Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

    Need your opinion on whether the format below is ok. Wasn't able to find a script with this scenario but if you know of one, please post here. I looked at the other flashback thread further below but wasn't quite sure if that was appropriate here also. They suggested using an "End of Flashback" each time. Would that be needed here too?

    Set-up -- a couple is relocating to Vegas. They are heading to their hotel from the airport.

    My objective -- Use various flashbacks with the protag/Karen using V.O. to inform us of what she is seeing now outside of the taxi and what did happen in the past via the flashbacks. The backstory.

    Is my formatting correct with the "Flashback," "V.O." and "Present Day" notations?

    Do I need an "action" line after each Flashback dialogue e.g. "Karen keeps her head down playing with her food?"

    Is the "Karen's P.O.V. from car window" correct?

    Also, if there is a better/more interesting way of accomplishing getting this info out, please do tell.

    EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - MORNING
    A TAXI drives down the Strip past glamorous casinos.

    INT. TAXI - MORNING
    KAREN JONES, 28, stares out the window at the hordes of tourists on the sidewalk.

    KAREN (V.O.)
    Hard to believe that just 2 weeks ago, I was told that I was getting promoted to our company's HQ in Vegas.

    I was thrilled. My parents were not.

    INT. JONES LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

    Karen and her parents are arguing over dinner.

    MRS. JONES
    Are you crazy? People visit there, they don't live there.

    Karen keeps her head down playing with her food.

    INT. TAXI - MORNING - PRESENT DAY

    Karen's P.O.V. from car window - the doors to the casinos are all open.

    KAREN (V.O.)
    It's 90 degrees out. Don't all the open doors let the AC escape?

    She looks over to her sleeping BOYFRIEND.

    KAREN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
    He can sleep through anything.

    At least my brother was thrilled at us moving out here.

    EXT. JONES BACKYARD - DAY - FLASHBACK
    Karen's BROTHER hands her some money.

    BROTHER
    At some casino, put this on the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl this season. Please.

    INT. TAXI - MORNING - PRESENT DAY
    The taxi pulls up to the Mirage Hotel.

    KAREN (V.O.)
    (stares up at the hotel)
    Wow. That place can probably hold everyone in our town.

    She shakes her Boyfriend.

    KAREN (CONT'D)
    Hey, wake up. We're here.

    Much, much appreciation for any assistance here.

  • #2
    Re: Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

    What you did works fine. Only because I like to see total clarity, I would like to see a couple of tweaks. See below.
    Blue = add text.
    Red = delete text.



    Code:
    EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - MORNING
    
    A TAXI drives down the Strip past glamorous casinos.
    
    INT. TAXI - MORNING
    
    KAREN JONES, 28, stares out the window at the hordes of 
    tourists on the sidewalk.
                          
                          KAREN (V.O.)
              Hard to believe that just 2 weeks ago, 
              I was told that I was getting promoted 
              to our company's HQ in Vegas.
    
    I was thrilled. My parents were not.
    
    INT. JONES LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
    
    Karen and her parents are arguing over dinner.
                          
                          MRS. JONES
              Are you crazy? People visit there, they 
              don't live there.
    
    Karen keeps her head down playing with her food.
    
    [COLOR=Blue]END FLASHBACK[/COLOR]
    
    INT. TAXI - MORNING[COLOR=Red] - PRESENT DAY[/COLOR]
    
    Karen's P.O.V. from car window - the doors to the casinos are 
    all open.
                          
                          KAREN (V.O.)
              It's 90 degrees out. Don't all the open 
              doors let the AC escape?
    
    She looks over to her sleeping BOYFRIEND.
                          
                          KAREN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
              He can sleep through anything.
    
    At least my brother was thrilled at us moving out here.
    
    EXT. JONES BACKYARD - DAY - FLASHBACK
    
    Karen's BROTHER hands her some money.
                          
                          BROTHER
              At some casino, put this on the Cowboys 
              to win the Super Bowl this season. 
              Please.
    
    [COLOR=Blue]END FLASHBACK[/COLOR]
    
    INT. TAXI - MORNING[COLOR=red] - PRESENT DAY[/COLOR]
    
    The taxi pulls up to the Mirage Hotel.
                          
                          KAREN (V.O.)
                     (stares up at the hotel)
              Wow. That place can probably hold 
              everyone in our town.
    
    She shakes her Boyfriend.
                          
                          KAREN (CONT'D)
              Hey, wake up. We're here.
    NOTE: How did I reproduce this excerpt from the script? Easy.

    1. Copied the original.
    2. "Pasted as Fountain" into Fade In.
    3. Exported as "Formatted Text" from Fade In.
    4. Copied the Formatted Text file.
    5. Pasted into Done Deal Pro (between the usual 'code' and '/code' tags).

    "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

      ComicBent,

      First, thanks for the response!

      Second (and third), I reviewed your info to Dingo_Pug from his post before I posted. That's just to let you know that I do value your input and that I don't post before checking to see if my query was answered earlier.

      And I also reviewed your suggestions in the Script Pages Feedback on how to copy pages easily here.

      I wasn't able to do that with Final Draft but again, I do pay attention to your posts.

      Let me throw out a corollary to my query. In addition to using V.O. over a FLASHBACK SCENE, in that same section I want to show AN ITEM (a paper informing her of her promotion and transfer to Vegas) with her V.O. saying something like, "Took the brass long enough to recognize my talents."

      How would I show that?

      Thanks again.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

        That is pretty easy to do.

        Provide an Action line or two that show us that she has pulled out a memo.

        If you want to show the memo, I would use something like:

        Code:
        CLOSE ON MEMO, which reads:
        
        "Congratulations! We have selected you for the Las Vegas opportunity." Etc.
        
                                  KAREN (V.O.)
                      Well, it took them forever, but
                      they finally chose me for the gig
                      in Las Vegas.
        The only thing is, you have to decide whether you want to emphasize the memo or just have it up for a fleeting moment. Personally, I hate it when films put up stuff to read, because I am always watching on TV, and the TV is across the room. I can't read that stuff.

        But that ought to work.

        I am not a professional screenwriter. But I have enough experience with the craft to know that your goal is to present something in a manner that makes your intention clear to the reader. That is what it all comes down to.

        By the way, I was not criticizing you for not presenting your example in screenplay format. What you did was fine. We used to handle scripts that way, with everything flush left, back in the old days of the Internet. I mentioned how I used Fade In because I like to promote this wonderful program, which is inexpensive and very powerful.

        "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Flashback with present day V.O. and present day actions formatting query

          Thanks. No offense taken.

          Comment

          Working...
          X