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Old 08-20-2011, 10:50 AM   #31
instant_karma
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Default Re: Description Lines And Grammar

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Originally Posted by BattleDolphinZero View Post
Agreed. It really does matter if it's a "stare" or a "glare."

It matters if someone rushes in or bolts in or saunters in or enters.

When we first started reading 3pages, one of the things I noticed is a lot of writers here choose words because they're dynamic. Or, rather, sound dynamic: "When Todd steps on the banana, he falls, rocketing towards the ground."

No.

Todd steps on the banana and falls on his ass.

Pfft. Call that dynamic? I'd go with "Todd STOMPS on the banana -- he PLUMMETS, caught in gravity's deadly embrace, towards the ground!!!"
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Old 08-20-2011, 11:12 AM   #32
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Default Re: Description Lines And Grammar

Instead of "caught in gravity's embrace," I would write "He plummets at the rate of 9.8 meters per second squared. Before he reaches terminal velocity, his force is met by the equal and painful force of the ground. And BAM!!!! The object in motion tends to come to a halt when it meets an object of larger mass, bitch!"
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Old 08-20-2011, 01:28 PM   #33
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Default Re: Description Lines And Grammar

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Pfft. Call that dynamic? I'd go with "Todd STOMPS on the banana -- he PLUMMETS, caught in gravity's deadly embrace, towards the ground!!!"
Barely an exaggeration.

That last bolded "!" gave you away.
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Old 08-20-2011, 01:52 PM   #34
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Default Re: Description Lines And Grammar

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Originally Posted by BattleDolphinZero View Post
When we first started reading 3pages, one of the things I noticed is a lot of writers here choose words because they're dynamic. Or, rather, sound dynamic: "When Todd steps on the banana, he falls, rocketing towards the ground."
That reminds me of Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code"...it was loaded with stuff like that. What with a character that "heaved the masterpiece toward himself" and all that.
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Old 08-20-2011, 02:45 PM   #35
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Default Re: Description Lines And Grammar

There was a stand up comic, Jack Carter, who had a routine for a while that was all about using the wrong word... but one that sounded right. So the sentence would have a crazy meaning if you thought about it.

Words are our business.

(Words our not are business.)

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