I posted the other day about VO and the idea was to have two men plot a murder in one scene and show the preamble acted out in a second scene with accompanying VO. The plan was that the plotting convo ends with the murderer hiding in the hotel room waiting for the victim to return so that the script can pick up with the guy already in the room.
Thing is, I can't get the convo to end with the murderer entering the room and so I can't neatly pick up straight after. What I have is expo how he will get a copy of the key (we see this), arrive at the hotel (we see this), gain entry into the room (we see this) and then the plotters finish off by saying how the kill will be performed, where they will meet up, and the handover of money. But it doesn't feel natural to end the convo with entering the room. So as it stands, the best way I can jig it is they discuss as above then we CUT TO the murderer leaving the bar and going to the victim's room. It doesn't pick up at the end of the expo but takes a step back. Does this work or should I strive to get the expo and the ensuing scene to marry up smoothly?
Thing is, I can't get the convo to end with the murderer entering the room and so I can't neatly pick up straight after. What I have is expo how he will get a copy of the key (we see this), arrive at the hotel (we see this), gain entry into the room (we see this) and then the plotters finish off by saying how the kill will be performed, where they will meet up, and the handover of money. But it doesn't feel natural to end the convo with entering the room. So as it stands, the best way I can jig it is they discuss as above then we CUT TO the murderer leaving the bar and going to the victim's room. It doesn't pick up at the end of the expo but takes a step back. Does this work or should I strive to get the expo and the ensuing scene to marry up smoothly?
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