Results - Halloween 2018 contest

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  • Results - Halloween 2018 contest

    Here are the results and the author names reveal, TA-DAH!

    Code:
                                    1st 2nd 3rd Total
    Comatose - Jai Brandon           4   1        14
    The Draw - dpaterso              2   1   2    10
    The Contract - StoryWriter           1   1     3
    Blue Fairy Madness - StoryWriter     2   1     5
    C o a s t  T o w n - Crayon          1         2
    Thunder Cove - concar                    2     2
    Congrats to Jai for grabbing most votes with Comatose

    Thanks also to LMPurves for taking time to read and vote!

    1st place votes = 3 points, 2nd = 2, 3rd = 1.

    I had a column for a "ghost town" bonus but if seemed that all the entries had elements that could be taken as meeting the theme, trying to split hairs would be pointless (no pun) so I took the column out. Everyone voted, so no need to award a voting bonus to counterbalance those who didn't, so that column got removed also.

    If you're disappointed because you didn't score higher -- don't be, you've just had practice to writing to theme and deadline, which is what these contests are all about. Also, a different set of readers might well produce a completely different set of results. So it doesn't mean your script was crap, it just means other scripts stole your votes!

    Thanks for participating, hope you had fun. Feel free to discuss the entries and post comments, if you have 'em, in this thread.

    For posterity, the contest discussion thread is here and the entries thread is here.

  • #2
    Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

    Nice! Thanks for voting me your winner.
    I was happy with how Comatose turned out. I even entered it into a few short screenplay contests. Wish I had the money and resources, I'd film it myself.
    I had meant to give everyone feedback, but ran short on time. Will do so if anyone is interested. Good job, everyone!
    FADE IN:
    PERSEVERANCE OVERCOMES ADVERSITY
    NEVER FADE OUT.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

      My votes went like,

      1st - Comatose
      2nd - Coast Town
      3rd - Thunder Cove

      And my thoughts while reading went like,

      Comatose

      I liked this, easy read, not hard to imagine it as a film, and the spooky, abruptly-cut-off ending works well in the context of a Halloween contest. Just asking, who completed the Rubik's cube though, the boy or the fiend? I wasn't sure. Never mind, gets a vote.

      The Draw

      My entry. An old Sci-Fi story of mine, given a fresh lick of paint and a new setting. I thought it worked okay, even with lots of interplay (and song lyrics!) shaved off to take it down to 8 pages. Beaten by better entries!

      The Contract

      I liked a lot of things about this -- enough to make me ignore the unfilmable character background info -- but then the contract conversation went off in its own not-quite-as-exciting direction and left me thinking this is only a snippet of a longer screenplay. For this reason it just missed out on a vote.

      Blue Fairy Madness

      I found this amusing but not quite gripping enough, that's perhaps the problem with parodies (says he who has written parodies before), they can come across as a comedy skit revolving around the identity of the known characters, which makes it hard to take seriously and invest in.

      Coast Town

      Weirdly spooky with loads of detail, capturing a very British seatown town feel, wow how depressing lol. There were little things I didn't quite get, but on the whole it felt like a film and gets a vote.

      Thunder Cove

      An easy read, though I didn't get the ending, it's as if they're both possessed, that's what's drawn Natalie here in her nightgown, but then suddenly she isn't? Despite my confusion on this point, it gets a vote.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

        Originally posted by Jai Brandon View Post
        I was happy with how Comatose turned out. I even entered it into a few short screenplay contests.
        Please can you tell us those short screenplay contests that you entered? I'm interested in having a go at such contests. (Or PM me, if you'd rather. It would be much appreciated.)
        Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
        "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

          Here's how I voted, and the notes that I made during and after my second readings of the scripts before voting.

          COMATOSE
          Got my vote for 1st place.
          NOTES: I don't know the Beaver's Pine Street reference. The coma-kid is a good device for a ghost/horror story, but sadly he's irrelevant - Patty may as well have been alone - or dogsitting. Too much time spent on the police for not enough reason. What's the point of the two-hour time jump? What does it have to do with the house intruder or the coma-kid? And that time jump needs a more obvious visual clue to first alert Patty that it's happened. How come that 'inhuman something' can understand and write English, solve a Rubik's Cube, measure time to one-hundreth of a second, and turn on a TV? Competent writing, with good dialogue. The story elements are good, and, although they're unconnected, at least the script's own reality mostly makes sense. Why title it Comatose when it's about an inhuman home invader?
          (no ghost / no town )

          THE DRAW
          Got my vote for 2nd place.
          NOTES: Can road signs be "weary"? Overall, it reads more like a comedy drama, and the 'ghost town' is more like a friendly theme park with just the one toublesome 'Yul Brynner'. It's true to its own reality, although the protagonists seem absurdly oblivious to the 150-year time shift. Competent writing, with good dialogue.
          (yay, ghosts / yay, a town )

          THE CONTRACT
          Got my vote for 3rd place.
          NOTES: It's just the first act of a longer script. The bag-of-bones lady is a good creation. Mr Smith doesn't get his tea. Two mentions of Dickens is at least one too many. Proportionally, there's too much paperwork and T&Cs. It's a shame that Mr Hawkins doesn't make an appearance. Some tight writing, and some sloppy. Good dialogue.
          (no ghost / yay, a town )

          BLUE FAIRY MADNESS
          NOTES: You've wasted my time and yours.
          (no ghost / no town )

          COAST TOWN
          My entry. Partly inspired by time spent in Hastings, UK. While writing it, a theme of homelessness emerged, so I added more elements of that, as well as some of its causes and effects. Pleased that I managed maybe a 20-minute film in just 8 pages. It would be very helpful to know at which point readers realised that Chris is a ghost.

          THUNDER COVE
          NOTES: Unbelievable and nonsensical - and right from the start, eg: where on earth are school buses "rickety", and cemeteries that go on "as far as the eye can see"? The plot is almost entirely a mystery. And where is the thunder, and the cove?
          (no ghost / yay, a town )
          Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
          "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

            Originally posted by Crayon View Post
            Please can you tell us those short screenplay contests that you entered? I'm interested in having a go at such contests. (Or PM me, if you'd rather. It would be much appreciated.)
            Hey Crayon, do you use Coverfly to enter screenplay contests? I submitted Comatose to the Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards, the Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition, and Barnstorm Fest. I'm thinking about submitting to Screencraft's Film Fund for a chance to win $10,000-$30,000 to produce the film, but since they only back one to three projects, I'm kinda dubious about that one. I think Comatose would play nicely on screen, but with so many projects vying for Screencraft's money, I'd essentially be buying a $45 lottery ticket. There are also a few more short screenplay contests worth considering.
            FADE IN:
            PERSEVERANCE OVERCOMES ADVERSITY
            NEVER FADE OUT.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

              My votes:


              1st - The Draw
              2nd - Comatose
              3rd - Thunder Cove

              Comatose
              Very well written. I liked the characters. I was hoping for a twist ending -- as in whatever is in the house turns out to be benevolent for a change. But it doesn't seem like that happened, so it ending up being another horror story.

              The Draw
              This one did the best at staying on the theme of "Ghost Town". I liked the characters in this one too. Was the best complete story.

              The Contract
              Mine. I let my daughter read this one and told her it wasn't really a story -- maybe an introduction to one. The intros were too long for a short and not much happened. I'm surprised it got votes.

              Blue Fairy Madness
              Mine again. Pretty stupid. I did like the "not real velociraptors" though. Sorry to make you read this crap. I had ideas without much of story and just mailed them in this time. At least I got them out of my system. Somehow, converting to PDF caused some of the dialogue to show up below as action lines. I don't know why, but it didn't make much difference for this stinker.

              Coast Town
              This one had interesting characters, but was at a huge disadvantage for this kind of themed contest. Had I been reading it in a generic contest I wouldn't have guessed on the first page that the protagonist was dead.

              Thunder Cove
              In my opinion this one could be better with some clean up and clarification. But it did hold my interest and it was a complete story, with interesting characters.

              Thanks for the entries and taking time to read mine. I guess I need to take more than two or three hours for a even a short, or at least have better ideas before I start.
              Last edited by StoryWriter; 11-02-2018, 02:56 PM.
              "I just couldn't live in a world without me."

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                Thanks for your comments! Mucho appreciated.

                I'm not sure if there's much to discuss, but it's good to hear what readers thought.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                  Originally posted by Jai Brandon View Post
                  Hey Crayon, do you use Coverfly to enter screenplay contests? I submitted Comatose to the Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards, the Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition, and Barnstorm Fest. I'm thinking about submitting to Screencraft's Film Fund for a chance to win $10,000-$30,000 to produce the film, but since they only back one to three projects, I'm kinda dubious about that one. I think Comatose would play nicely on screen, but with so many projects vying for Screencraft's money, I'd essentially be buying a $45 lottery ticket. There are also a few more short screenplay contests worth considering.
                  Jai - Many thanks for posting all that contest info. I'll check them out.

                  Regarding Coverfly - I'd not even heard of it. I've never entered a screenwriting contest, but considering that three out of four of the people who voted here don't think Coast Town is better than Blue Fairy Madness, then I probably shouldn't bother.

                  Regarding screenwriting contests in general - I've read or heard somewhere (John August?) that Nicholl and Austin are the only ones worth entering. I've no idea if that's true or not.
                  Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
                  "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                    Originally posted by Crayon View Post
                    It would be very helpful to know at which point readers realised that Chris is a ghost.
                    The idea existed as a possibility from the very beginning -- The Sixth Sense has spoiled us forever -- but I didn't realize/know for sure until they saw his body off the pier.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                      Originally posted by Crayon View Post
                      Jai - Many thanks for posting all that contest info. I'll check them out.

                      Regarding Coverfly - I'd not even heard of it. I've never entered a screenwriting contest, but considering that three out of four of the people who voted here don't think Coast Town is better than Blue Fairy Madness, then I probably shouldn't bother.

                      Regarding screenwriting contests in general - I've read or heard somewhere (John August?) that Nicholl and Austin are the only ones worth entering. I've no idea if that's true or not.
                      No, not true at all. I'd say Page is more prestigious than Austin. There are also a number of other contests on the come up like Tracking-Board and Screencraft. TrackingB used to be on that list and can still do things for your career given the panel, but I think most of the luster has worn off that one after the insanely high price increases. Truth is, any one of these competitions can do something for your career if your script advances far enough to hit the right pair of eyes. It's all about getting your material out there.
                      FADE IN:
                      PERSEVERANCE OVERCOMES ADVERSITY
                      NEVER FADE OUT.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                        Congrats, Jai.


                        My votes. Although not official.

                        1st - BLUE FAIRY MADNESS

                        2nd - THE DRAW

                        3rd - COMATOSE



                        How could puppets wielding chainsaws not be all that is needed, and all one could possibly want for a Halloween story?

                        Thanks again Derek.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                          Thanks! Better a week late than never, lol.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                            Here is how I ranked the Halloween entries, from top (best) on down. I made my rankings before I read anything here on the board about the scripts. In fact, I have not read them yet, and will go now and do that!

                            BLUE FAIRY MADNESS
                            THE DRAW
                            COMATOSE
                            THE CONTRACT
                            THUNDER COVE
                            COAST TOWN

                            "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Results - Halloween 2018 contest

                              I tried to make a lot of notes as I read the entries in the contest. Eventually I quit, because I knew that it would be difficult and time-consuming to put all of them together.


                              However, I am going to list a few things, below, that I remember encountering (sometimes frequently). Maybe a few of you will be interested and will benefit.
                              • In terms of creating effective and interesting writing, the biggest problem that I found was that a couple of scripts were extremely verbose. Too much description. And some of the description was stuff that the audience could never know, because it was not filmable or presentable. The audience only knows what it sees and hears. A screenplay should not be a hybrid literary form that incorporates elements from a dramatic script and a novel. The screenwriter is not in a continuing dialogue with the reader in the way that a novel writer is.
                              • An issue related to the verbosity problem is the use of exposition, which is explanatory material that the writer throws in for the reader, but is stuff that the audience will never know about. Again, this amounts to a dialogue between writer and reader. It does not help, it is illogical within the scope of a stage play or a film script, and it is just more verbiage. Avoid writing a hybrid form made up from a script and a novel.
                              • I do not know how it is that people can read published, edited materials (novels, screenplays, essays, whatever) and never learn that commas are used for direct address and for expletives that are loosely related to the sentence but provide information. For example, the following is correct:
                              Thank you, Will. Yes, I enjoy the Done Deal Pro board.
                              The first comma is needed in order to set off the name of the person being addressed.

                              The second comma (after Yes) is needed because words like yes, no, well, hmm are set off with commas in most instances, according to standard editing rules.

                              All of the following are all correct sentences:
                              No, thank you, I can do do that myself.
                              No, thank you. I can do that myself.
                              Yes, please, that would be nice.
                              Yes, please drive me to the theater.
                              Don't insult me, Angela.
                              Sometimes people argue that they do not want to use a comma unless they intend for the speaker to pause. However, that is not the best way to approach comma use. The punctuation does not impose an obligation to deliver the line in a certain way. And let's be honest. Most people do not leave the comma out because they are fine-tuning a desired delivery. It is obvious, after you read these scripts for a while, that people who leave out the commas really do not know any better.
                              • Scene Heading consistency. I like Master Scene Headings (EXT. or INT. then LOCATION then TIME). However if you want to use minislugs for location, then please establish the general location (like EXT. CARTER MANSION - NIGHT) and then use your minislugs below that general heading. Think of it the way that you would think about an outline. So you get:
                              EXT. CARTER MANSION - NIGHT

                              LIVING ROOM

                              Action and dialogue here.

                              KITCHEN

                              Action and dialogue here.
                              Do it like that if you want minislugs. Do not start with a specific location in the mansion and then switch to minislugs. So this is not good: EXT. CARTER MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (which is a Master Scene) and then only a minislug KITCHEN when you want to move to the kitchen. It is just sloppy to do it like that.
                              • Overuse of ellipsis. You do not accomplish anything when you try to lead from action into a dialogue by adding ellipsis dots, as in this made-up example:
                              He reaches into his pocket and turns it out ...

                              BOY
                              Damn, I lost my pocket knife.
                              Just end the sentence after *turns it out*.

                              By the way, in properly edited material, a three-dot ellipsis group always has a space before the first dot. If you are interested, see my paper on this:

                              http://www.rolandstroud.com/Grammar/Ellipsis.pdf
                              • Lots of spelling errors. These will be difficult for you to catch if you are not a good speller, because a lot of the errors are homonyms. They sound the same but mean different things, as with your and you're.

                              "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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