I'm seeing this quite a bit in the pages we're reading here.
Stuff like:
HELEN, 20's, beautiful in a way you don't notice at first, walks in the room. The kind of girl who doesn't realize how smart she is, even if the rest of the world sees it right away.
You guys have to stop doing that. First off, 90% of the time it's meaningless baloney anyway, typically phrased in a contradictory "shy but brave" style.
Secondly, it's boring. When we read a screenplay, we are looking to be moved or impressed. Fortune cookie summations of a character's essence written prior to the character saying a single goddamned word will always be anti-interesting.
Thirdly, it's bad screenwriting. If you believe your character is interesting because there's a mismatch between their inner and outer selves, MAKE ME REALIZE THAT naturally as the character makes CHOICES in the SCRIPT.
Do not TELL ME that. Ever.
These summations aren't shootable, and they aren't fun to read either.
See my awful sum-up above? Do it like this:
HELEN, 20's, walks in the room. A few men turn their heads to clock her as she walks by.
She doesn't register any of it. If anything, she looks unsure and intimidated.
There. Stuff I can SEE in the audience.
I SEE that men are looking at her, so I can INFER that she is beautiful, and I can SEE that she's unsure and intimidated. That's something an actor can actually PORTRAY.
From those two things I can SEE, I can INFER that there's a mismatch.
Don't chew the reader's food for him, okay?
Stuff like:
HELEN, 20's, beautiful in a way you don't notice at first, walks in the room. The kind of girl who doesn't realize how smart she is, even if the rest of the world sees it right away.
You guys have to stop doing that. First off, 90% of the time it's meaningless baloney anyway, typically phrased in a contradictory "shy but brave" style.
Secondly, it's boring. When we read a screenplay, we are looking to be moved or impressed. Fortune cookie summations of a character's essence written prior to the character saying a single goddamned word will always be anti-interesting.
Thirdly, it's bad screenwriting. If you believe your character is interesting because there's a mismatch between their inner and outer selves, MAKE ME REALIZE THAT naturally as the character makes CHOICES in the SCRIPT.
Do not TELL ME that. Ever.
These summations aren't shootable, and they aren't fun to read either.
See my awful sum-up above? Do it like this:
HELEN, 20's, walks in the room. A few men turn their heads to clock her as she walks by.
She doesn't register any of it. If anything, she looks unsure and intimidated.
There. Stuff I can SEE in the audience.
I SEE that men are looking at her, so I can INFER that she is beautiful, and I can SEE that she's unsure and intimidated. That's something an actor can actually PORTRAY.
From those two things I can SEE, I can INFER that there's a mismatch.
Don't chew the reader's food for him, okay?
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