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Sledgeh101
10-14-2004, 05:33 AM
FADE IN:

INT. JOHNNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Little JOHNNY CLOVER, a 10 year old boy, fidgets in his suit as he looks upstairs, then to his empty Halloween bag which is next to him.

JOHNNY
Mom! All the good candy is going to be gone soon!

JOHNNY’S MOTHER comes bounding down the stairs, all full of glee, holding a mask in her hand.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
I found it, I found it! Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have let Jack put everything away. I swear, that man can be so disorganized –

JOHNNY
MOM!

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Oh, right. Okay.

Johnny’s mother pulls the mask over Johnny’s head, revealing the mask to be a George W Bush mask.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Oh, doesn’t my little President look so sweet.

JOHNNY
Mom, please! Let me put on my Leatherman costume. All the other guys are putting on cool costumes.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Now, Johnny, what kind of excuse is that? If all your friends decided to jump off a cliff, would you follow them also?

JOHNNY
But I hate this stupid costume!

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Now, dear, when you grow up and you have the chance to vote for a President, you’ll see just how… um, cool this kind of costume can be.

JOHNNY
Mom, please. I wanna dress up in a costume like the other guys.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Oh, you kids – when are you going to learn that you should be independent and not necessarily blindly follow each other off a cliff?

JOHNNY
Mom, can you stop with the cliff thing already?

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Okay, now wait right there while I go get the camera.

JOHNNY
Mom, I don’t want a picture taken.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER
Now, dear, just wait one minute while I look for that camera!

Johnny’s mother races back up the steps, giggling and humming the tune to Hail To The Chief. Johnny grabs his bag and walks out the door.

JOHNNY’S MOTHER (O.S.)
Jack, is that you? Can you tell me where you hid the damn camera?

EXT. SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Johnny pulls off his mask and watches as dozens of kids roam the streets, some with parents, some in groups. Virtually all of them are wearing cooler costumes than Johnny – some are wearing the Scream costume, a few are dressed like Superman, and one of them looks like Leatherface.

Johnny lets out a sigh, then turns to see his friend TRAVIS walking towards him, also wearing a suit, and also with a mask over his head.

JOHNNY
Hey, Travis!

TRAVIS
Hey.

JOHNNY
Are you supposed to be George Bush also?

TRAVIS
Nope.

Travis pulls down his mask and reveals that his mask is that of John Kerry.

JOHNNY
Who is that?

TRAVIS
John Kerry.

JOHNNY
Who is that?

TRAVIS
I dunno – but my mom is so excited about the guy. She keeps saying how her union is telling everyone to vote for Kerry, and she’s gonna be the lead in getting people to vote for him or something.

JOHNNY
Is he the president of America?

TRAVIS
Nah, he’s probably running for president of my mom’s union. I tell you, her talking about him all the time is driving me crazy.

JOHNNY
I know. My mom made me get dressed as President Bush.

TRAVIS
I wanted to get dressed as the Creeper.

JOHNNY
I know, I wanted to get dressed as Leatherface.

TRAVIS
Parents can be so stupid. So, what do you wanna do?

JOHNNY
Well, I guess we can still go trick or treating. You wanna head up to Maple and start from there?

TRAVIS
Sure, let’s go.

Travis and Johnny both pull down their masks and walk over to the corner of Maple Street and Birch Avenue, then make a right turn onto Maple. They’re about to approach a house when a TALL MAN in a trenchcoat and sunglasses approaches them.

TALL MAN
Excuse me, but who are you two supposed to be?

TRAVIS
I’m John Kerry.

JOHNNY
And I’m George Bush – though I wanted to be Leatherface.

TALL MAN
I see. Would you two please follow me to my car?

The tall man points to a limo parked in the middle of the street, which is in stark contrast to the assorted 4-door cars parked along the street.

JOHNNY
I don’t know, my mom always said that I shouldn’t go with strangers.

TRAVIS
Yeah, plus we’re out trick or treating and we haven’t gotten any candy yet.

TALL MAN
I see.

The tall man reaches into his pocket and pulls out two gumballs, holding them out.

TALL MAN
Will this suffice?

JOHNNY
Are you kidding?

TRAVIS
Come on, if you haven’t gotten any candy, then how about you give us some money?

TALL MAN
You two want money?

Johnny and Travis nod. The tall man pulls the collar of his trenchcoat to his face.

TALL MAN
Identities confirmed.

The tall man then pulls out two hundred dollar bills from his pocket and holds them out.

TALL MAN
If you come with me for a few minutes, I will give you each a hundred dollar bill.

JOHNNY
Wow!

TRAVIS
What are we waiting for?

The two kids grab the money and run to the limo, stuffing the money in their pockets. When they get to the limo, the back door opens. The two kids climb in, followed by the tall man, who slams the door shut.

INT. LIMO – NIGHT

Johnny and Travis sit across from the tall man and another MAN dressed in a dark suit and also wearing sunglasses.

JOHNNY
Thanks for the money, mister!

TRAVIS
Yeah, we hardly get any money from our parents.

TALL MAN
Mister Bush?

JOHNNY
Who, me?

TALL MAN
Yes, sir. We have a couple of questions for you and Mister Kerry.

JOHNNY
(whispering to Travis)
These costumes must be better than we thought.

TALL MAN
Mister Bush, we would like to know what your plans are for space exploration.

JOHNNY
Huh? Um, I guess we’ll just keep making lasers and lightsabers, and… I don’t know –

TRAVIS
Oh, and also we’ll have those spaceships.

TALL MAN
Spaceships, Mister Kerry?

TRAVIS
Yeah, you know, the ones with the photon torpedoes and stuff.

JOHNNY
Oh, yeah – BLOOM!

TRAVIS
ZAP!

Travis and Johnny laugh together as the Tall Man and the other man exchange worried looks.

TALL MAN
Are you saying that you already have such technology as lasers that you can fire at other people?

TRAVIS
Oh, sure. Hey, you remember for Amy’s birthday we went to that Lazer Tag place?

JOHNNY
Oh, yeah, that was a lot of fun, shooting lazers at her until she died.

TRAVIS
Yeah, we got her good.

MAN
Um, Mister Kerry, you go along with the plans of Mister Bush here?

TRAVIS
Sure. I mean, this dude is one of my best friends.

Travis and Johnny wrap their arms around each other’s shoulders. The Tall Man and the other Man exchange worried looks again.

TALL MAN
Okay, well… thank you for your time.

JOHNNY
Hey, do you have any more money for us?

TRAVIS
Yeah, for another hundred bucks I’d be willing to answer a few more questions.

TALL MAN
No, thank you.

The door opens, and both Johnny and Travis exit the limo. As soon as the door is closed, the limo starts driving off.

Once they’re a safe distance away from the kids, the tall man reaches behind his head and pulls off his ‘face’, revealing himself to be an alien with 5 eyes, dark scaly green skin and no nose. His companion does the same with his ‘face’, revealing a similar looking alien. The two then start talking in their alien tongue.

TALL MAN
(subtitled)
What do you think we should do?

MAN
(subtitled)
We should report back to Kla’atu and let him know of the damage the sol creatures can do to us.

TALL MAN
(subtitled)
Agreed. And to think you thought that they’d be ready for our message of peace.

MAN
(subtitled)
Hey, it’s a mulakrat who can’t admit that he can make a mistake once in awhile.

The two aliens share a laugh as their limo picks up off the ground. The limo itself pulls up faster and faster into the sky, noticed by no one as it shoots towards the stars.

EXT. MAPLE AVENUE STREET – NIGHT
Johnny and Travis are still standing there holding their hundred dollar bills.

JOHNNY
Hey, what are you gonna do with your money?

TRAVIS
I’m gonna buy a ton of candy and comics, and go rent out every Friday The 13th movie.

JOHNNY
I’m gonna give some to Dennis – I figure if I give him a little money now, I can use him to get money out of the other kids at school for a change.

TRAVIS
This is the best Halloween ever!

JOHNNY
Tell me about it!

The two kids pull off their masks and dump them in the trash can on the curb, then walk down the street, happy as clams.

FADE OUT.

wenonah
10-15-2004, 04:38 PM
:rollin

funny!

wenonah

hot sticky white goo
10-16-2004, 10:34 PM
this thing had potential. but your concept is way better than the actual execution.

you realize that you make the aliens infinitely dumber than the humans. they just snatch up 2 kids in masks and are easily convinced they are the real people? huh? the aliens, who are also wearing masks, don't suspect that the kids are as well?

i know it's a little satire, but seems like you went for the quick kill, without a strong plan of attack. (hmmm....perhaps just like bush)

comedies are SO MUCH better when they have wit.

but like i said, good concept. excellent concept actually. although i seem to recall a similar simpsons episode where the two aliens snatch up clinton and dole.

"I am President Clin-TUN."
:lol

Sledgeh101
10-18-2004, 05:09 AM
Thanks for the comments - both good and not so good :lol
This was one of those times when I was able to get an idea in my head and just roll with it, which explains a little why the execution is not as subtle as goo would probably like it. But still, it's good to have exercises like this to keep my 'writing' mind going until I get my next burst of energy.

BTW, goo, where's YOUR Halloween short? ;)

hot sticky white goo
10-18-2004, 11:01 AM
we have til the 31st.

im not rushing;)

ThomasDF
10-27-2004, 02:04 PM
God I hate to do this, but your script was really bad. It was more a play than a screenplay. The dialogue really needs some work. You seemed to attempt to make a political commentary hidden in the story, but even that fell flat.

Just to point out a couple of things:

You have the mother being very controlling and then suddenly the boy takes off on his own.

You start having Travis not knowing who his costume is (though every child knows who Bush is) and then you have him saying that his mom made him get dressed as President Bush.

There's no reason for the aliens having a limo and dressed as they are.

You have the boys easily bribed into the car and that's not very convincing, especially these days.

And I agree with Mr. Goo that the aliens were too much like the Simpson's episode. But I disagree that this was a good concept. It appeared to me that you were in too much of a hurry.

PS. Before you ask where my entry is, winnonah will post it on Thursday and it's two-parter. So feel free to let me have it as bad I did you. :-)

Thomas