Complicated split-screen shot

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  • Complicated split-screen shot

    Hi
    We are first time screen writers that have run into problems on a complicated split-screen scene that we're trying to put down on paper. We're hoping someone could advise us on how it can be done.

    Basically we want simultaneous shots of 3 guys in separate houses preparing for a trip. As you can see the shots are introduced one by one and culminate on an external shot of all three leaving their respective abodes at the same time. We have a very clear idea in our heads of how this looks but are far from convinced it's translated well onto paper. Any advice is greatly appreciated, as well as your general feedback on the scenes. Here it is:

    Cheers L&M.

    SPLIT-SCREEN MONTAGE plays out to the song 'Life' by Sly & the Family Stone.


    Shot 1 - INT. STERILE BEDROOM - FRIDAY - EARLY MORNING - LONDON


    DYLAN EASTER, early 30s, bowl-cut hair, sensibly dressed in shirt, pressed trousers, white socks and sandals.


    A precisely packed suitcase lies open on the bed. Topping the neatly folded items are shoes in clear plastic covers and a green first-aid box.
    Dylan lifts a pile of freshly pressed Y-fronts from the top of an ironing board and carefully places them in the suitcase.


    He consults a printed checklist and applies the final tick. He nods in satisfaction.


    He zips up the suitcases and lifts it from the bed onto a set of scales.
    Shot 1 is minimised to sidebar where Dylan slowly makes his way downstairs and out of the house. Remaining screen space becomes

    Shot 2.


    Shot 2 - INT. CHAOTIC LIVING ROOM - FRIDAY - EARLY MORNING - LONDON


    ASHTON WEST, early 30s, unkempt hair, unshaven, slept-in clothes, lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He dashes around the living room, collects discarded clothing. Throws a ragged pair of jeans and a stained T-shirt into a tatty sports bag. Picks up two odd socks from the floor, smells them; holds them at arm's length in disgust. A beat. He shrugs and adds them to the bag. He then exits the room off-screen.


    Shot 2 is minimised to sidebar alongside shot 1. Shot 2 continues focusing on the empty room until Ashton returns with an open can of lager. He takes a swig, throws bag over his shoulder and makes his way out of the building. Remaining screen space becomes Shot 3.


    Shot 3 - INT. WELL STOCKED KITCHEN - FRIDAY - EARLY MORNING - LONDON



    A pre-packed rucksack stands on a kitchen counter. A cat sits either side. A third cat jumps up onto the counter and joins them.



    Enter PARMA, early 30s, tall, gangly, hunched shoulders, dressed in slightly ill-fitting clothing, topped by a long overcoat.


    He lollops to the fridge, opens the door; emerges with a large slab of Parma cheese. Moving to the counter, surrounded by the three cats, he grabs a knife and chops the wedge into smaller more manageable pieces. He then wraps them in tin foil. Three parcels go into the rucksack, the remaining one into the inside pocket of his coat, alongside a protruding cheese shaver.


    Parma pets the cats, picks up the rucksack and exits the kitchen. He moves through a dark hallway towards the front door.
    CUT TO:

    EXT. HOUSEFRONT SHOTS OF Dylan, Ashton & Parma as they simultaneously exit their respective abodes, still in split-screen mode.


    Dylan steps purposefully forward, pulls his suitcase along.


    Ashton stomps away, bag slung over shoulder, swigging from can of beer.


    Parma kisses elderly mother goodbye, bumbles off.


    FREEZE FRAME - INSERT TEXT - DYLAN, ASHTON, PARMA.

  • #2
    Re: Complicated split-screen shot

    For a spec script, keep it simple and clear. As the three separately prepare, why not show full screen scenes and let us know the are happening simultaneously?
    Why not show split screen only when they leave their houses.

    Hope the following is simple and clear.

    And I think you should clean up your Scene Headings.

    INT. DYLAN'S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING

    SUPER: LONDON

    Bla.

    INT. ASHTON'S LIVING ROOM – SAME

    Bla.

    INT. PARMA'S KITCHEN – SAME

    Bla.

    INT. DYLAN'S BEDROOM – SAME

    Bla. Bla.

    INT. ASHTON'S LIVING ROOM – SAME

    Bla. Bla.

    INT. PARMA'S KITCHEN – SAME

    Bla. Bla.

    SPLIT SCREEN Three Locations

    EXT. DYLAN'S HOUSE

    SUPER: Dylan

    Dylan...

    EXT. ASHTON'S HOUSE

    SUPER: Ashton

    Ashton....

    EXT. PARMA'S HOUSE

    SUPER: Parma

    Parma....

    CUT TO:

    INT. TRAIN STATION - NIGHT
    If you still want to freeze the frame for some story reason, add

    FREEZE FRAME after the last Parama.




    Last edited by jonpiper; 02-01-2011, 01:00 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Complicated split-screen shot

      Hi Jon
      Thanks for your reply. As stated in the previous post we are first time screenplay writers so this is invaluable advice for us.
      We had a feeling we were overcomplicating it a little.
      What does 'Super' signify in your resuggested title?

      Was the mentioning of the soundtrack ok?

      Also, how did you feel about the scenes in general? Feel free to be as critical as you please.

      L&M

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Complicated split-screen shot

        Lingon, glad to be helpful.

        SUPER: means superimpose the text ( in this case the city and the names) that follows. Superimpose it on the scene in question.

        I'll let others comment on the writing and the soundtrack.

        There are other ways to do what I did, and you may get different takes on that too.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Complicated split-screen shot

          Originally posted by Lignon View Post
          Hi Jon
          Thanks for your reply. As stated in the previous post we are first time screenplay writers so this is invaluable advice for us.
          We had a feeling we were overcomplicating it a little.
          What does 'Super' signify in your resuggested title?

          Was the mentioning of the soundtrack ok?
          a good habit to practice is whenever you want to write a scene and need to figure out how to do it properly and professional is to read a script with a scene similar to what you want to write. there are many, many sites with free downloadable scripts.
          also - invest in the screenwriter's bible - it answers ALL you formatting questions and a reference book that every screenwriter has or should have. i can already see that you need this book.

          soundtrack - legally it's not really okay b/c the producers will have to get the rights. but if you want to show mood and tone via music then you can describe the type of music.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Complicated split-screen shot

            Originally posted by NikeeGoddess View Post
            soundtrack - legally it's not really okay b/c the producers will have to get the rights. but if you want to show mood and tone via music then you can describe the type of music.
            Just to clarify - legally, it's perfectly fine to include this in the screenplay. It is unlikely, however, that it will actually make it into the film for the above rights reasons.

            It can also be a little risky as not everyone will know the same songs and this can be distracting/offputting when reading. Personally, I avoid naming any songs unless it is integral to the plot and set the tone with the writing alone.

            At least that's the hope.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Complicated split-screen shot

              I was thinking along the same lines as Jonpiper. A 3-way split screen forces the audience to choose what action to watch, and when you're introducing characters you want the audience to understand each one.

              Going to split screen of three exterior doors is good, and then have each character exit one at a time. Freeze on them with the SUPER of their name, and then move to the next character. After all three are standing outside their doors frozen, have them walk off and then cut away. Stylish, kinda cool and retro.
              Just my 2 cents, your mileage may vary.

              -Steve Trautmann
              3rd & Fairfax: The WGAW Podcast

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                Another option / suggestion:

                Do nothing. Remove all references to montage, split screen, freeze, and insert text. I could be wrong, but if this is a spec it sounds like you're spending too much time on stuff that has nothing to do with the story.

                Just layout the separate scenes pretty much as you did.
                Introduce the character names through dialogue.

                Yet another suggestion:

                If you need to give "more" of a sense that the three scenes are happening at the same time (although I think the reader/audience will get it), you can set up the three scenes and then INTERCUT: back and forth between the scenes.
                "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
                - Clive Barker, Galilee

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                  Originally posted by TwoBrad Bradley View Post
                  Another option / suggestion:

                  Do nothing. Remove all references to montage, split screen, freeze, and insert text. I could be wrong, but if this is a spec it sounds like you're spending too much time on stuff that has nothing to do with the story.

                  Just layout the separate scenes pretty much as you did.
                  Introduce the character names through dialogue.

                  Yet another suggestion:

                  If you need to give "more" of a sense that the three scenes are happening at the same time (although I think the reader/audience will get it), you can set up the three scenes and then INTERCUT: back and forth between the scenes.
                  actually, i just recently re-watched jackie brown and tarantino did exactly that. just showed the scenes back to back from diff points of view and we understood that it was going on simultaneously.

                  also - sliding doors and run lola run come to mind. check out those flicks/scripts.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                    Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay starts off with Harold and Kumar packing. It switches between the two of them. One is messy, one is neat. One jacks off, the other doesn't.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                      As far as the music goes: the standard advice is not to do needle drops on the page. But I think that's wrong. If you feel it, and if it's a song that the reader is likely to know, go for it.

                      Also, I think you can indicate the split screen by just saying, after the first slugline in the sequence:

                      The next three scenes play in split screen.
                      And then don't mention it again, just let it play.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                        I gotta say, if this is a spec script, which i'm assuming it is, why the hell are you designing shots in your head. That's not your job. Your job is to write a story. Not storyboard the film.

                        That's the directors job. How it is filmed is simply none of your business.

                        But like I said, I don't know if this is a spec script, or somewhting you are writing for yourselves to shoot yourself. If that's the case, then ignore what I said.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                          Thanks for all of your posts, it's a huge help for first time screenwriters like us as we've launched into this a little blind coming from different writing backgrounds.

                          I think we should be writing this as a spec script although there is a chance we could be in a position to film this at some point. Hence the very firm ideas on soundtracking and the way certain scenes should be shot.

                          Still we have to choose for the moment, or at the very least keep a version that is strictly spec script format.

                          Look out for many more posts from us - we are really finding our feet here and will need qll the qdvice we can get. Screenwriters bible en route via Amazon as I type.

                          L&M

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                            Good for you Lignon.

                            I guess you could do two version of the script. One as a spec, and one for yourself.

                            But as a spec, leave out shots and any direction.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Complicated split-screen shot

                              FAF is giving bad advice.

                              Write the split screen if that's the look you're going for. The example of Harold and Kumar is a good one - that scene used a simple technique to give us a quick, stylistic look at these characters and their personality. As long as the shot has a purpose, it's fine.
                              Chicks Who Script podcast

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