Advice on character reaction description

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  • Advice on character reaction description

    Hi guys.

    I haven't been here for a while, had some personal issues that unfortunately put my writing on hold etc., but I finally came back to it a few days ago and I'm currently finishing my first ever spec movie script that, hopefully, I will be able to send out and see it on the big screen one day.

    My script is actually finished from beginning to the end, I went through 3 detailed re-reads already and corrected, shaped up and polished what needed correcting, shaping up and polishing. I'm really beating myself up over making this script ''bug-free'', taking my time, but at the same time, trying not to take too much time... I'm sure most, if not all of you understand exactly where I'm coming from.

    Pretty much the only thing left for me to do is to take care of the character reaction descriptions which I'm really having a lot of trouble with, I don't know why. I really need your help.

    The problem is, I don't really know the right approach to describing my characters' reactions in basically all key scenes. For example, I have a scene in which a guy receives a phone call from an enemy who he thought was dead. His reaction is obviously - shock. So, I wrote:

    Peter
    Hello?

    David (V.O.)
    Hello Peter.

    Peter recognizes David's voice and is shocked.

    But I got an advice a few months ago that it's wrong and how I mustn't use expressions, but gesticulations and such. I didn't get it, I still don't. How can I describe a reaction of a guy's face turning white in shock differently than saying ''he is shocked''? I keep seeing those same scenes in movies where the camera zoomes in on a character's face just staring into nothing which clearly shows that character is shocked. How to describe those kinds of moments in a correct way if the way I'm doing it now is wrong? I don't get it and it's really frustrating being told it's a huge mistake and having no alternative to correct it with.

    I have TONS of scenes like that where the characters are surprised, angry, disappointed, shocked, but the thing is, their reaction isn't hyperactive, they don't say anything or do anything, only their face shows disappointment, shock, surprise, anger as the situations they are in don't let them show it externally on a different level... you know what I'm saying? How to describe a shocked face expression if saying ''Peter is shocked'' is wrong? I don't know how to describe reactions that are in itself solely static facial reactions.

    How I have it now is that I just wrote ''Peter is petrified'' or ''David's face full of disappointment''. I would really appreciate help with this, there is no way I can finish the script without overcoming the description problem of these scenes.
    ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

  • #2
    Re: Advice on character reaction description

    ...I have TONS of scenes like that where the characters are surprised, angry, disappointed, shocked,...
    This may sound like a cop-out, but I recall in some notes I got early in my writing, from a long-time script consultant with Paramount, who crossed out what I'd written and wrote in "...reacts".

    That is, the character (this actor, being paid the big bucks) "reacts", to portray the emotion that you the writer, we the audience, and the character itself, is expected to show. Leave it to the actor, essentially.

    Well, neither do you want to overdue it, so there's no single solution. You say that you have "tons", and you don't want to have tons of "reacts" throughout. I probably use it 2-3 times per script.

    But far from a cop-out, I think I'm showing some respect for and trust in the actor (and maybe the director, too) to do what's necessary.

    The alternative is to put in trite suggestions like cocks his eyebrow, eyes widen, etc., or maybe even "paradoxically, Bob/Jean (whomever) doesn't react at all", which itself might be sort of interesting. Seth Rogen would react differently from Jim Carrey.

    Read scripts for movies that have such "big internal realizations", and see what those writers did. I'm going to suggest that, more often than not, they just let things go - since we the audience/reader are already fully aware of what an epiphany the moment represents.

    And I'll say this to you as a first-time writer: Don't forget that the "story" is king here, and story isn't a sum of the minutiae.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Advice on character reaction description

      Originally posted by catcon View Post
      This may sound like a cop-out, but I recall in some notes I got early in my writing, from a long-time script consultant with Paramount, who crossed out what I'd written and wrote in "...reacts".

      That is, the character (this actor, being paid the big bucks) "reacts", to portray the emotion that you the writer, we the audience, and the character itself, is expected to show. Leave it to the actor, essentially.

      Well, neither do you want to overdue it, so there's no single solution. You say that you have "tons", and you don't want to have tons of "reacts" throughout. I probably use it 2-3 times per script.

      But far from a cop-out, I think I'm showing some respect for and trust in the actor (and maybe the director, too) to do what's necessary.

      The alternative is to put in trite suggestions like cocks his eyebrow, eyes widen, etc., or maybe even "paradoxically, Bob/Jean (whomever) doesn't react at all", which itself might be sort of interesting. Seth Rogen would react differently from Jim Carrey.

      Read scripts for movies that have such "big internal realizations", and see what those writers did. I'm going to suggest that, more often than not, they just let things go - since we the audience/reader are already fully aware of what an epiphany the moment represents.

      And I'll say this to you as a first-time writer: Don't forget that the "story" is king here, and story isn't a sum of the minutiae.
      Thank you very much on the reply.

      What you said makes perfect sense. I actually did write ''he doesn't react'' in some places etc., I looked to have variety on that matter, I just wasn't sure whether everything out of that variety is considered correct or wrong. In a case like mine, it will either be - all can stay or all has to be replaced/re-written. So, what you're saying is that I can leave it at ''Peter is shocked'' and let the actor do his thing and portray the ''shocked'' as he sees fit or as the director sees fit?
      ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Advice on character reaction description

        I suggest reading some professional screenplays that you can find online for free. You want your characters to show how they feel in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is with their words, sometimes with their actions, sometimes with sweating or gasping or running or shaking or heart pounding or punching or with silence or a combination of several things. You might say "He struggles to hide his shock." There are all kinds of ways to show how your character is reacting, and the more you read, the more you'll see how different writers handle this, and you'll be able to expand your options.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Advice on character reaction description

          Originally posted by Joaneasley View Post
          I suggest reading some professional screenplays that you can find online for free. You want your characters to show how they feel in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is with their words, sometimes with their actions, sometimes with sweating or gasping or running or shaking or heart pounding or punching or with silence or a combination of several things. You might say "He struggles to hide his shock." There are all kinds of ways to show how your character is reacting, and the more you read, the more you'll see how different writers handle this, and you'll be able to expand your options.
          Thank you very much. I just figured I opened up two same threads at the same time, my bad. I don't know how that happened.

          But these ''He struggles to hide his shock'' and ''gasps'' definitely helps, I will use that, thanks.
          ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Advice on character reaction description

            No problem.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Advice on character reaction description

              “For example, I have a scene in which a guy receives a phone call from an enemy who he thought was dead. His reaction is obviously - shock.”

              Peter
              Hello?

              David (V.O.)
              Hello, Peter.

              Peter's eyes widen, he moves the handset away from him, draws in his breath and holds it as he stares at the handset.

              The idea is to show some action or reaction, not to tell us how the character feels. Show, don’t tell. Feelings cannot be filmed by a movie camera, but actions and reactions generated by feelings can be filmed by a movie camera. See? Go for it.
              “Nothing is what rocks dream about” ― Aristotle

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Advice on character reaction description

                (Assuming the audience already knows David is supposed to be dead)

                PETER
                Hello?

                DAVID (V.O.)
                Hello Peter.
                Put yourself in Peter's place. (I'm guessing David is/was attempting to harm Peter -- so Peter is/was afraid of him.)

                First there's shock. The voice of a "dead" man on telephone.

                Peter blanches -- freezes in place. The phone drops from his hand.
                Now (the way I see it) anger sets in. The voice on the telephone IS a "dead" man.

                Returning to his senses, he quickly picks up the phone.

                PETER
                Who the hell is this?!
                Obviously I don't know all of what you're doing here, or what the audience already knows. But I think the example shows that Peter is deeply upset by the phone call, by his actions.

                Just an opinion.

                Good luck.
                "I just couldn't live in a world without me."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Advice on character reaction description

                  @TigerFang and @StoryWriter - Thanks on the advice and examples.

                  I have already started changing the action lines to stuff similar to what you wrote, so reading your versions was a relief as I'm on the right path then.

                  It is tricky though.
                  ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Advice on character reaction description

                    Originally posted by JasonRaven View Post

                    Peter
                    Hello?

                    David (V.O.)
                    Hello Peter.

                    Peter recognizes David's voice and is shocked.
                    I tend to overwrite so take what I write with a grain of salt, but this seems a little too much like telling rather than showing -- and it comes across as understated. I'm guessing this is a very dramatic moment, probably a turning point in your script. I think it needs to stand out a little more.

                    How to do that? I don't know. Maybe something like this ...

                    Code:
                                  Peter
                                  Hello?
                    
                                  David (O.S.)
                                  Hello, Peter.
                    
                    Beat.
                    
                                  David (O.S.)
                                  Cat got your tongue?
                    
                    Beat.
                    
                                  David (O.S.)
                                  I'll be seeing you, Peter.
                    
                    The phone clicks.
                    
                    Peter stares blankly at the receiver. Only when it
                    starts blaring its fast busy signal does he 
                    mechanically hang it up.
                    STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Advice on character reaction description

                      @Centos - I'm glad you wrote it like that because it raises the problem I had with scenes of that nature in my script.

                      I actually had written that variation first, using beats in between David's lines, thinking it would highlight how shocked Peter was at that moment. However, the problem I had with it was when I put myself in the shoes of a reader (I tend to do that often).

                      From a reader's perspective, a ''beat'' in my mind didn't picture me that ''blank'' ''speechless-holy sh*t!'' face expression that I had in mind when writing that scene. That's basically the problem I have with every scene of that nature. I don't think certain face expressions can be shown with text, as TigerFang says (I understand his point though), but rather just written/told so the actor knows that the scene wasn't meant to be acted out over-dramatically as there's a clear possibility of the scene being interpreted that way. But, that can be my inexperience talking, I'm aware of that.
                      ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Advice on character reaction description

                        Originally posted by JasonRaven View Post
                        I have a scene in which a guy receives a phone call from an enemy who he thought was dead. His reaction is obviously - shock. So, I wrote:

                        Peter
                        Hello?

                        David (V.O.)
                        Hello Peter.

                        Peter recognizes David's voice and is shocked.
                        I agree with Joaneasley, in that it could help you to read more professional screenplays, because you seem so uncertain and somewhat swayed by any suggestion. Steal from the masters for a while, and gradually you'll develop your own confident voice. And make sure you read some scripts of movies you've NOT seen, so that your imagination has to fully engage with the writing.

                        I don't agree that Peter must do some overt gesture to show his emotion. It's not a cartoon. Feelings can be filmed. The actor will presumably have a functioning face and acting skills, and appreciate the context of a 'dead' person calling. However, unless that phone conversation needs to end at "Hello Peter", I might give Peter the obvious natural response dialogue of "David?" - and then the actor's face AND voice should be plenty to convey an appropriate emotion (along with the direction, camerawork, editing, score, etc.).

                        Perhaps you could be more playful and poetic with the 'shocked' action line, or with alternatives to (beat), eg: "A frozen moment."

                        Also, where is Peter? That could affect his response. Is he alone in a creepy isolated cabin, or answering the call on his mobile phone in a busy public place?

                        If the movie is in psycho-killer territory, then maybe make Peter's reaction fittingly fearful in someway, such as this:

                        PETER
                        Hello?

                        DAVID (V.O.)
                        Hello Pete.

                        Peter anxiously turns to check no-one is behind him.

                        PETER
                        David?



                        Or like this:

                        PETER
                        Hello?

                        DAVID (V.O.)
                        Hello Pete.

                        A frozen moment.

                        PETER
                        David?

                        DAVID (V.O.)
                        That's a real nice suit, buddy. If I didn't know you so well, I might think you're one of those respectable mother******s.

                        Peter anxiously scans the crowd of commuters.
                        Last edited by Crayon; 08-07-2018, 08:58 AM. Reason: tweak the mother****ing dialogue
                        Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
                        "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Advice on character reaction description

                          Originally posted by JasonRaven View Post
                          @Centos - I'm glad you wrote it like that because it raises the problem I had with scenes of that nature in my script.

                          I actually had written that variation first, using beats in between David's lines, thinking it would highlight how shocked Peter was at that moment. However, the problem I had with it was when I put myself in the shoes of a reader (I tend to do that often).

                          From a reader's perspective, a ''beat'' in my mind didn't picture me that ''blank'' ''speechless-holy sh*t!'' face expression that I had in mind when writing that scene. That's basically the problem I have with every scene of that nature. I don't think certain face expressions can be shown with text, as TigerFang says (I understand his point though), but rather just written/told so the actor knows that the scene wasn't meant to be acted out over-dramatically as there's a clear possibility of the scene being interpreted that way. But, that can be my inexperience talking, I'm aware of that.
                          I use "beat" (actually "pause") a lot, but I'm not a professional writer and I have no prospects of becoming one. So I write the way I like to write and don't worry about it. At some point it's going to come down to that for you. You'll develop your own style (or "voice") and you'll just tell your story. No one is going to be 100% on board with your writing style, but if your story is strong enough then these kind of "nits" won't matter. On the other hand, if you keep letting yourself be "whip-sawed" back and forth with conflicting advice, you'll never develop your voice.

                          As for a scene being "over-dramatically" written ... I don't know your script, but I'm guessing this sample is one of its more dramatic scenes. I think new writers in general (I know I had that issue) tend to be too "matter of fact" when writing. You need impact. You're writing drama. Be dramatic. I've found that the stuff people liked most were the scripts where I thought I was being "over-the-top." It turns out I wasn't, that "letting loose" was probably the best thing I could have done.

                          Ultimately it's up to you. Personally I like dramatic pauses — of course, not overused or they become like an exclamation point behind every sentence. I probably like them too much, but it's my writing and I really don't care what other people think any more.
                          STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Advice on character reaction description

                            Clarity is the key. Brevity is close behind. A lot of suggestions you've received are either unclear or overwritten, IMO.

                            There's nothing wrong with saying a character is shocked, if that's what he is. I can't really pitch on your example, without knowing what happens next, but you might even use "shocked" as the parenthetical if it's not clear from context. Or maybe you don't need anything if his reaction shows his state of mind.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Advice on character reaction description

                              @Crayon - I've been reading professional scrips, most have their own spin on the matter, plus I saw in a few of those where the writer used ''he is shocked'', but considering someone had told me a few months ago it's not correct, I wasn't sure whether to avoid it or not, but comments here made it clear for me it's about my own ''voice'' and creating my own stamp in writing, that's what I'm trying to do.

                              @Centos - I see your point. I'm being dramatic in some of the scenes where, in my mind, it is a dramatic moment, but in other cases where the scene is more like on edge of a dramatic moment, I tend to point it out any way I can that where is the line that shouldn't be crossed for the scene to have an optimal effect. I don't want the scene to be either over the top or too mellow.

                              @JeffLowell - Thank you. To me, clarity is like the first commandment. I'm working so hard on making my script ''flow'' easily for the reader.

                              I can guarantee that EVERY scene in my script is clear already from the dialogues (sometimes it's accompanied with an action line when there's actual action to be noted about like ''A hands over the knife to B''), I worked my butt off to make sure that's the case, that's why I don't see why would an action line that follows, like ''he is shocked'' be wrong.

                              Another advice I got a few months ago was that I mustn't cross over into the director's role in the whole thing which makes perfect sense to me. If I'm the writer, then I think it's correct for me to simply write ''he is shocked'' in the action line or parenthetical if I made sure that the context is clear already from the dialogues or a previous action line and let the director steer the actor and have him portray the ''he is shocked'' as he sees fit for that whole situation.

                              I will work on polishing it some more and decide. You all have been very helpful, thank you
                              ''Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.''

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