I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

    It has been brought to my attention by a secret committee of professional screenwriters that in order to achieve our common goal of EXCLUDING new writers from making it in Hollywood, we MUST give misleading advice on internet message boards.

    Therefore, I have dedicated an entire thread to giving you misleading advice.

    Let the questions begin!

  • #2
    Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

    Is it true that we should only talk about what we know? (Like washing dishes)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

      When doing lunch at The Palm with a potential new agent, will they look down on me if I don't get the cheese-steak sandwich on Tuesday?
      2011 Screenwriting Goal: 15 pages a day.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

        My sticks sense tells me this might be a trick.

        Mr. Haas, is this a trick?
        Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

          Never take the water. Just don't.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

            At which page should I begin the break into Act Four?
            QUESTICLES -- It's about balls on a mission.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

              Before sending out my screenplay to CAA, I repaginated it one final time and a "(MORE)" ended up in the middle of a page. Will I fail to get "representation" by their top agent?

              Wait... I have (MORE)...

              I have consecutive dialogues by the same character, and on page 96 of my 149 page epic I forgot to put "(CONT'D)" after the second occurrence of the character name. Will the mailroom guys toss it in the garbage, or will they forgive me this time and let it through to the top executive on the 16th floor?

              ... just a second... I've been saving these up...

              I've always used "..." at the end of a dialogue to indicate a rude interruption. Now I've read that "..." means "speech trails off", and that for a rude interruption it should be "--". In the screenplay I just sent to UTA, I did this 179 times (I enjoy lots of bitter argumentation in my dialogues). Will the top-notch executive reading my screenplay figure out the difference, or will s/he swallow his tongue as s/he lurches forward, halting at the end of each dialogue to obey my "..."'s which were in fact supposed to be "--"'s?

              ... and one more (before I start writing my next screenplay)...

              I always refer to my "screenplays" as "screenplays", and never as "scripts". It sounds cooler. Is this merely pretentious, or shall I endeavor to be more "street" and instead do my queries as "Hello, I've written a 149 page piece of crap and it's up to you to read it or lose out on $500M domestic profit."

              ?????

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                Is it true women are unable to write in any genre other than rom-coms.

                <sc111 runs for cover>
                Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                  i want the secret decoder ring. i know you guys have it. this stuff only takes a rudimentary knowledge of writing (see high school english classes) in order to make millions.

                  bwwaa!!! give me that ring!


                  life happens
                  despite a few cracked pots-
                  and random sunlight

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                    How many interrobangs per script?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                      Is it okay to hand deliver my query letters? To the recipient's home? At 3 in the morning?

                      I mean, I'm gonna be in the neighborhood, anyway.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                        If there's a coffee stain on the title page of my script, can I just go ahead and turn it into a smiley face? Or does that scream amateur?

                        HH

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                          I have a script with 200 million dollar budget. It's a period drama about a gay interracial couple who want to start a business selling slaves to pilgrims in the New World. Can you give me Brad Pitt's contact information? He'd be perfect!
                          Chicks Who Script podcast

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                            How can I get a professional screenwriter to read my script and refer me to his agent?

                            Is it true the script can suck as long as the body of work of the professional screenwriter proves Hollywood is not a meritocracy?

                            If Hollywood is not a meritocracy what kind of ocracy is it?

                            Is it a yousocracy?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I'll Give You Misleading Advice!

                              Originally posted by JibJib View Post
                              Is it true that we should only talk about what we know? (Like washing dishes)
                              Yes. If you've never been to another planet, please don't write about them.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X