Our view of a field mouse

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  • Our view of a field mouse

    An opening image -

    "A MOUSE. It starts scampering, passes a chef's knife and a sharpening steel..."

    Based on those words, what's our POV of the mouse?

    I ask because, right after that, as the mouse keeps scampering it passes more things - important reveals - and to make those reveals work I think the camera should be down on the surface the mouse scampers across, and should track the mouse. (While we see the mouse, we hear indistinct sounds of 2 people arguing.)

    The goal, visually: At first, we have no idea where the mouse is. When we see the steel and knife, we figure he's in a kitchen. Etc. (The mouse is on a stainless steel table in a restaurant kitchen; whatever is the b.g. is indistinct.)

    What's a clear and concise way to say the camera is down at mouse-eye level?
    Last edited by Manchester; 04-25-2015, 04:56 PM.

  • #2
    Re: our view of a field mouse

    maybe focus attention more around how tiny feet move quickly and nails click across the stainless steel countertop. Hurdles the chef's knife/or scurries beneath it -- you could look a ratatouille for inspiration. Or just come out and say it: we push along, eye level with a mouse as it...

    good luck with it

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    • #3
      Re: our view of a field mouse

      Do a wide shot where we see the mouse scampering on the counter and then do a mini-slug.

      MOUSES POV

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      • #4
        Re: our view of a field mouse

        Originally posted by Manchester View Post
        An opening image -

        "A MOUSE. It starts scampering, passes a chef's knife and a sharpening steel..."

        Based on those words, what's our POV of the mouse?

        I ask because, right after that, as the mouse keeps scampering it passes more things - important reveals - and to make those reveals work I think the camera should be down on the surface the mouse scampers across, and should track the mouse. (While we see the mouse, we hear indistinct sounds of 2 people arguing.)

        The goal, visually: At first, we have no idea where the mouse is. When we see the steel and knife, we figure he's in a kitchen. Etc. (The mouse is on a stainless steel table in a restaurant kitchen; whatever is the b.g. is indistinct.)

        What's a clear and concise way to say the camera is down at mouse-eye level?
        I think something that reveals the mouse but not where it is, then goes to the mouses pov, then reveals where we are. For example something like:

        CLOSE ON A MOUSE

        Blah, Blah.

        MOUSE'S POV

        Blah, Blah

        PULL BACK TO REVEAL

        INT. KITCHEN- NIGHT

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Our view of a field mouse

          Originally posted by Manchester View Post
          An opening image -

          "A MOUSE. It starts scampering, passes a chef's knife and a sharpening steel..."

          Based on those words, what's our POV of the mouse?

          I ask because, right after that, as the mouse keeps scampering it passes more things - important reveals - and to make those reveals work I think the camera should be down on the surface the mouse scampers across, and should track the mouse. (While we see the mouse, we hear indistinct sounds of 2 people arguing.)

          The goal, visually: At first, we have no idea where the mouse is. When we see the steel and knife, we figure he's in a kitchen. Etc. (The mouse is on a stainless steel table in a restaurant kitchen; whatever is the b.g. is indistinct.)

          What's a clear and concise way to say the camera is down at mouse-eye level?
          Not overthinking it. What you wrote evokes in my mind exactly what you wanted it to, exactly how you wanted. Just keep revealing as you go. No need to "Pull back to reveal," just start describing the bigger scene when you want to show that.

          "He scurries past a knife, then a fork, clambers over a wooden spatula, then circles around a sink basin."

          Okay, so I'm following pretty close on the mouse, cool.

          "He's in a traditional Italian kitchen."

          Okay, boom. Now I'm seeing the kitchen from a bigger perspective.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Our view of a field mouse

            Thanks, all.

            Originally posted by Eric Boellner View Post
            Not overthinking it. What you wrote evokes in my mind exactly what you wanted it to, exactly how you wanted.
            Certainly, that's what I'm hoping. I do prefer that versus calling out a POV. Just, as a writer, I'm not yet at the point of knowing that that's how a script reader will see it.

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            • #7
              Re: Our view of a field mouse

              Similar scene in "Ratatoullie" but that movie already established the rat as the protagonist.

              I might consider:
              A MOUSE - We follow him as he runs right to left. A KNIFE slams down behind him, just missing.

              As he continues left, VOICES rise, becoming a heated argument between a couple and fading as our mouse pages by.
              SL35
              Potent dreamer. Newb disclaimer.

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              • #8
                Re: Our view of a field mouse

                I'm with Eric. As I read it, I imagined it exactly like you described wanting it to look. I think your description is fine. I don't see any reason to change it.

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