Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

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  • Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

    I'm seeing this quite a bit in the pages we're reading here.

    Stuff like:

    HELEN, 20's, beautiful in a way you don't notice at first, walks in the room. The kind of girl who doesn't realize how smart she is, even if the rest of the world sees it right away.

    You guys have to stop doing that. First off, 90% of the time it's meaningless baloney anyway, typically phrased in a contradictory "shy but brave" style.

    Secondly, it's boring. When we read a screenplay, we are looking to be moved or impressed. Fortune cookie summations of a character's essence written prior to the character saying a single goddamned word will always be anti-interesting.

    Thirdly, it's bad screenwriting. If you believe your character is interesting because there's a mismatch between their inner and outer selves, MAKE ME REALIZE THAT naturally as the character makes CHOICES in the SCRIPT.

    Do not TELL ME that. Ever.

    These summations aren't shootable, and they aren't fun to read either.

    See my awful sum-up above? Do it like this:

    HELEN, 20's, walks in the room. A few men turn their heads to clock her as she walks by.

    She doesn't register any of it. If anything, she looks unsure and intimidated.


    There. Stuff I can SEE in the audience.

    I SEE that men are looking at her, so I can INFER that she is beautiful, and I can SEE that she's unsure and intimidated. That's something an actor can actually PORTRAY.

    From those two things I can SEE, I can INFER that there's a mismatch.

    Don't chew the reader's food for him, okay?

  • #2
    Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

    I appreciate this info, so understand I'm NOT trying to argue.

    But, I always thought summing up was fine, since it's the basis for the way the character will act all the way through.

    HANGOVER -- PHIL -- Early 30's, rugged, good-looking -- and currently a complete mess. His shirt is ripped open, his aviator sunglasses are bent, dried blood on his lip -- he clearly hasn't slept in days.

    So from that we know Phil is the "handsome" one of the bunch (and because of that he'll probably carry himself differently, more confidently) and since he's "currently" a complete mess, we know he isn't usually.

    There isn't action around him stating he's good-looking or rugged. Per your example, wouldn't HELEN'S "doesn't know how smart she is" be just the same -- in other words, the actor playing her would know she's not super confident, but humble. And thusly, her dialogue would be spoken as such?

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    • #3
      Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

      Everything in that description of Phil is visible to the audience. Note the word "clearly," which implies physical evidence of exhaustion.

      Currently just means "right now" and nothing more.

      The actor playing Helen needs her character's choices to be a vehicle for the performance. Not a dictate.

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      • #4
        Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

        Good advice. I vaguely remember hearing this stuff about "un-shootables" somewhere before.

        Show me what the character does so I can form my own opinion.

        The prevailing advice around here seems to be to write whatever you think will make your screenplay better.

        Maybe the advice should be, "Stop thinking this will make your screenplay better."

        But, of course, when I do it I'm in the 10% meaningful baloney category.
        "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
        - Clive Barker, Galilee

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        • #5
          Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

          Originally posted by TwoBrad Bradley View Post
          Good advice. I vaguely remember hearing this stuff about "un-shootables" somewhere before.
          This is not what Craig just said.

          He said "Don't write sloppy character introductions," and more specifically, "Don't tell me something about a character that you should show."

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          • #6
            Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

            I've seen unshootable summing up character intros in some damn good scripts by damn good writers like Aaron Sorkin and Tony Gilroy.

            I guess the key is that if you do it, it needs to be damn good.

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            • #7
              Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

              Originally posted by Craig Mazin View Post
              HELEN, 20's, walks in the room. A few men turn their heads to clock her as she walks by.
              They punch her in the face? They time her pace?

              No and no. But that means you're using a word in its slang sense for a character intro. What's the point of that? In dialogue, fine. In action - using a word for an off-meaning/a meaning that it doesn't connote - it seems self-indulgent and a waste of the reader's energy.

              I dunno, Craig. Seems you've taken up the mantel of the "Don't ever do X" here. And (though not that there's anything necessarily wrong with it) at variance with your buddy John August. (And that's just one of his blog posts that carry the same theme that's at least rather counter to yours here.)

              Sure, the example you started your post with may be boring, but doing something like that...? Besides, can't casting cast that and an actress act that? Fast, efficient, move on.

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              • #8
                Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                Originally posted by Screenplay Savant View Post
                ... I guess the key is that if you do it, it needs to be damn good.
                That is usually what these types of threads evolve into. How do you tell the difference?

                I just happen to have a draft of PotC open in another window (and yes, I checked both versions) and I found this on page 1:

                "NORRINGTON, a dashing young man, Royal Navy to the core, ... "

                I couldn't detect any of this in the following action or dialogue. So, if this is not "bad screenwriting", what makes this work?
                "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
                - Clive Barker, Galilee

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                  Originally posted by Manchester View Post
                  They punch her in the face? They time her pace?

                  No and no. But that means you're using a word in its slang sense for a character intro. What's the point of that? In dialogue, fine. In action - using a word for an off-meaning/a meaning that it doesn't connote - it seems self-indulgent and a waste of the reader's energy.
                  You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking. I need to believe you're joking, sir or madam.

                  I dunno, Craig. Seems you've taken up the mantel of the "Don't ever do X" here. And (though not that there's anything necessarily wrong with it) at variance with your buddy John August. (And that's just one of his blog posts that carry the same theme that's at least rather counter to yours here.)
                  Hopefully I've give you guys food for thought. If you do it, do it well.

                  As it so happens, I don't think you really read John's article. If you did, you didn't get it. Note his point on cheating.

                  Also note that you're not Quentin Tarantino. If you are, you can cheat more than the rest of us.

                  Sure, the example you started your post with may be boring, but doing something like that...? Besides, can't casting cast that and an actress act that? Fast, efficient, move on.
                  No.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                    Originally posted by TwoBrad Bradley View Post
                    "NORRINGTON, a dashing young man, Royal Navy to the core, ... "
                    Perfectly filmable.

                    Dashing, check.

                    Royal Navy to the core?

                    Check. Full dress uniform, perfectly arranged, short hair, ramrod posture, proud countenance.

                    Excellent opening description.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                      Originally posted by Craig Mazin View Post
                      Perfectly filmable.

                      Royal Navy to the core?

                      Check. Full dress uniform, perfectly arranged, short hair, ramrod posture, proud countenance.

                      Excellent opening description.
                      But isn't "doesn't know how pretty she is" the same exact thing?

                      If a woman isn't aware she's pretty, she's not going to walk into a room full of men boldly, looking every one in the eye, or being demanding. She'd be humble or vulnerable. In that one small line, I know a TON about that woman.

                      That line leads to specific types of movements and attitudes -- I'd just think an actor (or casting agent) would appreciate the "doesn't know" part.

                      I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm trying to figure it out the difference.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                        What about this.
                        Code:
                        Cole Reyes, late 20s, his athletic body pulses through his
                                       tight clothing. A faint but noticeable scar sits below his
                                       left eye.
                        
                                       He has an expensive fashion sense, but his particularly
                                       expensive looking watch steals focus, it's a Panerai.
                        
                                       Thora Reyes, early-mid 20s, a pleasure to look at and a
                                       pleasure to be with. Through her brunette hair and stunning
                                       eyes her usual lively attitude is missing.
                        I think its fine if you can write a good description. Most people can't...but i'm not like most people...

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                        • #13
                          Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                          All of that was fine except "a pleasure to be with." Let me decide that as I read.

                          And "her usual lively attitude"... same thing.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                            Originally posted by figment View Post
                            But isn't "doesn't know how pretty she is" the same exact thing?

                            If a woman isn't aware she's pretty, she's not going to walk into a room full of men boldly, looking every one in the eye, or being demanding. She'd be humble or vulnerable. In that one small line, I know a TON about that woman.

                            That line leads to specific types of movements and attitudes -- I'd just think an actor (or casting agent) would appreciate the "doesn't know" part.

                            I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm trying to figure it out the difference.
                            It's not the same thing, because I can't see it in the moment.

                            I could see this:

                            Ellen walks through the room. Timid. Nervous. The sort of look you see on someone who doesn't feel like they belong.

                            That is something to play. It's about what I'm seeing in the moment. It's not a general insight into the totality of this persona, which is impossible to portray, and more important to my point here, bad writing.

                            It's giving away way too much. Let the audience come to discover this persona. Don't fortune cookie it to them.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                              Here's an example that caught my eye. It's from GLIMMER by Carter Blanchard:

                              BEN JOHNSON, 17, blows away killer robots on Tyler’s
                              computer. Ben is a shapeless geek with a spatter of acne
                              who fancies himself much cooler than he is or ever will be.


                              He pans to TYLER, driving, a geek in transition; only now
                              growing into his own skin. He’s got a lot more going for
                              him than poor Ben, but he’d be the last one to know it.
                              I very much noticed these descriptions & they pulled me out of the read.

                              BUT...

                              I think this was handled well. I wouldn't do it this way, but most would probably say the writing works.

                              "Trust your stuff." -- Dave Righetti, Pitching Coach

                              ( Formerly "stvnlra" )

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