.

APARTMENT ELEVATOR

Drew presses the button for her apartment's upper-floor and
the "close" button for the elevator door. The door closes.

ENTRANCE

Mrs. Tully approaches the entrance and sees that Curtis is
trying to fold up the broken umbrella.

TULLY
Is it raining today, Curtis?

CURTIS
(cheerful)
No. It's a sunny day, Mrs. Tully.

APARTMENT ELEVATOR

Drew starts to untie the scarf from her head.

Drops of water fall upon her head and shoulders. She raises
the scarf and her hands over her head to shield herself from
a sudden shower of rain.

Rain becomes a downpour within the elevator. Drew hits the
"alarm" button on the control panel. AN ALARM BELL RINGS,
and the ELEVATOR JOLTS TO A STOP.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.


ENTRANCE

Mrs. Tully turns back from the door, that Curtis is about to
open, and listens to the ALARM BELL.

TULLY
Is that the fire alarm?

CURTIS
No, Mrs. Tully, it's the elevator.

APARTMENT ELEVATOR

Drew spins about the inside of the elevator. She pounds her
fists upon the door and the walls, as the downpour continues
to fall upon her.

DREW
Help! Help me! HELP!

Drew's feet slosh through ankle-deep water on the floor. A
STEEL CABLE GROANS, strained by excessive weight. She looks
up at the "weight capacity" sign above the control panel.

DREW (CONT'D)
(hysterical)
No! No, no, no, no, NO!

THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. The ELEVATOR JOLTS downward, and
Drew falls forward into the water on the floor.

APARTMENT LOBBY

Curtis dials a telephone at his doorman's station, while
Mrs. Tully watches him.

APARTMENT ELEVATOR

Drew struggles up from the floor. The EMERGENCY TELEPHONE
RINGS. She takes the telephone out from under the control
panel.

DREW
(into the telephone)
Help me! It's going to fall!

APARTMENT LOBBY

Curtis tries to evade the gaze of Mrs. Tully, as he speaks
to Drew on the telephone.

CURTIS
Miss Greeley? Are you okay?

DREW (V.O.)
(filtered)
Get me out of here!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.


CURTIS
Just stay calm--

DREW (V.O.)
(filtered)
It's stopped.

CURTIS
Don't worry, now. We'll--

DREW (V.O.)
(filtered)
I've got to get out of here!

APARTMENT ELEVATOR

The downpour ceases. THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. Drew drops the
emergency telephone drop into the water on the floor. She
looks up at

THE SERVICE PANEL on the dry ceiling.

APARTMENT LOBBY

Curtis speaks into the telephone.

CURTIS
Hello? Hello? Are you there?

ELEVATOR SHAFT

Drew hauls herself up out of the elevator thru the service
panel. She tries to steady herself and holds onto the elevator
cable. THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. She lets go of it and slips
back off the roof of the elevator.

ENTRANCE

DREW'S TERRIFYING SCREAM grows louder in a descending fall.

Curtis and Mrs. Tully turn to see

THE ELEVATOR DOORS. The scream stops abruptly.

ENTRANCE - LATER

From inside, Stuart and a POLICE INSPECTOR, (40s), watch an
ambulance quietly depart from outside the entrance. They see
police disperse a crowd of curious onlookers.

INSPECTOR
You have any idea where all that
water in the elevator came from?
Like a burst pipe, or somethin'?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.


STUART
No, but it's weird. She said water
was leaking onto her bed, last night;
but, I checked it out. That ceiling
was dry as a bone, just like the
roof of that elevator.

Stuart sees a wolf spider scamper next to the Inspector.

STUART (CONT'D)
Wait. Hold still, a moment.

INSPECTOR
What?

The Inspector watches Stuart scoop the spider up in his hands,
carry it over to the door, and toss it outside.

INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
Gheesh! I'd have stepped on it. Aren't
you afraid it'd bite?

STUART
(citing old rhyme)
If you wish to live and thrive,
Let the spider run alive.
(beat)
No, they're mostly harmless.

FADE OUT.

THE END

Edited to add an extra bit to this Halloween treat.

wenonah
11-01-2004, 08:22 AM
my favorite so far! Nice job.

wenonah

hot sticky white goo
11-01-2004, 11:34 AM
i liked this. very clean and cute.

i remember when i was about 9. i was outside playing with a friend. i killed a spider. he got so angry and said its my fault if it rains tomorrow. true story.

but nowadays, i let them live. but that's because they're our friends and kill most of the other insects for us.:D

my vote? i dunno. so far - i think its a tie between this one and wenonahs hungry pumpkin.

Fortean
11-02-2004, 03:32 AM
Would be Flanders' and Swann's The Spider (http://nyanko.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fas/bestiary_spider.html).

Thanks.

SteveW
04-26-2005, 11:05 PM
Heh, that's very good. :)