Daydream Inserts

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  • Daydream Inserts

    Trying to figure out the clearest and most efficient way to convey a character entering and exiting a daydream. He watches a barman slicing a lemon - we zoom in on the knife and as it descends, it slices off a finger. We zoom out and it's now a torture scene in a different location. This, oviously, is the daydream. After the torture scene plays out, we zoom into the knife again and as it descends it slices the lemon. We zoom out and he's back in the real world, in the bar, watching the barman. I had thought of using AS THE KNIFE DESCENDS as mini slugs but it would be used twice (at the start and end of the daydream) and this could be confusing.

    On another note, if you're in POV and objects/people come towards you, is it better/clearer to mention the character who's in POV, the camera or "us"? IE: "hands reach out towards Mike/the camera/us".
    M.A.G.A.

  • #2
    Re: Daydream Inserts

    You can just use italics for the daydream sequences.

    Don't really need a mini-slug.
    Code:
    INT. KITCHEN -- DAY
    
    Daniel puts a light salad together. Romaine, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers...
    
    He pulls a LEMON from a basket, slices into it as we...
    
    CUT TO:
    
    [I]INT. UNIDENTIFIED ROOM -- NIGHT
    
    A KNIFE slices through a FINGERTIP, blood spurting, gushing... KNIFE aims 
    for the thumb...
    
    BACK TO:[/I]
    
    INT. KITCHEN -- DAY
    
    Daniel CHOPS through a PORK BONE...
    etc. etc. etc.

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    • #3
      Re: Daydream Inserts

      This is really just of variation of the question of how to handle flashbacks.

      I was just going to add a touch or two to what ATB said, and essentially offer the same view that he did, because I like to have complete scene headings for things that happen. (Everything has to be shot somewhere, so why not use a master scene heading and be done with it? In that respect, I am not a big supporter of mini-slugs, since they need to be scenes eventually anyway.)

      However, after I carefully reread your original question, I decided that you have so much stuff going on that maybe the best way is to avoid master scene headings, just for the sake of making things flow very smoothly. It is also all right to explain what is happening.

      Let's borrow ATB's character Daniel for this.
      INT. BAR -- NIGHT

      Daniel watches a barman pick up a lemon and a knife. The barman puts the lemon on a cutting board. Just as the knife descends toward the lemon, Daniel has a series of powerful daydreams.

      SERIES OF SHOTS (DAYDREAMS)

      1. A knife cuts off a finger, and blood gushes.

      2. Someone is undergoing torture. (Describe what is happening. Rack? Hot irons? Or just a screaming face?)

      3. Any other daydreams.

      END SERIES OF SHOTS

      Daniel snaps back to the present just as the barman slices a piece of lemon with a quick movement of the knife.
      And, yes, you could handle all of this in other ways. The most important goal is to present everything with clarity within the framework of traditional screenplay formatting.

      As for your second question, you can handle it in any of the ways that you mentioned. I prefer just to describe what the character sees:
      Daniel sees a pair of hands reaching toward him.
      That method is a hint that the hands are reaching directly toward "us" (the camera). They are not going to shoot it the way you specify anyway, just because you wrote it like that, but it does not hurt to present the action in the way that you envision it.

      "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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      • #4
        Re: Daydream Inserts

        Soft Watery Dissolve To

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        • #5
          Re: Daydream Inserts

          Originally posted by SundownInRetreat View Post
          Trying to figure out the clearest and most efficient way to convey a character entering and exiting a daydream. He watches a barman slicing a lemon - we zoom in on the knife and as it descends, it slices off a finger. We zoom out and it's now a torture scene in a different location. This, oviously, is the daydream. After the torture scene plays out, we zoom into the knife again and as it descends it slices the lemon. We zoom out and he's back in the real world, in the bar, watching the barman. I had thought of using AS THE KNIFE DESCENDS as mini slugs but it would be used twice (at the start and end of the daydream) and this could be confusing.

          On another note, if you're in POV and objects/people come towards you, is it better/clearer to mention the character who's in POV, the camera or "us"? IE: "hands reach out towards Mike/the camera/us".
          Nothing wrong with placing it in the slugline-- that way it's nice and clear, which is important. Play around with the format until it suits your style...

          PULL OUT TO REVEAL:

          DAYDREAM - INT. TORTURE CHAMBER - NIGHT

          BLAH BLAH BLAH

          BACK TO SCENE:

          Now, if you're going to break the fourth wall, imo, it's better if we get that personal touch, as if they are looking right at US--

          I've always liked talking directly to the reader. There are moments when it's a perfect solution, but it can't be forced, or I think it can back fire. Don't over do it. But yes, if written well, you can break the fourth wall effectively.

          Good luck,
          FA4
          "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

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          • #6
            Re: Daydream Inserts

            I like the way ATB did it. Easy to read. Gets the idea across in the least obtrusive way.

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            • #7
              Re: Daydream Inserts

              Ta very much.
              M.A.G.A.

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