Readers don't notice important dialogue

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  • Readers don't notice important dialogue

    Hey guys,

    I have a bit of a problem that I can't figure out, I'd be honored if you could share your ideas.

    On two different scripts, readers had problems with the emotional flow of the story and only after I pointed to an important dialogue scene on page 20 they suddenly realized that that scene was more important than they had thought while reading. "Yeah, that changes everything." (We're talking about 'I'll read it once and I got a lot of other scripts today'-producers)

    Addressing that very issue I got the response, that there's so much happening in the scenes leading up to that point, unforeseen jokes, twists, etc. that, in general, readers stop seeing what's important and what's not when continuing with the story. Doesn't mean they're out, because the scene work afterwards is still okay, but they lose the emotional connection to the main characters. In one case for the next 30 pages...

    Hmm... Now I'm lost. I seem to be needing the equivalent of a big post-it-note saying 'THIS IS IMPORTANT. READ CAREFULLY. IT WILL PAY OFF. SERIOUSLY.'

    Making other scenes less interesting doesn't seem to be right. On the other hand I'm aware of a saying in the cinematography world, that 'if you light every shot like a Rembrandt, no shot will be important.'

    Were you at that place? How did you get out?

    Career-wise I'm on my 3rd paid script and working on polishes, etc. since last year. I'm trying to make every page as special as it can be. No script has been shot yet.

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Re: Readers don't notice important dialogues

    It's impossible to offer much advice without having read the script in question.

    With that said, screenwriters often take the "show don't tell" mantra to heart to their own detriment. Sometimes in our avoidance of on-the-nose dialogue, we end up composing conversations that are just too subtle for their own good.

    Sometimes you need to bite the bullet and underline or bold that crucial piece of information. Or maybe you need to insert an unfilmable that brings the scene to a momentary halt so that it can call the reader's attention to that crucial detail. ("John stopped and processed what Jane had just said. Suddenly all the pieces started to click together.")

    Not elegant in the least. But sometimes you do need that flashing light that screams THIS IS IMPORTANT.

    Use sparingly. Experiment around. Recognize that the problem may ultimately be a deeper, structural issue.

    But for the time being, you have the permission of me, an anonymous internet poster, to utilize bad writing techniques in order to get your point across.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

      Thank you for your advice and for giving me permission. Yes you're right, without the pages it's a shot in the dark.

      Your 'sign of a deeper underlying structural problem' is making me nervous though.

      Very nervous.

      Aiaiai.

      Haven't thought about it in THAT way...

      Aiaiai.

      Thank you.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

        My thought is to spend more time building up to the crucial dialog so it has more emotional weight. If we see the new info have a real impact on the character when he finally grasps its importance, it should be harder for the reader to miss. Maybe most of your movie is a lightening-fast read, but it may help you to slow your pace for a moment and build to your reveal of the info to let the importance of it sink in.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

          Thank you. Yes, I'll try that as well.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Readers don't notice important dialogues

            Originally posted by Bunker View Post
            With that said, screenwriters often take the "show don't tell" mantra to heart to their own detriment.
            Well, I was thinking that if an important point is missed in dialogue, it might not be a bad idea to show something to highlight it, so it's likely to be missed. I think, sometimes, it's easier to gloss over dialogue (alone) when reading in a hurry than it would be to gloss over some memorable action or bit of moody description.
            STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

              Originally posted by oskar View Post
              Hey guys,

              I have a bit of a problem that I can't figure out, I'd be honored if you could share your ideas.

              On two different scripts, readers had problems with the emotional flow of the story and only after I pointed to an important dialogue scene on page 20 they suddenly realized that that scene was more important than they had thought while reading. "Yeah, that changes everything." (We're talking about 'I'll read it once and I got a lot of other scripts today'-producers)

              Addressing that very issue I got the response, that there's so much happening in the scenes leading up to that point, unforeseen jokes, twists, etc. that, in general, readers stop seeing what's important and what's not when continuing with the story. Doesn't mean they're out, because the scene work afterwards is still okay, but they lose the emotional connection to the main characters. In one case for the next 30 pages...

              Hmm... Now I'm lost. I seem to be needing the equivalent of a big post-it-note saying 'THIS IS IMPORTANT. READ CAREFULLY. IT WILL PAY OFF. SERIOUSLY.'

              Making other scenes less interesting doesn't seem to be right. On the other hand I'm aware of a saying in the cinematography world, that 'if you light every shot like a Rembrandt, no shot will be important.'

              Were you at that place? How did you get out?

              Career-wise I'm on my 3rd paid script and working on polishes, etc. since last year. I'm trying to make every page as special as it can be. No script has been shot yet.

              Thank you.
              I suppose the question that strikes me immediately is -- important in what way?

              What is it that this scene and the dialogue in it is doing? Is it setting something up? Is it paying something off. Is it changing the trajectory of the story? Does it contain important exposition. Is it revealing some key decision that a character has made?

              I think of a movie like Lincoln -- the scenes are full of great stuff and business and great dialogue.

              But when I come to think of critically important scenes, I immediately come to a pair of scenes -- the scene with Lincoln in bed with his aide talking about the condemned boy who lamed his horse and the scene immediately afterward where he's in the telegraph room talking about euclid and equality.

              These are critically important scenes -- the latter in which Lincoln has made the decision to allow the delegation to come through to Washington to negotiate an end to the war (and yet this literally isn't even mentioned during the course of the scene) -- and in the second scene, he relents and decides not to allow them to come -- and even though he doesn't give his reasons, we understand perfectly why he decided not to allow them to come.

              Sometimes when you need to make a point clearly -- when something is really important, you need to clear the field. We understand what these scenes are about because what has come before has been aiming our attention at these precise issues and this essential decision.

              We know that these scenes are important not only because of what is happening now but because of what has come before. We are waiting for Lincoln to make this decision. We are wondering (though of course, on one level, we know how it's going to come out) how he's going to resolve it.

              So that when it comes, we are primed for these scenes. We've been waiting for them.

              So ask yourself that. Is the audience waiting for this scene. Have you set it up? Is it paying off an expectation?

              NMS

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

                Bob turns away but Mike grabs his arm, spins him back round.

                BOB
                Hey!

                MIKE
                This is important, dammit! Quit
                your clowning around and listen!

                BOB
                Okay, I get it! It's important!

                Bob and Mike look into camera.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

                  I know that making the reader/audience sit up and take notice at the end of the story isn't the question here, but this problem is similar. So my example below isn't to take us off topic, but to show how it can be dealt with no matter when it's needed:

                  There's a moment of crystalline foreshadowing of what's to come, post-movie, in Hanks' and Hoffman's Charlie Wilson's War. The geopolitics appears resolved, all nice and tidy, and the meaningless party atmosphere dialogue in the scene is surfing along most boringly comfortably, till the Philip Seymour Hoffman character has a point to make: That not everything is hunky-dory in Afghanistan even though the Soviets have been expelled.

                  Dialogue and scene written by some guy named Sorkin.

                  around 1:58

                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2cjVhUrmII

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

                    Thank you very much, your posts have, I think, given me another possible solution.

                    To clarify, the problem I have is not with important scenes at the end of the movie, say we're all awaiting a judge's verdict and then it comes. My readers get emotional at those scenes.

                    The problem I have is in the first half-scenes, say a meet-cute, where I work some bit of character exposition into the dialogue that gets over-looked by the quirkiness of the meet-cute, but in my mind, should give the character a lot more gravity from now on.

                    Bad example, but say in that meet-cute you'd give the audience a single-line info that our protagonist is a widower and you're counting on that being in the audience's head from now on. Let's say a modern deconstructive comedy à la Louie, or Master of None, could pull that off while still remaining in the meet-cute situation, I believe. That's my problem. People wouldn't notice my single-line.

                    I'll need to watch Lincoln again, I don't have it in my memory as of now. Thank you.

                    After watching the Charlie Wilson scene and reading dpaterso's comment I got some new clues.

                    a) Describing business. Granted the Charlie scene is obviously interesting because a trickster character is changing the pace of the party and then telling an anecdote to which we want to know the punchline, but the business with the glass is still important. I imagine Sorkin just had to write 'He grabs Hanks' glass and pours it out.' in order for everyone to pay attention to my writing though, I would add an unfilmable à la 'He grabs Hanks' glass, pours it out. Making sure Hanks understands that his dream of a quiet and peaceful life has just been shattered.' Or whatever verb goes with liquids.

                    b) I will also take dpaterso's tongue-in-cheek advice, to make those important lines into moments of confusion, so it takes up space on the page. My hope would be that in rehearsal, actors and director will say that 'we can do that with a close-up and a look.' and cut it. Or something.

                    I think that wouldn't be a stupid thing to do from now on.

                    Thank you.
                    Last edited by oskar; 04-12-2018, 06:22 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

                      So, ditto everyone who said we can't really tell you without reading it.

                      But in my experience, this happens a lot when a writer isn't writing tight enough.

                      If your script is fluffy, people start to skim. You've taught them that a lot of what you're writing is unimportant, so they don't pay that close attention. So maybe the problem is to streamline the pages up to that point.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Readers don't notice important dialogue

                        As is so often the case, I think that Ronaldinho has correctly identified the problem.

                        I saw the original post before anyone else had replied, and I wanted to say something in response, but I did not post an opinion, because I am not a professional screenwriter. I am just a writer in various genres.

                        But here is my opinion. If you think that your critical scene fails to get proper attention because of all the interesting stuff in scenes before it, you are deluding yourself.

                        I have to wonder just how interesting those previous scenes were. Moreover, your story flow should be structured in a way that leads up to the critical scene. Maybe you did that; I do not know. But you have to keep your reader's attention, or the reader may in fact read a critical scene with glazed-over eyes.

                        "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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