In a script I'm writing, on the middle of page 9 we meet a minor character, JOE (50), at his office. Cut to the next scene, bottom of page 9, thousands of miles away, and we meet a major character, BILL (20), at his apartment.
Seven pages later, we learn that Joe is Bill's dad. It's not some big REVEAL. Rather, there's just no reason on the screen to show that relationship when the characters are introduced.
My problem: I've gotten some as-the-reader-reads notes that say, "Why are you jumping from this man at his office, to this kid at his apartment?"
So I'm thinking of introducing these 2 characters with both their first and last names - because if the reader knows the characters have the same last name, they'll suspect there's some familial relationship, and that could temper that issue. (I intro all the other characters with just first names.)
And so, "JOE HOFACRE (50)..." Then in the next scene, "BILL HOFACRE (20)..."
OTOH, doing that leaves something dangling: The reader knows they're related on page 9; but the audience doesn't. As a reader, would that stop you at all?
I'm not looking for some Rule. Rather, just looking for the best way to achieve clarity.
Any comments about this "cheat"?
Seven pages later, we learn that Joe is Bill's dad. It's not some big REVEAL. Rather, there's just no reason on the screen to show that relationship when the characters are introduced.
My problem: I've gotten some as-the-reader-reads notes that say, "Why are you jumping from this man at his office, to this kid at his apartment?"
So I'm thinking of introducing these 2 characters with both their first and last names - because if the reader knows the characters have the same last name, they'll suspect there's some familial relationship, and that could temper that issue. (I intro all the other characters with just first names.)
And so, "JOE HOFACRE (50)..." Then in the next scene, "BILL HOFACRE (20)..."
OTOH, doing that leaves something dangling: The reader knows they're related on page 9; but the audience doesn't. As a reader, would that stop you at all?
I'm not looking for some Rule. Rather, just looking for the best way to achieve clarity.
Any comments about this "cheat"?
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