Development Services

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  • Development Services

    For those that do not know me, I am Cyfress. Been a lifer here and been interested in the mystery that is screenwriting for 21 years. I'm very well read on the craft and very well read in amateur scripts. I do not offer coverage. I will not take your script and just check mark what you do well and what needs work, I won't summarize your plot for you and ask you to think about how you can make it better.

    I will look at your script as a work in progress and it is my job to get into the trenches with you and point out to you where the story is under developed, what it lacks as to per its genre, suggestions on what fills those holes and how to implement. I will try and follow your through line through the narrative with a fine tooth comb and tell you where it breaks, goes off track, or sometimes a through line is absent altogether. You will come away with a new set of eyes for the script. No longer stuck. No longer not knowing what to do with the script or what it needs.

    Please email me with any questions at [email protected]. For anyone that wants a taste of what they are getting before they pay, I'll read 25% of your submitted piece for free and write you up the kind of notes I'm capable of so you can decide if you want to continue or not.

    I do not have an MFA in screenwriting, I never worked in the movie business, and I have never sold a script, but I will put my notes up against any screenwriting consultant out there. I have a knack for structure, you'll see that from my notes. My notes are not vague or general. They are very specific to your story.

    I am charging $149.99 for a feature, 79.99 for 1 hour pilot, and $40 for 30 minute TV spec. You will find that I don't just give you my notes and say bye-bye. I'm there on email for questions, suggestions, and a lot of times I even offer to read the new outline before you start writing. This is the perfect time of year of you are planning to get that NICHOL SCRIPT in shape. I'm dam sure I can get you to the quarters or semis for sure which will get you requests from agents, managers, and producers.

    If you are looking to raise your material to the next level, I can help you do that. PM me for the details of how to send your script and handle payment.

    Thanks and I look forward to working with you.
    Last edited by Cyfress; 02-05-2017, 03:36 PM. Reason: Edited To Add email

  • #2
    Re: Development Services

    I didn't know Cyfress before a couple weeks ago. But he and I have been exchanging e mails almost every day about a script of mine and his notes and suggestions are really spot on. I wouldn't have even thought of taking my script to the places he has suggested and I know the script will be much improved and I'm going to be a better writer for it. His notes make you think, not just scene by scene, but also down the road. He challenges you as a writer in a really good way. I'm getting more into my character's head more than I ever thought I would. I've used other services before but his is different and I highly recommend it. You'll be glad you did.

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    • #3
      Re: Development Services

      I have used many various services over the years for notes, and I would count Cyfress' among the best. I was really impressed by the breadth and depth of the write-up he provides. He clearly has a strong understanding of structure and the ingredients that make up character and story. I particularly like the fact that he goes into specific detail about why certain things are not working, deconstructing scenes and giving ideas about how to fix them.

      His notes on my latest script have forced me - kicking and screaming, against my will -- to step back and recognize where I need to make significant changes, because I have to admit applying them will definitely make it better. What more can I say except his service is a great value.

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      • #4
        Re: Development Services

        I know how important this time of year is for writers looking to break in as I'm sure some new writers will get discovered through Nichol. If you bring your script to me, not only will I read and offer comprehensive notes on structure and character, but I will stay on retainer for you through the Nichol deadline. During that time I will work with you on beatsheets, outline, synopsis, or treatment, and then I'll give your script another read before you submit to Nichol.

        I doubt there is someone else out there willing to be your personal manager forcnext three months.

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        • #5
          Re: Development Services

          As others have stated, I didn't know Cyfress from Adam. Thanks to his generous offer to read scripts gratis, I sent him one of mine and in a few days received comprehensive, in-depth notes. He has provided so much insight into this story for me to contemplate, digest and work on to improve not only this script, but things I can carry over to my other work, such as formatting, character evaluation, pacing, etc.

          Through the years I've received notes on various scripts and for the most part, have not received the depth of insight that Cyfress provided. I cringe now to think how much I've paid in the past and for absolutely nothing other than my trust, Cyfress out-noted the majority of them!

          Thank you so much, Cyfress, for taking the time to read this script and provide such comprehensive notes. I very much appreciate it and have no hesitation in referring your development services.

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          • #6
            Re: Development Services

            You are welcome, Nostalgia. Get that Slade looking for his son pronto!

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            • #7
              Re: Development Services

              A few people have asked if I would look at a work in progress that wasn't complete and was only 60 - 70 pages long and what I would charge. The answer is yes, I will look at incomplete scripts and help you round out the story into a complete script. I will work with you on the price since I am not reading as many pages.

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              • #8
                Re: Development Services

                I'm sorry to inform the DDP community that I can't do the free reads anymore. I have people paying now and it wouldn't seem fair. The reason why I did all those reads for free was to test the marketplace and test myself. Was my POV on their stories worth something to them? I found out that it was. I also looked into what 'coverage' meant to other consultants and what they were selling it for and I was less than impressed. A pilot to a TV series I read this week was given a 'consider' by a pretty, well respected consultant. Someone people would know. I read it and saw so many things wrong with it. It lacked a through line, an over arching desire, lacked tension, unpredictability, the scenes were too long and over expository, there was no use of any literary tools like juxtaposition, symbolism, or irony. It was a mess and if this script as it was received a 'consider' by some network I'd eat the dam script page by page. Well, in the last ten days I read the pilot, wrote up an extensive review, and have been in daily or bi-daily email exchanges with the writer. He has a story now. He has the grasp for an episodes through line and the over arching desire to the series now. They are lacking no more. We are working on an outline to the pilot now. He sends me stuff, I question him on things I think he is failing to address or not addressing correctly. He goes back, keeps what's working and comes up with different scenes to replace what wasn't. Eventually, we will come up with 12 - 15 great scenes for this pilot and he will write a great TV spec, IMO.

                What I am offering is just not 'coverage'. I'm not gonna write up two pages of plot summary and state what needs to be clear or where I got lost. I write up a good 4 - 6 pages of notes, single spaced. All about your intentions in the story and where you fail on those intentions and why, applying principles of structure, character, and pacing as they pertain to your story and your genre and your arc type. I give lots of examples of directions to take with your story that add tension or answer such reader questions like, what is the motivation here? And the process isn't done once you read my thoughts. We then exchange back and forth emails as you begin to create a new outline for a rewrite. I'm not gonna give you my notes and say good luck. I'm gonna give you my notes and help you construct the blue print for the rewrite.

                The 6 - 8 hours daily in the chair writing and rewriting I can not help with as that part of the process whoops my butt as well. But I know how to create a blue print to a screenplay. I have a talent for that which I guess comes from just filling my brain over the years with countless books, screenplays, interviews, DDP posts, youtube videos. I don't know, I can't explain it, but if you are out there and you are stuck in a script or you just don't know what to do or where to go in a script, I could probably help you. I'm yet to meet someone I couldn't.

                Like I said, the will, discipline, and work ethic I can not help you with. That's on you, but I at least can give you a pretty good roadmap through the story.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Development Services

                  "a pretty, well respected consultant." She was pretty and well respected? "over arching" One word. "I'd eat the dam script" Was it a script about a dam? "He has the grasp for an episodes through line" "Episode's." "over arching desire" Still one word. You should learn that if you're going to use the word more than once a paragraph. "construct the blue print" "Blueprint" is one word. "create a blue print" Still one word.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Development Services

                    What are you trying to say? That you want to be the editor to my quick, free flowing thoughts that I don't spell check or proofread?

                    Or maybe you are saying since you found grammatical errors in my posts, that I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about.

                    I don't tell people where they have a misplaced comma, or misspelled words. That's the stuff most consultants do and charge a hefty price for it and what the writer comes out with is a grammaticaly correct script that lacks heavily on story. I'd rather work on stories, making them structurally correct.

                    Good grammar and spelling in a bad script means squat. A great story riddled with grammatical errors is an easy fix, the former is not.

                    You want to send me something Truth? I can show you what I can do with a story, cause odds are your script lacks a viable through line and effective structure, but hey all your commas and contractions are in great shape!

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                    • #11
                      Re: Development Services

                      Ack! My first post!

                      Okay, so I finished the first draft of a new screenplay. On previous scripts, I'd had the opportunity to get notes from an MFA in town, who I feel helped me quite a bit, learning the process. Unfortunately, it appears she's moved on to other things.

                      I took Cyfress up on his offer, and sent him the script. He asked for 4-5 days, but was done (and his notes sent) in two. Pretty cool.

                      While waiting for them, I went back thru the DDP forums. To be honest, I wanted to learn a bit more about the guy. What I found was someone who has an abundance of passion for structure.

                      I also saw repeated references in his posts to newbies and amateurs who don't yet have a good grasp of structure.

                      His notes didn't literally remind me I'm an amateur, but they did in the sense of what he suggested. You've seen his words in this thread: building, construction, foundation, structure. He lives them.

                      My favorite part of writing is getting into the head and conscience of my characters. What makes them tick, all of that. While my scripts (save for the first) follow the 3 act structure and my dialogue and descriptions create good white space on every page, Cyfress is showing me where my biggest weakness lies: that my idea of structure is basically plastic, and there are stronger substances out there.

                      The person who helped me with previous scripts charged $75-100 per script. Basically a read, some notes within my script, and an hour long chat. I was happy with that. She gave me confidence and some ideas that would punch up my stories to the point of advancing in contests.

                      I would venture a guess that Cyfress has already put that much time into my project. But he and I are just getting started. We're doing a major revision, he's helping me build the outline (in stone). Once I've written it, he's promised to give me notes on that. He's willing to be there, the whole way.

                      I think his strength is my weakness, so I'm excited to see what the next 2 months bring.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Development Services

                        I could probably shave a decade off the learning curve of any young writer who really doesn't have the developmental skills to create a solid concept and outline. If you have the will to sit in the chair for at least 25 hours per week, probably more, I could help you write superior stories to what you are writing now. If I can't I'd gladly refund the money cause I wouldn't want it. If you pay my $149 for a feature developmental fee and after 2 - 3 months you don't have a more structurally sound script that hits all the notes of its genre's conventions then I will gladly give back your money and will have worked for you for free for a long time.

                        Anybody who has a Nicholl script that want to enter, and you pay me the feature consulting fee, I will refund your money if you do not get to the quarter finals of the contest. When you make the quarter finals, you will be notified I think in August if I'm not mistaken, but the Nicholl doesn't release the list of the quarterfinalists until October which is when you will get emails from places like circle of confusion and boutique agencies. So, that will give you another 6 - 8 weeks where you can improve the script more before you send it out to decision makers, I will help you during that two months for free.

                        I think the quarterfinals is around the top 300 scripts out of 7,000 or more. And you know what? 90% of those 300 are really, really flawed there are just better then the heaping pile of amateur b.s. that is submitted.
                        Last edited by Cyfress; 02-12-2017, 06:25 AM. Reason: spelling

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                        • #13
                          Re: Development Services

                          Someone posted a series of caustic remarks about some instances of incorrect spelling. What flabbergasts me is that this person had no other posts. That was his first post, and he has obviously had no others, since his post count is still at one as of right now. Who comes onto a board and does that as a first post? Do you have some enemies out there, Cyfress?

                          Anyway, what I want to say is that some people have unreasonable expectations about script analysis, coverage, or consultation - whatever you want to call it.

                          The only incompetent coverage, I think, is a report that is too superficial to be helpful. Good coverage points out the features of a script that make it appealing and the features that do not work, for whatever reason. Sometimes the characters are just deadly dull and have nothing relevant to say that moves the story forward. Sometimes the events are dull and do not come together to make us care to find out what happens next. And, yes, sometimes the writing is so bad that it is almost intolerable. All of these are things that good coverage can address.

                          But anytime that a writer asks a consultant to read a script, the underlying arrangement is that the writer is paying for the consultant to invest his time in something that plenty of other people could do for free. However, most people with knowledge of screenwriting do not want to give up their time (at least not often) to do free readings. And the other issue is that writers, like people in general, think that if it is free, it cannot possibly be good.

                          So what you are left with is the necessity (most of the time) of paying someone knowledgeable to read your script. That is really what you are doing. You should never go into an arrangement with the idea that the consultant is going to offer some magical advice that will turn your straw into gold. I have read scripts that had some merit but failed for lack of enough events to establish a universe in which the story had to play out. Often the contrast of a subplot would help. In fact, the lack of a subplot or two is a major flaw in a lot of scripts that I read. But the consultant can only point out the problem. It is up to the writer to be the creator. One of the professionals here (it may have been Craig Mazin) once made the remark, "I am not going to do your homework for you." That is the way that I see recommendations from consultants. It is still up to you, the writer, to do the work.

                          "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Development Services

                            I agree with everything you said, Comic. A meaningful subplot is just one of those things amateurs have a hard time making critical to the story. Usually in amateur scripts subplots are 'feelings' time. You get a nice speech about what's upsetting them and a nice story about their past.

                            People don't realize you need to develop material on the pro level. If you go to write with poorly developed material, guess what kind of script you're gonna get. Amateurs have no way of telling if their material is developed or not. They can not tell.

                            I think what Craig Mazin was saying is that he'll identify story holes, but he won't fill them. Neither will any other coverage service. Where mine is different is I will help you fill them. I've already filled a bunch for people, with solutions they really like and fit their story like a glove.

                            Do I have enemies here? I don't know. Does Kim Jong Un have enemies in the West? I have an idea who that 'elitist grammar junky' was. Not really sure why people get so pissed off when I bring back an observation from my travels. The d!ck in me wants to just shut up and let people write crap wrapped up in good grammar and nice format. Then I'll meet a writer working toward something and really appreciating what I am telling them and they see how much their work is better for it.

                            Let's face it. 99% of Amateurs could use development, most are not good enough to just take coverage and run with it. They need more.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Development Services

                              I have known you on the board for a long time, Cyfress, and I can testify that you have a really good understanding of screenplays. As I am sure you understood in what I was saying, writers can benefit from a knowledgeable reader. And most people who are knowledgeable are not going to work for free forever.

                              "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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