A few questions about a scene I'm trying to write (multiple locations)

[tony6pack]

Hi DD members,

I have a challenge I'm trying to resolve in my spec. If anyone can offer suggestions from their experience or give their best shot at this I'd appreciate it.

My friend read a draft of my spec for feedback purposes.

There are 5 major locations in my spec and they are all supposed to be in the same general area.

One comment was, he wasn't sure when reading the spec if these 5 locations were basically all in the same area.

So he mentioned I should have a scene where we show the 5 locations in 1 scene. I agreed and I'm going to try to set something up like we fly through all the locations in 1 scene.

So here are my questions:

1). When writing this out, would I do 1 slug line at the first location. Ie. EXT LOCATION 1 and then have

"We fly through location 1 up a huge hill to location 2." Then describe what happens at location 2, then go to location 3, etc ?

Or would I have my 1st slug, EXT LOCATION 1, describe what happens, and do a 2nd slug EXT LOCATION 2, then just repeat until all the locations are covered ?


2). Is "we fly through location 1 up a huge hill to location 2" acceptable? I use "we fly" twice in my spec so it's used sparingly. This is how I've envisioned my story to roll out on the screen. I don't necessarily think I'm telling the director how to film the scene and I'm not using camera angles. Now hey, I could be wrong about this. If you disagree with using "we fly", is there any alternatives you could maybe use? All I'm really going for is an easy way to say, we go from POINT A --> B --> C --> D--> to E in a continuous motion in 1 scene. We fly seems like an easy way to do it.

Thanks for your time and help.

[DavidK]

Without knowing the specifics it doesn't sound too difficult to fix. for example, is it possible for characters to see other locations from the location they are at? If so, that should be easy to write as action whether they are seeing it through a window or from a vehicle or hilltop or whatever.

Another way to show it is if you have characters that move between the different locations, using that to portray the relative positions.

Although I wouldn't want to use "we fly", that's just my personal preference but it may work for the story you're telling.

You also have the option of aerial establishing shots if that helps. My preference would be character points of view, or if necessary aerial establishing shots, but you will know whether or not these work for your story.

The simplest way can be to describe the relative positions in the narrative and allow the director to decide how to reveal it, for example:

On a hilltop four hundred yards away, Ken and Barbie take cover behind a tree.

The director and DoP will work out how to show that four hundred yard relationship. The most important thing is for it to be clear to the reader even if the method of showing it isn't described in the script.

[Nexus9]

This is not something to sweat over, but here's an example of the "we fly" method I used in a script I wrote a year back for my Senior Thesis. Mind you, this is a script for a full-length animation, but here is it if it helps you figure anything out:

               Locke storms down the hall.  Milan watches with piercing
               eyes.  Looks out an open window to see--

               A CITY OF METAL.  DAYTIME.

               But it looks more like night. Industrialized.  Polluted as
               all hell.  It's a--

               FACTORY CITY.

               Large stacks pump steam into the polluted sky as we--

               PUSH through the open window to the OUTSIDE.  Gliding. 
               Flying through the city, over and under pipes jutting in
               every which direction.

               Steam bursts in our faces.  An open pipe valve.  We PUSH
               through it, down and into the cruddy streets.  Zoom past--

               Punks, goths, and homeless wearing leather and rags.  Bars,
               neon signs, leaky steam valves.

               We round a corner, into an--

               OPEN MARKET.

               Booths everywhere.  Junk sellers.  Technophiles.  Pieces of
               cars, motorcycles, computers, TVs, and other tech we just
               don't recognize.  No food venders anywhere in sight.

               We PUSH past these, into an alley, breaking for the sky
               again.  Spinning, turning on the horizon to see--

               XANATOES CAPITAL TOWER.

               It juts higher into the sky than anything else in this city. 
               Immense search lights beam thousands of watts across the
               building.  One of them down on the city below.

               Lightning flashes across the sky, taking us to--


               EXT. RUINED FUTURISTIC CITY - SCRAP YARD - DAY

               A scrap yard overlooking a vast futuristic city in ruins. 
               Some buildings stand, many are crumbled to the ground. 
               Others are nothing but skeletal structures.  Everything is
               covered in molds, spores, and plant life.

[ComicBent]

One comment was, he wasn't sure when reading the spec if these 5 locations were basically all in the same area.

Tony, this is an interesting question. I don't think I have ever had anyone raise exactly the same issue before.

Remember that you are writing for the audience, which will only know what it can see and hear. Of course, seeing can include superimposed titles that provide things like year, place, passage of time. Seeing also includes establishing shots that orient us (and smooth the transition) when we move from one scene to another. That is why you see the exterior of the restaurant in the Seinfeld series before we next see Jerry and George sitting in a booth.

Usually something in the action (which includes establishing shots) or in the dialogue tells us that Locations A and B have something to do with one another, and that B is near A or is really far away (like in another country).

So he mentioned I should have a scene where we show the 5 locations in 1 scene. I agreed and I'm going to try to set something up like we fly through all the locations in 1 scene.

Just as a first reaction, not knowing all the specifics, I do not like the idea of "establishing," through some kind of visual tour, that all five places are near each other. It ought to be possible to relate the five locations somehow in action, dialogue, and traditional establishing shots. However, you can try your idea and see how it works. Sometimes you just don't know until you try.

Without the script itself, it is difficult to give a definitive, generalized answer. However, this is an interesting question to raise. Please let us know how you work it out.

[tony6pack]

DavidK, Nexus9, ComicBent.

Thanks for all the suggestions, great information, and examples. All of what you are saying makes sense and gives me a lot to think about. This helps out a lot. I'll let you know what I come up with. Sorry about being pretty vague. I just don't want to name my locations at this point.

DavidK wrote, is it possible for characters to see other locations from the location they are at?

Yes. If a character was standing outside LOCATION A, they could see LOCATION B. Or vice versa.

If a character was standing outside LOCATION C, they could see LOCATION D and possibly LOCATION E, depending on what part of location C they were at.

Location A and B can see C, but not D or E.

I'm not trying to make it sound like a riddle. It's all mapped into my head and the scenes are all wrote at these locations.

So it's not crystal clear all 5 places are in the same area, and that's what I want to establish right away so the reader/audience isn't confused. We're at the same general area throughout the entire story.

[altoption]

And there's no way to establish an overriding location that makes sense for all the others without taking us on a tour?

Something like Disneyland or Oz or the jungles of Vietnam or a futuristic city in space?

[jonpiper]

OP, when you think about it, all locations in a script are presumed to be in the same general area unless we are told otherwise. I would think a flyover or map is necessary only when we must know the relative distances of the locations.

[tony6pack]

Thanks to everyone who replied.

altoption,

That's a good point. There is one main location so I'll have to think about this more.

I've been thinking what Comicbent said and just in general about all of this. I just remembered there is a scene where they leave LOCATION B, walk through a minor location then they do walk to LOCATION D then LOCATION E. I can't believe I forgot that. That's my bad. Only 1 person has read my script at this point so perhaps I'll see if anyone else gets confused about it.