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Old 03-13-2017, 08:53 AM   #7
TruthToPower
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4
Default Re: New Scene String

I think the shocked responses are that this reads like a per-pubescent boy's idea of how sex, biology and human relations read. If that boy got his sense of humor by watching Catskills comedians. No, that's not fair to Catskills comedians. As if that boy got his timing from Catskills comedians, but didn't understand how joke construction works. Also has pacing problems. You have your 'sex' scene followed by an information dump about America, persecution and Indians. This is not how people talk. People aren't plot machines that spit out facts rapid fire. Best of luck with your next exercise.
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