Communicating Energy to the Page

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  • Communicating Energy to the Page

    Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

    Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!

  • #2
    Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

    Originally posted by socalwriter1 View Post
    Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

    Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!
    Footloose. Has several scenes where Kevin Bacon is convincing people to dance.
    "I just couldn't live in a world without me."

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

      I remembered reading script pages here a looong time ago and I was blown away by the description of dancing. So I did a trusty search with the keyword: Dance and found the pages -- posted in 2010:

      The irresistible driving force of HOT LATIN POP MUSIC:

      BONGOS and CONGAS and TIMBALES, saucy tenor TRUMPETS, a
      clinking syncopated PIANO running wild up and down.

      Glimpses of gyrating HIPS. Trim TUMMIES and tight BUTTS. A
      FLASH OF SHOULDERS, a SWIRL OF HAIR.

      FOREPLAY ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

      INT. A SMALL HOTEL BALLROOM, DETROIT - NIGHT

      A BRIGHTLY LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR. Surrounded by hazy dimness.
      As if the sideline is just a dream and the golden dance
      floor the only reality.

      And in that hot-white light SEVERAL PAIRS OF DANCERS peacock
      with all they've got. Strutting. Pulsating. Posing.

      The entire sequence is worth a read:

      http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/...ighlight=dance
      Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

        I think what you need to do is show her initiative. HOW does she get the shy people to dance? How does she get people together, make them smile and feel comfortable? Let us see that, see what makes her great at doing this.



        Originally posted by socalwriter1 View Post
        Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

        Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

          Originally posted by sc111 View Post
          I remembered reading script pages here a looong time ago and I was blown away by the description of dancing. So I did a trusty search with the keyword: Dance and found the pages -- posted in 2010:

          The irresistible driving force of HOT LATIN POP MUSIC:

          BONGOS and CONGAS and TIMBALES, saucy tenor TRUMPETS, a
          clinking syncopated PIANO running wild up and down.

          Glimpses of gyrating HIPS. Trim TUMMIES and tight BUTTS. A
          FLASH OF SHOULDERS, a SWIRL OF HAIR.

          FOREPLAY ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

          INT. A SMALL HOTEL BALLROOM, DETROIT - NIGHT

          A BRIGHTLY LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR. Surrounded by hazy dimness.
          As if the sideline is just a dream and the golden dance
          floor the only reality.

          And in that hot-white light SEVERAL PAIRS OF DANCERS peacock
          with all they've got. Strutting. Pulsating. Posing.

          The entire sequence is worth a read:

          http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/...ighlight=dance
          I would add to this to be wary of world/mood building "fluff" - that is, lots of vivid and energetic action/description with little suggestion as to its importance to the characters.

          This is a common problem in scripts that take place in another culture/time/world (sci-fi and period pieces particularly) where there's lots of stuff happening but reads like laying down pipes on the page.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

            Thanks guys. Joaneasley - yes, that's shown in the story. sc111 - glad you have a great memory. nguyensquared - caution noted. SW - glad you remembered Footloose.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

              Originally posted by socalwriter1 View Post
              Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.
              An excellent example of a hero stepping in and bringing energy to a dead party is in Jennifer Garner’s “13 Going on 30” movie. (Great film for comedy/romance fans.)

              At a boring and dead corporate party, Garner’s character approaches the party’s DJ and asks him to play Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” She proceeds to shyly and awkwardly perform Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography.

              She notices her childhood friend enter the room and pleads with him to join her, and then, one by one, the party goers join in, where the choreography builds to a full blown production of the “Thriller” video.

              This type of dance scene, where a hero changes the dead into alive, or getting shy people to connect and dance together has been done in numerous films.

              The idea is to study these films, not to copy (not saying you intended to copy; speaking generally), but to evoke a spark of creativity to fire up your imagination to create something original from something familiar.

              The reason: Familiar is boring.(Majority of the time. I strive not to make blanket statements because there are always exceptions.

              Notice how I cleverly avoided saying that four letter word in screenwriting -- Rule.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

                Originally posted by JoeNYC View Post
                An excellent example of a hero stepping in and bringing energy to a dead party is in Jennifer Garner's "13 Going on 30- movie. (Great film for comedy/romance fans.)

                At a boring and dead corporate party, Garner's character approaches the party's DJ and asks him to play Michael Jackson's "Thriller.- She proceeds to shyly and awkwardly perform Jackson's "Thriller- choreography.

                She notices her childhood friend enter the room and pleads with him to join her, and then, one by one, the party goers join in, where the choreography builds to a full blown production of the "Thriller- video.

                This type of dance scene, where a hero changes the dead into alive, or getting shy people to connect and dance together has been done in numerous films.

                The idea is to study these films, not to copy (not saying you intended to copy; speaking generally), but to evoke a spark of creativity to fire up your imagination to create something original from something familiar.

                The reason: Familiar is boring.(Majority of the time. I strive not to make blanket statements because there are always exceptions.

                Notice how I cleverly avoided saying that four letter word in screenwriting -- Rule.
                I was going to say the same thing but the screenplay isn't available online that I could find.
                You know Jill you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month, he must have been a happy man.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

                  Old school: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMZ9_yrCIqU
                  Story Structure 1
                  Story Structure 2
                  Story Structure 3

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

                    Originally posted by nguyensquared View Post
                    I would add to this to be wary of world/mood building "fluff" - that is, lots of vivid and energetic action/description with little suggestion as to its importance to the characters.

                    This is a common problem in scripts that take place in another culture/time/world (sci-fi and period pieces particularly) where there's lots of stuff happening but reads like laying down pipes on the page.
                    This is such great advice.

                    I think this scene from Pleasantville (below), although it has nothing to do with dancing, gets to the core dramatic theme you're trying to convey. If you think about it, your "dance scene" isn't really about dancing. It's about your hero trying convince people to let go of their preconceived notions, their self-doubt, etc.

                    https://youtu.be/4fCMTQXzoXo

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

                      Some really good info here. Thanks guys!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

                        Originally posted by bioprofessor View Post
                        If you think about it, your "dance scene" isn't really about dancing. It's about your hero trying convince people to let go of their preconceived notions, their self-doubt, etc.
                        https://youtu.be/4fCMTQXzoXo
                        Very good point here.

                        And it's also a good illustration of this scene from Glengarry Glen Ross. It's just another day at the office. Guys sitting at their desks, one's getting coffee and then...it starts. And it's all dialogue and very limited movement/actions. No bank robbery. No car chase but boy does it get ratcheted up a few notches.

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVM1V1ntFks
                        You know Jill you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month, he must have been a happy man.

                        Comment

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