A gentle suggestion

[LA_NewYorker]

Reading over many of the posted script pages, I notice there's a fairly common "mistake" in overwriting descriptions. Based on the responses to said pages, I'm not the only one who notices this. I know it sounds great, I know it's a pleasure to read a nice turn-of-phrase but as many have said here, unless it adds something crucial to your script, you're better off getting the information out quick, clear and clean. Nobody is going to remember you for flowery scene descriptions. Not unless you're a genius and trust me, you're not. Trust me on that.

I've seen this even with experienced writers (hell, I do it myself sometimes), but it goes without saying the leaner and meaner your script is, the better. So, before you post your script here, take a look at your scene descriptions. Be brutal in your assessment -- less is more -- less is EVERYTHING. You can always add to it later. Try to carve it to its basics and use adjectives sparingly.

The goal is to give us just enough information so we know what's happening in the scene. Try to keep character descriptions to a few words. Save the "floral prose" for your novel (that's what I do ).

[catcon]

Originally Posted by LA_NewYorker

Reading over many of the posted script pages, I notice there's a fairly common "mistake" in overwriting descriptions. ...

Some self-discipline is required.

I overwrote my first scripts; the first one was 145 pages -- and wasn't even properly formatted.

Once I learned about the general 120 page rule, I had to go back and edit the monster and found I had a lot of 5-line paragraph descriptions. It took a lot of work (and detailed proofreading) to bring them down to 3 lines, average.

Now, when I write, I aim for 1-2 lines. I only have a few 3-line paragraphs in my latest tome (100 pages) and a single 4-liner.

It's not that I don't want to write 5 lines or more, it's simply become a discipline one has to have. It's easy and sometimes necessary to bloat it later, but once you have it at 1-2 lines, and your script is already a full (100-120) pages of "story", it just reinforces your discipline.

Keep it short, and to the point.

The white space this helps to create really does make it easier to read, even for me, the author, in my 100th proofread of the thing!

(We always have this forum to write lengthy, inspirational soliloquies!)

[Patrick Sweeney]

I try to write my action text so each paragraph represents a different shot. Not that I'm trying to direct the movie so much as it seems like a good way to keep each graph short and a logical break point. (I tend to do this a little too much on first drafts, actually, so I have the reverse problem of a lot of people - I get too much white space on the page and have to go back and combine graphs sometimes).

[ScreenplayQA]

You probably don't even want to make them "paragraphs." one line, maybe two per shot.

[Butch Jarvinen]

I take it that the "character description" referred to by LA_NY'r, and the lenghty paragraphs that PS is referring to, are two different things.

Anything more than "long strangly hair and unkept beard" (no need for tattered clothing) would be considered excessive.

catcon described a delima that I am now facing; (actually two delimas) - one, I've been drafting in courier 12.... @ 113 pages, I'm going to be in excess of 120 pages, when I reformat.

I'm going to have to go back a strip anything from the act's contents that doesn't move the entire story forward.

First, I'll try combining "shots" into continuous movement:

"XXX gets out of his truck, walks around to the back, takes a beer from the cooler, opens it with his survival knife and takes a long drink."

I had such shots on separate lines. I might be able to pick up a few pages before I gut the story.
Echo

[catcon]

Originally Posted by Butch Jarvinen

... catcon described a delima that I am now facing; (actually two delimas) - one, I've been drafting in courier 12.... @ 113 pages, I'm going to be in excess of 120 pages, when I reformat ...

I don't know, this 120 page thing is something that hasn't come up with my 130, 129 and 123 page scripts. Though my latest is a paltry 100 so my readers are probably tickled pink -- but haven't said anything pro or con.

120 pages with lots of white space is better than 100 or 110 dense black.

It comes down the engaging story, after all.

[Moviequill]

Originally Posted by catcon

Once I learned about the general 120 page rule, I had to go back and edit the monster

the old 120 rule is now the new 110 rule

[NikeeGoddess]

it's not a rule. it's a guideline.
and if you go to 105... better!
trim the fat and the transitional scenes.

[EvilRbt]

Originally Posted by LA_NewYorker

Reading over many of the posted script pages, I notice there's a fairly common "mistake" in overwriting descriptions.

After 4000 scripts, I'll back you up by saying this is the most common mistake I see. Be concise and efficient at all times.