Entries - Valentine's Day 2015 contest [adult content!]

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  • Entries - Valentine's Day 2015 contest [adult content!]

    Well here we are again, welcome to this year's Valentine's Day short script contest. Most of the following blurb stolen from previous contest threads...

    There are 5 entries, sorted into random order by internet magic:

    What Happens in Vegas...
    Lucky Devil
    The New Girl
    A Novel Idea
    With Love From Russia

    If you don't like the Code windows (which preserves formatting) select Thread Tools and Show Printable Version

    Shout if you detect any errors in your entry, I'll correct ASAP.

    As suggested previously, consider making notes as you read each entry, maybe award star ratings for character, dialogue, setting, etc. Treat every entry as the winner -- until you read something better that pushes it further down your pick-list.

    Once you pick your 1st, 2nd and 3rd top choices, PM or email these to me ([email protected]). I'd appreciate receiving them in the format:

    1st - title
    2nd - title
    3rd - title

    Please don't vote for your own entry. If this were allowed, everyone would do it, so it's pretty pointless.

    Voting deadline: midnight on Saturday 14th February!

    After the vote results are announced, reader feedback is invited for discussion and improvement. Please hold your comments until then, in case it influences voting (unlikely, but who knows).

    Enjoy!

    Edit: for posterity, the results thread is here.
    Last edited by dpaterso; 02-15-2015, 02:00 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Entries - Valentine's Day fun short script contest

    Code:
    [b]What Happens In Vegas...[/b]
    
    EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT
    
    Sin City in all its splendor. The strip is a playground for
    sparkling lights and floundering dreams. But our place isn't
    here, we're headed downtown, to the --
    
    
    EXT. GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL - NIGHT
    
    A vintage picture come to life: a 1978 Mustang roars down the
    street. Followed by a different `70s vehicle. Another one.
    
    A LOVEY-DOVEY COUPLE emerges from around a corner, walking
    hand in hand in bell bottom pants. A TATTOOED GUY approaches.
    He impedes their path, whips out a SWITCHBLADE, robs them.
    The two SCREAM for help, but their cries go unanswered.
    
    We're in a different time... And a much seedier Vegas.
    
    
    INT. GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL - HALLWAY - SAME
    
    A suited figure moves briskly through a dark hallway. His
    shoes CLIP CLOP on the tile as he approaches a doorway.
    Testosterone-charged SHOUTING emanates from that opening.
    
                        VOICES (O.S.)
              Hey, take it easy!/What? With this
              thing here? You ****in' kiddin me?!
    
    
    INT. GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL - ROOM - CONTINUOUS
    
    The suited figure, VINCENZO (50s), steps inside, an air of
    authority accompanies him. He finds --
    
    THREE ITALIAN MEN, all impeccably dressed, standing at a
    table in the center of the room.
    
                        VINCENZO
              What's so important that you's
              couldn't tell me over the phone?
    
                        WISEGUY
              Boss. You gotta see this one for
              yourself...
    
    As the wiseguy steps aside, we stay on Vincenzo. He takes in
    whatever mystery is before him. His eyebrows raise in awe.
    
                        VINCENZO
              Oh.
    
                                                        SLAM TO:
    
    INT. GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL - CASINO FLOOR - NIGHT
    
    Desperate suckers with newfound faith in God run amok. Slot
    machines shower quarters on blue-haired old ladies. Nearby, a
    craps table erupts in CHEER. Everybody's a winner!
    
    SUPERIMPOSE: FORTY-FIVE MINUTES EARLIER
    
    
    BLACKJACK TABLE
    
    THOMAS MILLS (40s) enjoys the fortuitous streak as well. He
    sits before a mound of chips, watching cards with pinpoint,
    laser-like focus.
    
    The DEALER distributes two QUEENS to Thomas; an excellent
    hand. The dealer's face card shows a KING. Thomas
    contemplates, looks to a woman sitting beside him...
    
                        THOMAS
              What do you think, Mrs. Mills?
    
    KITTY MILLS (30s), Farrah Fawcett hair, dressed like a disco
    queen, yells to the dealer:
    
                         KITTY
              Hit him!
    
                        THOMAS
              You sure about that, pumpkin patch?
    
    She looks to him, jaw working on a piece of gum like it's
    training for competitive eating.
    
                         KITTY
              Am I?
    
    Thomas gives her a wink. She smiles, looks to the dealer with
    renewed confidence.
    
                        KITTY (CONT'D)
              I said, "hit him!"
    
                         DEALER
              Sir?
    
                        THOMAS
              Please, call me Thomas. And you
              heard the lady.
    
    The dealer shrugs, then passes Thomas... an ACE! Looks
    confused by that deal. Kitty squeals with joy.
    
    The dealer turns over his second card: a JACK. An improbable
    victory for Thomas. As the nonplussed dealer shoves more
    chips Thomas's way --
    
    Three Italian men approach: the same guys from the opening.
    The brutish one never speaks, he's the enforcer.
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
                  (to Thomas)
              Good evening, sir.
    
                        THOMAS
              Hey, Happy Valentine's Day!
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              Sorry to trouble you, but we'd like
              to ask you to come with us.
    
                          THOMAS
              Where to?
    
                        WISEGUY
              Based on your outstanding play,
              management would like to comp you a
              room.
    
                        THOMAS
              No way, that's far out!
    
    The lovebirds hug, then smooch.
    
                        KITTY
              The Penthouse Suite, baby!
    
                        THOMAS
              Only the best for my Valentine.
                  (to the men)
              Sounds groovy, gentlemen, but we'll
              only accept on one condition.
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              What's that, sir?
    
                        THOMAS
              You gotta stop calling me "sir!"
                  (laughs)
              I'm Thomas, this is my wife, Kitty.
    
                        WISEGUY
              What's your condition... Thomas?
    
                        THOMAS
              That was my condition.
    
                        WISEGUY
              Right this way, please.
    
    As Thomas and Kitty get up--
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              She can stay.
    
    Thomas and Kitty look to one another, don't like the sound of
    that. Thomas looks to the men:
    
                        THOMAS
              Actually, guys, I'd prefer if she
              came with me.
    
                        WISEGUY
              And we'd prefer if she stayed.
    
                          KITTY
              Dream on!
    
    Thomas doesn't know what to make of these two. He turns to
    Kitty, apologetically:
    
                        THOMAS
              Buttersnap, this should only take a
              minute or two. Will you stay here
              and watch the chips?
    
                        KITTY
              But this is our Honeymoon, Thomas!
    
                        THOMAS
              I know, I know--
    
                        KITTY
              You promised! Always and forever,
              no matter wherever!
    
                        THOMAS
              Kitty, I'm not running out on you.
              I'm simply taking advantage of an
              extremely kind offer.
    
                        KITTY
              Well in that case, you should have
              no problem putting this on...
    
    She removes a SMALL DEVICE from her purse, looks like a
    watch. However, where the clock face should be, a white light
    blinks intermittently.
    
    The Italian men regard it with inquiring eyes. Thomas looks
    less than thrilled.
    
                        THOMAS
              Come on, Kitty.
    
                          KITTY
              Take it.
    
                        THOMAS
              Isn't this a bit much?
    
                        ITALIAN MAN (O.S.)
              What's that you got there?
    
                        THOMAS
                  (to Italian man)
              A trust issue.
    
                        KITTY
              Take it, Thomas! Right now!
    
    Thomas acquiesces, places the device around his wrist. It
    seems to lock and tighten on its own.
    
                        WISEGUY (O.S.)
              That a watch of some sort?
    
                        THOMAS
              Yeah, you could say that.
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              Follow us, sir.
    
    The Italian men head off, Thomas doesn't move. They look back
    to him:
    
                         ITALIAN MAN (CONT'D)
              Sir...?
                  (beat)
              Thomas. Please follow us.
    
    He smiles, gives Kitty a hug.
    
                        THOMAS
              Be back soon.
    
                        KITTY
              And if you're not?
    
    Kitty looks to him, something menacing coalescing in her
    eyes.
    
                         THOMAS
              Hey, hey, hey... We said "no
              violence," remember?
                  (beat)
              Just hang loose, Pop Tart, I'll be
              back before you know it.
    
    Kitty mulls it over. Seems satisfied.
    
                        KITTY
              Okay. May the force be with you.
    
    Thomas heads to the men, Kitty watches him go. Then, she
    pulls what looks to be an iPad mini from her purse.
    
    ON THE SONAR SCREEN: A white dot moves farther away from a
    central point.
    
                        DEALER (O.S.)
              Miss? Excuse me, miss?
    
                        KITTY
              Yes?
    
                        DEALER
              Personally, I don't care how your
              husband finagled the cards, but
              usually it's customary to tip your
              dealer after such an impressive
              streak.
    
                        KITTY
              I'll remember that, thank you.
    
                        DEALER
              I meant as in now. You should tip
              me now if it's not too much
              trouble.
    
    Kitty pushes a stack of chips his way, clearly the amount is
    of no importance to her.
    
                        KITTY
              Happy Valentine's Day.
    
                        DEALER
              Whoa! Thank you, miss! Thank you!
              God bless you.
    
    She returns her attention to the screen.
    
    
    INT. GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL - ROOM - NIGHT
    
    We're back in the opening room. All eyes on Vincenzo,
    standing in the doorway.
    
    He approaches the table, stupefied by what he sees.
    
                        WISEGUY
              See? You never would've believed
              this!
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              Kinda thing you gotta see for
              yourself, no?
    
    Vincenzo looks to the subject. We hear sounds of COUGHING and
    haggard breaths.
    
                        VINCENZO
              Who are you?
    
                        WISEGUY
              Should ask, "what are you?"
    
    ON THE TABLE --
    
    Thomas lies on his back, beaten, bloodied, though not covered
    in crimson. He bleeds DARK GREEN. The white light on his
    wrist continues to blink.
    
                        VINCENZO
              Can you speak?
    
    Thomas tries, but the boys put a number on him. Vincenzo
    looks to his men, agitated.
    
                        VINCENZO (CONT'D)
              The **** would you keep hittin' him
              for if he's bleedin' green?!
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              That's the thing. The blood, it
              was... delayed.
    
                         VINCENZO
              Delayed?
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              Yeah. Frankie was explainin' the
              price for counting cards, right? So
              then Sonny starts hittin' him. Bam.
              Bam. Over and over. I'm tryin' to
              find the prick's ID, but he ain't
              got nothing on `im--
    
                        KITTY (O.S.)
              That's because he's not from your
              planet.
    
    The men look to the doorway. Kitty holds a CRYSTAL SPHERE in
    her outstretched hand.
    
                        WISEGUY
              That's the broad he came here with!
    
                        VINCENZO
                  (to Kitty)
              You mind explaining what the ****
              is goin' on?
    
                        KITTY
              Step away from my husband. Now.
    
                        VINCENZO
              Or what? You gonna throw that ball
              at us?
    
                        KITTY
              I promised I wouldn't be violent.
    
                        VINCENZO
              Smart girl... But unfortunately for
              you, we've made no such promises.
    
    The wiseguys pull out .357 MAGNUM REVOLVERS. A show of power.
    
                        VINCENZO (CONT'D)
              Talk.
    
                        KITTY
              We're on our Honeymoon and wanted
              to spend it here, at your casino.
              Earthlings are generally a fun
              species to be around. We also
              admire your holidays, especially
              romantic ones like Valentine's Day.
    
                        WISEGUY
              Told you, just like the cinema.
              They're ****in' aliens!
    
                        KITTY
              And now we'll be going home.
    
                        VINCENZO
              No. You's ain't goin' nowhere.
              There's big money in this.
    
    Kitty calmly puts the sphere on the ground, rolls it to them.
    
                        ITALIAN MAN
              The **** is that?
    
    The sphere stops at their feet. A white-hot glow emits.
    Then --
    
    THE SPHERE SUCKS THEM IN!
    
    The miniature wiseguys, now trapped inside, scream and fire
    shots at the spherical walls. It's cute.
    
    Kitty approaches the table, her jaw once again smacking on
    gum.
    
                        KITTY
              So, if we're not supposed to talk
              about what happens here, how are we
              gonna explain your contusions?
    
    Thomas forces a smile, gives her a wink.
    
    [end]
    Last edited by dpaterso; 02-14-2015, 11:25 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Entries - Valentine's Day fun short script contest

      Code:
      [b]Lucky Devil[/b]
      
      FADE IN:
      
      INT. LUCKY DEVIL OFFICE - DAY
      
      A TOUGH GUY who looks like a mob hit man sits facing the
      desk. He stares in confusion at the nameplate, which says:
      "LUCKY DEVIL RIVAL ELIMINATION ENTERPRISES."
      
      HAL (ageless) - red-haired and devilishly handsome - leans
      forward from behind the desk to shake Tough Guy's hand.
      
                           HAL
                 Hal Highwater at your service.
      
                           TOUGH GUY
                 I'm running for school council.
                 They told me you could help with my
                 campaign strategy.
      
                           HAL
                 My mistake.
      
      Hal opens a drawer and sifts through a pile of nameplates for
      other professions, including Financial Analysts,
      Pharmaceuticals, Property Reassignment Specialists... until
      he finds: "LUCKY DEVIL POLITICAL STRATEGISTS."
      
      Hal replaces the nameplate with this. The Tough Guy relaxes.
      
                           HAL
                 You see, diversification is the key
                 to our success.
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
      
      MORGAN (30s) -- the pretty, earnest girl who sat in the front
      row of all her classes -- SLAMS the front door on the glimpse
      of a man hurrying away down the corridor.
      
      BATHROOM
      
      Morgan throws stuff from the medicine cabinet into a box
      labelled "BEN." A razor, shaving cream, and toothbrush.
      
      WALK-IN CLOSET
      
      Morgan thrusts a baseball cap and ratty jacket into the BEN
      box. Finds a running shoe, holds it up to her foot. Too big.
      The pair goes in the box.
      
      Deeper in the closet, she stacks the box with others labelled
      NIELS, ZANE, CARLOS, YUAN, WILLIAM, ROGER, and more.
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
      
      Morgan sprawls on the couch using a gun controller to shoot
      at video game bad guys.
      
                            MORGAN
                  Got you in the eye, *******!
      
      She tosses the controller aside and shuts off the game. Wakes
      up her tablet computer and looks down at its display.
      
      ON SCREEN
      
      A large ad for Lucky Devil Matchmakers appears on her
      Facebook page. She moves the cursor over it. Hovers there,
      considering. Then she clicks on the ad.
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - EVENING
      
      Morgan eats dinner with wine. She pauses to check her tablet.
      
      ON SCREEN
      
      "Lucky Devil Matchmakers presents your Perfect Match: ANDRE
      GOLDMUND." Underneath is ANDRE's photo: He's like Morgan's
      counterpart, a male sexy librarian with stylish glasses.
      
      BACK TO SCENE
      
                            MORGAN
                      (reads)
                  Likes broccoli...
      
      She glances at her fork, with a speared chunk of broccoli.
      
                            MORGAN
                  And Spanish garnacha wine.
      
      Shifts her gaze to the wine bottle: a Spanish garnacha.
      
                            MORGAN
                  Stephen King fan; owns signed
                  photo.
      
      With growing amazement, she looks at a poster on the wall:
      the classic/crazy shot of Jack Nicholson in "The Shining."
      
                            MORGAN
                  Graduated from Brown. Works in high
                  tech.
      
      She shoots a glance at her diploma: an M.S. in Computer
      Science from Brown University.
      
                          MORGAN
                Has a thing for flip-flops.
      
      She lifts her flip-flop-wearing feet triumphantly.
      
                           MORGAN
                Omigod!
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
      
      Morgan at her most stunning opens the door to an equally well-
      groomed Andre. Both suddenly grow shy and awkward.
      
                           ANDRE
                Morgan?
      
                           MORGAN
                Yeah.
      
                          ANDRE
                You look nice.
      
                           MORGAN
                You too.
      
                           ANDRE
                Ready?
      
      She nods and they leave together.
      
      The hands of a clock beside the door begin moving rapidly.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                We employ a little magic to ensure
                Morgan has far and away the best
                date of her rather pathetic life.
      
      After an hour zooms by, two WORKERS wearing Lucky Devil
      badges open the door stealthily. One of them pockets a lock-
      picking tool. They go into the bedroom.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                We expect she'll need an added
                incentive to seal the deal.
      
      The clock hands scoot forward five minutes. The Workers
      return from the bedroom and exit the place.
      
      The clock hands zip around till they hit midnight.
      
      The door BANGS open. Morgan and Andre, wrapped together,
      nearly fall into the room. Morgan kicks the door shut.
      
      Andre presses Morgan against the wall, his tongue down her
      throat. He pulls back long enough to speak.
      
                             ANDRE
                Bedroom?
      
      They stumble towards it. Her lips locked with Andre's, Morgan
      shoots a glance into the
      
      BEDROOM
      
      Where the boxes labelled with the names of her ex-boyfriends
      are now piled on the bed.
      
      LIVING ROOM
      
      Morgan whips Andre around with surprising force.
      
                             MORGAN
                The couch!
      
      She steers him partway there, but he resists.
      
                          ANDRE
                No, the bed.
      
      He moves her back that way. She pulls away from him.
      
                          MORGAN
                It's a mess in there!
      
                          ANDRE
                You don't know mess till you've
                seen my place.
      
      She throws herself between him and the door. They wrestle as
      he tries to get past her, Andre enjoying it.
      
                           ANDRE
                Afraid I'll see your dirty
                underwear?
      
      He gets past her.
      
                             MORGAN
                No!
      
      BEDROOM
      
      Andre stops cold, staring at the men's names on the boxes.
      
                          ANDRE
                Who are all these guys?
      
                          MORGAN
                Nobody. I barely knew them.
      
                             ANDRE
                Knew them?
      
      He takes off into the
      
      LIVING ROOM
      
      He does a double-take on Jack Nicholson's crazy eyes in "The
      Shining" poster before bolting to the door.
      
      Morgan follows him.
      
                          MORGAN
                I can't throw stuff away. It's an
                illness.
      
                          ANDRE
                At least bury them for god's sake!
      
      Morgan watches bleakly as he disappears out the door.
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
      
      Morgan sprawls on the couch playing video game shoot `em up
      and drinking tequila straight from the bottle.
      
                          MORGAN
                    (drunken slur)
                Take that, bitch!
      
      THE POWER GOES OUT, pitching the room into darkness. SOUND of
      the front door softly OPENING and CLOSING. Morgan freezes in
      place, holding her breath.
      
      Light FOOTSTEPS cross the room. Flame shoots out of a man's
      mouth, lighting a candle on the table.
      
                          HAL
                Hello, Morgan. Hal Highwater from
                Lucky Devil at your service.
      
      She runs to the door. Grabs the knob but can't turn it.
      
                          HAL
                Calm yourself, dear. At Lucky
                Devil, we don't give up until the
                match is made. Mr. Goldmund just
                needs a little nudge, a service
                we're happy to provide.
      
      She looks him over, keeping her distance.
      
                          MORGAN
                Go on.
      
                          HAL
                We deliver Mr. Goldmund's undying
                love, you let him move in, and he's
                yours to keep, free and clear.
      
                          MORGAN
                How naive do you think I am? Tell
                me how you end up with my soul.
      
                          HAL
                Remain true to him until death do
                you part and we get nothing. But if
                you ever dump him, expect a change
                in domicile to warmer parts.
      
                          MORGAN
                What the hal, I mean hell, lemme
                see the contract.
      
      Hal whips out his iPad. Slides it across the table to her.
      
                           MORGAN
                Where's the ancient scroll and
                quill pen?
      
                          HAL
                It's the twenty-first century.
      
      Morgan skims the document. She blinks as she tries to read
      it, her head swimming from the alcohol.
      
      Hal starts to pull the iPad away.
      
                          HAL
                I see. You don't need my help.
                You're clearly an expert at
                attracting men in large quantities.
      
      Morgan puts a finger on the device to hold it.
      
                          HAL
                Just because Mr. Goldmund was
                scientifically calculated to be
                your perfect match doesn't mean you
                couldn't be happy with someone far
                less compatible.
      
                          MORGAN
                Give me that iPad.
      
      She snatches the device and touches the signature line. Her
      signature appears in full. Her eyelids flutter and close. Her
      head falls on the table as she passes out.
      
      Hal blows out the candle. The room goes black.
      
      
      INT. MORGAN'S APARTMENT - DAY
      
      Morgan opens her door and Andre sweeps her into his arms.
      
                          ANDRE
                I was thinking about you all night.
                Or at least since around four a.m.
                It feels like magic.
      
                          MORGAN
                Magic? Uh, I'm sure there's nothing
                supernatural going on.
      
                          ANDRE
                I meant the magic of love.
      
                             MORGAN
                Oh, right.
      
      He reaches back into the hall and grabs a suitcase. Sets it
      inside the apartment.
      
      Morgan looks uncertainly at the suitcase. But she brightens
      again as her gaze shifts back to Andre's adoring face.
      
                          ANDRE (PRE-LAP)
                Your place is much nicer than mine.
      
      INT. ANDRE'S HOUSE - BASEMENT ROOM - DAY
      
      BOB GOLDMUND, wearing latex gloves, picks up this pigsty.
      
                          ANDRE'S MOTHER (O.S.)
                    (shouts from upstairs)
                Bob, you sure he's not coming back?
      
                          BOB GOLDMUND
                Got it in writing.
      
                          ANDRE'S MOTHER (O.S.)
                Oh thank god!
      
      A photo of the Campbell High School Football Team hangs on
      the wall. Signed by Stephen King, quarterback.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                It's not such an unusual name.
      
      Bob Goldmund tosses empty alcohol bottles into a bin.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                Sure he likes Spanish garnacha.
                It's got alcohol in it.
      
      A diploma from Brown Shoes Dance Academy rests on the shelf.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                See, he went to Brown. And he
                busses tables at Twitter.
      
      Bob Goldmund grabs a heap of filthy clothing and shoves them
      in a garbage can.
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                But he did lie about the broccoli.
      
      
      INT. LUCKY DEVIL OFFICE - DAY
      
      Nameplate: "LUCKY DEVIL ADULT CHILD LAUNCHING SERVICE."
      
      Hal reviews a document at his desk.
      
      ON CONTRACT
      
      An agreement to get ANDRE GOLDMUND permanently out of the
      parental home, signed by BOB GOLDMUND.
      
      BACK TO SCENE
      
      Hal opens a drawer and files the contract under "SOULS DUE."
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                Diversification. When one approach
                succeeds, we don't sweat the other.
      
      
      INT. BROWN SHOES DANCE ACADEMY - DAY
      
                          HAL (V.O.)
                Because sometimes, through no fault
                of our own, we accidentally deliver
                what the customer didn't know she
                wanted all along.
      
      Morgan and Andre dance in harmony. From the tender way she
      looks at him, it seems he's perfect for her after all.
      
                                                      FADE OUT.
      [end]
      Last edited by dpaterso; 02-14-2015, 11:57 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Entries - Valentine's Day fun short script contest

        Code:
        [b]The New Girl[/b]
        
        EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
        
        CURT, a nerdy looking high-schooler stands idly at the bus
        stop. Hid hands are shoved deep in his pockets and headphones
        plug his ears.
        
        TREY and BRETT, a couple jocks in their letterman football
        jackets are flirting with EMILY.
        
        Curt stares straight ahead, day dreaming, unaware of his
        surroundings.
        
        Brett whispers something to Emily and Trey, then points at
        Curt. The trio LAUGHS.
        
        Curt snaps back to reality. He looks at Brett.
        
                            BRETT
                  What are you looking at, ***got?
        
        The bus pulls up.
        
        
        INT. BUS - DAY
        
        Curt sits himself near the front. As Trey gets on the bus, he
        smacks Curt in the face. Emily GIGGLES behind him.
        
        Brett hucks a loogie, and spits on Curt's shirt.
        
                            BRETT
                  Sorry. Meant to hit your face.
        
        The bus door shuts and the bus slowly creeps forward.
        
        From outside the bus we hear:
        
                            BRITNEY
                  Wait! Wait!
        
        Curt looks and sees BRITNEY, a cute high-school girl, running
        towards the bus. She's dressed in a formal skirt and shirt,
        as if she is about to go to Catholic school.
        
        The bus slams to a stop. Brett who hasn't seated himself yet,
        falls to the ground near the back of the bus. He stands up,
        turns to the front, and shouts at the bus driver.
        
                            BRETT
                  What the ****, guy!
        
        LAUGHTER erupts from pretty much everyone.
        
        
        INT. BUS - DAY
        
        Britney stands next to Curt.
        
                             BRITNEY
                   Is this seat taken?
        
        Curt stares at the empty seat next to him. He shakes his
        head, no.
        
                              BRITNEY (CONT'D)
                   Awesome.
        
        She sits down next to him.
        
                             BRITNEY (CONT'D)
                   It's cool if I sit here, right?
        
        He nods.
        
        They sit silently.
        
        Finally, she notices the spit on his shirt. She opens her
        backpack, grabs a couple tissues, and reaches for Curt's
        chest.
        
        He squirms away.
        
                             BRITNEY (CONT'D)
                   Oh, sorry... I was just trying to
                   help...
        
        He gently grabs the tissues from her and wipes his own shirt.
        He awkwardly crumples the tissues up and stuff them in his
        pocket.
        
        INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
        
        Curt walks down the hall carrying a couple books. Brett walks
        by and smashes them on the ground. A folder full of loose
        drops on the ground.
        
        Curt bends down. Brett looks down.
        
                             BRETT
                   Let me help you out, buddy...
        
        He rears back his leg and punts the folder across the hall.
        Papers fly everywhere.
        
        One paper floats down the hall and lands beneath a giant
        "VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE -- THIS FRIDAY" sign.
        
        
        INT. SCHOOL - MATH CLASS
        
        Curt sits near the front. Emily, sits to his left. Trey and
        Brett are seated behind her. Britney sits way in the corner.
        
        The date -- THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH is written on the board.
        
        The bell RINGS.
        
        Emily stands up. Curt looks up.
        
                               CURT
                     Hey, uh, Em, Emily?
        
        She turns.
        
                               EMILY
                         (snarky)
                     What?
        
                               CURT
                     Do you want to go to the dance
                     tomorrow?
        
        She flips her hair.
        
                               EMILY
                     Yeah.
        
        Curt smiles.
        
                               EMILY (CONT'D)
                     But not with you.
        
        Brett falls out his chair LAUGHING.
                               TREY
                     Re-ject-ed!
        
        Curt lowers his head on his desk. The class slowly files out.
        
        As Britney passes by, she pats him reassuringly on the back.
        
                               BRITNEY
                     You can do better.
        
        He doesn't look up.
        
        
        INT. CURT'S HOUSE - CURT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
        
        Curt looks at a framed picture on his desk. It's of a 40 year
        old man in a military uniform.
        
                            CURT
                  I miss you dad. Tomorrow I'll come
                  visit. I promise this time.
        
        He scribbles down some words on a notepad, then switches off
        his light.
        
        
        EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
        
        Curt stands there, no head phones. Head held high. He smiles.
        
        Emily stares at him.
        
                               EMILY
                  What...?
        
        Curt smiles a bit wider.
        
                            BRETT
                  Did your mom say yes?
        
        Trey CHUCKLES and the two exchange high fives.
        
        The bus pulls up. The group files on.
        
        Britney chases it in the background again.
        
        
        INT. BUS - DAY
        
        Curt sits near the front again. Emily looks up as she walks
        by, not making eye contact.
        
        Trey saunters by...
                            TREY
                  You're one lucky guy, Curt. I heard
                  your mom always puts out on the
                  first date.
        
        Brett LAUGHS as he climbs up the bus stairs. He plops down
        next to Curt.
        
        Brett playfully grabs a hold of Curt's inner thigh.
        
                            BRETT
                  What's up, buddy?
        
        Britney gets on, and stops next to Brett and Curt.
        
                            BRITNEY
                  You're in my seat...
        
                               BRETT
                  Excuse me?
        
                            BRITNEY
                  This is my seat.
        
                            BRETT
                  Who the hell would wanna sit next
                  to his loser?
        
        Brett turns to Curt.
        
                            BRETT (CONT'D)
                  She your sister or something?
        
        Britney CLEARS HER THROAT. The bus starts moving. Britney
        stumbles, but keeps her balance.
        
                               BRETT (CONT'D)
                  Fine.
        
        He stands up, but first turns to Curt. He leans in and
        whispers.
        
                            BRETT (CONT'D)
                  You seriously creep Emily out. If I
                  catch you even looking at her...
                  I'll bury you.
        
        Brett playfully smacks Curt on the chest.
        
                            BRETT (CONT'D)
                  Have a nice day, buddy!
        
        He bumps by Britney, knocking her into the seat across the
        aisle.
        
        INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - CURT'S LOCKER - DAY
        
        Curt packs all his books and supplies into his bag. His
        locker sits empty.
        
        The bell RINGS. Curt smiles.
        
        SLAM. Brett shoves him hard into the locker.
        
                            BRETT
                  Wooo! Time to get loaded!
        
        He runs down the hallway.
        
        
        EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
        
        Curt exits the bus. Britney right behind him.
        
        As Curt walks down the street his backpack rips... and all
        his stuff falls to the ground.
        
        Britney rushes up and helps him out.
        
        They rapidly pick up books together. There hands touch on the
        last one. They look at each other.
        
        An awkward silence.
        
                               BRITNEY
                     Uh, so what's with all the books
                     anyway? Are you moving?
        
        He shakes his head.
        
                               CURT
                     I was going to visit   my dad
                     tonight.
        
                               BRITNEY
                     Oh.. You're not going to the dance?
        
                               CURT
                     I don't have a date.
        
        She smiles.
        
                               BRITNEY
                     Well, now you do...
        
        He smiles.
                                CURT
                     I'll pick you up at 7?
                         (beat)
                     Well, my mom... and me... I don't
                     have my license yet.
        
        She smiles.
        
                               BRITNEY
                     I can't wait.
        
        
        EXT. STREET - DAY
        
        Curt approaches his house. However, Brett and Trey block the
        way.
        
                               BRETT
                    What the hell are you beaming
                    about?
                        (beat)
                    You get your first period?
        
        Trey SNICKERS.
        
                              BRETT (CONT'D)
                    We're here to double-team your mom.
        
        Brett reaches up for a high five... but gets with Curt's fist
        instead.
        
        Brett drops to the ground, blood streaming from his nose.
        Curt looks down at the bloody Brett.
        
                              CURT
                    Here... let me help you with that.
        
        He kicks him right in the face.
        
        Trey raises his fists to fight. Brett squirms on the ground.
        
        Curt leans down to Brett.
        
                              CURT (CONT'D)
                    If I ever see you around here
                    again... I will bury you.
        
        Curt turns around non-chalantly and walks to his front. Try
        helps up Brett and the two walk away.
        
        
        INT. CURT'S HOUSE - CURT'S BEDROOM - DAY
        
        Curt enters his room. He sits down at his desk and looks at
        the photo of his dad.
        
                              CURT
                    Plans have changed, dad. Looks like
                    I won't be seeing you after all.
        
        He looks at his notepad.
        
        It reads:
        
        "Mom, I'm sorry to have to put you through this... but I feel
        like I just don't belong here anymore. I miss dad and I feel
        it would be best if I join him in heaven. I will always love
        you. Love, Curtis."
        
        He crumples it up and tosses it in the garbage.
        
        [end]

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Entries - Valentine's Day fun short script contest

          Code:
          [b]A Novel Idea[/b]
          
          EXT. THE LOVERS KNOT BOOKSHOP - DAY
          
          The shop nestles between an Apple store and a deli, its 
          bay windows and green awning looking old fashioned and out 
          of place.
          
          
          INT. THE LOVERS KNOT - DAY
          
          Racks and tables of books dot the room. Large posters line 
          the walls.
          
          In one poster, a woman in Edwardian dress sits at a desk, 
          holding a fountain pen. The banner above her head reads 
          "Classic Romance."
          
          Another poster advertises "Hint of Mystery" and shows a 
          1940's era femme fatale in a trench coat, a hat pulled low 
          over her face.
          
          A female CLERK (20s, ponytail, bored expression) unfurls 
          the newest poster.
          
          The Clerk climbs on a step stool to hang the poster. Her 
          body covers most of it but the words "Available Now" are 
          visible just above her head.
          
          As the Clerk steps down, the rest of the poster is revealed.
          
          It's a book cover. The title, THE LADY BOSS is written in 
          swirly script, and below that is the title character 
          herself: a gorgeous woman with straight, dark hair and 
          glasses, wearing too-high heels, a too-tight skirt, and a 
          blouse straining to cover her breasts.
          
          The Clerk glances from the Lady Boss to the poster beside 
          it -- an old-fashioned bodice ripper cover featuring a 
          heaving bosomed heroine with flowing red hair in the arms 
          of a  bare chested hunk.
          
          Its title - THE PIRATE'S LADY.
          
          The Clerk looks down at at cardboard box on the floor, 
          bends over, and starts unpacking copy after copy of The 
          Lady Boss.
          
          
          INT. THE LOVERS KNOT - NIGHT
          
          The Clerk lingers in the doorway, juggling her purse and a 
          handful of books. She flips the lightswitch and the shop 
          darkens.
          
          The sound of keys jangling, turning in the lock.
          
          Then silence.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY (O.S.)
                    God, I thought she'd never leave.
          
          THE PIRATE'S LADY has come to life.
          
          She stretches, steps out of her poster, and shakes out the 
          wrinkles in her dress.
          
          Her bare chested HUNK climbs out of the poster as well. He 
          flexes his back, it cracks.
          
                                HUNK
                    I'm gonna catch a smoke with the 
                    guys.
          
          He jerks his thumb toward a cluster of other romance HEROES 
          huddled in one corner of the shop. There's a MUSKETEER, a 
          HARD BOILED DETECTIVE and COWBOY.
          
          The Pirate's Lady nods as her Hunk exits the scene. She 
          smooths her hair, and turns to THE LADY BOSS.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    It's okay, hon. We're alone.
          
          The Lady Boss kicks of her heels and MOANS with relief.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    I have a desk in my book. Why can't 
                    I have a desk on the cover?
          
          The Pirate's Lady clucks sympathetically as the Lady Boss 
          rubs her calves.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    You're selling well for the first 
                    day.
          
          She nods at the stack of books. The Lady Boss follows her 
          gaze.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    My author will be pleased. She 
                    says I'm empowered and sex-positive, 
                    whatever that means.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    It means you get to be on top 
                    sometimes.
          
          The Lady Boss pushes aside a few of her books and hops up 
          on the table.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    You don't?
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    It's mostly standing up. Or bent 
                    over the ship's railing.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    I get bent over a desk in chapter 
                    three.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Do you like it?
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    Not really. The stapler digs in my 
                    chest--
          
          She bites her lip. Looks around the room. Drops her voice.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    I don't want to sound ungrateful 
                    but... sometimes I think my author 
                    didn't think things through.
          
          The Lady Pirate pulls up the step stool, takes a seat on 
          the stop step and spreads her voluminous skirt all around 
          her.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    How so?
          
          The Lady Boss swings her legs back and forth, looks up, as 
          if trying to find the right words on the ceiling.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    Well... I'm supposed to be ready 
                    for sex anytime. Which is great. 
                    In theory. But biologically, it 
                    means I'm secreting vaginal fluids 
                    all the time.  That's not sexy. 
                    That's causing a rash.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    At least you have a vagina.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    You don't?
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    I'm not sure. My author always 
                    calls it "down there." I'm tingling 
                    "down there".
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    I feel myself trembling "down 
                    there." Am I getting eaten out or 
                    ****ed in the ass? I could have a 
                    phantom limb for all I know.
          
          A loud GASP comes from across the shop. It's the EDWARDIAN 
          WOMAN from the Classic Romance poster.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    Language!
          
          The Pirate's Lady SNORTS.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Like we don't know what you're up 
                    to when you visit the doctor for 
                    your "hysteria".
          
          Edwardian Woman throws her pen at The Pirate's Lady, who 
          dodges it with a grin.
          
          Edwardian Woman crosses her arms, turns her back.
          
          The FEMME FATALE steps forward, hands her in trench coat 
          pockets.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    Can we trade?  Is there any way 
                    out?
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Sorry?
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    Our books. Can we trade our books?
          
          Her voice pitches higher, she's desperate.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    The only physical contact I get is 
                    the occasional chuck under my chin.
                    It's always "too dangerous, doll" 
                    or "if we were different people, 
                    in a different time." He's always 
                    got time to roll around the floor 
                    with the bad guys though.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Oh honey I hate to break it to 
                    you, but you've got homoerotic 
                    subtext, and you've got it bad.
          
          The Femme Fatale rips open her trenchcoat, revealing a 
          silky nightgown.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    I'm tired of double entendre. I 
                    want to be double teamed.
          
          The Pirate Lady looks embarrassed for her. The Lady Boss 
          looks thoughtful.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    I'll trade with you.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    Really?
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    Sure. Frankly, I could use the 
                    break. And there's a scene with my 
                    assistant and the copier repair 
                    man that sounds right up your alley.
                    Both of them.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    Oh, please. Don't take her book, 
                    take mine.
          
          All eyes turn to the Edwardian Woman, who steps out of her 
          poster.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    My doctor could examine your rash.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    But where would you go?
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    In her book.
          
          Edwardian Woman nods at The Pirate's Lady and licks her 
          lips.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    Oh I know, I seem cold and 
                    disapproving, but inside I'm filled 
                    with unspeakable desires. And all 
                    these years spent staring at your 
                    Pirate's broad, bare chest have 
                    made me want to speak them. Speak 
                    them loudly, and over and over and 
                    over again!
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Then what am I supposed to do? I 
                    don't want her book.
          
          She points at the Femme Fatale.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    I may not know what's going on 
                    "down there", but I like how it 
                    feels and I'm not giving it up to 
                    watch some detective fondle his 
                    gun.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    What about that one?
          
          She points to a plain gray poster, bearing only the picture 
          of a man's tie.
          
          The Pirate's Lady, Edwardian Woman, and Femme Fatale all 
          shudder.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    You know, a night off wouldn't 
                    hurt.
          
          She heads for the Femme Fatale's poster.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Just remember, everyone back where 
                    they belong by morning.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    Why? Why can't we make our own 
                    decisions, live our own lives?
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    Because we don't have our own lives.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    And all our decisions are made by 
                    our creators. Our sometimes 
                    tragically sexually naive creators.
          
          The Pirate's Lady steps forward, takes Femme Fatale's hands 
          in hers.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    I know it's difficult, but you 
                    must understand. We have a duty. A 
                    duty to wives in sensible but 
                    passionless marriages.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    To teenage girls learning how to 
                    masturbate.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    To women struggling in repressive 
                    religions.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    And those who are between 
                    boyfriends.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    And ones who have boyfriends, but 
                    they finish too soon and fall asleep 
                    right after.
          
                                EDWARDIAN WOMAN
                    To all women, everywhere, who dream 
                    of a relationship with a man who 
                    fulfills their every unspoken need.
          
                                THE LADY BOSS
                    And then goes away.
          
                                THE PIRATE'S LADY
                    Until they feel like taking him 
                    off the shelf again.
          
          Lady Boss, Pirate's Lady, and Edwardian Woman exchange 
          smiles.
          
          Femme Fatale nods in understanding.  She reaches for Lady 
          Boss's hand, and Lady Boss reaches for Edwardian Woman's 
          hand.
          
          The four of them stand, linked, in the center of the shop, 
          bathed in the security lights, gazing into the middle 
          distance.
          
                                FEMME FATALE
                    But I'm still getting laid tonight, 
                    right?
          
          THE END
          [end]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Entries - Valentine's Day fun short script contest

            Code:
            [b]With Love From Russia[/b]
            
            FADE IN:
            
            Title:  LONDON, ENGLAND
            
            
            INT. CLASSY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
            
            First person camera POV.  A smiling MAITRE'D greets "us".
            
                                  MAITRE'D
                      Let me show you to your table, 
                      sir.
            
            We follow him through the restaurant.  INTIMATE COUPLES 
            are seated at tables-for-two.
            
            Women look round, showing undisguised interest in us as we 
            pass by their tables.
            
            The Maitre'D stops at a table where a beautiful redhead, 
            ANA, is seated alone.  She looks us up and down with 
            interest.
            
            Finally the audience gets to see "us".
            
            Dashing, suave, exuding an air of casual danger, JAMEEL 
            D'BOND, a cool black Englishman wearing a Tuxedo.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Is this seat taken?
            
            Ana smiles and invites him to please sit.  He does.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      The name's D'Bond.  Jameel D'Bond. 
            
            The Maitre'D offers him a menu, D'Bond waves it away.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I'll skip the starter and go 
                      straight for the sirloin steak, 
                      rare, fried in garlic butter with 
                      button mushrooms.  And the lady 
                      will have...
            
                                  ANA
                      I will have the same.
            
            She has a Russian accent, as most enemy spies do.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      And an aged Cabernet Sauvignon, 
                      please.
            
            The Maitre'D departs.
            
                                  ANA
                      I was afraid you would be a foppish 
                      vegetarian, like most Englishmen 
                      these days.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Never going to happen, I like my 
                      meat red.  I must say you're not 
                      what I expected.
            
                                  ANA
                      What did you expect?
            
                                  D'BOND
                      A crusty old Russian with a tin 
                      leg.  What happened to Oleg?
            
                                  ANA
                      An unfortunate accident.  Oleg 
                      fell out of a plane.
            
            Ana whistles and makes a dipping motion with her hand, big 
            long fall.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      That is unfortunate.  So.  Are you 
                      here to deal or to kill me?
            
                                  ANA
                      It could go either way.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      If you decide to kill me, I hope 
                      your weapon of choice is sex.
            
                                  ANA
                      I had heard you have a certain 
                      reputation with the ladies, Mr. 
                      D'Bond.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      You know how people exaggerate.  
                      But let's say I'm well equipped to 
                      handle most situations.
            
            The Maitre'D arrives with a wine bottle, he pours for 
            D'Bond, who sips and nods approval.  The Maitre'D fills 
            their glasses and departs.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      So here we are... Ekaterina 
                      Anastasia Voltovich... code name 
                      High Voltage.
            
                                  ANA
                      I'm trying to put that nickname 
                      behind me.  I think you know the 
                      man who gave it to me.  Silas 
                      Tighter.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Good old Silas, the CIA's best.  
                      You killed him?
            
                                  ANA
                      No, I turned him.  He's one of our 
                      best now.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      You must be very persuasive.
            
                                  ANA
                      I tied him to a bed in a hotel 
                      room in Istanbul and whipped him 
                      with a riding crop for seven days.  
                      I would have stopped after three, 
                      but he begged me to continue.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I can understand why.
            
            D'Bond looks around at the other tables, all occupied by 
            couples.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Good God...
            
                                  ANA
                      Is something wrong?
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I should have remembered.
            
            Ana is puzzled, she emotes "What?" and raises an eyebrow.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      St. Valentine's Day.  A silly 
                      custom.  Lovers express their 
                      affection with flowers, expensive 
                      chocolates and greetings cards.  
                      And romantic dinners.
            
                                  ANA
                      How decadent.  In our line of 
                      business, we have no time for 
                      flowers and chocolates.  Or love.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      That's sadly true.
            
                                  ANA
                      How much are you prepared to offer 
                      for the decoder device?
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Well I don't have an actual figure, 
                      as such.  Cutbacks, I'm afraid.  
                      My orders are to take it and kill 
                      anyone who tries to stop me.
            
                                  ANA
                      You don't seriously think I brought 
                      it with me?
            
            D'Bond holds up his cheap budget cell phone.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I know it looks like an ordinary 
                      phone, but it can do all kinds of 
                      bloody useful things.
            
                                  ANA
                      You mean like Google searches?
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I mean like detecting the decoder 
                      device that's taped to the inside 
                      of your left thigh.
            
            Ana's eyes narrow into slits.  Her hand comes up from 
            underneath the table holding a small pistol.
            
            D'Bond thumbs his phone, it BUZZES.  The pistol is plucked 
            out of Ana's hand by powerful magnetism.  It glues itself 
            to his phone.  She gapes, surprised.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      And the pistol strapped to your 
                      right thigh.
            
            He slips the pistol into his jacket pocket.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      What say we enjoy our steaks, then 
                      retire to your hotel room.
            
                                  ANA
                      I suppose you intend to pump me 
                      for information?
            
                                  D'BOND
                      That's exactly what I had in mind.
            
                                  ANA
                      I look forward to it.
            
            SERVERS bring their steaks, because this is a goddamn movie, 
            no one has time to wait around. 
            
            
            INT. HOTEL LOBBY, ELEVATOR - NIGHT
            
            D'Bond and Ana arrive, D'Bond presses the button.
            
            They watch the elevator floor display change, 5, 4, 3...
            
            Ana bites her lip and looks nervous.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      This is the bit where the doors 
                      open and your bodyguards are waiting 
                      for us, isn't it?
            
                                  ANA
                      You could always just leave.  They 
                      don't even have to know you were 
                      here.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      No can do, I'm afraid.
            
            DING the elevator door opens, TWO BIG THUGS in cheap suits 
            occupy the elevator.
            
            D'Bond escorts Ana into the elevator.  They turn and face 
            the closing door.  The two thugs glare at D'Bond's back.
            
            
            INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT
            
            D'Bond casually watches the numbers change.
            
            Ana's eyes shift, she's expecting trouble any second now.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      If anyone wants to get out now, 
                      just say the word.
            
            The two thugs reach for D'Bond, who--
            
            --grabs an arm and twists it brutally so the elbow CRACKS 
            and its owner SCREAMS.  D'Bond drives him headlong into 
            the elevator door, BAM.
            
            --kicks the other thug's knee, SNAPPING IT, and Karate 
            chops him in the throat.  D'Bond sweeps the thug's legs 
            out from under him and STAMPS on his neck, CRACK.
            
            --grabs the first thug's head, presses his knee into his 
            back, pulls his head back until, SNAP, the spine dislocates.  
            The thug falls dead.
            
            D'Bond adjusts his bow tie.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I wish I'd ordered the hot chocolate 
                      fudge cake now.
            
            Ana eyes the dead men, who lie like bendy toys, unmoving.
            
                                  ANA
                      Me too.
            
            
            INT. HOTEL HALLWAY, ELEVATOR - NIGHT
            
            The elevator door opens, D'Bond and Ana step out.
            
            
            INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
            
            D'Bond checks out the bathroom, the closets.  Clear. 
            
            Ana turns to face D'Bond.  She puts one foot up on the 
            table and reaches up under her skirt.
            
            A horrific RIPPING NOISE like Velcro being pulled apart 
            makes D'Bond wince.
            
            Ana holds up a silver electronic device.
            
                                  ANA
                      I believe this is what you're 
                      looking for.
            
            She puts the device on the table.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Thank you.
            
            D'Bond takes out his phone and uses it like a scanner to 
            check out the hotel room walls. 
            
                                  ANA
                      What are you doing? 
            
                                  D'BOND
                      You wouldn't have given it up so 
                      easily.
            
                                  ANA
                      That is absurd, you cannot seriously 
                      think I--
            
            The phone BEEPS and D'Bond stops in front of a painting. 
            
            He takes the painting off the wall, revealing A SAFE.
            
            He sticks an ear bud in his ear, connects the wire to his 
            phone, holds the phone against the safe.  He turns the 
            dial, the combination numbers display on his phone.
            
            CLICK.  The safe door opens.
            
            He reaches inside and pulls out the real decoder device.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      You know what happens to naughty 
                      girls who lie, don't you?
            
                                  ANA
                      No.  What happens to them?
            
            D'Bond pulls off his bow tie.  It's a quick release catch.  
            His clothes fall off him.  He's naked in one second.
            
                                  ANA
                      Ah.
            
            She looks down at his equipment.  Her eyes widen.
            
            OBLIGATORY SEX SCENE
            
            Quick, look away!  Oh no, too late.
            
            They're naked on the bed, making love.
            
            Ana reaches her peak, her smile is wide and beautiful, she 
            MOANS and GASPS with unadulterated pleasure.
            
                                  ANA
                      Please... don't... stop. 
            
            D'Bond watches her, and doesn't stop.
            
            LATER
            
            Ana lies panting, exhausted.  D'Bond lies beside her, elbow 
            on the bed, head resting on his hand.  His fingers trace 
            patterns across her sweat-lashed skin.  She turns to him 
            and looks into his eyes.
            
                                  ANA
                      I never knew sex could be like 
                      that.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Like what?
            
                                  ANA
                      So... unselfish.  You never once 
                      thought about yourself.  All you 
                      cared about was my pleasure.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      You've been sleeping with the wrong 
                      men, love.
            
                                  ANA
                      What happens now?  Do you expect 
                      me to betray my superiors because 
                      you took me to Heaven and back?
            
            D'Bond gets up and quickly gets dressed.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I don't expect anything.  You gave 
                      me the decoder.  I thought it only 
                      fair that I give you something in 
                      return.
            
                                  ANA
                      You're just going to leave me?
            
            D'Bond is fully dressed, he adjusts his bow tie in a mirror.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Don't look so surprised.  You said 
                      it yourself.  In our line of 
                      business we have no time for love.
            
            He tosses the decoder into the air and catches it. 
            
                                  D'BOND
                      I've got a bus to catch, they're 
                      waiting for this at H.Q.
            
            He winks and exits, closing the door behind him.
            
            Ana buries her face in the pillows and sobs pitifully.
            
            We pan down her naked body, noting every delicious curve 
            and dimple.
            
            
            FADE TO BLACK THEN FADE IN AGAIN
            
            Title:  PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC - EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER
            
            
            INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
            
            Another restaurant, another table.
            
            D'Bond laughs and flirts with a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.  She is 
            really into him.  And he's really into her.
            
            There's a slim glass flower vase on the table, containing 
            a single rose.
            
            D'Bond slips a little box across the table.
            
            The woman opens the box.  Inside, a gorgeous diamond ring.
            
            She looks at D'Bond with eyes full of love.  He smiles.
            
            The vase glass TINKLES, the rose topples.
            
            D'Bond stares at the broken vase, uncertain.
            
            She looks down at the blood pooling in her cleavage.  She 
            looks up at D'Bond, confused.  Her eyes roll and she topples 
            sideways out of her chair, taking the table over with her.
            
            D'Bond cradles her on the floor and cries out to the heavens 
            in anguish.
            
                                  D'BOND
                      Noooooooooo!
            
            
            EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT
            
            Ana lowers her sniper rifle.
            
                                  ANA
                      Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. D'Bond.  
                      We shall meet again, one day.
            
            CUE ROUSING THEME TUNE
            
            CLEVER CLOSING CREDITS AND HILARIOUS OUT-TAKES
            
            FADE OUT 
            
            [end]

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