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Old 11-01-2015, 02:39 AM   #1
dpaterso
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Default Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

Without further ado, here are the results:

Code:
1st 2nd 3rd Vot Bonus Total Tomato Soup - Mpimentel 1 1 1 3 9 Incident At The Lighthouse - RG55 3 1 1 3 3 18 Little Visitor - ewtaylor 2 2 3 9 Unravel - jmpowell7 1 1 3 7 Beaver Creek - Shutout 1 4 2 3 16 Halloween Morning - kowens 1 3 2 11 The Puppy - Colin Holmes 3 2 1 3 17 Shadow Beast - Michel 3 3 The Bigger the Sin - DeaconBlu 3 3 6 Monster - MrZero 3 1 3 13 Hell Dame - ComicBent 2 3 5 Found Footage - Road Warrior 0
Join me in offering congrats to RG55 for winning with Incident At The Lighthouse, to Colin Holmes for scoring a close second with The Puppy, and to Shutout for a close third with Beaver Creek.

Thanks to 14001 and ChickenScratch for taking time to read & vote, much appreciated.

If you didn't already know, 1st place = 3 points, 2nd = 2 points, 3rd = 1 point. Alas not everyone managed to vote in time so the 3 bonus points for voting rule kicks in to even things out. The McGuffins earned 0.5 points each, it looks like only 2 entrants used these, they weren't obligatory or anything, I thought they added an extra little fun something, but maybe not. Maybe discuss this for future contests.

If you scored lower than you would have liked, don't angst over this, you've just had practice in writing to theme and deadline, which is what these contests are about, and maybe you'll pick up some hints in the comments (which everyone is invited to post) that could strengthen your screenplay and hone your skills further. Just 'cause you didn't win, doesn't mean your script wasn't great and you're not an undiscovered genius. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Shout if you find any problems with the scoring or the production of this annual epic. Thanks all for entering and voting.

For posterity, the contest discussion thread is here and the entries thread is here. And just for fun the also-rans thread is here (entries that failed to make it into the contest for various reasons).
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Last edited by dpaterso : 11-12-2015 at 03:32 AM. Reason: kant speel
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Old 11-01-2015, 02:51 AM   #2
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

Congratulations, RG55!
Good job everyone!
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Old 11-01-2015, 03:41 AM   #3
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

I had trouble this time picking the top three, as I thought most were done well. However, I will not be participating in future contests if pornography is allowed. People can write what they want but I don't have to be associated with it. My thoughts.
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Old 11-01-2015, 06:14 AM   #4
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

Some comments to kick things off, don't take 'em too seriously, you know what they say about opinions.

Tomato Soup

Reads well enough and would probably be filmable, but the ending lets it down, murderer/suicide Mark easily gets into Heaven, yay for happy ending. No, sorry, that's too limp.


An Incident At The Lighthouse

Fun romp, entertaining read, just missed a vote.


Little Visitor

Creepy little ditty, I remembered it by the time I'd read all the entries and think it might make a spooky short film, gets a vote.


Unravel

Funny idea and a fun read, I'm not sure how it would play out as a film, and I'm not sure if I quite "got" all of it, I dunno who Yodel is, for example.


Beaver Creek

The light comedy turns to horror and then the twist gets revealed at the end, nicely done, gotta admit it didn't grip me and not let go, but still earns a vote.


Halloween Morning

I enjoyed the read, though it felt like old school Sci-Fi from the '50s rather than a Halloween outing (I appreciate they didn't have video games in the '50s).


The Puppy

Good horror build-up and a nice twist ending, saw it coming, but it was still nicely done, has to get a vote.


Shadow Beast

I liked Amy's building fear. And I liked the Twilight Zone style voice over at the end. Just squeezed out of a vote by other entries.


The Bigger the Sin

I thought the build-up was going great but then things took a bad turn, and that ending, we'll punish your sins with rape, urgh no.


Monster

This was cute and nicely done, just squeezed out of a vote by other entries, sorry.


Hell Dame

Good build up, I was enjoying this and wanted more of Helda and her shenanigans, but then everyone runs away and it wraps up with a couple of understated lines of dialogue, which was slightly disappointing. Came close, but missed out on a vote.


Found Footage

That wasn't a bad read, the only thing that wobbled for me was the leap from finding the video cassettes to realizing each was subtly different, that seemed to come too quickly, too easily. Also the reveal-this dialogue might have damaged the impact of their realizing, if you get what I mean. Edged out of a vote by other entries.

...Looking back through these comments, which were scribbled as I read the entries, I realize almost all of them only just missed out on a vote. Some good fun reads here.
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Old 11-01-2015, 06:45 AM   #5
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

Nice job everyone!! Thanks for the votes!
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Old 11-01-2015, 08:43 AM   #6
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Default Re: Halloween contest 2015

Didn't think I would be so excited to check the results.
Congrats to all that placed I myself am crying in my coffee, thought my little ditty would do better...oh well. I enjoyed the writing.
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Old 11-01-2015, 10:50 AM   #7
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

So critiquing the writing, not the writer. All notes were taken as I read them, then revised upon a second reading.

The usual disclaimer: I'm not a pro, please don't think I am. Just some dude giving an opinion.

Tomato Soup
I'm not a fan of it was all dream kind of stuff so I think had this kept it's weird family vibe without the wake up it would have been in my top three. Loved the dialog and memorable characters.

An Incident At The Lighthouse
I liked this one but it just didn't have that extra 'umph' for me that I saw in others. Maybe it was the demon motif, I'm not sure.

Little Visitor
Really like this one. There's something especially creepy about a tiny sized anything running around loose. Got a vote from me.

Unravel
This must have been fun to write. Chaos in a courtroom of monsters. It just missed the mark for me. I think, given the cast, I was hoping for more comedy.

Beaver Creek
As mushroom trips go this one has a good twist. Interesting setting for sure. Might play around with the meta-story more. Not sure why this one didn't grab me either.

Halloween Morning
Technolo-thriller that was just a bit cliche for me. Car kills abusive dad. Turns out it was the tech-savy / hacker son. Not sure why this one didn't grab me.

The Puppy
Pretty good but I saw it coming and I like my werewolves scary, which it delivered, but there's something about a little girl looking at a werewolf and wanting to pet it that pulled me out of it.

Shadow Beast
I'm not sure where or why the monster just appears and starts to kill. It was scary enough, and did pretty well in my break down vote but something was missing. The old terror versus horror maybe.

The Bigger the Sin
Uhg, can we ban this guy?

Monster
This one got my top vote. I liked everything about it. I felt it rode the edge between cute and scary very nicely.

Hell Dame
I liked this one. Punchier ending would have made it into my top three.

Found Footage
Might be my biased thinking that film students always make films about making a film. Something happened on the way to my brain too, wasn't really sure what was going on during my first read through.
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Old 11-01-2015, 10:51 AM   #8
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

yeah, thanks Derek, didn't quite work huh. I did a rush-job there. I was both flinching and in turns chuckling at many of my gaffs as I tapped it out actually - eek.

It was supposed to be a parody of the found footage type of film which seems to have run its course now, too many out there, and probably a send-up of the nature of cabin in the woods horror films, both arguably quite overworked categories by now.

The joke being that it's getting hard to tell one film from all the others and that whilst the plots remain similar...only the characters change.

Add to that the whole amateur filmmakers going into the woods and finding the very footage that they will eventually end up becoming part of for a bit of warped irony...

Actually, it was way too technical and ambitious for the time I had in asking other questions I wanted to develop... such as 'who is actually holding the camera, is it a regular production crew, the teens themselves or some other "unknown" - a serial killer for example, or some combination of all three?

Too ambitious for the space and time I had to complete it within and little symmetry or clean lines.


Well done to our winners and thanks for the entries we received. Duty called and I was unable to do a read through and vote in time. I'll have to read these entries in the week to come in bits 'n' pieces.
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Last edited by The Road Warrior : 11-02-2015 at 07:59 AM.
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Old 11-01-2015, 12:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

I took a horrible ego hit this week with a review of a full script, so I was already down, and finding out this morning I wasn't even top 5... I mean it did not really hurt as bad, because I was already gonna shoot myself anyway haha.

Anyway, here are my thoughts... And while reading them just remember I obviously suck at this so, if I was mean in any of them, remember I still suck, all were well meaning reviews,.

THIS WAS WHILE I WAS READING. SO THEY MIGHT SOUND A BIT RANDOM.

Tomato Soup

That's my joint so wont rate, but after reading the rest of the stories I thought it would have tied for 3rd, or be 4th at worst. But alas reality set in... Anyway looking forward to all feedback to see how I can improve and thanks for those that have already given some, you guys rock!


Incident At The Lighthouse

Someone crashed their car into Kate's bar and no one asks "are you o.k.?" They just jump into "why are you not wearing a costume?" Kind'a took me out of the story.

I "LOL'd" at the "penguin bitch" line.

Sort of lost me in the fighting scene, the reactions from the women who are NOT accustomed to seeing demons ect. just seemed so nonchalant. It's like seeing an alien shoot at me and a cop moves me out of my way and my reaction is "oh, great, thanks for saving my life... Off to work now... Thanks again".

The Trump joke missed. The end left much to be desired.

Writing style
4/10

characters
3/10

story
4/10

start
5/10

middle
3/10

end
4/10
___________
23


Little Visitor

The trick or treater line seemed out of place...

Loved how the mood is established, I literally pictured her sniffling, sick...

The detailed description is a bit much, I do that too... But I can see why it is annoying.

I.e. She looks up, opens the cabinet, grabs pills, opens pill cap, takes two pills, puts it in hand,....

instead of "she opens the medicine cabinet and drinks down a couple of pills"...

I enjoyed this, the doll thing is worn out but I like the ending, made it worth it.

Writing style
6/10

characters
6/10

story
5/10

start
4/10

middle
6/10

end
7/10
________

34

Unravel

"Odor in the court" ahAAA!!

OK so, the Yodel thing threw me off. Why not just say YODA? Was this a mistake or copyright thing?

That said, I like the creativity on this one. Those silly puns and jokes got tired real quick, and after the reveal of Lucas the story should have ended quicker, that last joke, was just too silly for me. Started off with great promise

but I was very let down because it had great potential, still super creative,

Writing style
7/10

characters
7/10

story
7/10

start
8/10

middle
4/10

end
6/10
___________

39


Beaver Creek

That was, pretty darn interesting. I really don't have much to say in terms of picking it apart, its a pretty confined story that works.
Would want a little more from the ending, maybe make the reveal a bit more BOOM BAM end of story, but, **** man well done.


Writing style
7/10

characters
6/10

story
9/10

start
6/10

middle
7/10

end
8/10
-----
43
_______________________________________
Halloween morning

Oh that was awesome. Started off clear as to what was going on and developed really nicely. Best story I have read thus far.
The end was also unexpected to me, and gives the story a more "Real" feel than say if the car was really possessed...

Bravo. Technically I guess would be cool for you to capitalize the characters names when you present them, but that's
just nit picking silliness and maybe you did it for a reason.

Writing style
7/10

characters
6/10

story
10/10

start
7/10

middle
8/10

end
9/10
________
47

The puppy

Wow. Ok, so this is the best writing out of all of them. The story really put me there, the phone string along were good, the story connecting at the end was kind of expected after a certain point but still pretty cool. I like this very much.

Writing style
9/10

characters
7/10

story
8/10

start
8/10

middle
8/10

end
7/10
________

47

_______________________________________________

Shadow beast

I know you wanted to set the mood early, but man that's a lot of upfront scene description just to get into it. I read it with a "I don't wanna read all this but I have to" mind set. So I would suggest spreading those around more dialogue.

Alright, some small spelling mistakes and even more long long paragraphs without dialogue really got me hurting reading this..

You know what, I can't read this. Sorry man/woman... This is an eye sore. Since I can't finish this story I'll give no rating. Perhaps it is a great story, I'd say that much upfront action wording would put off regular readers. Sowwy

RATING:

N/a

______________________________________________

The bigger the sin

I think the last script really just shut my mind down because this one seems well written but a bit hard to follow as well..

I think I see what you are doing with the cutting from one scene to another and following sentences, but too complex for my reading mood after the last one, and I don't really like where it's going.

I will revisit.

________________________________________________

Monster

Cute story. Kids seemed more like 8-9 year olds but other than that I bought it. I liked the mystery of it, without showing too much.
The casualness of this worked for me as well. Nice

Writing style
6/10

characters
5/10

story
7/10

start
5/10

middle
7/10

end
6/10
________

36

__________________________________________________

Hell Dame


That hell line seems extremely forced, specially if it was just to insert that "clever" road to hell line...

Some weird dialogue in there... like "Nice house. Thanks for inviting me and Trent's other friends from work. "

Just stuff that is worded wrong, in ways real people would not word them.

I read it all, but sorry this one lost me.

Writing style
4/10

characters
3/10

story
5/10

start
6/10

middle
4/10

end
3/10

_____

25

__________________________________________________ _
found footage

For me this suffers from the same issues as Shadow beast... Seems like its written by the same person, Lots of descriptive writing,
and the dialogue there is is also long and drawn out.

I could not finish it.

Sowwy This script lost me.

N/A
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Last edited by Mpimentel : 11-01-2015 at 07:31 PM.
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Old 11-01-2015, 09:24 PM   #10
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Default Re: Results - Halloween 2015 fun short screenplay contest

Congratulations to everyone who finished a script, and also to those who tried but had last-minute issues that prevented them from submitting something.

Thanks to DeaconBlu for his comment:

Quote:
Hell Dame

I liked this one. Punchier ending would have made it into my top three.
Yeah, I think I started out strong, but then I just did not have enough allowed pages to reveal more about Helda and to develop the fact that Wally (the goblin) had become a cursed prisoner of Helda and her entourage, all of whom come to life in an extension of hell once a year. I had to keep cutting and revising to squeeze everything into eight pages.
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