Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise 2012

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  • #91
    Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

    The Benderspink offer is legit. It dawned on me late in the day to make a 'read' a prize. I donated on the last day so I wasn't sure what Joe and Dan's schedules were. I'll check with Joe.



    Good Luck


    Mark

    Comment


    • #92
      Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

      Congrats to everyone! I've been going through a few and enjoying the reads.

      Strange Girl

      - I'm not sure why none of the characters except the main one had names. They seemed pretty integral. When a character doesn't have a name I think they're not that important.

      - I also don't know what happened to the mom, and I'm not sure why Jane paid the kid in class to help her pull off a trick if she could do it on her own.

      - They're interesting scenes but I don't see the story - a beginning, middle, and end.

      Horror House

      - Seems like a cool idea - what if an escaped serial killer hides in a fake haunted house during a tour? I also liked the opening scene.

      - But I was wondering afterwards why I didn't connect at the end. I think it's because the main characters weren't in danger long enough?

      - The killer threatens them and seconds later they disarm him and are on their way, seemingly unfazed.

      - I get the twist - he picked on the wrong kids, but it just seemed like an abrupt ending, rather than something that could have been milked for tension.

      Sky Blue Tuxedo

      - This story seemed to have more promise after I read it. I thought there was one aspect of the twist that might be fun to write about.

      - But I didn't understand the story. I sort of technically understand what happened, but it's still confusing. Why are they calling him over the phone? What does he want from them? Why do they meet him at the gas station? Why don't they go back to rescue him initially?

      - The writer clearly has a story in his mind where the events joint together into a cohesive story, but there's not enough of it on the page for me to put it together.


      Souvenir

      - I liked the ending of this, especially the last line of dialogue!

      - I would try to work a bit on the dialogue to make it seem less expository. So for example he could be a bit more hesitant while recounting the story, and she might have to work a bit to get the full story out of him.

      - Personally I would tell the spoken story faster and try to raise the tension. Maybe she doesn't leave the apartment - she just leaves the room. So we realize 1) he's insane 2) she's still stuck in the apartment with him.

      DuHamel's Last Case

      - This seemed like the last scene in an Agatha Christie book, where Poirot comes in and confronts everyone. The problem is this is the first scene for us the reader.

      - For example, the second line Duhamel says is "After all, is it not your own brother who died, leaving you as the sole heir of your mother's fortune?" It just seems like overt exposition. You could hide that up in a more interesting exchange of dialogue.

      - Truth is all the dialogue in here is expository. And you might say this is the type of story it is, where the detective comes in at the end and unravels the mystery (a la Hercule Poirot), but this is the first scene we see. We don't know any of the events he's describing! We don't know any of the characters.

      - I understand the twist. But if Stocaz knows the body is in there, why does he say he has no problem with the police searching for it.

      - This script had a cool idea in it.

      ****SPOILER*****

      What if a detective came back from the dead to solve his own murder.

      ****END SPOILER******


      - But I felt the second storyline was a distraction from the promise of that idea.

      - Could be a cool idea, just needs a bit of work on the craft.

      ======

      Thanks for posting your pages guys, I enjoyed reading them all.

      It's not easy squeezing a story into seven pages but the one thing that's clear is you've all got cool ideas rattling around in your head.

      I'll try to get to the other pages soon.

      Comment


      • #93
        Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

        Originally posted by Anagram View Post
        Congrats to everyone! I've been going through a few and enjoying the reads.

        Strange Girl

        - I'm not sure why none of the characters except the main one had names. They seemed pretty integral. When a character doesn't have a name I think they're not that important.

        - I also don't know what happened to the mom, and I'm not sure why Jane paid the kid in class to help her pull off a trick if she could do it on her own.

        - They're interesting scenes but I don't see the story - a beginning, middle, and end.

        Horror House

        - Seems like a cool idea - what if an escaped serial killer hides in a fake haunted house during a tour? I also liked the opening scene.

        - But I was wondering afterwards why I didn't connect at the end. I think it's because the main characters weren't in danger long enough?

        - The killer threatens them and seconds later they disarm him and are on their way, seemingly unfazed.

        - I get the twist - he picked on the wrong kids, but it just seemed like an abrupt ending, rather than something that could have been milked for tension.

        Sky Blue Tuxedo

        - This story seemed to have more promise after I read it. I thought there was one aspect of the twist that might be fun to write about.

        - But I didn't understand the story. I sort of technically understand what happened, but it's still confusing. Why are they calling him over the phone? What does he want from them? Why do they meet him at the gas station? Why don't they go back to rescue him initially?

        - The writer clearly has a story in his mind where the events joint together into a cohesive story, but there's not enough of it on the page for me to put it together.


        Souvenir

        - I liked the ending of this, especially the last line of dialogue!

        - I would try to work a bit on the dialogue to make it seem less expository. So for example he could be a bit more hesitant while recounting the story, and she might have to work a bit to get the full story out of him.

        - Personally I would tell the spoken story faster and try to raise the tension. Maybe she doesn't leave the apartment - she just leaves the room. So we realize 1) he's insane 2) she's still stuck in the apartment with him.

        DuHamel's Last Case

        - This seemed like the last scene in an Agatha Christie book, where Poirot comes in and confronts everyone. The problem is this is the first scene for us the reader.

        - For example, the second line Duhamel says is "After all, is it not your own brother who died, leaving you as the sole heir of your mother's fortune?" It just seems like overt exposition. You could hide that up in a more interesting exchange of dialogue.

        - Truth is all the dialogue in here is expository. And you might say this is the type of story it is, where the detective comes in at the end and unravels the mystery (a la Hercule Poirot), but this is the first scene we see. We don't know any of the events he's describing! We don't know any of the characters.

        - I understand the twist. But if Stocaz knows the body is in there, why does he say he has no problem with the police searching for it.

        - This script had a cool idea in it.

        ****SPOILER*****

        What if a detective came back from the dead to solve his own murder.

        ****END SPOILER******


        - But I felt the second storyline was a distraction from the promise of that idea.

        - Could be a cool idea, just needs a bit of work on the craft.

        ======

        Thanks for posting your pages guys, I enjoyed reading them all.

        It's not easy squeezing a story into seven pages but the one thing that's clear is you've all got cool ideas rattling around in your head.

        I'll try to get to the other pages soon.
        I agree with almost every one of your critiques... well done. Good analysis.
        Can't wait until you eventually get to mine. Haven't gotten feed back on my writing in a while.
        I'm in need of hearing some honesty.
        INT. DR. GONZO'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

        A glass of BOURBON in one hand and a COMPUTER MOUSE in the other,
        Dr. Gonzo contemplates getting off the message board and back to his script.

        Comment


        • #94
          Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

          I'm confused. Did the voting happen already? Or how are people voting?
          "The Hollywood film business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." Hunter S Thompson

          Comment


          • #95
            Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

            Originally posted by cshel View Post
            I'm confused. Did the voting happen already? Or how are people voting?
            Voting is in progress. Voting is done by PM to DPaterso-- look at the first post in the thread with the scripts.

            Comment


            • #96
              Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

              Yeah, I didn't think people were going to post feedback until after the voting.

              Comment


              • #97
                Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

                Originally posted by CBurden View Post
                Voting is in progress. Voting is done by PM to DPaterso-- look at the first post in the thread with the scripts.
                Danka! I would hate to think I bothered to read all of those pages and then didn't get a chance to vote.

                Going off the comments above, I found there to be an odd coincidence with all of these stories. I thought they all had unique and interesting concepts, and that the overall writing was very good, but each one seemed to include some varying level of unnecessary confusion that will make the voting decision more difficult.

                But thanks to everyone who took the time to participate, and to the enthusiastic host for making it possible. The pages were very entertaining, and I enjoyed reading them all.
                "The Hollywood film business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." Hunter S Thompson

                Comment


                • #98
                  Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise

                  Voting is until Wednesday the 7th

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                    Thanks guys, yeah voting's still going on, I've renamed this thread to reflect this, and bolded the line in the entries thread:

                    PM your 1st, 2nd and 3rd picks to me by close of next Wed 7th, please. And please don't vote for your own entry.

                    Heh, mmmaybe it's a little early for comments, but other folks' opinions aren't going to influence my votes, shrug.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                      Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
                      Heh, mmmaybe it's a little early for comments, but other folks' opinions aren't going to influence my votes, shrug.
                      You don't think we should discuss the entries? I thought it'd be fun, and could help highlight specific ones for people who decided not to read through all fifteen entries.

                      But it's not important. I'll wait until after the voting.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                        Originally posted by Anagram View Post
                        You don't think we should discuss the entries?
                        Yes we absolutely should!
                        I thought it'd be fun
                        Absolutely! Don't let me stop you.
                        and could help highlight specific ones for people who decided not to read through all fifteen entries.
                        Tough to vote if you don't read all 15 entries, but okay!
                        But it's not important. I'll wait until after the voting.
                        Not at all, help yourself, the replies already given plus the thread title change should avoid any confusion, which is all that matters.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                          Ok cool as there's a couple I really liked that I haven't posted feedback for yet.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                            Yeah, it's great Anagram that you were able to post up some feedback.

                            It's only the fact that in previous years folks, a few, have kindly posted up some feedback after voting, but those early summaries are really helpful, they scale down the issues.

                            I also found them useful to compare with my handwritten notes, and early impressions, I will vote tonight, hopefully, stilll need to pick 3 out.

                            Have already read all of 'em through.
                            Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                              Got it down to a top four, having a hell of a time weeding the last one out

                              Comment


                              • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                                Originally posted by Mossbraker View Post
                                Got it down to a top four, having a hell of a time weeding the last one out
                                That's exactly where I was, Moss. SO tough with so many good entries.

                                Comment

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