Good Morning!
First: for anyone teetering on the precipice between going or not going to the Oaxaca Filmfest, allow me to aggressively shove you over to the side of the affirmative. Please feel free to PM me with any questions.
The night before the award ceremony I received the following review for the improved draft of a screenplay that tends to polarize (length, concept, etc). I am elated, to say the least, and would love some insight on how to capitalize on this in 2016, when it isn't a superhero film or IP. I know there was a thread about this by Lauri, but I thought that seeing as the Blacklist is far more populated now, that there might have a shift in the bell curve in my favor, or perhaps against it for the reason mentioned.
I thank anyone for any insight they might have.
Jared
https://blcklst.com/members/scripts/view/47093
Script Rating
9/10
Review Rating
5/5
Published
10-13-16
Premise
7/10
Plot
8/10
Character
10/10
Dialogue
10/10
Setting
10/10
Era:
early 2000s
Locations:
West Palm Beach, South Florida
Budgets:
Low
Genre:
Drama, Coming-of-Age, Family Drama
Logline:
With the help of his therapist and a troubled woman named Sari, a young man learns to cope with his mental illness in order to become a great artist.
Strengths:
The greatest strength of the script is the stunningly crafted world that awes and disorients the reader in a way that mimics the main character’s own mental state. Tommy becomes a truly sympathetic character, not using artifice or clichéd literary devices, but because the writer immerses the reader in Tommy's world and shows him/her the tragic gap between what Tommy lives and what is real. The dialogue is sparse but effective - only flowery when it needs to be - lending to the sense of insularity and alienation throughout the script. Another huge success is the vivid visual moments that make the story come to life and create a truly cinematic experience, such as the tussle between Callahan and Tommy in his apartment or the moment Tommy holds Sari and sits in her vomit. Overall, the story is surprising and delightfully unique bolstered by strong characters, poetic dialogue, and an interesting setting, which all coalesce to form a powerhouse script.
Weaknesses:
Delving into the psyche of someone who is completely out of touch with reality can be off-putting and discouraging as a reader. At first, the main character lacks explicit goals that he can pursue in reality (he believes he’s the perfect man living the perfect life), so the plot is slow and meandering. He is not even conscious of his illness, therefore cannot desire to get better, until around page 60. Thus, the main character lacks agency for the first act of the film, which slows the pace and may hamper the commercial viability of the script. Another issue is that a lot is told to the reader through conversations with the therapist instead of shown through scene work. For example, the therapist discusses how traumatizing Tommy's relationship with his parents is, but the reader doesn’t actually get to see Tommy interact with them that much, especially his father.
Prospects:
In the vein of Birdman, this frenetic whirlwind of a script could garner critical attention when paired with the right director and actors. As with Birdman, this very stylized script may be too strange and disorienting for mass appeal. However, the meaty roles and potential for critical acclaim makes this script viable overall.
Pages:
139
First: for anyone teetering on the precipice between going or not going to the Oaxaca Filmfest, allow me to aggressively shove you over to the side of the affirmative. Please feel free to PM me with any questions.
The night before the award ceremony I received the following review for the improved draft of a screenplay that tends to polarize (length, concept, etc). I am elated, to say the least, and would love some insight on how to capitalize on this in 2016, when it isn't a superhero film or IP. I know there was a thread about this by Lauri, but I thought that seeing as the Blacklist is far more populated now, that there might have a shift in the bell curve in my favor, or perhaps against it for the reason mentioned.
I thank anyone for any insight they might have.
Jared
https://blcklst.com/members/scripts/view/47093
Script Rating
9/10
Review Rating
5/5
Published
10-13-16
Premise
7/10
Plot
8/10
Character
10/10
Dialogue
10/10
Setting
10/10
Era:
early 2000s
Locations:
West Palm Beach, South Florida
Budgets:
Low
Genre:
Drama, Coming-of-Age, Family Drama
Logline:
With the help of his therapist and a troubled woman named Sari, a young man learns to cope with his mental illness in order to become a great artist.
Strengths:
The greatest strength of the script is the stunningly crafted world that awes and disorients the reader in a way that mimics the main character’s own mental state. Tommy becomes a truly sympathetic character, not using artifice or clichéd literary devices, but because the writer immerses the reader in Tommy's world and shows him/her the tragic gap between what Tommy lives and what is real. The dialogue is sparse but effective - only flowery when it needs to be - lending to the sense of insularity and alienation throughout the script. Another huge success is the vivid visual moments that make the story come to life and create a truly cinematic experience, such as the tussle between Callahan and Tommy in his apartment or the moment Tommy holds Sari and sits in her vomit. Overall, the story is surprising and delightfully unique bolstered by strong characters, poetic dialogue, and an interesting setting, which all coalesce to form a powerhouse script.
Weaknesses:
Delving into the psyche of someone who is completely out of touch with reality can be off-putting and discouraging as a reader. At first, the main character lacks explicit goals that he can pursue in reality (he believes he’s the perfect man living the perfect life), so the plot is slow and meandering. He is not even conscious of his illness, therefore cannot desire to get better, until around page 60. Thus, the main character lacks agency for the first act of the film, which slows the pace and may hamper the commercial viability of the script. Another issue is that a lot is told to the reader through conversations with the therapist instead of shown through scene work. For example, the therapist discusses how traumatizing Tommy's relationship with his parents is, but the reader doesn’t actually get to see Tommy interact with them that much, especially his father.
Prospects:
In the vein of Birdman, this frenetic whirlwind of a script could garner critical attention when paired with the right director and actors. As with Birdman, this very stylized script may be too strange and disorienting for mass appeal. However, the meaty roles and potential for critical acclaim makes this script viable overall.
Pages:
139
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