Getting rid of commas in dialogue

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

    There is no writing trick that will save a **** story

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

      True on both accounts. Which is why I do a comma read "does it read the same without it? If so, it goes.- Just my style I guess.
      Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

        I will say tho that I've had some producers tell me my style is a bit cryptic. And that it took them a minute to settle into my style. I tend to drop a lot of words.

        Bad example:

        "The car bleeds rubber and banks a hard right down the street.-

        Becomes.

        "Car bleeds rubber. Banks hard right down street.-
        Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

          I wouldn't worry about commas in dialogue. Write the line the way you want it to be delivered by the actor.

          Yes sir.

          Yes, sir.

          Yes! Sir!

          Yes ... sir.

          YES! SIR!

          Back in elementary school, on the topic of commas, my teacher said, "When in doubt, leave them out." I've followed this advice ever since.

          I wouldn't worry about punctuation in action lines. Screenwriting is a discipline that I place between poetry and prose fiction enabling the writer to use a mix of both techniques when needed to deliver the intended effect.

          Even in my day job as a freelance writer, I screw around with punctuation all the time. And I usually get away with it -- much to the dismay of purists.

          My personal pet peeve is the semicolon. Hate, hate, hate the semicolon. Visually, it's ugly. It doesn't have the cojones of a full-stop period yet attempts to mitigate the space between two independent clauses to avoid a conjunction -- I use the long dash instead.

          Yes, purists, I know there are two types of long dashes. The en dash and the em dash -- each with its own rules of use.

          In fact, I realized the sentence I was about to write after the sentence above is a good example of screwing around with punctuation.

          1. With a period:

          The vast majority of readers are ignorant to this fact. A writer can exploit their ignorance for their own purposes.

          2. With a comma:

          The vast majority of readers are ignorant to this fact, and a writer can exploit their ignorance for their own purposes.

          3. Without the comma:

          The vast majority of readers are ignorant to this fact and a writer can exploit their ignorance for their own purposes.

          4. The despicable semicolon:

          The vast majority of readers are ignorant to this fact; a writer can exploit their ignorance for their own purposes.

          5. The long dash:

          The vast majority of readers are ignorant to this fact -- a writer can exploit their ignorance for their own purposes.

          I find it hard to believe executives in the film industry expect a writer to adhere the AP style.
          Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

            Agreed. Guess why: because I got straight "Fs" in english class. No lie.

            I shouldn't be allowed to write (legally), but somehow I get away with it. I'm dumb. Yet...

            Speaking of. I met a writer once who told me they had a 'letter of recommendation' from their college professor. I laughed.

            If I can see it in my mind that's all I care about. Meaning other people's stuff.
            Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

              Originally posted by GucciGhostXXX View Post
              Agreed. Guess why: because I got straight "Fs" in english class. No lie.

              I shouldn't be allowed to write (legally), but somehow I get away with it. I'm dumb. Yet...
              I have a hunch yeoman-esque pubic school teachers have destroyed countless potentially-awesome fledgling writers.

              In fact, in one case, it's more than a hunch. Years ago, as a favor to a friend in charge of the continuing ed, non matric, program at a community college, I jumped in to replace a teacher who bailed on a Creative Writing course.

              My friend was frantic because 20 people had registered and already paid their money. I reluctantly agreed to teach it.

              It was a mishmash of people -- age wise and talent wise. One woman, late 20s, married with three young kids, handed in pages of her novel after the first week.

              Her work, brilliant. Seriously brilliant. So I schedule a one-on-one with her and she shares her back story.

              In high school, in spite of her solid GPA, she was told she was not "college material" by an English teacher after she told him her aspirations of becoming a writer. Instead, since she was an amazingly fast typist, he told her to pursue a career as an administrative assistant.

              The tragedy: she followed the man's advice. Married young. Had babies every two years. And the non-matric course I was teaching was the first time she ever let anyone read her work.

              I did everything I could to encourage her. Then, as the course neared its end, her husband died unexpectedly (heart attack at 30). She had to move out of state with her kids to live with relatives. We stayed in touch for a while and she eventually put writing aside forever -- she believed it was a pipe dream she would never achieve.

              Damn that teacher. She had the goods. She was the real thing, completely self taught. As she told me, her only "schooling" was reading the work of excellent novelists.

              My gut feeling? That teacher was a wannabe novelist himself and the skills of a teenager served as proof he did not have the talent. He was the proverbial crab in the bucket pulling down the crab trying to climb out.

              Glad your grades in English didn't dissuade you from writing.
              Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                Originally posted by StoryWriter View Post
                Us old farts still remember these kinds of punctuation examples:
                ah, very nice. very nice, indeed.
                "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                  Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                  I have a hunch yeoman-esque pubic school teachers have destroyed countless potentially-awesome fledgling writers.

                  In fact, in one case, it's more than a hunch. Years ago, as a favor to a friend in charge of the continuing ed, non matric, program at a community college, I jumped in to replace a teacher who bailed on a Creative Writing course.

                  My friend was frantic because 20 people had registered and already paid their money. I reluctantly agreed to teach it.

                  It was a mishmash of people -- age wise and talent wise. One woman, late 20s, married with three young kids, handed in pages of her novel after the first week.

                  Her work, brilliant. Seriously brilliant. So I schedule a one-on-one with her and she shares her back story.

                  In high school, in spite of her solid GPA, she was told she was not "college material" by an English teacher after she told him her aspirations of becoming a writer. Instead, since she was an amazingly fast typist, he told her to pursue a career as an administrative assistant.

                  The tragedy: she followed the man's advice. Married young. Had babies every two years. And the non-matric course I was teaching was the first time she ever let anyone read her work.

                  I did everything I could to encourage her. Then, as the course neared its end, her husband died unexpectedly (heart attack at 30). She had to move out of state with her kids to live with relatives. We stayed in touch for a while and she eventually put writing aside forever -- she believed it was a pipe dream she would never achieve.

                  Damn that teacher. She had the goods. She was the real thing, completely self taught. As she told me, her only "schooling" was reading the work of excellent novelists.

                  My gut feeling? That teacher was a wannabe novelist himself and the skills of a teenager served as proof he did not have the talent. He was the proverbial crab in the bucket pulling down the crab trying to climb out.

                  Glad your grades in English didn't dissuade you from writing.
                  this is a lovely story (that you encouraged her). and it's also really sad. hopefully, when her children are grown and raising families of their own, she will find her passion again. it's never too late to follow your dreams, what matters is that you do.

                  i have a story like that. happened in college. stopped writing for twenty years.

                  i remember when i first started i went onto imdb's screenwriting board yes, that's how old i am, and someone nailed me because i used so many commas. commas galore. for everything. haha.

                  to be fair, i came from a small town of 12,000. some classes were better than others. i actually had good grades in English.

                  had to teach myself all over again.

                  when i started writing, one of the mother's at my daughter's elementary school asked me about my writing and i told her i wrote every night 8-midnight. 7 days a week. she said it inspired her to take writing back up again. she, too, hadn't written since college. she published a few novels before i lost touch with her. an amazing person.

                  if nothing i do ever sells, that's one good thing my writing did. encouraged someone who could, to follow her dreams, too.

                  i use the double dash all the time.

                  i'm with you GucciGhostXXX. i love Tarantino and he can't spell for sh!t. but damn if his scripts aren't brilliant.
                  FA4
                  "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                    Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                    I have a hunch yeoman-esque pubic school teachers have destroyed countless potentially-awesome fledgling writers...
                    It's not just what they may say to their students, but how.

                    I remember the first time I heard the word 'grammar' was in... 'Grammar' class, grade 6, I think. That old guy went on and on about 'analyzing sentences' till he and we were blue in the face. Talk about boring.

                    Composition was always my favorite subject, along with art (I was always making my own comic books, because I was too poor to buy them at the store). But, pretty soon after that year-long experience I gave up writing - till I got back into it when I was over 50 - and drifted more toward art, eventually going to art school for a few years but not graduating. I did do some animation there, which was another hint that I was on track for writing or film someday, but I hadn't quite put two plus two together.

                    Anyway, the possible lessons are: If you don't like telling stories on paper, that's fine. Not everybody can or should. Or maybe you can do it in stand-up orally. But if you loved writing stories, don't let the naysayers get to you:
                    There are always editors to clean things up.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                      Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                      I have a hunch yeoman-esque pubic school teachers have destroyed countless potentially-awesome fledgling writers.

                      In fact, in one case, it's more than a hunch. Years ago, as a favor to a friend in charge of the continuing ed, non matric, program at a community college, I jumped in to replace a teacher who bailed on a Creative Writing course.

                      My friend was frantic because 20 people had registered and already paid their money. I reluctantly agreed to teach it.

                      It was a mishmash of people -- age wise and talent wise. One woman, late 20s, married with three young kids, handed in pages of her novel after the first week.

                      Her work, brilliant. Seriously brilliant. So I schedule a one-on-one with her and she shares her back story.

                      In high school, in spite of her solid GPA, she was told she was not "college material" by an English teacher after she told him her aspirations of becoming a writer. Instead, since she was an amazingly fast typist, he told her to pursue a career as an administrative assistant.

                      The tragedy: she followed the man's advice. Married young. Had babies every two years. And the non-matric course I was teaching was the first time she ever let anyone read her work.

                      I did everything I could to encourage her. Then, as the course neared its end, her husband died unexpectedly (heart attack at 30). She had to move out of state with her kids to live with relatives. We stayed in touch for a while and she eventually put writing aside forever -- she believed it was a pipe dream she would never achieve.

                      Damn that teacher. She had the goods. She was the real thing, completely self taught. As she told me, her only "schooling" was reading the work of excellent novelists.

                      My gut feeling? That teacher was a wannabe novelist himself and the skills of a teenager served as proof he did not have the talent. He was the proverbial crab in the bucket pulling down the crab trying to climb out.

                      Glad your grades in English didn't dissuade you from writing.
                      Geesh! Tragic story. These kinds of assh0les piss me off to no end. This is the line "the skills of a teenager served as proof he did not have the talent." Right!? I'm sure of it.

                      Your post gave me the chills. Here's why: I was randomly going through old paperwork my grandmother put away for me. I found an old progress report from when I was 15. I'd never seen it. In it the art teacher said "GucciGhostXXX's attitude holds him back. He is a disruption in class. However, his passion brings a unique energy to the classroom. He is the most talented student I've ever taught. I hope some day soon he realizes his potential."

                      I was blown away. I had always been considered a loser by academic standards. I admit it. I cried. Someone believed in me before I did. Wow! How did this lady see that in me? I was blown back.

                      Not trying to build myself up. Just say'n. I'm a throwaway kid. I'm all tatted up. Became a drug trafficker at 19. My buddy executed a Mexican Maffia gang member. Hits out on all of us. FBI tracking us. Etc. My buddy did 20 years in prison. I escaped into modeling.

                      POINT: As a society, we need to pay keen attention to how we demonize kids. Today my vocabulary far excels my teachers who gave me Fs and called me a loser. Best guess.

                      Good for you for trying to help that woman realize her true calling!
                      Last edited by GucciGhostXXX; 07-09-2019, 02:10 PM.
                      Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                        Originally posted by finalact4 View Post
                        this is a lovely story (that you encouraged her). and it's also really sad. hopefully, when her children are grown and raising families of their own, she will find her passion again. it's never too late to follow your dreams, what matters is that you do.

                        i have a story like that. happened in college. stopped writing for twenty years.

                        i remember when i first started i went onto imdb's screenwriting board yes, that's how old i am, and someone nailed me because i used so many commas. commas galore. for everything. haha.

                        to be fair, i came from a small town of 12,000. some classes were better than others. i actually had good grades in English.

                        had to teach myself all over again.

                        when i started writing, one of the mother's at my daughter's elementary school asked me about my writing and i told her i wrote every night 8-midnight. 7 days a week. she said it inspired her to take writing back up again. she, too, hadn't written since college. she published a few novels before i lost touch with her. an amazing person.

                        if nothing i do ever sells, that's one good thing my writing did. encouraged someone who could, to follow her dreams, too.

                        i use the double dash all the time.

                        i'm with you GucciGhostXXX. i love Tarantino and he can't spell for sh!t. but damn if his scripts aren't brilliant.
                        FA4
                        Ha! Great story!

                        I have dyslexia. BAD! I have to memorize what words LOOK like. The *shape* of the word, only way I can remember. But, my vocab is vast. That's maybe why I forgive typos. If I can see the scene and it moves me, I don't care if it's misspelled here and there, because some of us literally have a learning disability. But, that doesn't mean we can't tell a story and paint a picture in the mind.

                        Best of luck!
                        Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                          Originally posted by finalact4 View Post
                          this is a lovely story (that you encouraged her). and it's also really sad. hopefully, when her children are grown and raising families of their own, she will find her passion again. it's never too late to follow your dreams, what matters is that you do.

                          i have a story like that. happened in college. stopped writing for twenty years.

                          i remember when i first started i went onto imdb's screenwriting board yes, that's how old i am, and someone nailed me because i used so many commas. commas galore. for everything. haha.

                          to be fair, i came from a small town of 12,000. some classes were better than others. i actually had good grades in English.

                          had to teach myself all over again.

                          when i started writing, one of the mother's at my daughter's elementary school asked me about my writing and i told her i wrote every night 8-midnight. 7 days a week. she said it inspired her to take writing back up again. she, too, hadn't written since college. she published a few novels before i lost touch with her. an amazing person.

                          if nothing i do ever sells, that's one good thing my writing did. encouraged someone who could, to follow her dreams, too.

                          i use the double dash all the time.

                          i'm with you GucciGhostXXX. i love Tarantino and he can't spell for sh!t. but damn if his scripts aren't brilliant.
                          FA4
                          Glad you returned to your wriring. Also glad your story of encouraging another writer has a happier ending than mine.

                          I do my best to encourage other writers. As one guy I know characterized it: we're members of the creative tribe.

                          I love reading the work of my talented tribal people. I love to bear witness to a killer piece of writing. When it happens I want to shout, "You mother****ing nailed it my brother, my sister. Good for you."

                          What I hate is when other writers tear down work that anyone with a functioning brain can see has potential.

                          They descend like raptors looking for any misstep, no matter how insignificant, while remaining silent on the fact the work clearly has legs.

                          As if giving a shoulder-tap of encouragement is too much of a personal sacrifice.
                          Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                            Originally posted by GucciGhostXXX View Post
                            Geesh! Tragic story. These kinds of assh0les piss me off to no end. This is the line "the skills of a teenager served as proof he did not have the talent." Right!? I'm sure of it.

                            Your post gave me the chills. Here's why: I was randomly going through old paperwork my grandmother put away for me. I found an old progress report from when I was 15. I'd never seen it. In it the art teacher said "GucciGhostXXX's attitude holds him back. He is a disruption in class. However, his passion brings a unique energy to the classroom. He is the most talented student I've ever taught. I hope some day soon he realizes his potential."

                            I was blown away. I had always been considered a loser by academic standards. I admit it. I cried. Someone believed in me before I did. Wow! How did this lady see that in me? I was blown back.

                            Not trying to build myself up. Just say'n. I'm a throwaway kid. I'm all tatted up. Became a drug trafficker at 19. My buddy executed a Mexican Maffia gang member. Hits out on all of us. FBI tracking us. Etc. My buddy did 20 years in prison. I escaped into modeling.

                            POINT: As a society, we need to pay keen attention to how we demonize kids. Today my vocabulary far excels my teachers who gave me Fs and called me a loser. Best guess.

                            Good for you for trying to help that woman realize her true calling!
                            Your progress report find reminds me of one of my own. My mom had a suitcase full of photos and papers she'd saved and I found a 5th grade report card with the teacher's comment: sc111 expresses her thoughts extremely well in writing and her reading comprehensionre is years beyond her grade level. I would like her to participate more in class discussions.

                            As for your mention of dyslexia. Perhaps there's been a study on this, but my non-scientific observations indicate to me dyslexia is common among creative people.

                            In my years on staff at ad agencies, I noticed a disproportionate number of artists and writers were dyslexic. And they were usually the standouts talent wise.
                            Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                              Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                              Glad you returned to your wriring. Also glad your story of encouraging another writer has a happier ending than mine.

                              I do my best to encourage other writers. As one guy I know characterized it: we're members of the creative tribe.

                              I love reading the work of my talented tribal people. I love to bear witness to a killer piece of writing. When it happens I want to shout, "You mother****ing nailed it my brother, my sister. Good for you."

                              What I hate is when other writers tear down work that anyone with a functioning brain can see has potential.

                              They descend like raptors looking for any misstep, no matter how insignificant, while remaining silent on the fact the work clearly has legs.

                              As if giving a shoulder-tap of encouragement is too much of a personal sacrifice.
                              I feel EXACTLY this way! Word for word.

                              I honestly do not look for ways to hate it. Not my style. If I can clearly see it's got legs, I'm pretty much gonna forgive any typos and such. I may point some out, but I really don't care. At that point all I care about is story... AND... I'll assume my nit pick notes are an easy fix.

                              I dig reading something great. This is so damn hard!
                              Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Getting rid of commas in dialogue

                                Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                                Your progress report find reminds me of one of my own. My mom had a suitcase full of photos and papers she'd saved and I found a 5th grade report card with the teacher's comment: sc111 expresses her thoughts extremely well in writing and her reading comprehensionre is years beyond her grade level. I would like her to participate more in class discussions.

                                As for your mention of dyslexia. Perhaps there's been a study on this, but my non-scientific observations indicate to me dyslexia is common among creative people.

                                In my years on staff at ad agencies, I noticed a disproportionate number of artists and writers were dyslexic. And they were usually the standouts talent wise.
                                Interesting. Thanks for the intel!
                                Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X