Hey all. Great to be a part of this board. I'm certain I'm going to learn a lot here. I was hoping I can pick some of your minds.
A bit about me. I'm 27. I'm from Detroit. I majored in English. For money, I write personal statements for people. Mostly med, law, phd students, and ppl going into residency and fellowships. It's a pretty cool job in that you get to ask strangers anything about their lives while interviewing them. No filters. No shields. It's all transparent, and has to be (if you want to get into somewhere elite). And you get to hear some crazy stories. I've been doing this for about 8 years now, and in that 8 years, I've also been writing screenplays.
I've always been the type of guy who would get all A's. I have always been a good writer with a vivid imagination. And at the same time, I have always been directionless. I always struggle to make tough life decisions. Out of H.S., I chose to go to a local university in Detroit on a full ride instead of pursuing an Ivy League offer. I had a job for the CIA out of college and I rejected it. I always seem to make the wrong decisions.
There's been so much pressure on me my whole life, and I feel like it's a curse. People laugh at me for what I do. I thought why work for a company when I can make double doing this. My dad is ashamed at my job -- he says I'm helping people cheat and it's unethical. He also disapproves of my writing career, and says I should have been a doctor or a lawyer. He's embarrassed by me, and I'm embarrassed by myself. I feel like I've lost my confidence. But I still believe in what I'm doing, for some reason. I want to get up and just move to L.A. and leave this negative world, and I can't seem to do it.
I have written 4 scripts so far in 8 years. I know it's not a lot, but much of that time was dedicated to reading how to books like Save the Cat, Invisible Ink, and any good script I could get my hands on. Only 1 script I've written is good in my opinion. But it only received a 7 out of 10 on the blacklist. After that, I felt deflated and I went back into my shell of misery and failure. And could hear my dad's voice in my head. All these years later, I could have been a lawyer, or a doctor, and I just got a C- on my script... the worst grade I ever received in my life. It motivated me to want to come back stronger, but also led me to ask, was my dad right?
They say a strong relationship can conquer anything. But we have climbed no mountains. We have mounted no flags. We have only attempted to sail uncharted waters only to sink or be shipwrecked with no food or water and only a flair gun, a trigger that tempted me so many times. But I keep drowning over and over again because the reality is I never wanted to be saved. The reality is you made me delusional. You've selfishly taken my mind and polluted it and filled it with lofty ideas and images and delusions of grandeur. Worst of all you've given me hope. And you do your best to make everything feel so real before you snatch it away. I have given you everything and you have abandoned me. And even through all that, I can't escape you. I can't stop writing. Why do I always come back here. Why. Am I throwing my life away?
I want to submit my work to the Francis Ford Coppola contest. He is also from Detroit. What else should I be doing? I've heard of the tracking board, and just querying agents -- but I don't have any other work ready except one script. I don't even think I'm at a level to be querying anyone. All I have in 8 years is one piece of good material.
I'm going to work on more.
I want to leave this city. I want to leave this negative place. Why can't I just get up and do it like a normal person? What kind of person calls himself a writer and gets a C- on a piece he thought was good?
I'm broken. That's what I am. And here I am trying to pick up the pieces. And when they crumble again, I'll still be here. The person I was at 20 is gone. I was the type of guy everyone wanted to meet and be around. I felt smarter when I was 20. I was grading papers for my English teacher's masters class. I was more social. I was making a difference in anything I was doing. I was a contributing member of society. And now I've taken so much rejection and verbal abuse... I'm lost. I lost myself along the way. I'm crying as I write this message.
The only thing I haven't lost is my will to write. To write screenplays specifically.
What do I need to do, and how can I overcome my trepidation and just do it?
A bit about me. I'm 27. I'm from Detroit. I majored in English. For money, I write personal statements for people. Mostly med, law, phd students, and ppl going into residency and fellowships. It's a pretty cool job in that you get to ask strangers anything about their lives while interviewing them. No filters. No shields. It's all transparent, and has to be (if you want to get into somewhere elite). And you get to hear some crazy stories. I've been doing this for about 8 years now, and in that 8 years, I've also been writing screenplays.
I've always been the type of guy who would get all A's. I have always been a good writer with a vivid imagination. And at the same time, I have always been directionless. I always struggle to make tough life decisions. Out of H.S., I chose to go to a local university in Detroit on a full ride instead of pursuing an Ivy League offer. I had a job for the CIA out of college and I rejected it. I always seem to make the wrong decisions.
There's been so much pressure on me my whole life, and I feel like it's a curse. People laugh at me for what I do. I thought why work for a company when I can make double doing this. My dad is ashamed at my job -- he says I'm helping people cheat and it's unethical. He also disapproves of my writing career, and says I should have been a doctor or a lawyer. He's embarrassed by me, and I'm embarrassed by myself. I feel like I've lost my confidence. But I still believe in what I'm doing, for some reason. I want to get up and just move to L.A. and leave this negative world, and I can't seem to do it.
I have written 4 scripts so far in 8 years. I know it's not a lot, but much of that time was dedicated to reading how to books like Save the Cat, Invisible Ink, and any good script I could get my hands on. Only 1 script I've written is good in my opinion. But it only received a 7 out of 10 on the blacklist. After that, I felt deflated and I went back into my shell of misery and failure. And could hear my dad's voice in my head. All these years later, I could have been a lawyer, or a doctor, and I just got a C- on my script... the worst grade I ever received in my life. It motivated me to want to come back stronger, but also led me to ask, was my dad right?
They say a strong relationship can conquer anything. But we have climbed no mountains. We have mounted no flags. We have only attempted to sail uncharted waters only to sink or be shipwrecked with no food or water and only a flair gun, a trigger that tempted me so many times. But I keep drowning over and over again because the reality is I never wanted to be saved. The reality is you made me delusional. You've selfishly taken my mind and polluted it and filled it with lofty ideas and images and delusions of grandeur. Worst of all you've given me hope. And you do your best to make everything feel so real before you snatch it away. I have given you everything and you have abandoned me. And even through all that, I can't escape you. I can't stop writing. Why do I always come back here. Why. Am I throwing my life away?
I want to submit my work to the Francis Ford Coppola contest. He is also from Detroit. What else should I be doing? I've heard of the tracking board, and just querying agents -- but I don't have any other work ready except one script. I don't even think I'm at a level to be querying anyone. All I have in 8 years is one piece of good material.
I'm going to work on more.
I want to leave this city. I want to leave this negative place. Why can't I just get up and do it like a normal person? What kind of person calls himself a writer and gets a C- on a piece he thought was good?
I'm broken. That's what I am. And here I am trying to pick up the pieces. And when they crumble again, I'll still be here. The person I was at 20 is gone. I was the type of guy everyone wanted to meet and be around. I felt smarter when I was 20. I was grading papers for my English teacher's masters class. I was more social. I was making a difference in anything I was doing. I was a contributing member of society. And now I've taken so much rejection and verbal abuse... I'm lost. I lost myself along the way. I'm crying as I write this message.
The only thing I haven't lost is my will to write. To write screenplays specifically.
What do I need to do, and how can I overcome my trepidation and just do it?
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