Scene headings

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  • Scene headings

    Hi,


    Any suggestions to the following scene headings (I saw similar approaches in Dave Trotter's and other books):


    EXT. SKY OVER RUSSIA - DAY


    SLING'S F-15


    Sling whirls in his seat...


    SLING
    Dude, where's he gone?


    J.J.
    Who cares, as long he's gone.


    RUSSIAN MIG 29


    The pilot sinks his jet into a hard dive, starts his afterburner...


    SLING'S F-15


    A single dot blinks up on J.J.'s radars.


    J.J.
    You wanted him...? He's back.
    -------------------------------------------------------
    EXT. BERING SEA - DAY


    UNDERWATER


    A dreadful submarine glides through the crystal blue sea.


    Dolphins play around her... suddenly stop, and as one speed into a fast getaway --


    An explosion of oxygen bubbles mixed with fire projectiles a missile from the submarine to the surface --


    ABOVE WATER


    A 30 foot high eruption of water, fire and smoke bursts into the sky --



    From it emerges the submarine's missile -- aims for the sky -- suddenly spins back to the sea and levels only inches above its surface...



    ... Speeds along it, with its reflection on the crystal clear water.




    If I understand correctly the usage of the main slug as SKY OVER... or BERING SEA allows one to use anything that is in that space as the secondary scene heading, which is especially helpful in flight scenes, because one can avoid the disturbing INT/EXT and simply allow the director to pick his favorite shooting style.

  • #2
    Re: Scene headings

    A few things. First, you should take a look here for how to post script pages: http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/...isplay.php?f=7 so that they look like script pages. Yes, even just for posting script-page examples.

    Next, no need bold all your text when posting.

    As for your question: The examples you posted work only in a literal sense. IMO they don't fit convention and (more importantly) don't work aesthetically. That is, they don't feel right for what I think you are trying to describe, especially the second one with the submarine.

    This overstates things, but it's as though you'd started with EXT. EARTH - DAY and then everything after that were just mini-slugs.

    In the jet scene, are you actually doing interior shots of the MIG, or just exterior shots? If both, then I'd use an INT/EXT. slug for it, and then INTERCUT JETS.

    And that would be after starting the sequence with INT/EXT. SLING'S F-15, OVER RUSSIA - DAY.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Scene headings

      I usually write my text in word (to fix grammar since I am not an English speaking person) and after it I copy it into the DD forum and it turns out bold. No idea why, because in word it is a simple text (Calibri 11) as it is when I paste it into the DD forum's window.


      About the headings/slugs, (I hope I can follow the instructions correctly), this is from Dave's scene in the sky:

      Code:
      [FONT=Verdana]EXT. SKY ABOVE THE MEDITERRANEAN - DAY
      An enemy plane gets behind Billy's fighter (Eagle One). To his left, Jimmy's fighter (Eagle Two) cruises. Below them is the Mediterranean Sea.
      EAGLE TWO COCKPIT
      Jimmy glances to his right at Eagle One.
      JIMMY
      Look out, Billy!
      JUST ABOVE THE WATER
      The enemy fighter closes on Eagle One.
      JIMMY (V.O.)
      He's on your tail!
      Eagle One dodges and weaves while the enemy fires at him, missing.
      EAGLE ONE COCKPIT
      Billy pulls up on the stick.
      BILLY
      Thanks for the tip![/FONT]
      [FONT=Verdana][/FONT]




      Okay, I have missed the COCKPIT in my slugs (which I will fix in my script), but the main point by Dave and many others is that one can write the main slug as EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY and as far the action continues in these streets and outside everything else can be done with mini slugs. No need for main slugs and double spacing between them since they only take important lines in a script.



      The scene at sea; that is another thing. The Bering Sea is a location that spreads for thousands of miles with no specific parts. I could have written EXT. OPEN BERING SEA - DAY (is that better?), and then UNDERWATER - US SUBMARINE, as did Dave in his example with the underwater scene at a lake.


      Since it is hard to define a scene at an open sea would this be acceptable:


      Code:
      EXT. BERING SEA - DAY or EXT. OPEN BERING SEA - DAY
      An albatross dives into the water for his lunch.
      10 FEET ABOVE WATER
      The submarine's missile speeds on its way to his target.
      A group of dolphins races it as if it was one of them.

      Would these scene headings be enough - correct:
      50 FEET UNDERWATER
      50 FEET ABOVE SURFACE
      JUST ABOVE SURFACE
      CLOSE TO SURFACE
      DEEP IN THE SEA

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Scene headings

        I sometimes use the idea of a 'macro' slug, followed by specifics, but usually this is to indicate continuity between shots. eg:

        INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN. DAY
        Mary dishes up dinner, heads to

        DINING ROOM
        Where the kids are banging the table. She calls for Bob

        BEDROOM
        Bob hastily slams a laptop screen down.

        That kind of thing. But that's more to do with pushing the read along to mirror the experience of watching this on screen - the action is happening quickly, so I cut as many words as possible to hurry your eyes through this passage of action.

        The issue I'd have with the sections you've quoted here is that I struggle to follow what's going on. In the second example, I'm having to really work hard/guess to see what's on screen. We're in open sea, then 10ft above the sea... so previously were we under the sea? Because otherwise what's changed?

        The first example works okay, but if I were you I'd clearly establish where these jets are before you start intercutting; something like:

        INT. EAGLE COCKPIT. DAY
        Jimmy checks over instruments, confident they're alone -

        EXT. SKIES. DAY
        FROM NOWHERE a Russian MIG banks violently, straightens - seeing its prey

        EAGLE COCKPIT
        Sirens blaring, Jimmy panicking.

        MIG COCKPIT
        The pilot relaxed, ominously confident

        SKIES
        As the MIG gains on the EAGLE

        For these kind of complex action scenes you may find it helpful to do very simple storyboards to figure out how you imagine this on screen, then write these up as simply as possible.

        As a side note, in the second example, be careful not to drown huge significant elements with background noise. You mention an albatross, dolphins and a f**king huge missile, as if all are equally important on screen. I'm guessing the missile is the big deal, so call it out a bit more.

        Hope this helps.

        JJ.
        My stuff

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Scene headings

          Thanks for the advices. I have brought that upon me by myself with picking such a theme, but the screenplay is already finished and now I am only trying to polish different things out.


          I forgot to mention, both "Dave's- samples (sky scene and my version of the sea) are from the Dave Trottier's Screenwriters Bible. One of the few resources I have available.



          In his lake scene, he simply starts EXT. LAKE - SHORE - DAY, followed with an action line and simply switches to UNDERWATER, since a lake is under as above the surface (the air scene is completely from his book, but I saw similar approaches on other sites).


          What are your thoughts about single or double spacing before main slugs? Dave prefers single, Final draft I think has a rule of two (luckily, one can switch it to one).


          About the "missile- above the water, yep, I screwed it up. The scene was supposed to start EXT. SKY ABOVE BERING SEA... then comes the albatross in kamikaze mode and 10 FEET ABOVE WATER.


          Since more and more sites and pro's advice against usage of caps in action lines, except for the introduction of a character, (some even when it comes to sounds) I do my best to avoid them. As many say, they are hard to read and actually do nothing for the story, except interrupt the read.



          That is why I have left the albatross, dolphins, and the missile in simple text. The albatross and dolphins are there for fun, and the missile is the bad ass (that is established in an earlier scene when it launches from the submarine).


          Any new suggestions are welcomed.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Scene headings

            OP, I think Jon Jay's examples are good. The small thing he does that helps, versus your examples, is he uses one line of action under the full slugline (scene heading) before starting the mini-slugs.

            Also, I agree with his point about mini-slugs suggesting visual continuity in the sort of scene you posted. My concern about your original examples: (a) the mini-slugs suggested you were going for visual continuity, but (b) your actual scenes were not written for visual continuity.

            As for bold text, copying & pasting directly from Word is always a problem. I also sometimes write in Word. But then to copy over the text, I copy from Word, paste into Notepad, then copy & paste from there into the forum. That is the only way (in Windows) that I know of to strip out a lot of background code that comes from Word.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Scene headings

              Originally posted by slopnik View Post
              Since more and more sites and pro's advice against usage of caps in action lines, except for the introduction of a character, (some even when it comes to sounds) I do my best to avoid them. As many say, they are hard to read and actually do nothing for the story, except interrupt the read.
              Well, each person writes how they feel best suits their voice. I throw in hyphens like crazy because I feel they better replicate how action appears on the screen; we see this - then that - then another thing.

              Personally I think if the odd word in caps is enough to interrupt your story, it's a pretty rubbish story. As someone who writes mostly comedy I often use them to highlight visual gags, clue the reader in to when an action is specific rather than general, even just to get a laugh from the read. I don't know which pros are saying you shouldn't use them, but I can find you dozens of pro scripts where they are used liberally.

              JJ.
              My stuff

              Comment

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