Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

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  • Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

    So, I have a character that gets knocked out outside during the day. When he wakes up, it's pitch black and he has no idea where he is. He learns quickly he's in a confined space because he audibly hits his head.

    He's groggy, so it takes him a sec to click on the LED on his watch, illuminating the small space. At that point he realizes he's locked in the trunk of his car.

    Do I start with a new slugline: INT. SEDAN TRUNK - DAY

    Or should I do a mini-slug after he gets knocked out: PITCH BLACK

    Or something else?

    Thanks!
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  • #2
    Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

    write what you see

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    • #3
      Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

      Do a transition like CUT TO BLACK or something, then have the action happen when it's dark without a slugline (but after the transition). Then slug when he wakes up.

      Example:


      Dude gets hit over the head!

      CUT TO BLACK:

      Rustling noises, dude wakes up.

      DUDE
      What the hell?

      Click. The little LED on his watch illuminates just enough to realize...

      INT. SEDAN TRUNK

      DUDE
      Why am I in a trunk? Who smashed me on the noggin and why did they put me in here?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

        ...Or what BDZ said.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

          Thanks, much appreciated!
          Website : Podcast : Facebook : Twitter

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          • #6
            Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

            Originally posted by Todd Karate View Post
            Do a transition like CUT TO BLACK or something, then have the action happen when it's dark without a slugline (but after the transition). Then slug when he wakes up.

            Example:

            Dude gets hit over the head!

            CUT TO BLACK:

            Rustling noises, dude wakes up.

            DUDE
            What the hell?

            Click. The little LED on his watch illuminates just enough to realize...

            INT. SEDAN TRUNK

            DUDE
            Why am I in a trunk? Who smashed me on the noggin and why did they put me in here?
            If the screen's BLACK how do we see Dude wake up?

            Funny, I just finished critiqueing a script for a fellow writer, a contained thriller in which the protag spends almost the entire movie locked in the trunk of a car, her car no less. He made it work, too.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

              Originally posted by FADE IN View Post
              If the screen's BLACK how do we see Dude wake up?

              Funny, I just finished critiqueing a script for a fellow writer, a contained thriller in which the protag spends almost the entire movie locked in the trunk of a car, her car no less. He made it work, too.
              Good question. I guess if it's completely black, you'd start with the sounds.

              Sound of groans, sound of his head hitting the roof (?) of the trunk. His profanity-laced reaction to hitting his head, then the watch LED comes on, revealing the interior of the trunk.

              I was just worried about the slugline mostly. If you say INT. SEDAN TRUNK - DAY, I feel like it's giving the reader info before the character figures it out. My instinct tells me the reader shouldn't learn the wearabouts of the guy until he flicks on that LED.
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              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                The bigger question:

                Is a spec screenplay a blueprint or do you want to have the reader experience the story like the audience?

                In cases like this I tend to lean toward the blueprint.

                Example:


                Dude gets hit over the head.

                CUT TO BLACK:

                INT. SEDAN TRUNK - DAY

                Pitch black. Rustling noises - a moan.

                DUDE
                What the hell?

                Click. The little LED on his watch illuminates the surroundings.

                DUDE
                Why am I in a trunk? Who smashed me
                on the noggin and why did they put
                me in here?

                Either way is not wrong. But one will be better for you based on your style.
                "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
                - Clive Barker, Galilee

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                  Originally posted by FADE IN View Post
                  If the screen's BLACK how do we see Dude wake up?
                  This is a real question?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                    Originally posted by timstep View Post
                    My instinct tells me the reader shouldn't learn the wearabouts of the guy until he flicks on that LED.
                    This is the secret to everything. Don't second-guess your gut.

                    That's what execs are for.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                      Originally posted by timstep View Post
                      Good question. I guess if it's completely black, you'd start with the sounds.
                      Indeed. Black is black.

                      Originally posted by timstep View Post
                      Sound of groans, sound of his head hitting the roof (?) of the trunk. His profanity-laced reaction to hitting his head, then the watch LED comes on, revealing the interior of the trunk.

                      I was just worried about the slugline mostly. If you say INT. SEDAN TRUNK - DAY, I feel like it's giving the reader info before the character figures it out. My instinct tells me the reader shouldn't learn the wearabouts of the guy until he flicks on that LED.
                      Good instincts. The new scene caption can come after the LED is lit and illuminates the interior of the trunk, or you might leave it out altogether, I dunno. Depends on how it'd read.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                        You guys are crazy.

                        It's as black as you want it to be!

                        INT. DARK SPACE - WHENEVER

                        It's as dark as the writer wants it to be. We can't tell if it's a trunk or not. But as the scene progresses, guess what...

                        We start to learn more. WE'RE IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR. And it's moving. The person in the trunk is retarded. A smidgeon of light tells us that.
                        www.therobotard8000.com

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                        • #13
                          Re: Format Question: waking up in darkness/new location

                          Daunting.
                          www.therobotard8000.com

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