E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

    Just a quick vent or cry for help (depending on your POV).

    For my latest script, I have a "Recommend" from Barb Doyon, as well as a quote of hers I've tried to leverage in my query emails, ". . . an exceptional piece of work! By far one of the best screenplays I've read in months and the best so far in 2010!". I've also tried to leverage placing really high at a previous Nicholl competition.

    And yet . . . after sending about 15 email queries (to mgrs mostly) that were reasonably well-written (I think) and rather brief and to-the-point . . . nothing. Dunno. Maybe it's concept. Maybe it's spam filter. Or maybe I shouldn't wear brown socks on Tuesdays. Of course, I'll probably send another 15 e-mail notes sometime quite soon.

    So I ask:
    Any random thoughts out there about the finer art of seduction via cold e-mail query? All silver bullet thoughts and panaceas are welcome. It's the socks, isn't it?

  • #2
    Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

    What is the logline?
    What is the genre?
    What did you put in the subject?

    Answer those three questions and then we'll see what is what.
    Introduce a little anarchy.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

      Honest question - is Barb Doyon's opinion highly respected in the industry? If yes, couldn't she help hook you up for reads with reps?
      Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

        I've never even heard of Barb Doyon. I had to google her, and all I get is that she's a paid script reader, who's apparently held in high regard to some aspiring writers....even though she doesn't have a credit to her name.

        Honestly I would drop that completely. You might keep the Nicholl thing though simply because that's actually reputable. But overall, the point is just to introduce yourself and your title, genre, and logline. Your script logline will sell itself (or not), you just need to focus on selling yourself by being professional but approachable, and interesting without talking too much. Keep it simple but passionate, and they'll either read it or ignore it, and if they read it they'll decide whether or not they like it. I don't think there's really any "silver bullet".

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

          You could try using one of the script services that have established relationships with managers/agents and push your script if you get a consider. And if you got a recommend from miss Doyon, I am sure you will.

          Originally posted by acquaformosa View Post
          Just a quick vent or cry for help (depending on your POV).

          For my latest script, I have a "Recommend" from Barb Doyon, as well as a quote of hers I've tried to leverage in my query emails, ". . . an exceptional piece of work! By far one of the best screenplays I've read in months and the best so far in 2010!". I've also tried to leverage placing really high at a previous Nicholl competition.

          And yet . . . after sending about 15 email queries (to mgrs mostly) that were reasonably well-written (I think) and rather brief and to-the-point . . . nothing. Dunno. Maybe it's concept. Maybe it's spam filter. Or maybe I shouldn't wear brown socks on Tuesdays. Of course, I'll probably send another 15 e-mail notes sometime quite soon.

          So I ask:
          Any random thoughts out there about the finer art of seduction via cold e-mail query? All silver bullet thoughts and panaceas are welcome. It's the socks, isn't it?
          It's the eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

            Originally posted by scripto80 View Post

            Honestly I would drop that completely. You might keep the Nicholl thing though simply because that's actually reputable. But overall, the point is just to introduce yourself and your title, genre, and logline. Your script logline will sell itself (or not), you just need to focus on selling yourself by being professional but approachable, and interesting without talking too much. Keep it simple but passionate, and they'll either read it or ignore it, and if they read it they'll decide whether or not they like it. I don't think there's really any "silver bullet".
            that is well said

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

              I agree with ther above, but also --

              15 queries?

              That's nothing! Send another 300, and if still no reads, then you could have a problem.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                I didn't wanna flood the market with 100+ email queries . . . at least just yet. Lord knows I've done that plenty of times, though. So I was considering this an initial toe-in-the-water approach.

                Short of pasting the body of the email in here, the general details are (and there isn't a whole helluva lot else anyway):
                • Genre: Fantasy teen drama
                • Logline: A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend who was recently killed in a tragic accident.
                • Subject: Glow Stick
                I was afraid to put things like "script query" or "for your consideration" in the Subject line. So I took the unoriginal approach of hoping the goofy title would pique one's curiosity.

                Perhaps the whole coverage angle was a miscalculation . . .


                == == == ==
                Original Note
                == == == ==
                I'm a Nicholl Fellowship finalist and credited screenwriter and would like to submit the following logline for your consideration:

                Glow Stick (fantasy teen drama) ("Ghost meets "Say Anything")
                "A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend who was recently killed in a tragic accident."


                Recent Coverage (from Extreme Screenwriting):
                "An exceptional piece of work! By far one of the best screenplays I've read in months and the best so far in 2010! Extreme Screenwriting gives 'Glow Stick' a RECOMMEND.-

                If you'd like to read the script, please let me know and I'll be happy to make arrangements for sending the requested material.


                Regards,
                XXXXX XXXXXX (concealing my super secret identity)

                P.S. My work has received considerable recognition, including - but not limited to - the following:

                - Finalist - Nicholl Fellowships
                - Semi-finalist - Walt Disney Studios/ABC Writers Fellowship
                - Winner (Best Screenplay) - ScreamFest LA Film Festival
                - Semi-finalist - Austin Film Festival

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                  If I'm being completely honest... I would pass after "fantasy teen drama".
                  http://twitter.com/JohnSwetnam

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                    Fair enough. So maybe even if it says "Spielberg loved it" but the genre and/or concept is lacking, therein lies the key.

                    I knew it wasn't the socks.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                      Actually, BD insisted on calling it a "supernatural teen drama" though I personally think it's a tad misleading. I guess that's for the Twilight crowd or something. I originally just called it a "fantasy drama".

                      Just a quick sidebar:
                      I like BD and her feedback. Obviously, I can't speak to overall industry reputation and all that.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                        1. Your genre should be: Drama/Fantasy. They'll be able to tell by your logline that it's about a teen, no need to put that into your genre. This isn't IMDB, you don't need to list every genre your script covers. Also, you definitely want to list Drama first. So go with just simply Drama/Fantasy.

                        2. Good call on the subject line. You want them to open the email, and one of the worst things you can do is put the word "query" into it.

                        3. If you must put your coverage bits in, condense it as just a statement, not a like it's a resume you're giving them. They won't want to read a checklist.

                        Basically, I would recommend your email look something like this:

                        Dear Mr. Agent/Manager,

                        My name is Jane Doe and I am a credited screenwriter currently seeking representation based on a Drama/Fantasy feature entitled Glow Stick. Thus far, Glow Stick has received highly positive coverage from professional readers, and my past work has placed in a variety of major competitions with Nicholl, Walt Disney, and Screamfest, therefore I hope you will give me the opportunity to share my work with you for possible representation. Below is the logline, and should you be interested, I would be happy to send you the screenplay.

                        Glow Stick
                        "A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend who was recently killed in a tragic accident."

                        Thank you so much, and have a great day!

                        Regards,
                        Jane Doe
                        Right there you've given him/her a short paragraph that simultaneously acts as your greeting, resume, and pitch all in one. Then he/she has the logline followed by a departure, and that's it. No lists, no repetition, just the most important elements simple and straight.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                          Off the top of my head, I would say fantasy-drama is probably not a super popular genre, but fantasy-adventure is: LOTR, HARRY POTTER, CLASH OF THE TITANS, NARNIA CHRONICLES, superheroes, that kid and the Olympians, and tons of other stuff coming out. I think fantasy-adventure will always be popular, it's wild tales filled with wild creatures and people with fun magical powers.

                          Maybe you could spin it as more of an adventure?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                            If my opinion counted for anything, I'd pass too. Sorry.

                            I'm afraid that the effusive quote from someone's mother makes the query look kinda amateurish to my untutored eye. If she was confident it was such a good buy she would have bought it. Or she isn't in the industry of buying scripts .. so why does her opinion matter?

                            The logline doesn't work either.

                            Part of the issue is that it makes the reader (me) feel very remote from what happens. It doesn't make me experience someone talking with his dead friend.

                            Instead, I'm experiencing someone claiming that it happened. So instead of having a front row seat for the action - I have a seat in the classroom when the kid is telling me about this exciting story. It makes me feel that all the exciting stuff happened offscreen and that now I'm going to listen to someone explain how I missed the good stuff.

                            It also seems the the 'stakes' are wrong. It is aimed at teenagers, right? The main character is a teenager?

                            So what do teenagers care most about? That should be the stakes.

                            Go up to a teenager and try to threaten them by saying "If you're not careful, you'll jeopardize your future plans and alienate yourself in the local community." Do you think that sounds threatening to a teenager? Do you think it is even 'teen sounding' enough ?

                            I'm guessing there was a specific 'future plan' rather than a general threat. I'd go for something specific to your MC that he'd care about.

                            Good luck,

                            Mac
                            Last edited by Mac H.; 03-13-2010, 06:00 PM.
                            New blogposts:
                            *Followup - Seeking Investors in all the wrong places
                            *Preselling your film - Learning from the Experts
                            *Getting your indie film onto iTunes
                            *Case Study - Estimating Film profits

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                              Originally posted by acquaformosa View Post
                              I didn't wanna flood the market with 100+ email queries . . . at least just yet. Lord knows I've done that plenty of times, though. So I was considering this an initial toe-in-the-water approach.

                              Short of pasting the body of the email in here, the general details are (and there isn't a whole helluva lot else anyway):
                              • Genre: Fantasy teen drama
                              • Logline: A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend[up to this point it sounds like a comedy premise] who was recently killed in a tragic accident.
                              • Subject: Glow Stick
                              I was afraid to put things like "script query" or "for your consideration" in the Subject line. So I took the unoriginal approach of hoping the goofy title would pique one's curiosity.

                              Perhaps the whole coverage angle was a miscalculation . . .


                              == == == ==
                              Original Note
                              == == == ==
                              I'm a Nicholl Fellowship finalist and credited screenwriter[If you are a credited screenwriter why don't you list the credit] and would like to submit the following logline for your consideration:

                              Glow Stick (fantasy teen drama) ("Ghost meets "Say Anything")[I hope whoever gets your query has the T.C.M. channel.]
                              "A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend who was recently killed in a tragic accident."


                              Recent Coverage (from Extreme Screenwriting): [This sounds like the name of a magazine. If people in the industry know this woman I would just use her name.]
                              "An exceptional piece of work! By far one of the best screenplays I've read in months and the best so far in 2010! Extreme Screenwriting gives 'Glow Stick' a RECOMMEND.-[Like others have said you need to drop this. Besides no one caring about the opinion of someone you paid, this "recommendation" is lame. It's March 13, 2010. We aren't even 1/4 of the way through the year. "Best so far", wow.]

                              If you'd like to read the script, please let me know and I'll be happy to make arrangements for sending the requested material.


                              Regards,
                              XXXXX XXXXXX (concealing my super secret identity)

                              P.S. My work has received considerable recognition, including - but not limited to - the following:

                              - Finalist - Nicholl Fellowships
                              - Semi-finalist - Walt Disney Studios/ABC Writers Fellowship
                              - Winner (Best Screenplay) - ScreamFest LA Film Festival
                              - Semi-finalist - Austin Film Festival
                              [This stuff should be higher up in place of the coverage paragraph. I would list the names of the scripts. It might pique their interest and they might ask for one of them.]

                              Last night in San Pedro

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X