SL's FGMS Writing Contest (entries + results see post #34)

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  • #16
    Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

    Originally posted by Southern_land View Post
    Yeah found that, after I'd finished I thought there must be an easier way...

    I tested it in Windows (though you have to find the "right" Popplar utilities (I think from an Australian) for the pdftotext app. (It supposedly also works in Macs.)
    STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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    • #17
      Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

      Right and the (remarkably close) votes

      Mood ring / woof woof / brink of insanity / THOTRS / Last stop

      .....2................3........................... .............1...........................Derek
      ......................................3........... ..............1..................2.......Mark
      .......................1.......................... ..............3..................2.......Shane
      .....1...............................3............ .............2...........................Dan
      .......................1.......................... ..............3..................2.......John
      .......................2.............1............ .................................3.......David
      .....3...............................2............ .............1...........................Lisa
      .....3................2.............1............. .........................................Rob

      ----9-------------9----------10------------------11---------------9-----Totals

      Good on all of you, congrats on such tight scoring! But in the end there can be only one!

      oh the contestants where

      Moodring jmpowell7
      Woof Woof StoryWriter
      Brink of insanity Centros
      THOTRS finalact4
      Last stop dpaterso

      So congratulations finalact4. I'll contact Titancreed, pay for the read and PM you instructions on how to claim
      Last edited by Southern_land; 04-06-2019, 08:47 PM. Reason: Formatting
      I heard the starting gun


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      • #18
        Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

        Congrats finalact4 !

        And to everyone who wrote something for this.

        Thanks Southern_Land for suggesting and running the contest!

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        • #19
          Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

          Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
          Congrats finalact4 !

          Thanks Southern_Land for suggesting and running the contest!
          I was heading with mine as yours went. But Hotel California lends itself to visual imagery i guess.
          I heard the starting gun


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          • #20
            Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

            Originally posted by Southern_land View Post
            I was heading with mine as yours went. But Hotel California lends itself to visual imagery i guess.
            Yeah it's full of imagery, and it's a favorite song so adapting it was kinda fun and not too much of a pain.

            As noted in the results, my votes went like,

            1st - WOOF, WOOF
            2nd - Mood Ring
            3rd - THOTRS

            And I scribbled some notes while reading, as always these are just my thoughts, not gospel.

            Last Stop

            My entry. I always liked the haunting story running through The Eagles' Hotel California which I still hear on the radio a lot. Giving the They stab it with their steely knives, But they just can't kill the beast lines a Lovecraftian twist is probably the opposite of what the song ever intended, but seemed like a fun thing to throw into the mix. The lame ending makes me go "ewww" but it seemed to fit. Probably would have been more relevant in a Halloween contest though.
            Songwriters: Don Felder / Don Henley / Glenn Frey
            Hotel California lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group


            THOTRS

            This one certainly had atmosphere and period detail. Johnny suddenly meets a sticky end, big ouch. I wasn't sure where Betty came from in the end scene, did Billy Bob send men to fetch her? They must've had a long wait. Johnny sure didn't deserve it and those sh!tty people didn't deserve to get the upper hand -- big shrug, that's how life goes sometimes -- but that influenced my feelings somewhat, reducing my satisfaction level.
            I dunno what the title means, I tried to find it in the story but didn't spot it. I didn't know which song title this entry was inspired by.


            Brink of Insanity

            I wasn't sure what "She looks beyond her years." means, maybe it's missing "weary" before "beyond"? Priscilla turns the tables on the unpleasant Dusty, which was pleasing, things became entertaining then. But there were a couple of teeny little things that I thought might be missing, and I'm here anyway so I'll mention 'em, pardon my goddamn insolence. When Dusty wakes up, maybe we could see him struggle and strain to get free before he angrily realizes he's trussed up tight. Some cussing might not go amiss. Every time Priscilla pulls the trigger and the gun doesn't fire, I wanted a reaction from Dusty, a jerk, a yelp, pissing his pants. Don't just tell me he begs, include his begging dialogue? I'd also think about closing the story with his hearing the pickup truck's engine turning over, and Priscilla pulling away. Forever.
            I didn't quite get the significance of the number 4, was it ever explained?
            Trivial, eye's should be eyes plural.
            I wasn't sure which song title this entry was inspired by.


            WOOF, WOOF

            Kept my attention all the way, fun character interaction, dialogue was fun too, and wolf shifters for the win. I came away thinking this was a favorite, and when I juggled the scripts in my head, it was.
            The jokey title didn't seem cool enough for the script!
            I thought this entry might have been inspired by Duran Duran's HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF but that's just a guess. (I also guessed Centos's Ralph & the Wolf snippet in Script Pages was inspired by the same song, but I was wrong!)


            Mood Ring

            This was a weird one, but entertaining, the restaurant patrons were amusing, as was Julie's interaction with them. I guessed Walter wanted to get rid of Julie after all despite his telling her she's the best thing that ever happened to him, so he came up with the mood rings idea knowing how she'd react, the lying sumbitch. But his talking to his own reflection at the end made me think something more weird was going on though, like supernatural weird. So I didn't really know what was intended or if my guesses were anywhere close.
            I wasn't sure which song title this entry was inspired by.

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            • #21
              Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

              Congratulations finalact4. And congratulations Centros for a close second. (And congratulations to the rest of us for finishing a close third.)

              "Hotel California" was obvious.

              I would have never guessed: "The House of the Rising Sun", except for the initials.

              I have no idea what songs "Mood Ring" or "Brink of Insanity" were based on. (Well -- unless those are the titles of the songs.) Maybe I should check?

              This is the song I "loosely" based mine on.
              "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth" -- Meat Loaf

              It was sort of a cheat -- considering I got the whole wolf thing from the introduction to the song (hey it's included in the lyrics sites (he said, peevishly)). But I did get a few elements from the song in too.
              Last edited by StoryWriter; 04-07-2019, 01:13 AM.
              "I just couldn't live in a world without me."

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              • #22
                Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                Originally posted by StoryWriter View Post
                This is the song I "loosely" based mine on.
                "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth" -- Meat Loaf

                It was sort of a cheat -- considering I got the whole wolf thing from the introduction to the song (hey it's included in the lyrics sites (he said, peevishly)). But I did get a few elements from the song in too.
                If Marina had offered her throat to the wolf with the red roses, I would've spotted it right away!

                That's another favorite song of mine, the first time I heard it on the radio I was sitting in a cafe with-- Ah never mind, long time ago, she probably doesn't even remember me now.

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                • #23
                  Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                  If by Centros you mean Centos, crediting me with an entry is a mistake. I didn't write Brink of Insanity.

                  Also, I voted Woof, Woof no.1, Brink of Insanity no. 2 and Mood Ring no. 3. Looks like the lineup might have gotten skewed.
                  Last edited by Centos; 04-07-2019, 12:13 AM.
                  STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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                  • #24
                    Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                    Originally posted by Southern_land View Post
                    Right and the (remarkably close) votes

                    Mood ring / woof woof / brink of insanity / THOTRS / Last stop

                    .....2................3........................... .............1...........................Derek
                    ......................................3........... ..............1..................2.......Mark
                    .......................1.......................... ..............3..................2.......Shane
                    .....1...............................3............ .............2...........................Dan
                    .......................1.......................... ..............3..................2.......John
                    .......................2.............1............ .................................3.......David
                    .....3...............................2............ .............1...........................Lisa
                    .....3................2.............1............. .........................................Rob

                    ----9-------------9----------10------------------11---------------9-----Totals

                    Good on all of you, congrats on such tight scoring! But in the end there can be only one!

                    oh the contestants where

                    Moodring jmpowell7
                    Woof Woof StoryWriter
                    Brink of insanity Centros
                    THOTRS finalact4
                    Last stop dpaterso

                    So congratulations finalact4. I'll contact Titancreed, pay for the read and PM you instructions on how to claim
                    Maybe I misread the chart but I didn't vote for "Brink of Insanity". My number one (first place) vote was for "Last Stop".

                    My votes:

                    1st - Last Stop
                    2nd - THOTRS
                    3rd - WOOF, WOOF


                    Last Stop:
                    I like the lovecraftian thing. Although "the beast" probably was some metaphor.

                    THOTRS: I couldn't figure out where Betty came from in the end. I thought Johnny might have been hallucinating.

                    "Last Stop" was the only story I could identify a song in.

                    Thanks all.

                    P.S. it's finalact4 not finaldraft4.



                    'I would have never guessed: "The House of the Rising Sun", except for the initials." Me neither.
                    Last edited by Mark Somers; 04-07-2019, 12:23 AM.
                    TRIAL FORUMS

                    ​
                    ​

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                    • #25
                      Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                      Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
                      (I also guessed Centos's Ralph & the Wolf snippet in Script Pages was inspired by the same song, but I was wrong!)
                      I didn't even know the song existed until you mentioned it. Dang I could entered it (not that would have been competitive but six entries sound better than five). At least it could have been a good example of how NOT to write.

                      My idea, that I never got to, was to write a "darkish" script based on the bubble gum song "The Tide is High." Never even got started.

                      The only song I recognized here, was yours.
                      STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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                      • #26
                        Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                        hi all. and thanks for the congratulations and thanks to Southern Land for creating the contest and running it. really need the award for my spec i'm rewriting.

                        so, to explain a little if anyone is interested...

                        yes, the story is inspired by The House of the Rising Sun. i didn't realize we were supposed to title it, but i guess i would've titled it, "A Night to Remember."

                        Betty is a tailor:
                        From the lyrics, "my mother was a tailor," in the actual lyrics it's spelled "taylor," so i thought that was a typo. the next line is, "she sewed my new blue jeans." Betty is a tailor and designer, evidenced by the sign when get to the bungalow.

                        Johnny "Good Luck" James was a gamblin' man:
                        the lyrics say, "my father was a gambling man, way down in New Orleans." i set this in New Orleans during prohibition at a time when everything was controlled by mob interests. Billy Bob is a made man.

                        the Speakeasy is The House of the Rising Sun:
                        the rules were that we weren't supposed to say what the song was, so i didn't reference it. i was going to have a sign toppled over with worn letters, but thought that was too obvious, so i set the TIME of Johnny's death as the sun rises, a metaphor for the name, The House of the Rising Sun. and there was plenty of foreshadowing leaning toward a bad ending, from the engraving on the watch, to the rumors Betty was repeating, the Bang! of the jalopy, flock of crows, to name a few.

                        ball and chain reference of the time:
                        i researched quite a bit of the 1920s including: slang and fashion of the times, whether they had ice in New Orleans, when the first flashlights were made, whether Parrish Prison was even built by then, you know all the little bits. the lyrics say, "i'm headed back to New Orleans to swing that ball and chain." ball and chain is a reference to being married. i used that, too. because though short, it is a love story.

                        demise of Johnny:
                        "it's been the ruin of many a poor boy, and God i know i am one," so i am sorry that it didn't end well for Johnny "Good Luck," but with a song like that, it just couldn't, it had to be a tragedy. i have a dark sensibility and i do not shy away from killing off characters. sorry, dpaterso, it was sad for me, too, and no, Johnny didn't deserve it.

                        point of view:
                        so the story is told from Johnny's point of view, and with that said, i could not cut away and show that Billy Bob had sent his goons to pick up Betty. not to mention, i didn't have the pages. haha. choices had to be made, that's what is great about the exercise, making choices that you hope will help the story and that will not hurt the story. tough to call sometimes, but the point is that it's a surprise to Johnny as much as it is to the audience, because it's from his POV.

                        the song's narration:
                        so, my thoughts were that the song was being sung by Betty and Johnny's unborn child, as if he's looking back on the times, a grown man that followed in his father's footsteps. of course this would've been revealed in the next 10 pages. haha.

                        this was a really great exercise because i've never written a short and i wasn't going to try, but then i was like, **** it, all they can do is laugh. haha

                        it's tough to write a full story in so few pages. i also have a better understanding now of writing in sequences of 10 pages or so can be a great way to tell a story, and may opt to that format on future screenplays.

                        i got a lot out of this exercise. and it was a lot of fun to read the other entries and see the choices that were made.

                        Ron Howard said in his Masterclass that this is his preferred way to tell a story, in sequences. i realize that a lot of directors follow this creed. you see it on all the DVDs, right? it's an interesting concept.

                        anyone out there that is hesitant to participate in one of these writing exercises, for whatever reason, i would encourage you to try, because it's a good way to write with a tight deadline. i gave myself 3 days, since i was on vaca the two weeks prior. but you know how your mind is, you're always thinking about it and that in itself is writing, too, right?
                        "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

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                        • #27
                          Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                          I'm still not the writer of "Brink of Insanity." And my (and Mark Somers') votes are still not tallied correctly? <crickets>?
                          STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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                          • #28
                            Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                            Originally posted by Centos View Post
                            I'm still not the writer of "Brink of Insanity." And my (and Mark Somers') votes are still not tallied correctly? <crickets>?

                            AND ... I'm still not the writer of "Brink of Insanity." What's the deal with this?
                            STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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                            • #29
                              Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                              The mystery author hasn't spoken up yet, who are ye, "Centros"? Inquiring minds want to know.

                              Even if a point or two had been slightly misplaced, and they got shuffled around, I dunno if the results would change significantly.

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                              • #30
                                Re: SL's FGMS Writing Contest (the entries)

                                Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
                                The mystery author hasn't spoken up yet, who are ye, "Centros"? Inquiring minds want to know.
                                Odd, isn't it? If it really is "Centros" why hasn't he/she spoken up? Meanwhile, I'll repeat AGAIN that I did not write (or enter) "Brink of Insanity."

                                Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
                                Even if a point or two had been slightly misplaced, and they got shuffled around, I dunno if the results would change significantly.
                                Not sure about that. The vote was very close. I didn't have a "pony in this race" but I still like to see the vote tallied accurately. As it is, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

                                And, again, "Brink of Insanity" was not written by me. Just so we're clear on this.
                                STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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