Click here for Done Deal Pro home page

Done Deal Pro Home Page

Loading

Go Back   Done Deal Pro Forums > About the Craft > Writing Exercises
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-09-2017, 12:35 AM   #1
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Submitted:


Ghosts and Demons

Let Slip the Dogs of War

Summer Daze

Killer Tower

Dogtown

Jacob's Point

A Deep Sleep

Dog Day of Summer



Vote deadline September 14

PM the votes to me.

You can vote if you didn't enter.

Vote for 1st 2nd and 3rd places.

Don't vote for your own work


For posterity, here's the discussion thread, and here's the results thread.

Last edited by dpaterso : 09-19-2017 at 02:43 AM. Reason: links added
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2017, 12:39 AM   #2
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Re: Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Code:
Ghosts and Demons EXT. DERELICT HOUSE -- DAY Squatting on a hill, the once grand house broods over the small town. Surrounded by overgrowth, brush and brambles, it's shadowy dark, like a piece of eternal night, even on this sunny day. INT. HALLWAY -- DAY A domain of demons. Clunks and creaks, dusty floors and doors that swing open or close on their own. Translucent shapes that form and vanish. Only evil, demented, foolish or desperate people would stay here. INT. BEDROOM -- DAY A fifteen-year-old girl sleeps fitfully on a large bed. Dressed for school, in jeans, tennis shoes and a sweater. She hugs her book bag, for protection, while she sleeps. JILL MACLEAN isn't evil, demented or a fool. EDDIE HERZOG isn't either, but he is dead. He's a huge, shirtless ghost with gaping wounds in his chest, who might be forty if he was flesh and bone, but since he's a dim, blue glow, it's anyone's guess. Arms crossed, he stands near the foot of the bed and watches over the sleeping girl. Slithering, hissing, scraping sounds are heard from outside the room -- the ghost is instantly alert, leaving the bedroom, by walking through a wall. As the girl sleeps -- a large snake slithers toward the bed and twists around the bedpost, climbing up on the bed. It pauses, for a moment, than transforms, quickly, into a vile, small crippled DEMON, with short, squat, legs and huge bulging eyes. It tests the air with it's snake tongue, keeping it's eyes on the girl. A crooked-bladed dagger forms in it's hand, it pulls it's arm back -- -- the girl jerks awake, and screams. Backs away, but the creature is greased-lightning quick. It stabs with the dagger but hits the book bag. It lunges again -- this time stopped in mid air -- a huge fist completely surrounds it's neck. It flails and gurgles, hisses, screams and shrieks -- rapidly transforming, into different creatures, an eagle, wildcat, gargoyle, snake and every nightmares in between. Finally spent, it's the demon again, gurgling and trying desperately to free itself from the huge mans throttling hold -- clawing the hand on its neck. The girl, still on the bed, watches in wide-eyed shock as the demon glows a bright red and the ghost a bright blue. Backing away from the bed, the ghost comes to an empty part of the room and opens a large, iron door, that's not in the floor. Heat, sulfur, flickering firelight, loud moans and tormented screams fill the bedroom. The demon doubles its effort to free itself, wailing and screaming in pain -- -- the ghost flings him through the door, like he's no more than a rag doll -- slamming the door shut. And the door that's not there is not there again. Just old oak floorboards of an old bedroom. The girl slides back to the bed's headboard, sits up against it, hugs her knees to her chest and tries not to believe what she just saw with own two eyes. The ghost watches her and dims -- as fierce and powerful as he was a minute ago, he now seems confused -- unsure of himself -- uncomfortable. A moment later, the girl starts to cry quietly. He slowly moves by her, tries unsuccessfully to look nonmenacing and slowly reaches out to her hand -- -- but his ghost hand has no more substance than air and that makes him sad. After awhile she daubs her tears with the sleeves of her sweater and takes a long look at the ghost. JILL Who are you? The ghost can't talk -- he points to his mouth and shrugs -- then gets an idea and points to the top of a dresser. The girls gets up and checks. A framed picture, covered in dust - -- she blows the dust off. Sees the house, when it was livable, the huge man standing in front, smiling, his arm around a beautiful woman. In front, a seven-year-old girl. JILL Your family. But when she looks up, the ghost has faded away. INT. KITCHEN -- NEXT DAY Jill has found a gas lantern and searches for food. The cupboards are bare and she is hungry. The kitchen is large with dusty floors -- -- except near the basement door -- from that door to the door that leads outside, the dust is disturbed -- a path. The hair raises on the nape of her neck -- ghost don't make paths. She's fifteen and hungry so she opens the basement door and goes down the steps. INT. BASEMENT -- DAY Mostly dust and mildew and old, forgotten things, that look creepy in the shadows from the lantern. A washer and dryer, a freezer, some shelves with tools -- no canned or jarred food. On the other side of the room is another door. She seems uncomfortable and heads back to the steps, then turns -- -- what's behind that door? She goes to it. When she opens it, she's nearly blinded by the light -- there's uncovered windows high up on the walls. The room isn't large and it isn't clean, but it's mostly dust free and someone lives in it. She jumps back away from the door, into the darkness and listens. Nothing. She enters. In one corner an army cot, in another, makeshift shelves with canned food and crackers. Stacked against a wall, a flashlight, some batteries and a small radio. She grabs a box of crackers and a can of beans -- -- then notices the small table, stacked with souvenirs. Not the nice kind. These are the souvenirs of a sick and depraved human being. Bits of jewelry, parts of clothing, crime scene photographs of gashing wounds and dismembered people -- and newspaper articles. Dozens of them. Now forgotten, Jill drops the crackers and the beans and leafs through the articles and looks at pictures of ruined lives -- -- one article shows the ghost and his family, the same picture from the dresser. The headline -- "Family Murdered!" A picture of the suspect, an escaped murderer and rapist, a repulsive, vile man, in his fifties, named BART LURCH. She hears a door open and close, upstairs -- -- runs from the deviates room, searches the tool shelf -- finds a large pipe wrench and runs to the stairs. Too late. Bart is on his way down. For a moment they stop and stare at each other. Then the pervert leers at her. BART Well hello, sweet thing -- She hits with the pipe wrench, as hard as she can, knocking him off the stairs -- Fast as lightning she's out of the room. INT. BEDROOM -- DAY Jill is back on the bed, hugging her knees again, when the ghost reappears. This time he's agitated, flailing his arms, trying to get her to run away. She closes her eyes and hides behind her book bag. INT. BASEMENT -- DAY Bart groans, feels his jaw, wipes away blood and rousts himself up from the floor. He leers -- obviously enjoying the hunt. BART I'm counting to a hundred. INT. BEDROOM -- DAY Jill can hear Bart getting nearer -- -- he's in the kitchen, the living room, he's climbing the steps -- BART (O.S.) Ready or not, here I come. The ghost gets brighter --doing anything to alert Jill. Finally something works, she opens her eyes -- jumps up -- -- grabs the pipe wrench and stands by the door. The ghost smiles and shakes his head -- "NO". She's confused when he points to the floor between the bed and the dresser. But he points "harder", and she runs over to him. Bart has reached the top of the stairs and walks down the long hallway. Her tracks are obvious to him in the dust. BART (O.S.) Ready? -- Sweet thing? A loose floorboard, something underneath wrapped in cloth -- a six-shooter, pistol. She grabs it and tries to **** the hammer -- it won't budge. Bart is at the door, but in no hurry. He sees a girl, scared and trying to hide on the floor -- and enjoys himself. The ghost puts his finger on the safety and makes the motion for unlocking it. Jill unlocks the safety and cocks the hammer. Bart notices the pistol and rushes her -- -- she FIRES the gun. Hits him in the shoulder. For a moment he's stunned. BART You bitch! You shot me! With a grimace on his ugly face he comes at her -- no games this time. She FIRES again -- this time she hits his heart. In shock he still tries to lunge at her -- -- she FIRES the last four bullets -- three more in the chest and one in the head. Finally, Bart drops to the floor. She keeps pulling the trigger, until the ghost puts his hand in front of the pistol. Once again she has tears in her eyes and once again he can't comfort her. Then -- Bart starts to glow red -- his dead body shimmering -- There's a huge smile on the ghosts face, but not a nice one. The Demon/Bart is even uglier than the Human/Bart and as it rises, it melts away the flesh to white ash. It leers at Jill, unaware of the ghost. BART (CONT’D) Thought you were done with -- A huge, blue, glowing fist throttles the demon and holds it like a vise while it thrashes and screams. Backing away from the bed, the ghost comes to an empty part of the room and opens a large, iron door, that's not there... FADE OUT. THE END
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2017, 12:46 AM   #3
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Re: Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Removed by request of the author.

Last edited by Mark Somers : 09-18-2017 at 11:46 PM.
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2017, 12:50 AM   #4
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Re: Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Removed by request of the author.

Last edited by Mark Somers : 09-18-2017 at 11:46 PM.
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2017, 12:55 AM   #5
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Re: Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Code:
Summer Daze ( 1 of 2 ) EXT. HOUSE—NIGHT As we slowly FADE IN, muffled sounds of a life or death struggle from some kind of animal, along with sounds of chains, and wood being ripped apart, accompany the now full visual of- A dog fighting to tear his chain out from a rotten doghouse, in the backyard of a rotting clapboard house. Yellow bulb hangs over back door. Fenced backyard. House is crammed between other small clapboard houses. Broken down cars and trucks sit like southern lawn sculptures in grown-over yards. Dogs bark like they're singing in harmony to Springsteen's “Johnny 99.” “Well dog warden I do believe I'd be better off dead. And if you could take a dog's life for the thoughts that's in his head...” A young man with the name BOBBY DAZE on his work shirt, looks like he is drunk--and when drunk is probably a jackass, you can just tell--opens his backdoor and yells at his dog. Then he throws something at the dog, or did he? The dog quits biting the doghouse and scurries inside it. BOBBY Shut up DOG or you're gonna go back on the short chain! DOG stares at him from the darkness. His tail has no wag left in it for his owner. BOBBY takes a long drink from his bottle of beer. Belches. Spits. Wipes his mouth. Throws the empty at the dog house. Staggers back inside. DOG sticks his head out into the night, cautiously checks his empty food dish, then runs full-blast to one side of the fence. The chain tears away from his doghouse. A neighbor dog, a HUGE STRANGELOOKING DOG, comes over. They begin growling nicely to each other. Tails wag. They're buddies. CUT to the film, THE GREAT ESCAPE STEVE MCQUEEN is telling his superiors the escape he is planning to make. CUT to the BACKYARD. The HUGE STRANGE-LOOKING DOG nods and smiles. A terrible argument between a man and a woman comes from inside the house. Through the window, DOG sees BOBBY DAZE yelling at his girlfriend. She is backing up from him, afraid. DOG runs to the other side of the fenced yard and begins growling and conferring with a TERRIER. CUT to THE GREAT ESCAPE, and the scene where Charles Bronson is starting to dig the escape hole. CUT to the BACKYARD. TERRIER stares at DOG. DOG nods. DOG jumps over a broken part of the fence into the TERRIER's yard. TERRIER jumps onto one end of a seesaw. DOG leaps onto the other end, sending TERRIER over the fence. TERRIER is now in DOG's backyard. DOG leaps back over the fence. DOG and TERRIER now begin digging on other side of the fence, as HUGE STRANGE-LOOKING DOG digs on the other side. HUGE STRANGE-LOOKING DOG finally is able to just barely make it from under the fence. CUT TO THE GREAT ESCAPE SCENE where McQueen emerges from the hole, short of the forest. CUT TO THE BACKYARD. The three dogs stare inside at the house, where the BOBBY DAZE is still yelling. HUGE STRANGELOOKING DOG suddenly takes off in a sprint and jumps through the screen door. DOG and TERRRIER are right behind him. INSIDE. HOUSE--NIGHT The three dogs have BOBBY DAZE pinned in a corner of his kitchen. He is yelling at the dogs, but the louder he yells, the more they growl and bark. His girlfriend makes a break for the front door and is gone into the night. The dogs follow, but not before briefly TERRIER attacks BOBBY DAZE's ankle. INSIDE. DOG POUND--DAYBREAK The three dogs are in the slammer, each in a separate small cage. AT THE FRONT DESK BOBBY DAZE stands at a counter. He's pale. His hands shake. WOMAN WORKING THE FRONT DESK What's the dog's name again? BOBBY DAZE Dog Daze. WOMAN And you live in Summer? BOBBY DAZE Already told you. Dog Daze of Summer is in here. You all called me from the number on his collar. WOMAN What does he look like? BOBBY DAZE His fur is brown and black and white. Has a big head and a skinny body. His collar says DOG DAZE. The WOMAN scans a log-in book and shakes her head. WOMAN Don't see anything like that. We'll take a look. Is it a him or a her? BOBBY DAZE A him. WOMAN So he ran away last night? BOBBY DAZE Yeah. WOMAN He run away much? BOBBY DAZE Yeah. WOMAN Why does he do that...you think? BOBBY DAZE How the hell should I know. The WOMAN studies him. BOBBY DAZE How much is it gonna be to bail him out of here. WOMAN Twenty-five dollars. BOBBY DAZE It was twenty last year. Jesus, I ain't got twenty-five dollars right now. WOMAN We'll send you a bill. If you don't pay it within 60 days the town will turn your water off until it is paid. BOBBY DAZE Be nice to live somewhere someday where the damn government ain't out to screw you every time you turn around. Turn my water off over my dog running away. What the ****. WOMAN Please watch your language. BOBBY DAZE You gonna turn my water off for that, too, if I don't? The woman blows out a deep breath and looks up at a clock on the wall. It is only 7:05 am and by her look, this day is already starting off shitty. Mighty shitty. WOMAN Follow me. BOBBY DAZE follows the woman into a cavernous room which houses all kids of dogs and cats and a few varmints of different varieties. There are no windows and only two low- wattage bulbs provide light. He looks around, unsure of what is all around him. BOBBY DAZE Stinks like hell in here. WOMAN At least it doesn't smell like stale beer, vomit and cigarettes. BOBBY DAZE I don't like your attitude, lady. I pay your goddamn salary. I believe I'm gonna head to the town office when they open and make a formal complaint. WOMAN Do as you please. Sir, I hope you are not going to do it smelling like you do. BOBBY DAZE Looks like he is about to explode. The WOMAN points at a dog in a cage. BOBBY DAZE smiles a smile of relief. He squats but the dog backs up from him as far as it can. BOBBY DAZE That's him. WOMAN And his name is what again? BOBBY DAZE DOG DAZE. He was my ex-wife's dog. When she left me, I wouldn't let her take him. She done took everything else. It's been me and him against the world since. WOMAN And the world is winning, I can see. Can also see that he doesn't like you. BOBBY DAZE Bullshit. You know what, I don't like you. He just knows he's in trouble. This ain't the first time I've been in this damn place to get him. He points his finger at the dog. DOG growls at him. BOBBY DAZE Back on the short chain when we get home, *******. Twenty-five bucks... WOMAN Are his shots up to date? BOBBY reaches to unlatch the cage door. He begins to open it. The woman closes it. BOBBY DAZE You can't keep my dog here. WOMAN Yes I can, if I believe the animal is being abused. BOBBY DAZE Abused? I've had dogs my whole life. I know how to treat dogs. WOMAN He's malnourished. How old is he? BOBBY DAZE When I'm eating good, he eats good. Things ain't been real good lately but are turning around. WOMAN Do you know how old he is? BOBBY DAZE stands, steps directly in front of the woman. BOBBY DAZE I'm opening the cage, and getting my dog. Right now. We're getting the **** out of this place. WOMAN Is your name and number in the phone book? BOBBY DAZE What? WOMAN Your phone number. Is it listed in the phone book under your name. The number we called. BOBBY DAZE It ain't listed. Why? WOMAN So you live in Summer? BOBBY DAZE Yeah. Lived here most all of my damn life. How long have you lived here? WOMAN To confirm that dog belongs to you, and you are its rightful owner, I'm going to give you a color...pink. How long will it take you to get home. BOBBY DAZE I'm about to call the cops. I used to have a brother in-law who was a deputy-- WOMAN Fine. I can tell you've been drinking. I'm gonna give you a half- hour to get back home, and I will call the number on the dog's collar, and I'll ask you the color from our talk. You need to say 'pink' and then come back and your dog will be ready, and I will know you are the rightful owner. BOBBY DAZE You're ****ing crazy. I'm getting my dog, and we're leaving.
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2017, 12:58 AM   #6
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,006
Default Re: Entries - Dog Days of Summer

Code:
Summer Daze ( 2 of 2 ) The WOMAN yells out “LITTLE CUTIE.” A huge rottweiler plods into the room. WOMAN LITTLE CUTIE doesn't like bullies, do you LITTLE CUTIE... LITTLE CUTIE growls. His head is the size of...the man begins backing up toward the door. WOMAN I'll call you in a half-hour. BOBBY DAZE **** you. WOMAN LITTLE CUTIE hates bad language. BOBBY DAZE, now at the door, pulls a lock-blade knife from his back pocket and opens it. BOBBY DAZE That dog tries to bite me and I'll gut it. The dog growls louder and approaches him. BOBBY DAZE I mean it! WOMAN The door locked automatically when we came in here. You need a key (she holds up the key) to open it. So you said you chain your dog, and you don't feed him much most of the time...he is skinny, and you would not believe how much food he ate once he was brought in here. He has fleas. Sores. I'd bet my wide bottom dollar he has worms. I've invented a system to turn bad pet owners into good ones. The WOMAN points at an empty cage, about four feet by four feet. WOMAN Get in. BOBBY DAZE You're crazy, lady! You're crazy! BOBBY DAZE keeps both eyes on the rottweiler and pulls and pushes on the door right behind him. It is a steel door. It will not open. WOMAN Get in. Just for a bit. Nothing like what you've put your dog through, of course. Just a taste of the life you make him live every single day. Call it...a crash course in pet owner training. BOBBY DAZE I'm not ****ing getting in that cage, you crazy bitch! WOMAN Drop the knife. BOBBY DAZE shakes his head. He is crying now. LITTLE CUTIE begins barking and lunges at him. He drops the knife. WOMAN (calmly)) Cage, LITTLE CUTIE. Cage. LITTLE CUTIE jumps up to grab BOBBY DAZE by the shoulder but he leaps into the safety of the cage and shuts the door. She removes a padlock and places it on the door. She goes to a knee. WOMAN You see the chain behind you...place the collar around your neck and close the small padlock. BOBBY DAZE You should be in an insane asylum! The woman pulls a can of pepper spray from its small holster on her belt. WOMAN Do you know what this is? BOBBY DAZE Wipes his eyes and nose on his sleeve. He draws back from what is in her hand. WOMAN Yes. Pepper spray. And I will spray you if you don't place the collar around your neck and lock it. The WOMAN goes to a sink and fills a dirty bowl with water. Then she empties a can of dogfood into another dirty bowl. She opens a very small gate where the bowls barely fit through into the cage. WOMAN This is your food and water for the next three days. BOBBY DAZE You're dead, lady! You're dead! WOMAN Oh bark all you want to. Nobody can hear you, anyway. The woman turns on light switches. BOBBY DAZE squints with all of the bright lights on. He sees movements in large cages all around him. Naked people with collars and chains around their necks are in the cages. They look like they would eat him, if given the chance. One man with white hair and no teeth asks if he will throw some of his food through his cage into his cage. BOBBY DAZE turns back to the woman. She smiles at him. The WOMAN walks toward DOG DAZE's cage. Unlocks it. WOMAN Come here, sugar. The dog walks out of the cage on wobbly legs. WOMAN That mean man won't hurt you anymore. I won't let him. Then she unlocks the cages of his friends. The BIG STRANGE- LOOKING DOG pees on BOBBY DAZE's cage, soaking him. Then TERRIER lifts his leg and tries to do the same. WOMAN unlocks the steel door, steps into the hall, and before the door closes and BOBBY DAZE hears it lock, she turns off all the lights. It is pitch black. BOBBY DAZE screams. The others scream with him. They sound like dogs in a kennel. DOG pants. After a few moments, the door opens and the lights come back on. BOBBY DAZE stops screaming and squints. DOG is at his cage, pawing at the door of it. WOMAN I speak dog, you know, as well as cat, and I am learning horse. Your dog feels sorry for you and wants me to release you into his care. You will take good care of him now, won't you? BOBBY DAZE nods. He looks around. The human cages are now empty.
Mark Somers is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Done Deal Pro

eXTReMe Tracker