EPIPHANY

I think I finally get it!! Those of you who have read my recent posts are aware that I have been struggling with how to best write the description blocks in my scripts (e.g. how much is too much, not enough, etc).

Well, this weekend while watching a couple movies I had a sudden realization - when writing the action description I simply need to write it as though I was telling the story to someone who hadn't seen the movie. This instantly freed me from getting bogged down in too many details, yet still made it quickly clear how many details to include. The rest I can leave for the director to figure out.

When the epiphany hit I was trying to figure out how to write a particular scene I was watching. Then I realized I didn't need all those details, the director would put those in.

For example, if the scene looks like:

A large old world city with tall stone buildings all around. Between the buildings are narrow cobble stone streets. This scene is in an intersection of sorts where multiple roads come together in a mini-town square. There are large crowds of people pressing in from many different directions, all dressed in typical "old-world" dress.

The main character rides in from the right of the screen on horseback, causes the horse to slow as they look from side to side. Then they spot who they are looking for and knee the horse while yelling, "hi-yaa" and rides quickly off the left side of the screen. Several of the people near the rider turn to see what the commotion is, and a couple of them stumble back as they are nearly trampled by the horse.

etc., etc., etc.

if I was telling someone what happened in the movie (story) I wouldn't tell them all those details. Instead, I would say something like:

Then he rides through this old crowded town looking for "so-and-so".

Am I on the right track here? Or am I chasing down a wrong turn again?

Thanks for all your help,
Larry

Congratulations, you're right on track!

This is definitely an important epiphany. It sometimes takes writers a long time to learn.

Actually, I think you could give yourself a little more room in the revised example you gave above. But the first version is very over-written, so you've come a long way in learning that you don't need all that verbiage.

Keep writing!

You're sorta on the right track, but you could easily go astray here, too. You might end up not giving us enough to form a clear and vivid (moving) picture in our minds. You actually have a lot of leeway. That line between too much and too little isn't all that fine.

Seriously, you need to read some scripts. Reading drafts (rather than shooting scripts and production drafts). Early drafts. Get your hands on as many as you can. Most of your questions will be answered by reading those.

Also, read this: www.wordplayer.com/column...Style.html

Robert Towne said a script should read as if describing a movie that has already been made.

Others have said a script should read as if you were watching the movie and describing the action to a blind friend sitting next to you as it happens on the screen.

Now that you have taken the red pill you will never be the same. Welcome to the Matrix.

Okey, Tony, and Deus - Thanks! I appreciate the notes. I see what you mean about expanding the revised example, I failed to make myself completely clear in the post. What I meant by the second example was how I would verbalize the scene to someone, but I see I should have put what I would "write" as well. So here is one way, I think, of writing that scene:

EXT. OLD WORLD CITY SQUARE - DAY

Crowds mill about the street as Prince Laurence rides through the town looking for Sheik Amir. He pauses briefly to scan the crowd, then rides on in pursuit.

Or something like that. Am I still on the right track?

Thanks again,
Larry

Now your on to something, stay the course, this is where your voice emerges, no two writers will use the same words or tempo, but both can describe the same scene. Stay ahead of the reader, less is more, like a powerful spice use the right ones and the right amounts and before you know people will enjoy your creations and come back for more, but beware this hole gets deeper and darker.
Listen to yourself that is where the important lessons will come from, you might be at the point where it's time to stop taking advice altogether for awhile and search yourself. Too much outside opinion can muddle a mind thats working at top performance.

Re-write, Re-write, Rewrite, that's the writers thing, or thang.

A good bedtime read is Norman Mailers "Ancient Evenings" kind of bizarre, but his flow occurs in the readers mind like no other, it's helped me a great deal, such vivid, perfect flow.

It all depends on what the town represents in the story. Is he just passing through quick and fast or is he staying a while, does this story take place in the past, a period piece? Because you'd have to settle us into your time and place, and certainly the cobblestone streets and old world dress would be noted. What are we in this town for then? Just passing through? How are the scenes in this town move the story? Meets his love interest? Then get to it.

The detail should always be in your story. It's the attention to detail that will set you apart.

My epiphany in description was The Rule of Thumb:

Don't write a block of description that is longer than my thumb is wide. And I have narrow thumbs. It comes to four lines deep. It works.

kullervo

Cyfress - All those details you mention are the very thing that had been hanging me up before. How much, or how little, should I include with each scene, etc, etc. The example I give is just a brief, tiny snippet - not meant to give a detailed example, but to help explain what I had come to understand.

What I have come to understand is that most of those details will be worked out based on the context of the story. What the building(s) and costumes look like will depend on time and location, which will be made clear by the story. For example, if my story is about Robin Hood, then the dress will be equivalent to what most people think of when they think Robin Hood. I don't need to spell out what each person is wearing, unless it helps the story (for example, if Robin Hood puts on a hooded robe in order to disguise himself as a friar, etc). Additionally, the cities will be walled, with buildings made primarily of stone and cobbled streets - fitting with the period of the story and I wouldn't have to detail it out. The Director and Art Director would be able to come up with the right look based on the context of the story.

These are the kinds of details I was always struggling with, trying to determine which ones to include and how much to say about them. Obviously, if the details aren't made clear by the context of the story, then they need to be spelled out - but IMHO that is the only time they should be spelled out.

I hope this helps give more clarity to my explanation of my epiphany, and I can appreciate that not everyone will agree with everything I have said. And I can also appreciate that I have not "arrived" and so there may be more lurking around each corner that I need to learn and understand.

Larry