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Old 10-12-2017, 02:02 PM   #1
StoryWriter
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Default Tips For Writing A Screenplay

(According to "The Onion" -- 4-11-17)

Every great writer must start somewhere. Begin by pouring $156,000 into an undergraduate degree.

Your screenplay should address a central unifying question, such as “How do we as humans transcend the tragedy of loss?” or “What have those Smurfs been up to lately?”

Shatter the conventional expectations for female leads by developing a protagonist who is both intelligent and attractive—but who knows how to crack a joke, too.

Consider including at least one character named Big Jeff.

Anytime you use “FADE OUT” at the end of a scene, remember that the audience can’t see anything that’s happening until you fade back in.

Indicate clearly at the beginning of each scene how VFX will make it worth watching.

Take an occasional step back to review your script and double-check that a sense of artistic validation isn’t obstructing its commercial viability.

Once your first draft is finished, scan for spelling errors, then crack open a pack of brass fasteners.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:51 PM   #2
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

Quote:
Originally Posted by StoryWriter View Post
(According to "The Onion" -- 4-11-17)


Once your first draft is finished, scan for spelling errors, then crack open a pack of brass fasteners.
And replace all facial piercings, nose especially, with the brass fasteners right before any meetings with studio execs for some extra credit.
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Old 12-04-2017, 08:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

When adhering to the hero's journey, try starting on "refuse of the call" and show your protagonist blubbering like an infant. Have your hero pull himself together after receiving a food reward.
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Old 12-06-2017, 08:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

Learn the difference between "to" and "too." Use appropriately.
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Old 12-06-2017, 01:17 PM   #5
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

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Learn the difference between "to" and "too." Use appropriately.
Quote:
Grammar is an artifice designed to fetter free expression. It is a tether that chains writers to the mundane and deprives them of the wings on which they could soar to new heights of creativity. It is the crutch the inadequate mind grasps in a vain attempt to totter through the fearful minefield of original thought. It's real purpose is to obfuscate, not elucidate.

And it's a word that should be spelt with an "a" and an "e" instead of two "a's."
If these forums don't "liven up" pretty quickly I'm fully prepared to write some really, really stupid stuff and post it here. And those who know me, know that I'm quite capable of backing up my threat. Stupidity is as natural as breathing for me!
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Old 12-06-2017, 01:18 PM   #6
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Learn the difference between "to" and "too." Use appropriately.
Say what?
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Old 12-08-2017, 08:37 AM   #7
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

Sorry. I felt compelled to point out the most common mistake I see every day in screenplays and social media posts. Feel free to ignore.
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Old 12-08-2017, 11:14 AM   #8
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

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Originally Posted by billmarq View Post
Sorry. I felt compelled to point out the most common mistake I see every day in screenplays and social media posts. Feel free to ignore.
Care to point out the specific mistake in the actual post? (Or did you just mean that people make that mistake in screenplays and social media, in general?)

I'm not sure if you're aware, but the source of the post is "The Onion", a satirical magazine. I think the "tips" were intended as comedy and not as advice to be taken seriously.

I probably should have pointed that out.

Please, feel free to ignore.
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Old 12-10-2017, 01:16 AM   #9
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

Quote:
Originally Posted by billmarq View Post
Sorry. I felt compelled to point out the most common mistake I see every day in screenplays and social media posts. Feel free to ignore.
Quote:
What was I writing? I haven't got a clue. I was "emoting" -- letting my words outstrip the arbitrary shackles of the mundane dictates of grammar. It's not what I write that matters, but how I *feel* about what I write that counts. Does this scene result in feelings of positive self-worth? Does it,ultimately, lend itself to true self-actualization? These are the questions the enlightened writer asks -- not the pedestrian inquiries of the mindless automaton hack, such as... Does my writing conform to the norms of formatting? Does it communicate, tell a story? Will someone want to read it? Can I *sell* this story? "Grammatic" belly crawlers, such as these, will never reach the next stage in development. True, they may attain financial success and a false sense of self-worth in the adulation of a fawning public -- but, sadly, they remain, and always will remain, mere hacks -- those who put "communication" over self-expression. Pity them.
I warned you.
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Old 12-11-2017, 11:31 PM   #10
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Default Re: Tips For Writing A Screenplay

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(According to "The Onion" -- 4-11-17)

then crack open a pack of brass fasteners.
I find it better to hole punch each page individually, centering the holes by eye as the page is cranked from the dot matrix printer. I believe the staggered "ragged"look of the pages once held by the brads and the increasingly faded text as the ribbon wears will appeal to producers looking for a "Hemingway of film".

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